#The lyrics feel to inappropriate for her but they will probably change the context

[laundrybiscuits]

So I was playing around with an expanded version of this wlw vamp!Eddie snippet (tentatively titled heard you like magic) for Monsterfucker May because, well, 1) it’s pretty good incentive to write something I’d been thinking about anyway 2) I am procrastinating on a fuckton of work right now.

Anyway, I started jotting down some thoughts that wound up being practically a whole-ass essay, and the expanded fic definitely isn’t going to be posted before tomorrow, so…I thought I might as well post this. It’s not very exciting; it's about 1300 words of me ruminating on the worldbuilding/character decisions I’ve been making about adapting Steve’s gender. 

The heard you like magic fic is really just me sort of iterating on the loose sketch of cisgirl!Steve I started noodling around with in feel how you fit around me. Obviously it’s not the same timeline at all; I hadn’t really thought through this AU very much, since it was spontaneously birthed from skimming the lyrics to “Red Wine Supernova” and getting inappropriately stuck on “her canine teeth in the side of my neck” but I’m using it to play with similar ideas. 

I do think a very similar story to canon could have been created with cisgirl!Steve. (If female!Steve is trans, the timelines get a little complicated and there’s literally no way she could have socially transitioned and achieved an unquestioned popularity in the 80s. It could be a good and interesting story, but it would have fundamentally different beats.) Canon!Steve’s initial thematic/narrative function as the hot, popular boyfriend who embodies normality and social acceptance (at a cost) within the context of high-school-drama-turned-supernatural-horror could absolutely have worked with some of the genders shuffled; admittedly, it would likely have been received by audiences very differently. But from a purely thematic/structural perspective, yeah, I think the same story could have been told. 

So the specific question I’m poking at here is: what does that Steve look like, if his largely unquestioned shifting relationship to masculinity becomes a largely unquestioned shifting relationship to femininity? Part of what makes him such an interesting character is how he navigates taking on a babysitter/caretaker role within the group, because that runs counter to his gendered expectations about who he is and what he’s good at. For a teenage girl, though, “babysitter/caretaker” is a pretty conventional role. 

I’ve thought a lot about approaching this as “What would have to change to make female!Steve commercially viable?” Honestly, I do think the production machine would probably have killed her off as planned; she’d be too unlikeable. She’s hot and bitchy in a way that is simply unforgiveable in an 80s-inflected horror narrative. 

But what if they didn’t, though? What’s the minimum amount of change needed to make Stephanie Harrington work in the story and world of Stranger Things?

If we’re cleaving as closely as possible to canon’s themes and structure, Nancy has to be male. Their relationship needs to represent convention and safety, because Nancy’s journey is partly about her inability to let things lie. For better and for worse, she’s not the kind of person who can pretend that everything’s okay when it’s not, and Steve exists to be the temptingly normative option. 

Jonathan Byers is basically already Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club, so that’s straightforward enough: he’s a trope of the artsy “unsafe” alternative, the one Nancy’s parents wouldn’t approve of, but the one who understands and enables her rejection of easy answers. If we’re not concerning ourselves with marketing decisions, he could still be male and fit the same thematic role in M!Nancy’s arc, but that would change Steve’s journey pretty significantly. 

I think it could still be a good story! There’s a lot of potential there. But if we want to keep Steve’s confrontation with Jonathan as a turning point for his character, it just works much better if Jonathan’s a conventional rival. The dynamics also play out pretty differently if M!Jonathan gets in a physical fight with F!Steve—it’s hard to imagine any version of Nancy being super chill about that. F!Steve is also slightly less likely to default to that kind of physical confrontation as socially acceptable/expected, although I could definitely see it similarly escalating to physical violence with F!Jonathan. 

The Stobin dynamic more or less works with the genders exchanged. This is pre-Will and Grace; the concept of a “fag hag” existed but was not nearly as mainstream as it would become in a decade or two, so there wouldn't necessarily be a lot of expectations or models of what their relationship should look like. One minor shift: the public imagination had a much more specific concept of what gay men looked and acted like than it did for lesbians, so Steve would probably be a little more resistant and/or take a little longer to get it. 

The Party can still keep their canon genders; I don’t think that would affect the older teens too much. It might shift the dynamic of Dustin seeing Steve as a role model, but I think that’s a sufficiently indirect/unstated part of their relationship that it could translate reasonably well. I do think Dustin might get a highly embarrassing and often-denied crush on female!Steve, but he absolutely would not admit it. 

Max would probably be a little closer to F!Steve, since she’d have a bit less older-brother baggage, and less drawn to M!Nancy. Mike would hate F!Steve exactly the same amount, and neither Lucas nor Will seem to be that invested in canon!Steve anyway. 

More generally, though, I don’t see F!Steve as taking refuge in “at least I’m a good babysitter,” because to some extent that would be expected. F!Steve probably didn’t babysit for spending money as a younger teen, but it wouldn’t be out of the question. I really cannot stress enough how much growing up in small-town midwest USA pre-Y2K was oriented towards training young girls for motherhood. They got explicit and implicit instructions that young boys simply did not.

I’m not completely convinced that F!Steve would be as inclined towards a big family as canon!Steve, either. For Steve, whose familial model is an almost wholly absent father, a big family is part of the fantasy of belonging. While I do tend to read him as having honest intentions about pulling his weight, he doesn’t have a very practical understanding of what childrearing is like, and anything he does above the bare minimum is going to be praised. F!Steve would be more keenly aware of the scrutiny she’d be under as a mother, as well as the sheer scale of labor involved. Also, she’d be much less likely to want to pop out six kiddos from her own uterus. The calculations are different.

I grew up in a very conservative area with girls whose primary worldly ambition was genuinely to become mothers. When we talked about “careers,” it was with the explicit understanding that it would be a side gig to help support their main role as a mother. Some of them do now literally have six children.

Steve does not strike me as that kind of person on a fundamental level. He has certain normative ideas about what family and relationships look like—his arc really is all about disrupting and complicating those ideas. In the context of F!Steve, though, I don’t think that thread of clinging to hegemonic norms would manifest in wanting a big family; it seems more likely to me that she’d have some vague ideas about two or three kids and a wealthy, attentive husband. 

I also don’t necessarily see her being quite as keen to lean into a tank role. The “woman warrior” trope was gearing up for the cresting wave of girl-power third-wave feminism in the 90s, but it wasn’t quite there yet—certainly not for someone whose narrative category is “the conventional one.” I actually think that could be a good angle for F!Steve’s development; while canon!Steve has his established/normative role as the tank to counter the subversive dynamics of his role as caretaker, F!Steve could potentially flip those: it’s not weird or unexpected for her to babysit, although she might be surprised by how well she does with Dustin, but translating her athletic ability to combat could propel her towards accepting that she might not be 100% conventional after all.

