#Smh smh (mostly joking but a remix would legit make me cry tears of joy)

[nattvingen]

Sometimes, I wonder if my few readers resent the fact that I don't try to get better at writing. I like to have this one thing I don't have to do well at to live, because if I don't try, I can't fail (again). I mean, I resent it too lmao don't get me wrong, I'm my own number one h8ter, but I think my writing ability blockages are, like, genetic more than a matter of training/studying/whatever? Still, I just kinda wish there was any hope or something? Any "progress" I've ever made has been incremental and accidental, a side effect of reading better prose than my own. Nuance is entirely beyond me. Ham-fisted, soulless, banal drivel will be all I'm capable of putting out there for the rest of my life, kinda bums me out to think about. :( I try not to think about things I can't do anything about, but it was easier in this case when my fandom had dozens of writers to pick up my slack as opposed to the belves having... three, lol. Wish I could be more helpful, yeah, that's it. I've traded technical skill failure for failing my "community" lmao, how silly. Still, I'm gonna keep writing my boringass garbage, sorry – especially to the Halduron and Aethas shippers who must be sick of me by now. Actually, if my uploading is more annoying than no uploads, I hope someone will let me know and I'll stop. And I think either way I'll stop crossposting to tumblr going forward, the shadowban hasn't been lifted anyway so chronicallyHaughty's posts don't even show up in tags lmao