#The memories are fuzzy but we kept talking & it still had the overly affectionate queer vibe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlebirdy0301 · 10 months

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(cw grooming mention) TELL ME WHY IM JUST SITTING IN MY ROOM CHILLIN, REMINDED OF MEMORIES FROM EALRY HIGHSCHOOL AND ALL THE SUDDEN HIT LIKE A FUCKING TRUCK THAT I GOT GROOMED AT 14/15

#CW grooming #cw trauma dump #I’m tagging this accordingly so don’t read if you don’t wanna hear about this subject. I just wanna get it out without telling irl people #I cannot fucking believe this. This realization hiT ME LIKE A FUCKING TRUCK WHAT THE SHIT #As a freshman I was friends with this senior. I was learning what it meant to be in queer spaces & learning what queer friendships were lik #And queer friendships that are also Theatre Kid friendships are often very touchy. Lots of behavior that is typically read as romantic #Hand holding cuddling playing with hair etc #So it was a bit like that with this 18 year old senior #They asked me out (in front of all our drama class friends & whatever other students happened to be around)#& I had no idea they had romantic interest so I was shocked. Didn’t know what to do or how to process #I ended up saying no telling them it was b/c I just realized I was queer & wasn’t out & didn’t wanna hide dating from my family #The memories are fuzzy but we kept talking & it still had the overly affectionate queer vibe #And they’d say romantic things to me and I think I’d say things back because I was still in a whole new world of discovering myself #And didn’t know what I was or wasn’t feeling #So when they’d act that way I just felt like I should act that way back #I was so young and immature and didn’t know anything at all about myself. I came from a stuffy conservative background so it was all so new #Then over time they pursued me romantically again and I (again not knowing anything & just taking a shot in the dark) said yes #They were in a relationship at the time too and suggested polyamory #And another red flag was that at one point I referred to their bf to them as “your man” and they said “sweetie that’s our man”#But I had never fucking met this guy!! Never had one conversation with him!!!!#And in actual ethical polyamory there would’ve been a discussion about all of our comfort zones and which of us wanted to be together #But I was just left to guess what the situation was so I assumed that they were dating both of us but he and I weren’t dating eachother #Because again!!!! I didn’t fucking know this man!!!!!!!#But anyway #when we actually “got together” it was all over text and it didn’t last long at all #Because THANK GOD my gut was telling me that something was VERY OFF #so THANK FUCKING GOD I broke up with them over text before I ever hung out with either of them in person post-getting-together #I am so fucking grateful right now that I listened to my gut because I’m sick thinking about how things could’ve gone if it went on longer #I avoided some major fucking trauma by getting out before I’d hung out at all with them in person. Fucking christ #Holy fuck I can’t believe it’s taken me 7 fucking years to fully realize what happened

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