Anyway, I really need to stop thinking about this and get back to the core of this story, which is “what if vampire!Eddie wildly underestimated how much of a monsterfucker Stevie is, and also what if they were both girls”

[duncanwrites]

Books I read in 2017, reviewed in 2 sentences or less.

Among other things, in 2017 I tried to read more books by authors from different eras other than our own. I also ended up putting down more books half-read than usual. I’m sure those two things say something about our year in anxiety.

But here’s what I finished and what I thought:

Birds of America - Lorrie Moore: This book contains some of the very finest short stories I've ever read. Every word, sentence and paragraph seems perfectly put together to draw out the real humanity of flawed people in a flawed world.

Wolf in White Van - John Darinelle: Among other qualities, I think Wolf in White Van has the best title of any book on this list: in the context of the novel itself it provides a perfect framing device that allows you to see the poetry of a dark twisted staircase of a story.

The Sympathizer - Viet Thanh Nguyen: If I talked to you about The Sympathizer this year, it probably came out as an excited rant about any number of things - its dark humor, brilliant structure, mind-bending narration - but I promise you that beneath the exuberance there's a genuinely stunning novel sort of unlike anything I've otherwise read.

The Shock Doctrine - Naomi Klein: I re-read this book to get ready for Trump, and it did help, but it also reminded me about how angry I still am about the war in Iraq and so many other things. Still my favorite book by one of the best political writers out there doing the work.

Hegemony How-To - Jonathan Matthew Smucker: Another pre-Trump read, I think Smuker's book is one of the most useful -- as in practically, real-life make your work better -- books on politics in a long time. My only complaints is that I didn’t have a chance to read it years earlier so I could have avoided a lot of the things Smucker describes so well.

Three Body Problem, The Dark Forest and Death's End - Liu Cixin: The first two novels of this trilogy I thought were some of the finest science fiction I've ever read: both grounded in real human suffering, sweepingly large in their approach to theory, and bringing out some exciting ideas. The third book dragged itself down with the darkness that already ran through the start of the series, but that shouldn't at all stop you from taking these on.

Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson: Another re-read, this is a classic science fiction novel that contains the kinds of themes and concepts that you begin to see everywhere around you once you finish it. Noticed a few more plot holes this time around.

The Diamond Age - Neal Stephenson: Set in the same world as Snow Crash, The Diamond Age never reaches the same wild intensity of the previous book, and is plotted more in the model of a shaggy dog story than a sci-fi thriller.

The Structure of Scientific Revolutions - Thomas Kuhn: A classic text, the Structure of Scientific Revolutions is the source of a lot of conventional wisdom that was revolutionary in the 70s when it was published. Maybe a bit more tedious that it needs to be.

Flight Behavior - Barbara Kingsolver: I think Barbara Kingsolver is a terrific novelist, and although this book moves quite slow through its paces (and is a bit stressful if you spend your days already thinking about climate change), the payoff towards the end is real. She does a lot, with a lot of heart.

The Mother of All Questions - Rebecca Solnit: Humane, withering, lyrical: Rebecca Solnit is one of the writers I most admire, and this is a really wonderful compilation of some of her best work on feminism, hope and politics.

In Dubious Battle - John Steinbeck: I love John Steinbeck as much as the next left-leaning American, but only up to a point. This is a rough book about Men doing Men Things, full of people named Mac and Doc who do a lot of fighting and dying and it's just not his finest work.

Native Speaker - Chang-rae Lee: I re-read this book for the first time in about 10 years, and found myself coming across passages that had still somehow stuck with me through all that time. I could recommend Native Speaker as one of the best novels about New York City, relationships and language all at once, and its the kind of thing that will bear re-reading again in the future.

Trauma Stewardship - Laura van Dernoot Lipsky: I dunno, this one just didn't work for me. It felt over-broad, attributing so many behaviors and outcomes to trauma to render the concept almost meaningless.

Moby-Dick - Herman Melville: An epic that earns its place in the canon, I gushed wide-eyed about Moby-Dick at strangers for several weeks/months. Chapters on chapters about whaling history, seeming diversions, pile in between portraits of personal and collective madness: so much of this book is not about the White Whale and yet all of it is at the same time.

Direct Action - L. A. Kauffman: Direct Action is deftly written, insightful in its analyses and one of the best practical histories of contemporary organizing I've read. Hugely recommend for anyone trying to get a handle on What to Do Now.

What is Populism? - Jan Werner-Muller: I put this book next to The Shock Doctrine, Hegemony How To and Direct Action as one of the crucial books to read about Trump and the moment we're in. A book that covers the things that really need saying about Populism, but with the good sense to be brief, approachable and clear.

Bad Feminist - Roxane Gay: I am late coming to this book of essays, but I was thoroughly won over from the very start, because Gay has this way with short, direct but vulnerable language that makes her polemical points land with so much more intensity. I can't quite put my finger on it, but her manner of writing is so special, and she uses it to say such necessary things.

Istanbul - Orhan Pamuk: Let's just say this book is an acquired taste: you need some ready familiarity with Istanbul and a lot of patience for detailed personal stories and obscure asides in service of a memoir with a small focus. I quite like Istanbul and admire the literary goals of the book but didn't quite have the patience needed to really enjoy this throughout.

Dune - Frank Herbert: Apparently some people still haven’t read this book? They really should.

The Thing Around Your Neck - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: A book of short stories that are all elegant windows into the lives of people who are coping with distance, displacement and dread. They cover a lot of the thematic territory she addresses in other books, but with little experiments in style and structure that usually work.

Fear City - Kim Phillips-Fine: I've been waiting for years for someone to write the history of the New York City Financial Crisis that we all need, and I just don't think this book is it. It ended up being a sort of surface level history of a handfull elites involved in the crisis that never dove into the depths I hoped for.

Isaac's Storm - Erik Larson: I didn't always care for Larson's potboiler narrative style but I think the 1900 Galveston Hurricane is interesting and important and I'm glad someone wrote a book that lots of people could read about it.

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running - Hakuri Murakami: Since I read this (all at once, on a beach), I've been drifting back to certain points of it that just seem to stick with me. It's only in part a book about running, but also about writing, and I quite like both of those things.

Quicksilver - Neal Stephenson: Apparently there are 8 more books in this series. I'm not going to read them.

A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara: I can't remember the last time I was quite this obsessed with a book, to the point of being driven to read into inappropriate hours of the morning and setting aside other obligations to make time for it. I also can't remember a book so devastating and frustrating to read, that puts its characters and readers through so much trauma and then describe in claustrophobic detail how it curtails their experiences of joy and success. There's nothing like it, and you need to experience it to understand.

The Fifth Season - NK Jemisin: I didn't love this book as much as everyone else I know who has read it. The story is clearly brilliant conceptually, but something about the melodrama in the writing style just kept getting in the way for me.

Radio Free Vermont - Bill McKibben: A Monkeywrench Gang for the modern age, but with less weird macho nonsense, and a better sense of humor.

Waiting - Ha Jin: What I most admired about this book was the ascetic, unadorned language that the author uses to follow a simple but elementally powerful plot line. You do end up waiting a lot as a reader, but there's much to observe as you do.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou: You don't need me to tell you that Maya Angelou knows how to write exceptional sentences. Instead, you should read some of them and learn the real power of a well-placed metaphor, or how you honor the half-formed, overpowering complexity of a child's feelings.

The Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri: I've lost track of how many times I've read these short stories, but they destroy me pretty much every time.

Rules for Revolutionaries - Becky Bond and Zack Exley: There's some useful stuff in here.

The Lowland - Jhumpa Lahiri: This was the first novel of Jhumpa Lahiri's that I had ever read, and I just don't feel like she was able to stretch her voice -- which is so concise, spare and evocative -- to meet the scale of this novel.

The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald: One of the greatest books of all time, a perfect picture of the spiritual depravity of money and consumption.

Frankenstein - Mary Shelley: It turns out this book is very little like the pop culture Frankenstein myth -- there is only a glancing mention of dead bodies, the monster is articulate and an almost wholly private terror. Instead it's a nested doll of stories about nature, knowledge and spiritual purpose. Consider Phlebas - Iain M. Banks: A perfectly fine pulpy space opera. I’ll probably read more of the Culture books at some point.

[antonialivingstonelma32]

ANALYSING MY PROCESS TOWARDS MY FINAL MAJOR PERFORMANCE AT LMA

The role of Veronica Sawyer has been very challenging and to have the chance to portray her in my very last LMA show was rewarding. My final Veronica Sawyer is yet to be seen however the process so far has allowed me to reflect on all my skills and improve in ways that will prepare me for the industry.

UNDERSTANDING MY STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

I found that finally accepting my limits as a performer has allowed me to improve in ways that wouldn’t have happened previously.

Taking videos in rehearsals and watching them back has made me realise that my version of being ‘big and theatrical’ isn’t working for an audience. I have accepted that my style of acting is very naturalistic which in turn doesn’t read to audiences of over 500 people. During the rehearsal process I have adapted the way my tone of voice changes along with my body and face in order to correctly convey the story to the audience. This is an element of myself that I now need to continue adapting and changing in order to improve and become the best performer I can be. 

One of my main strengths is singing however I was doubting myself in this show. As I have previously said: Veronica’s vocal track is very challenging especially for me as I struggle to belt in a high register. Understanding and accepting this was the only way I could work on the songs and improve. When consulting my singing teacher I knew where my weaknesses lay in the song and so we then worked on that privately. I grasped the notion that just being confident in my own character would help me reach the notes if put into context of the situation. Acknowledging the fact that telling a story was more important than if I cracked on a certain note allowed me to take risks in the rehearsal room to prepare for the live performance. 

Understanding and accepting my flaws and my strengths as a performer will allow me to flourish in the professional world as I will know my worth. From this experience I am able to accept my strengths and tackle my weaknesses in order to improve in the long run.

TARGET AUDIENCE 

The material in general of Heathers really appealed to me as it doesn’t sound like a traditional musical theatre score. There are rock and soft elements all mixed into one which makes for a exciting and raw music score. The dynamics of the music along with the lyrics allow new audiences to see a show that isn’t stereotypical musical theatre. This is probably why younger audiences are attracted to the show as the music is similar to those they may have listened to in their everyday lives.  The target audience for Heathers is usually young adults.  Young audiences want to see things that excite them and a musical using sex, suicide and murder as a continuous plot line is something not common for musical theatre as of yet.  

As we are doing this in a university, our target audience is our family and friends. Understanding this, we were able to censor some things if necessary. 

For example: the sex scene between Veronica and JD has been censored carefully as to not seem too inappropriate for young children to see. Many families and children come to see the shows at LMA and so we have had to be aware of limit and how far we can push it. Every other inappropriate reference is kept the same which makes for a true conception of the show while also considering the target audience.

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is to direct dialogue out the audience. Audiences want to feel involved but not uncomfortable and so being aware of the fourth wall and when to test it is important in this performance. 

In the scenes with Veronica and JD which are more intimate, I was aware to direct some dialogue to JD which made for a more private scene. This adds contrast to other scenes where all characters would be facing the audience. Looking directly at JD at certain moments allows the audience to see the character’s story while also feeling involved. As performers we have to understand when it is appropriate to involve the audience. Heathers provides plenty of opportunity to do both. “Breaking the fourth wall can overshadow the story too much, reducing tension” (Riviera, 2014). While it is nice to ensure the audience feel involved, it can sometimes be over bearing and unnatural which in turn reminds audiences that they are watching a show, removing them from the intensity of the storytelling. 

REHEARSAL PROCESS 

I found that as I already had listened to the music and enjoy it - it helped me towards my learning process. I was a lot more invested in this show than I have been in previous ones and I think that has all to do with the type of material Heathers possesses. The music is more modern, and the script doesn’t shy away from dark humour or strong language. The song ‘Dead Girl Walking’ on it’s own sets standards for how the rest of the show pans out. 

When it came to rehearsing, I found I already knew the context of the show and so learning songs and lines became easier. I was interested in learning my part of the show and I think everyone else felt the same. In rehearsals, following the score for the songs was a way of learning I wasn’t used to, however I now prefer that. The dynamics of the song and lyrics are easier to interpret when reading a score. When learning harmony lines especially, the score was very useful as we could follow the notes on the stave. I understood where Veronica joined the ensemble tracks and it was easier to differentiate between vocal lines.

As a cast we have improved immensely when working together. We were eager to rehearse over previous harmonies and choreography and we were often in earlier than our usual call time to ensure everything was correct before the director saw it. I think we all realised this was the final push and so we wanted to give it everything we could. It seemed like we all wanted to make the show better and I think in turn this helped boost the show to a level 6 performance. 

TARGETS FOR PROGRESSION

Over this rehearsal process I’ve learnt a lot about myself as a performer. Taking everything I have learnt and implementing improvements needed is essentially going to prepare me to my best for the industry. 

My biggest lesson through this journey is to accept criticism as a tool to improve instead of getting defensive and doubting my abilities. Being able to take criticism in a positive way through this process has made me more resilient which is a asset that I need to have going into the industry. 

I am aware of my strengths and how to utilise those to my advantage. I know that I can learn dialogue quickly which in turn helps me experiment more with scene work which is something I did for this show. I also feel more confident reading music from a score which is something professional shows require you do to. I have acknowledged my strengths but I have also accepted areas I need to improve and keep pushing. My dance technique is something that is going to help me get a foot in the door for dance auditions and so pushing myself in this area will help me in the long run. I will continue to take extra singing classes and dance classes and potentially attend any workshops happening near me to keep working on my skills. This industry allows you to constantly learn and improve and so I need to be passionate about improving myself in order to become the best performer I can. 

[abbynormaled]

The existential crises of difference, privilege, and forks

My wife and I visited Thailand many years ago, shortly after we got married. Her parents lived there, part of the U.S. Embassy staff, and so we were able to stay for 3 weeks and see far more of the country than most. 

Bangkok was amazing: so full of people, and smells, and new food, and elephants. It was fabulous. Everything a young person might want in their first trip out of the country.

After a long day at Chatuchak, Bangkok’s enormous weekend market, we were overwhelmed by it all. We were exhausted, not just physically, but psychically. We stopped on the way back to eat and recharge.

At a KFC.

Now, I’m not one to be timid in eating, especially when I get a chance to travel. But we had had too much by that point. Our system couldn’t take any more novelty. KFC was exactly what we needed — a refreshing taste of the familiar — and by the time we were done savoring the Colonel’s 7 herbs & spices, we had the internal wherewithal to continue on exploring and enjoying the rest of the day

This is the fork theory of difference, which is the opposite of having privilege.

You may already be familiar with Spoon Theory: the idea that people with chronic illnesses have a finite amount of energy to do the daily things. Sure, everyone has a finite amount of energy, but for people suffering from chronic pain, mental distress, or physiologically-induced fatigue, it’s so much more.

Even simple acts, such as folding the laundry, take up extra effort, or spoons. Had to go grocery shopping in person? That’s 2 spoons. 

Part of the value of this metaphor is that (too often) a friend of the person will try to encourage them to get out, to do something. “It’s just one evening of drinks.” What the friend doesn’t know is how many spoons that person already expended during the day on just ordinary things.

It’s helpful for most people, those who don’t have to deal with these very literal pains and stressors, to understand how exhausting it is just being. 

Those of us who don’t experience the pain and fatigue of chronic illness don’t worry about spending spoons on the little things in the same way. 

We get to keep that energy and use it for other things in our lives: social interactions, moving ahead in our career, financial planning, helping kids with homework, etc. 

Having extra resources, like physical and psychic energy, to expend on moving forward and getting ahead is (in at least one respect) the essence of privilege.

Autism and exhaustion

My experience with not having enough energy to use the laundromat had me thinking about the ways in which a version of the spoon theory could help me (and others) understand the small but accretative energy costs that come with being autistic in an NT world (especially when one works to “fit in” as is the case in many undiagnosed autistic women and girls).

I feel it is important to point out that autism is not a disease or disability in itself — if that assertion confuses you, please Google neurodiversity.

Let me share a passage from my novel-in-progress about what it feels like to be autistic:

- - - - - -

When they think about an autistic person, most NT’s (that’s neurotypicals, or non-autistics) think about people who get over-stimulated easily, who don’t like to be touched, and who say socially inappropriate things without realizing it. And that is true for a lot of people on the spectrum. But it is a spectrum, and just like the light spectrum there are all different hues of autism spectrum (AS) and some are more difficult to perceive than others.

Think of it this way: the “typical” autistic person (as portrayed in the media) generally has trouble understanding social norms and behaviors (like unspoken rules, nonverbal communication, and similar). Those social interactions might be like hearing someone sing a song in a foreign language: you can participate in the singing, but you’re not really sure what’s going on.

For me, and I’m what they used to call an Aspie (short for Asperger’s), it’s not nearly that severe. It’s more like hearing a song in your language but the music is really loud or distorted or it’s Bob Dylan and you can’t make out all the words. You get the basic idea of what’s going on in the song most of the time from other context clues (like the tempo and whatnot), but the specific details can be lost on you. And sometimes those context clues aren’t accurate, and you end up looking like a fool because you thought “Gangster’s Paradise” was an inspirational song.

I’ve learned over the years to do the equivalent of looking the lyrics up on the Internet, which is to say that I’ve learned to act neurotypical very well.

In fact, most people have no idea I’m not an NT. The few people I’ve told about my autism are surprised (some even wanted to argue that I don’t act autistic enough to qualify). The truth is that I’m very smart, I have a great imagination and strong language skills, and I enjoy having fun like the next person. Yes, I prefer quieter activities (loud ones are tolerable, but wear me out). Yes, I sometimes don’t behave as expected in stressful or unusual situations. But I do enjoy being touched for the most part — except when someone attractive that I’m not comfortable around yet touches me, in which case I enjoy the physical part of it but get stressed out about how I’m supposed to react.

So, being on the spectrum doesn’t hurt or anything, but it is stressful and tiring from all the work you have to do to fit in. It’s as though every encounter with another person is a puzzle: you can enjoy puzzles, but having to do them ALL THE TIME gets exhausting. It does help when you have the same kinds of interactions again and again, because you know the pattern.

- - - - - - 

Solving the puzzle that is neurotypical social interactions over and over and over again leads to emotional and physical exhaustion: autism fatigue. 

From Neurology Advisor:

Although compensating for their difficulties may help people with ASD connect with others, get jobs, and successfully navigate social situations, accumulating research suggests it can also lead to exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, and depression.

Forks

Forks are a way to account for the amount of social energy an autistic person has to expend throughout the day. As I mentioned at the outset, this really works the same way as spoons, but I thought another utensil was appropriate because:

Spoons are about physical energy. Forks are about psychic energy.

The spoon theory is currently used to describe the difficulty in dealing with disabilities (and I don’t want to appropriate), and

Many autistic people may co-present with a disability, making it difficult for them to cope, as they juggle both spoons and forks.

The basic concept is this: an autistic person has a finite amount of energy (emotional, psychic, energetic, whatever) at the start of a day for working out the social puzzles. Even with activities they love and enjoy, it takes energy.

Social interactions take effort.

The energy a person has is their number of “forks.” There’s only a certain number of them to start with, and different interactions use up different numbers of forks.

Greeting coworkers you’re familiar with at a job you’re used to may only use 1 fork.

Returning an item at the store takes several forks.

Networking events where lots of people are hugging (but not everyone) will probably use up all your forks.

Even activities that you love use up forks. I am enthusiastically absorbed by improv: I love to perform it, to practice it, to teach it, to coach it. But it uses forks. Longer performances use more forks, and classes even more still. A beginner class, which is one of my favorite things in the world, will wipe me flat out.

Once your forks are gone, your ability to “do people things” drops to zero. It’s not that, given an extreme need an autistic person can’t manage to say hello, but it does require pretty significant draw of willpower.

When you’re low on forks, even using the laundromat can be too much.

The forks will come back, with time and an environment where the autistic person can recharge, but in the meantime it’s vital to be aware that we’re not going to act “normally” most likely.

Some of my personal characteristics that manifest when I’m out of forks include:

a flat affect: no emotion in my voice or face

Silence in a conversation

Becoming easily distracted by random tangents from a conversation (this is my normal brain behavior, and it takes effort for me to follow conversations linearly)

Easily annoyed or put out when I haven’t communicated clearly.

Because autistic people engage in non-normative social behavior — especially when they’re out of forks — it’s easy to classify autism as a disability. 

It’s not a disability. It’s a lack of privilege from being outside the cultural expectation that people think and behave IN THIS WAY, and not any other.

It’s the conflict between neurotypical and autistic expectations of normative behavior that causes much of the “dysfunction.” To be sure, there are many people further along the spectrum who face additional hurdles and difficulties, but it’s important to understand that the root issue is this friction between what’s considered normative and where autistic people are.

Setting the table: Beyond Autism

This “foreigner fatigue” — being exhausted by the constant work of moving in a world made for different people — extends to other marginalized groups.

For me, a breakthrough occurred in my coming out as transgender. I went from “being” a white, cis-het male to a trans woman. And because I changed my presentation so suddenly (thanks, autistic mind!), the differences were pretty stark.

Where before I would pop down to the local Food Lion to pick up an item or two for dinner, I now have to balance competing interests:

On the one hand, the Food Lion makes me nervous for my safety. I get constant glares and people muttering under their breath, and the parking lot is dark.

On the other hand, the nearest grocery store that I feel comfortable in is 7 miles further away.

In and of itself, it’s a relatively small, not overwhelming choice to have to make. 

Once.

But these kinds of choices don’t just happen every once in a while. They’re constant. Am I in a restaurant where I feel comfortable using the bathroom? If not, how long will it before before I can find one? When sending out proposals to corporate clients to do improv training, do I pay to have someone accompany me when I know the audience will be a group of all male sales people? If I get into a traffic accident, should I stay in my car with the doors locked until the police arrive?

I realize this kind of thinking isn’t news to anyone who isn’t a cis-het white man. But bear with me a moment.

The worry about safety was something I was expecting. The exhaustion was not.

On top of the exhaustion was the simple opportunity costs: every one of these choices preempted something else I could be doing: finishing up work, coming up with new ideas for the theater, spending time with my kids, etc.

I had lost those opportunities by virtue of no longer operating within the bounds of the normative expectations. I had lost privilege.

A Way to Think About Privilege

This new way of thinking about privilege gave me insight into how to respond to people who reject privilege because they “also work hard” and “have setbacks”.  But one very basic way to understand privilege is to see it as having time opportunity.

While young girls are learning how to dress just so, in order to walk the fine line between too masculine (butch, which could get you beaten up) and too sexual (which could get your rapist acquitted), young boys are learning how to replace an alternator.

While young black boys are learning how to dress and move and behave inside almost any retail store so as to not get accused of shoplifting, young white boys are learning financial literacy.

While professional women are expending time and energy on trying to be heard in the office without being “aggressive,” their male counterparts are making moves to get ahead.

I think you get it.

Opportunity costs driven by the effort required to exist within the normative expectations of a white, heterosexual, patriarchal culture mean extra work to keep up. And more fatigue.

Forks that get used up.

And, yes, everyone has setbacks, obstacles, and problems. But when you’re already using your forks just to exist, it’s that much harder to be resilient. Much less to get ahead.

That some groups don’t have to expend forks as part of being who they are is privilege.

Intersectionality

But for many people, forks get used up in multiple ways simultaneously. This is intersectionality.

Any parent of more than one child will probably tell you that having your second child is more than twice as much work as having one. In addition to the regular care and feeding of the second child, you now have the compounding work of dealing with the interactions between the two.

In much the same way, anyone who has to deal with multiple areas of being “foreign” to the normative expectations has compounding difficulty in maintaining their supply of forks. 

Fewer forks = fewer opportunities.

Mine is a simple example. As an autistic person, I have to expend energy to be seen as a neurotypical (and, in case you’re wondering why I do, try getting a job or landing a contract or making friends when you don’t follow social rules). As a transgender person, I have to expend energy to stay safe, to deal with my kid’s  school’s 1990′s mentality about what having 2 parents looks like, etc.

As an autistic transgender person, I am now also having to learn a whole new set of social customs, expectations, cues, responses, and more in order to “fit in” as a woman, not to mention the difficulty of engaging with people who treat me poorly, refuse to recognize my validity, and more.

It’s little wonder I’m exhausted all the time. 

Now think about the incredible amount of work that it takes for a Black, poor, transgender woman to make her way, and you can see how ridiculous the notion of “just work harder” and “make better choices” is. Good choices are easier when you’re not fatigued out of your mind all the time, and working harder is only possible when you have time and space to do so.

Making Space, Making Forks

You hear people talk all the time about how we’re all going through something, whether it’s visible or invisible. And the biggest thing we can do for each other is to make space, so that it’s easier for us all to get around the way that works best for us.

And yet there’s so much anger and pushback against doing the little things to create space. That it’s too much work to recognize that there is no such thing as the EXEMPLARY, TYPICAL HUMAN, one who has no touch of chronic disease, or ADHD, or autism, or BPD, or depression, or anxiety, or isn’t a white, cis-het male. Ultimately, making space isn’t that hard. All it takes is a moment of consideration and listening. Most accommodations aren’t hard to implement.

For example, some things you can do to make space for autistic people (at least, those like me) include:

Leaving a bit of extra time in conversations for the autistic person to chime in. We often feel stressed when encouraged to “jump in.”

Don’t force an autistic person to address your feelings immediately when something has happened. This can be as simple as a spilling a drink on them, or having said something that hurts their feelings. They’re focused on processing the immediate issue first, internally. They’ll need a moment (or several) before they can address you.

Surprise social situations can be very stressful. Be thoughtful before peer-pressuring an autistic person to do something, even “fun” things like dancing or sharing a story with the group. Help them feel welcome to do so, leave space, and they’ll interact when they’re ready.

Don’t ask autistic people to “read between the lines.” If you have an expectation of them, be as explicit as possible.

Communicating complex ideas can be difficult, especially emotions and feelings, and we often feel angry (at ourselves) and frustrated when we’re not understood. Sometimes we “clam up” – which means that we’re running through the conversation in our head over and over again to try and figure out what went “wrong”. 

Several of us went out to a bar after a recent show and some very lovely audience members were there, and they were enjoying as several improvisers would tell a made-up story about the couple. They then turned to me and said, “Now you, Abby.” I demurred. I was worn out from the day and then the show. I love improv, including performing it, but it does come with a cost in forks. And I was now out of them.

Thankfully, a beautiful friend understood what was going on for me and made a very simple deflection on my behalf. By saying with grace and humor, “We’ve already heard several versions of what didn’t happen, I think it’s time you told us what did!” she effectively shielded me from having to use up my last fork explaining why I was too tired. 

It meant so much to me, and I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

A Fork-gone Conclusion

The more space we have to interact as ourselves — that is, not conforming to one very specific, very arbitrary understanding of normative behavior — the more forks we can hold on to, and the more energy we have to be in and a part of the world, our communities, and our families.

[siyupod]

HANAHAKI

lyrics wise, i am getting there. though there is this part which is the prechorus that i find really meh. i’m ok with the rest except for those particular parts.

Arrangement wise, i was thinking of using this punky rock, gothic thing vibe since this song is going to be more emotional((angsty), in many aspects. and it needs to be coherent with the aesthetics of the song, since my lyrics are pretty descriptive in a sense. 

What i really wanted in the song was the cohesion with the drums and the vocals in the chorus, theres this “hard-hitting” area with the groove and such especially in the chorus.

WK 3 

was just me figuring out the chord progression to the song, since i already had parts of the melody and the lyrics. Just had to fit chords to the melody. I used mostly minor chords to fit the mood of the song which is more to the angsty and sad kinda stuff. I tried using the diminished chord but it was kinda weird and i didn’t really want too much “clashing” and “awkward” vibes coming. And it didn’t exactly fit with the melody either so.

Even though this song is angsty and sad and dramatic, i don’t want to overcomplicate things as well since there isn’t a need for it to be complicated. its an obvious drama, not a complicated one. 

WK 4

Initially i only have the 1st verse and the chorus of the song. I built on it, going with the vibes and stuff. This song needs to be pretty descriptive, since i am writing about this disease that is quite tragic, as if not getting loved back isnt painful enough.

Im using a very visual approach to the lyric writing, i really want it to reflect an image of “me” suffering from this disease. Not exactly sure whether so far its decent and stuff but it’s descriptive in its own way.

i was really frustrated at the pre chorus as i was constantly stuck there, the lyrics that i have there, just felt very weird. they make sense according to context but they just feel weird. Maybe its because the sentences prior to the pre chorus sounds alot more “”Chim”” and then it just goes into “i tried again to forget you” I don’t know man, it just sounds so weird, and so disgusting. it irked me a lot, and thus i was on the fence for that particular part. I just left it there first.

Wk 5

i didn’t know how this was going to continue, but i was thinking of putting in a bridge that transitions into the last chorus. Right now, i’m just missing the bridge. For the pre-chorus, i left it there first, only letting the organ play with it

I used Logic’s drummer to put in that groove that i wanted, that hard hitting one in the chorus, with all that fills and stuff since it gets aggressive in the chorus especially. For e.guit i was wondering if i should put both rhythm and lead but i wasn’t exactly sure either. 

I thought of this rising bridge part that goes

My heart’s pounding

it’s going numb

the scars burning

it’s going numb

numbnumbnumb

the numb numb numb, it gets more and more muddled and messy till it goes to the last chorus. but again i wasn’t sure whether i wanted to do that. 

Wk 6

I consulted Pearly this week. My bassline could be more varied and more prominent, so i tried that. She also talked about how i can improve the organ as well, since the organ is only playing simple chords the whole way, i could put in some form of rhythm and stuff into the organ patch. 

i looked at my lyrics again and felt there was an imbalance with the second verse of the song, since it only goes for 3 lines before going into the pre chorus  as compared to verse 1 which goes for 6 lines. So i decided to add in more lines for verse 2. 

the bridge as well, i decided to go for this instead

maybe then, i should’ve loved myself

wouldnt be in this living hell

but again, i would’ve loved the same

the melody is pretty similar to the ones in the verses

WIP

So far this is up to the second chorus, right before the bridge. Since i have some conflicts with my bridge, i decided to just cut it off for now. Since i used MIDI guitars, it doesn’t exactly sound that great with the jengjengjeng

wk 8

I thought about the bridge and the transitions and such, added in a guitar “solo” that is actually the bass line since for some reasons it sounded pretty nice. so i slapped that in. i considered adding the guitar solo parts in because the transition from the 2nd chorus to the bridge was kinda weird, since the first chorus to 2nd verse is already so abrupt, it seems inappropriate to throw in more abruptness and it would seem never ending if that’s what happens which would make it pretty “boring” in a sense.

with that, i decided to leave the lead line as it is for now, moving on to the bridge and such. 

since i have the structure of the song more or less, the problems really just revolves around the arrangement and execution of it. 

WK 9/10

i wanted to record the drums and such but my drummer was not feeling well so we had to change dates for recording. in the meantime, i needed to get the guitar into the arrangement. problem is, i don’t really know how to write for guitar. so i had to ask for help, and help i did ask for.

since we were all especially busy during this period, it was kinda hard to actually get help so it was pretty rough. 

I actually recorded my vox for this song which i find to be quite unsuitable(?) Maybe it’s because it just doesn’t sound decent, or maybe its just me. There is really this tone and vibe that i want to potray across but that is really really hard and i really don’t know who i should get to sing it. 

Nonetheless, i got Snowi to sing for me, i wanted the low vocals that she does sometimes, the way her voice sounds mature in a certain way she sings. a “mature”, “edgy” tone is what i wanted to go for. 

Her voice isn’t the best for the song, only certain parts suit it which is really a pity.

wk 13

This piece probably needed a lot of work to be done, apparently there were clashes with the bass and everything. During the presentation, Roger was asking me some hard-hitting questions that left me thinking about how i go about doing things and also what my thought processes were and such; which i wasn’t able to answer. 

I’ve thought about it, and honestly, sometimes, things just go with like no sorta reason and you don’t know how, you don’t know why but there are also times where you get all stuck so that’s that. 

i was thinking about what i should do for the song, probably bring in some experimental elements into it. i looked up on what Gerald had suggested, as well as on the internet, trying to get some form of inspiration. 

I started with experimental rock, before i branched into some other sub-genres and stumbled upon industrial metal. i’m not really a fan of metal, but there were some that i found pretty cool, especially when there are electronic elements in the song. I guess i was pretty interested in the industrial aspect of it. 

i also looked into gothic metal as well, as i wanted that gothic aspect as well. Initially i thought of bringing in both elements into the song, experiment and see what will happen but i might just be thinking way too far and i would probably not be able to do it.

wk14

I still tried it, like really small steps . i did a completely new arrangement, putting those experimental sounds, some of the sounds that i used in Satan’s Breath. it gave this pretty eerie vibe and such especially after i added in synth choral sounds which can be found in gothic metal, all the strings and choir sounds and such. 

i actually really liked the eerie-ness of it because initially i did want to go with a more gothic feel to it. i built some more into the arrangement but the bad part was that the melody that i initially have doesn’t exactly fit it. 

sO, i had to come up with a new one which fit the vibes more but i had to change the lyrics, which i just shifted some words and sentences around. 

So i got the first verse down and it went to like a “pre-chorus” which is just an instrumental build-up into the chorus. i decided to remove the previous lyrics, i didn’t really like it anyway. 

it goes into the chorus, and that’s when i’m stuck. 

To completely rewrite a song is not impossible but it is time consuming but i just stayed with what i’ve gotten so far, with the new melody for the verse. 

though, so far my arrangement hasn’t really touched on the rock element of it so that’s not ideal either.

wk15

i decided to bring in the guitar recordings i had to maybe get the flow going. 

i tried to come up with a new melody for the chorus, like i twisted the original melody and such, changed up the rhythm. changed up the lyrics but really nothing was working at this point. there would be a melody that wasn’t bad but it’s not what i liked either. 

It might be because its a mixture of many different ideas that' s why it was hard to formulate a concrete thing.

I used those distorted guitar sounds for the song after trying out the many different guitar presets on the module. i wanted the song to go in a more rough and harsh direction, to fit with the context. 

i still wasn’t able to come up with a new melody and i decided to try putting in my original melody to hear whether it will sound weird. so i brought in the vocal recordings and it was indeed pretty off, it just doesn’t seem like it sits in there.it still does fit but there is this slight awkward feeling. 

wk16

i actually continued using the melody, i kinda gave up on trying to write something new for it, i couldn’t form any ideas at all and it was just making myself miserable. so i decided to try to make them work

so i continued adding on to the arrangement and i brought in this lower vocal for some extra edge-ness. i gave the low vox some distortion using the bitcrusher and i thought why not, add even more distortion

wk17

so i did, i started putting the bitcrusher on the guitar track that line from the chorus and i used it in a way that made the audio sounded really like feedback and it was pretty cool and i liked it so i tried to make the guitar track distort in the nxt chorus. 

the song supposedly ends off in the guitar solo but i was wondering how to make everything sound strung together. initially i wanted to bring the song back to something alike the ones in front but i remembered i had another guitar recording from a different person and i wondered what i could do with it. 

i brought the guitar track in and decided to just slap it in and see what happens so i slapped it on after the guitar solo where things were supposedly going to mellow down and it achieved a surprise attack kind of effect and i liked where this was going and then i thought why not add it to the original bitcrushed guitar and come in with an even bigger bang.

some crazy automations were done on the bitcrusher for the guitar recording and ye

[suckitsurveys]

Do you wear a ring on your finger?   Not currently. I need to get my wedding and engagement rings resized. Do you expect to be married in the next two years?   Still, yes. What is your favorite type of cookie?   Sugar or super soft chocolate chip.  Are you allergic to pollen?   Nope.

Do you have more upper or lower body strength?   Lower. Do you like hot tubs?   Yes.

Do you know anyone who is battling cancer?   Yes. Have you ever donated money to a charity?   Yes. What was the last movie you’ve seen in theaters? Isle of Dogs. Do you prefer Apple or Android?   Android. Do you like the color lime green?   Yes, depending how it’s used. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? I’ve only seen one. It was okay. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies?   No movies really scared me. Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past.   Being fat. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this?   No. Do you like kissing lightly better than just making out?   Light kisses. Making out is fun every once in a while. You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from?   Ellen or Kayla or Sarah magically appearing in Chicago. Do you attend school, college, or university?   No. Name 5 things you don’t believe in.   This is a broad question. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick? No one, I am good with my group of friends now. Sometimes I miss my old friend Mary because she really was a blast to hang out with but she turned out to be an awful human, so, not a total loss there. When was the last time you did something for the first time?   Tomorrow I will be chaperoning a field trip for my niece’s pre-school. Something I never thought I’d ever do. Do you have blinds in your bedroom? No, I have curtains. The last news you got that shocked you, what was it, and was it good news or bad news? Good news. This group I belong to in the university I work for will be featured in a student’s final film project. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish?   She has an automatic feeder thing Mark and I take turns refilling. Mark usually gives her fresh water, but I’ve done it a few times too. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? I need to. My laptop is a mess. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? That would be up to the people in the relationship. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot?   I don’t think so. Maybe a paintball gun. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? I don’t do either of those things. For those who have anxiety, has anyone ever told you that you just need to calm down and actually face your fears? Were you insulted or frustrated by this comment? That’s literally the worst thing you can say to someone having an anxiety attack. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them?   I have a brother in law I despise. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? No. Say lyrics from the song currently playing?   I’m not listening to music. If you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get?   I wouldn’t, though. How many closets does your house have? 2. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I don’t know. What was the last single item you spent over $100 on? APPARENTLY I SPENT $230 IN WISCONSIN EVEN THOUGH I WAS IN CHICAGO. FUCK YOU CHASE BANK GIMME MY MONEY BACK. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence?   Yes. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? I don’t have one. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? My sister’s. Do you enjoy the birds’ singing in the morning?   It’s okay. List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow.   In the order they are in currently. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious?   Grav3yardGirl and Grace Helbig. If you had to live in a palace, what would be the color scheme?   Dude I don’t know. Favorite dinosaur? T-Rex. What is the best part of fall?   The colors. Favorite style of hat? Beanies. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight?   Sure. What are your favorite smells? Gardenia and coconut. And rain. Do you shave your pits? Yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don’t think so. What light in your house was the last to have a bulb burn out?   The oven. Have you ever been in an abandoned house?   Yes. What is your favorite phase of the moon? Full. What season do you want to get married in?   I got married in the summer. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country?   That’s it. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia?   Australia. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada?   Mexico. Are there such things as stupid questions?   Yeah. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? No. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 1000, probably. Where would you like to be buried?   I wouldn’t. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? Sure. Have you ever had yourself drawn in caricature?   No. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture?   Yeah. Do you think abortion should be illegal? Of course. How many keys are on your key-ring?   Three. What are some piercings you want?   None. Dogs or cats? Why?   Cats. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain?   She drools when she’s excited/lovey. Never had a cat do that before. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke?   No. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? What’s considered a traditional fruit? What’s your favorite older film? To Kill a Mockingbird. The Birds. Wait Until Dark. Aliens or unicorns?   Unicorns. Where did you meet your current or last significant other?   TinyChat, lol. Would you ever get a face tattoo? No. If you asked your mom to describe you, what do you think she’d say? My mom is deceased. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? The toxic masculinity plaguing it. What are you most grateful for? My niece. Who is the most interesting person you’ve ever met?   The VP of our division. She’s so freaking cool. When do you love yourself most? When I’m being productive. What would you most readily die for?   My niece. What single word do you hate most?   Certain words in the wrong context. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? My niece and my husband. What would you most like to be remembered for after you die?   My humor.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had in bed? I’d rather not talk about it. What is the most sacred thing in your life?   Hmm. Who have you most feared in your life? No one in particular. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? My friendship with my neighbor Stephanie. What single word would you use to most accurately describe your parents?   Supportive. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? Heartless.

[ismael37olson]

It Was Great When It All Began

What does a theatre company owe to our art form, and to the people who love our art form? Thoughtfulness and artistry. Those of us making theatre, those of us given the great honor of being the storytellers, we all need to respect the material, and not impose our own agenda upon it. I've seen so many productions that "bring something new" to an already brilliant show by misunder­standing and short-circuiting what the show is really about, and imposing upon it a nonsensical period, setting, or other High Concepts Por ejemplo... Rocky Horror has to be set in the early 1970s because it's really specifically about how Americans reacted to the Sexual Revolution of the late 60s and 70s. Tommy has to be set in post-World War II London, because it's really specifically about Western Civilization finding itself spiritually lost after the war, while drowning in postwar conspicuous consumption. When you change the setting of these stories, either explicitly or through set and costume design (the biggest warning sign is the random use of Steampunk), you betray the work, its authors, your audience, and our art form. We may see resonance in The Rocky Horror Show for our own times, but the more specifically it lives in the seventies, the easier it can serve as a metaphor for today, allowing us to stand back from our own times and see them objectively. Frank is presented as a glam rock star because that was the only period of rock and roll during which gender was both fluid and irrelevant (the same reason Hedwig, of The Angry Inch fame, finds her home in that subgenre). The dissolution of gender roles was one of the things straight America feared the most during the Sexual Revolution. Frank’s lack of clear gender is his real monstrosity, which is why it’s always a mistake for productions to re-imagine Frank as anything other than a glam rocker. It's not just about drag; it's about gender in our culture. To take the seventies and its issues out of Rocky Horror both emasculates it and short-circuits its social satire. No one working on the 2000 Broadway revival seemed to notice that the leather and S&M themes in the costumes went exactly opposite to O’Brien’s original intentions of innocent, campy, goofy sexuality. Rocky Horror is not soft porn; it’s a satiric cartoon of sexuality at a particularly clumsy time and place in American history. But director Christopher Ashley and his designers didn’t understand that. Only the Wall Street Journal could still see Rocky’s smarts behind all the distractions, and its reviewer Amy Gamerman wrote, “The carnival atmosphere of The Rocky Horror Show is so enveloping that it takes awhile before you notice how clever the show itself is – a smartly calibrated blend of salty, sweet and sarcastic, with its pierced tongue lodged firmly in its cheek.”

Rocky is a brilliant, insightful social document, and the directors and actors who don't get that are missing everything that's really wonderful about the show. After all, modern-day Puritans weren’t the only ones who thought the Sexual Revolution was a bad thing. Others disliked it because they felt this new movement took all the mystery and magic – and most important, the romance – out of sex. In Rocky Horror, Eddie’s song “Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?”(aka “Hot Patootie”) addresses this issue of how the hippie movement and the Sexual Revolution "ruined" everything. There’s even a reference to the change (for the worse, in Eddie’s opinion) in American pop culture and music, away from the romance of 1950s rock and roll, and toward the politics and disenfranchisement and nihilism of 1960s acid rock, embodied in the image of rock icon Buddy Holly’s premature death. This song is far from the pointless interruption of the show that some people claim. You'll always look foolish if you condemn Grease, Hair, ot Rocky Horror as empty-headed silliness. Just because you may not see the substance doesn't mean it's not there... Eddie’s song is a pointed commentary on the way the Sexual Revolution (in the person of Frank) was changing sex and romance in America (in the person of Columbia), a last, metaphorical stab at stopping the tide of the Sexual Revolution, and a final warning as the show’s first half comes to a close that Brad and Janet’s world is gone. Frank and the Sexual Revolution are too strong, and they silence forever the simplicity and purity of 50s rock and romance through Frank’s act of murdering Eddie, in effect also shutting the door forever on Brad and Janet’s old-fashioned world of sexual innocence.

This is also a theme addressed, though more subtly, in the show’s opening, “Science Fiction Double Feature.” A close reading of this lyric shows a real longing for the innocence of the 1950s, when sex was all subtext and metaphor. The song starts by taking us back to that idealized time when movies told Americans what was good and bad, right and wrong, acceptable and “deviant.” And they told us all this very carefully and indirectly. But subtextual sexuality couldn’t stay hidden forever. Rock and roll would emerge, alongside drive-in movies, and these forces would change sex forever. Which is the central through-line of Grease, by the way. This opening song in Rocky Horror sets up the central conflict of the show, though like the movies it celebrates, it does so subtly. It positions open, overt sexuality as not just a threat, but also a despoiler of the innocent, sweet, teen sexuality of the 1950s, a kind of innocence that existed more on the screen than in the back row of the local movie house. In this song, O’Brien is talking about the very center of the culture of the fifties: the nexus of sex, drive-ins, and rock and roll, the forces that were changing America in profound ways. And a big part of the drive-in experience was low-budget science fiction, often in double features. “Science Fiction Double Feature” is O’Brien’s statement of purpose. This will be a story about the (false) moral perfection of the 1950s as it slams up against the wild explorations of the Sexual Revolution, here rendered "in the back row." Rocky Horror explored American sexual hang-ups, the excesses of the Sexual Revolution, and the sometimes cruel myth of the American Dream. It used as its vocabulary pop culture icons like Charles Atlas and muscle magazines, Frederick’s of Hollywood, old sci-fi movies with scantily clad women, horror movies with barely sublimated sexual fantasies, glam rock with its blurring of gender lines – all icons that represented the history of Americans hiding sex behind other things.

And perhaps it’s Rocky’s underlying condemnation of America’s sexual puritanicalism and hypocrisy that keeps the show relevant today. Rocky satirizes sex in America by personifying in Brad and Janet the two responses American society had toward the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s, and the revolution itself personified by the gender-vague, pansexual Frank N. Furter. In the real world, half of America (Brad) responded to the Sexual Revolution by fighting even harder than before to stop the progression of sexual freedom, to demonize homosexuality, to condemn sexual independence in women, to blame all of America’s ills on sex, to brand (or rebrand) otherwise healthy expressions of sexuality as dirty and inappropriate. The other half of America (Janet) responded with an almost manic sexual celebration and a kind of aggressive experimentation that today may seem outrageous. Both reactions in the real world probably made the early stages of the AIDS pandemic worse than it should have been. And Rocky Horror rightly satirizes both reactions. Both sides went too far. You can't transplant this story to another cultural context. The Rocky Horror Show is about a time in America when our nation stood at a crossroads. Sexual oppression was ending (or at least, beginning to fade) and America had to decide how it would move forward. But neither the people who celebrated this new era or the people terrified by it acted responsibly; neither side caused AIDS, but both sides helped it spread. Of course, Rocky Horror is not about AIDS, but it is about consequences. It was written in 1973, but it is about sexual politics in America then and now. Watching it today, we can see a moment in time when it wasn’t yet too late, when the devastation of a generation of innocent men and women should not have been inevitable. We can love the music, laugh at the jokes, and sing along with “The Time Warp,” but we should never forget that Rocky Horror is about something. Something very specific.

You wouldn't set Grease in the 80s (although the 1994 revival tried), so don't don't do it to Rocky. It's not just a sex farce or a drag show. Why some directors feel the need to impose a "vision" or a metaphor on shows is beyond me. Just tell the fucking story. And this story is about America in the early 1970s, a moment so sui generis there is no adequate substitute. So let's do "The Time Warp" again and again, but let's leave the leather harness at home. Long Live the Musical! Scott from The Bad Boy of Musical Theatre http://newlinetheatre.blogspot.com/2017/10/it-was-great-when-it-all-began.html