#The evil buzzboxes must serve time for their crimes

[bolters-and-rivets]

OK, so, something I've been doing recently is working out what legal charges the antagonists of TTTE would face if we suspend our disbelief and imagine locomotives having to stand trial in a court of law.

Diesel (various episodes and specials throughout the show's run)

3 counts of destruction of property: damaging disused trucks. Pushing trucks into the harbour resulting in the loss of a consignment of china clay. Wasting an entire flat truck’s worth of paint.

3 counts of defamation: Spreading negative rumours about Gordon, James, and Henry.

1 count of frameup: Pinning the blame of the rumours on Duck.

1 count of attempted murder: Trying to get Fergus scrapped.

3 counts of assault: Bumping Thomas under a stone hopper. Bumping paint cans onto Thomas. Bumping Toby into a coal hopper.

Sailor John (Legend of the Lost Treasure)

4 counts of assault: stamping his foot on Skiff, elbowing Skiff to silence him, stamping on skiff AGAIN, battering thomas with an oar

4 counts of trespassing: riding Skiff on the construction site of the new branchline (3 counts). Entering the station out of regular hours

1 count of coercion: manipulating Thomas into his scheme to steal the treasure.

4 counts of theft: stealing the map, the stealing the treasure, stealing explosives, stealing a warship.

2 counts of intimidation: accusing thomas of taking the treasure for himself, threatening skiff with physical harm for “mutiny”.

1 count of unlawful possession of explosives.

1 count of breaking & entering: breaking into Sir Topham Hatt’s office.

1 count of destruction of property: using DYNAMITE to break into Sir Topham Hat’s safe.

1 count of vehicle hijacking: running amok with the ship on a flat wagon (lets ignore the physical improbability of this for the moment).

1 count of public endangerment: same reason as vehicle hijacking.

2 counts of attempted murder: trying to dynamite Thomas, leaving Thomas to drown.

And possibly also 1 count of prison break: he's seen in a later special (Big World: Big Adventures) in a cafe in brazil. Assuming this isn't just the studio reusing him as an asset as a background character this implies he escaped from prison and fled to brazil.

Diesel Ten (Thomas And The Magic Railroad & Day Of The Diesels)

7 counts of attempted murder: Lady twice, James, Junior, Mr Conductor, and Thomas (TATMR), Thomas (DOTD).

3 counts of property damage: Carving his likeness on the rock which would be the property of the landowner, tearing down the scaffolding of the sheds, bringing down the diesel shelter (TATMR). 

3 counts of Intimidation: The sheds, Mr Conductor on the Viaduct, and carrying Junior on his roof (TATMR).

1 count of conspiracy to commit genocide (wanting ALL steam locomotives scrapped): "I'm going to destroy her and dominate you, then you'll be nothing but hunks of useless scrap" (TATMR).

1 count of reckless driving: driving at excessive speed with Junior on his roof (TATMR).

1 count of unlawful imprisonment: Trapping Thomas in the shed (DOTD).

1 count of arson: setting fire to the shed (DOTD).

1 count of coercion: manipulating Percy into unwillingly assisting him in goals (DOTD).

1 count of trespassing: entering the dieselworks without the knowledge or permission of Victor (DOTD).

1 count of conspiracy to commit grand larceny: attempting to take control of the dieselworks (DOTD).

1 count of theft: stealing a christmas tree.

Verdict: Diesel is toxic, Sailor John is a pirate, and Diesel Ten is standing trial in the Hague for crimes against trainkind and small children