#TW: depress.ion

[nelapanela94]

Why are you going through difficult times, mentally and emotionally? :( All the best!

Hi anon. Thank you!!

This might be triggering, so I'll put the warning here.

TW: depression.

Well, I've dealt with depression for years and after all this time I sometimes wonder if it will ever go away, or one simply learns to live with it and keep it at bay. Hence, I built a routine and try to stick to it in order to be productive and balance health and hobbies as well, and also prevents me from overthinking.

However, sometimes worthlessness and hopelessness strike back in the form of nagging thoughts and harmful self-speech (which is what's been happening lately) and I start to withdraw and nestle in my comfort zone. I don't hang out, or work, or write, or workout, or do the things I like because I lack the energy to get out of bed. (I'm an overthinker and the queen of people pleasing which makes things worse) So I really need to push myself out of that circle through meditation, self-care, prioritize my health, change the speech toward myself and remind me there are beautiful things out there, that I deserve good things as well, that I have family and friends who love me and support me, that there is a novel I want to finish, that there are books i haven't read and music I haven't listen to. (I have a list of the things that keep me rolling, as silly as they are.)

Thus, right now I'm going through that process, and since it is an energy guzzler, I've been reorganizing my priorities.

That's a rough explanation of what's going on.