#Snakeman cannot remember everything

[tellywoodtrash]

Hey TT, can you give a quick summary of what’s happening in Naagin 5 in the most You way possible (not holding back on sarcastic commentary) cause I’m tryna keep up with the mini-lbs without watching the shows and idk who the characters are or what the plot is LOL. Nothing fancy, just something similar to what you did for immj when you started LBS

Lmao ok I’ll try............... Even though I literally only started watching from the Veer/Bani wedding. So who knows how much of this is correct.

So there was this chick who Shivji decides to make the veryyyyyyyyyyyy first Naagin ever, and gives her some powers and shit (what powers, beyond turning into a snake???? Beats me.) She had a SnakeMan boo-thang as well. But there was a Cheel Prince obsessed with her, and he kills her Snake Boyfriend (Snoyfriend?) so she flings him into some Dark Void and then kills herself too. Coz what is life without men?????????? (Bliss, pure and simple bliss. You know how much I’d enjoy life if I was a Snake Lady who didn’t have to put up with men???? HELLA LOTS.)

Anyway, a gajillion years later all these ppl are reborn. (Ugh, the janam-mrityu chakra. How to escape, pls to tell, I would like to get off this ride that I did notttttt buy a ticket for.) Snake Girl is Bani, Snoyfriend is Jai, and Cheel Boy is Veeranshu. Bani loses her parents in some plane crash and is adopted by some family - a dad she calls Papa, an adoptive mom she calls Chachi (coz Chachi hates Bani and doesn’t wanna be called Mom), and three sisters; Meera, Mahek, and Dahek. (Mahek Dahek are ridiculously bad Gen Z stereotypes who only care about makeup and partying and boys.) Allllllll these ppl meet at some wedding where Cheelanshu strides in saying he slept with the bride and there’s lots of panga between Cheelanshu and Snoyfriend. The bride ends up dead and Bani sees Cheelanshu and his brothers thikaane lagaofying the laash. Anyway, Cheel Family (Members: Daddy Cheel, Chachu Cheel. Daddy ke bete hain Veer & Tapish; Chachu ke bete hain Daksh, Monil, Ponky. Saath mein ek live-in chamcha bhi hai Shukla bolke.........) is very diverse in their business dealings, they run an alcohol empire and a pub and also have some human/sex trafficking on the side, unknown to Righteous Cheel Prince Cheelanshu. Bani hates him from first sight, he loves her and keeps following her around like a chaep. There’s some randomness in between where he saves her from some explosion while she’s unconscious, and Bani and Jai remember they’re Snoulmates (Snake Soulmates) by doing one ridiculous fucking dance. They decide ki Cheel Family ko mitaana hi hai, but they cannot attack them until the Cheels attack first. (Thanks Shivji for all these useless clauses in contract. Vardaan nahi, yeh toh iTunes ka terms and conditions ho gaya.) So they have to keep biding their time till they can murder some cheels. Cheel Boy brings proposal for Bani’s sister to make her jealous and Bani decides to marry Snoyfriend. Blah blah blah, kuch kuch ho jaata hai, Bani sees Jai being thrown off a cliff by the Cheels, suddenly from somewhere one twin brother of Veer’s comes and attacks Bani and she’s like yisssssssssssss, thinking it’s Veer and attacks him. But it’s not actually her who kills him, it’s Namak Haraam Shukla. Veer enters screaming and crying about his brother and Bani’s like wtf who did I kill then????? Anyway Veer and her marry each other to exact revenge on each other. (What other reason is there to get married anyway??) Jai is ultimately not dead and is now like mwahahahahha I hate Bani coz a woman in power is unimaginable to me as a Desi Man, even if I am a snake too. I wanna kill her so I can get her Aadinaagin powers (what powers???? He literally already has the same power she does, of turning into a snake.) He does random absolute fail saazishishein with Shukla and a Hot Morni called Mayuri (BABE I MISS YOU MOST PLS COME BACK) to kill Veer/Bani. Meanwhile Veer finds out Bani didn’t kill twin and is like oh ok cool my conscience now allows me to love her with no guilt. No more revenge, only pyaar pyaar pyaaaar. Bani still hates him tho. Phir Veer waale actor ko COVID ho gaya toh puraane yug waala Cheel Prince comes back pretending to be him (brought by Snoyfriend and team) and does some mindfuckery and Bani is like this ain’t my husbanddddddd; he’s a different flavour of bastard than this one in front of me. I like my regular Lemon-Lime Chutiya instead of this Blackberry flavoured one. Hathaapaai and what not and Lemon-Lime Cheel boy comes back and murders imposter and saves Bani. Uneasy peace between hubs and wifey. Phir aata hai reveal ki she’s a Naagin and he’s like I love her anyway and protects her from his murderous family. Snoyfriend comes and starts living with them at Cheel Mansion for some reason and him and Cheel Boy have mad banter 24/7. The best part of the show.

Anyway aaj kal Veer ki long lost Mummy aayi hui hai (and she calls herself Markaat, even though she’s not the real Markaat, that’s someone else the Cheel Fam worships or something..... Idk man, idk...........) Anyway she’s a half cheel half naagin and also Snoyfriend’s mom, so surprise surprise, Bickering Boys are Brothers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She wants to kill Bani to get her AadiNaagin powers (again, WHAT DAMN POWERS????????? I DON’T SEE NOTHING OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GIANTASS SNAKE. WHICH YOU CAN ALSO DO, AUNTYJI. SO LITERALLY WTF POWERS ARE YOU ALL GOING ON ABOUT HERE?????????) but Bros Before Hoes Mom unite to save mutual love interest. Snoyfriend decides ki evil bann ke kyaa hi ukhaad liya maine, toh might as well be on the good side, where at least I’ll have some company for this insane shitshow that is our lives. Meanwhile Shivji ne Bani ko phir se koi random vardaan diya where she can see shit that happens in the future and she keeps seeing all her loved ones drowning. So she takes them all to a safehouse ON A CLIFF FACING THE SEA. Then the sea levels start rising like cray (climate change is real) and Naagin drinks up a tsunami that tries to kill them all. Meanwhile iss sab ke beech mein Bani ki sister Meera aur Veer ke brother Tapish ki shaadi bhi chal rahi hai (coz zindagi idhar ki udhar ho jaaye par shaadiyaan nahi rukni chahiye iss desh mein!!!!!!!!!!!) but now the BTS for next week show Bani/Veer stealing the thunder and marrying other ppl instead. WILL YOU FUCKERS LET THE SPOTLIGHT BE ON TAPISH/MEERA FOR 5 MINUTES PLS NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway........ yeah. That’s what you’ve missed on Naagin 5.

As a reward for reading all this nonsense, here have a gif of the Cheel Fam doing their thing: