#Theres never a casks post without monsterfucking

[cyanidesymphoniesxylophones]

I posted 171 times in 2022

That's 125 more posts than 2021!

49 posts created (29%)

122 posts reblogged (71%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lovelesslittleloser (the bestie)

@kaptainrazoork

@kurara-black-blog

@weatherman667

I tagged 112 of my posts in 2022

Only 35% of my posts had no tags

#humans are space orcs - 43 posts

#monsterfucking - 28 posts

#humans are space oddities - 25 posts

#humans are space fae - 24 posts

#humans are deathworlders - 21 posts

#humans are space australians - 20 posts

#humans are weird - 18 posts

#its not a casks post without the monsterfucking tag - 16 posts

#poison is great - 15 posts

#plants - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#so the way i said functional organs is because you would expect several folds of the body later and you would not have a working stomach

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I saw your post about needing prompts for haso, so I'll offer you one of my favorite prompts :

Aliens find out that most humans thought aliens would be some all powerfull overlords ready and abel to destroy us all and that we thought that if we would ever go to war with them, they'd be the scary ones.

The aliens have a small mental breakdown because WTF you are the ones with rules for WAR and you thought we were the ones to be feared ?!?!?!?!

And their human crewmate is like ,,idk man, we didn't know anything about yall in the past so assumed the worst ig ? TBH watching disaster movies is pretty entertaining and what's worse than getting your planet invaded''

Meanwhile the aliens are like ,,You watch your planet be destroyed for fun''

You wrote my post for me, but I'll honor and humor this.

The Humans did not know what to make of the neurek's offerings, as such large more highly evolved species was offering a peace treaty to the fledgling civilization, as do other nearby civilizations. Treaties between rivalling and warring species were immediately made because of their appearance in the cosmic seas, which just baffled the tiny hairless apes.

"Why are the more advanced civilizations giving us stuff?" The first encounters were confused.

"Because. You. Humans. Are. Terrifying." The neurek ambassador slowly articulates with its two tongues like lips.

"Terrifying? We don't have laser bombs, or five hands, or two tongues we use like lips."

"But you. Have rules. For war. And watch. As your planets. Burn. And burn. And burn."

"O h."

"Not one. Other species. Would want to fight. Against a race. That will. Settle for. Nuclear equilibrium. And match a war. Head. For another warhead."

"Y'know what, we were scared of y'all."

"And we are understandably. Scared. Of humans."

426 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#4

Humans are Space Orcs, but humans are the more dndish orcs of space, where they plunder and ravage the entire solar system... Oh wait we already do that.

The reason why most civilized extraterrestrials avoid humans is because of their tendency to hoard resources and keep it to themselves. Be it water, food or precious metals. Humans will hoard something if they feel it to be rare. Some crews fuck with a human's hoarding instinct by telling them an extremely common item (A hoaraxxian screw or an aarak speardriver) is rare, and watch as the human does its best to collect the rare things it finds throughout the voyage. Shiny things and dull things alike find their way to a human's pile of junk.

523 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

#3

Aliens learning about human "fighting rituals" (Aka threats rolling up their sleeves and or removing any jewelry?)

The warrior race of Nur'gahls find Terran fighting rituals strange. The Nur'gahli custom of adorning yourself in shining ornaments to blind your opponent's sensitive eyes were key in winning duels, yet in this strange arena, where dozens if not hundreds of other races compete, there is one that they cannot fathom: Terrans.

The Terrans were strange, in that they needed not bright shining ornaments not giant bonebreaking weapons. No, they took off their jewelries, doodads and rolled up their sleeves, wore soft gloves. They were not wearing anything other than basic gear for the Nur'gahl, yet somehow, they've seen tens of their race losing to a human with nothing but glasses on their face and a short nonlethal sword in hand.

And it's not like Terrans don't have killing intent. They match the strongest of Nur'gahli, with a certain captain going head to head on a warrior's duel with one of the pirate chieftains of a criminal warband, with nothing but a metal pole and a knuckle band.

It was said that the captain, before flying into the duel with arms bare, sleeves rolled up, witnessed his crew members being manhandled. The then hostage captain broke free and demanded a duel with the chieftain of the pirates, where he made a show of removing his badge studded coat and hat, as well as rolling up his sleeves. The chieftain laughed his last that fateful day, as the captain singlehandedly beat the life out of him. Nur'gahli witnesses as well as several crew tedtimonies all shared one single detail: that the human captain held nothing but rage in his eyes until the pirate chieftain ceased to exist from his ship.

Nowadays, with intergalactic travel being standardized, Nur'gahlis tend to avoid Terran populated areas, especially beach resort planets.

657 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#2

Some humans are space orcs + medicine facts to carpe all them diems

So, most drugs metabolize really well with our (human) nuclear reactor stomachs. A very deadly toxin to some canid species are just sweet treats to us. Capsaicin and menthol are both highly irritant to slimy species, but are just snacks and flavoring to us. Even sodium chloride, which breaks down in an aaraco's chemical splitting digestive system and causing them to unsubscribe from life due to internal explosions from the sodium and chlorine hitting their waterbased fluids, are just a powder we use to flavor and add nutrition to our food, even using salt to preserve medicinal herbs and foodstuffs.

Humans are highly advanced, and they're diverse, even as one species. Not one species in this universe has developed such a variety in features and biological differences, yet still remaining the same species. It's like they all separately evolved due to what they've experienced in their short century of a lifespan.

The human lifespan is extending more and more, the more we eat different foods unlike our own "local" ones from beyond the stars. And as I bite into my last few perika seeds on my deathbed, I'm happy to have experienced so much flavor in my life.

- Chef Howard Chau, Interstellar Gourmand, Earth, 2202-2403

690 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Space orcs content, reptilian species freaking out over humans with missing teeth.

Most reptiles have teeth that grow back forever, but human teeth grow only twice or a few more times (or if you're one of the people who kept that reptile gene, congrats.)

So when one of the reptilian crew sees a human crewmate laughing openly and seeing they have a gap between their teeth, they panic and start worrying about the human.

Then the next day, said human crewmate suddenly has teeth ! This confuses reptile crewmate who asks how they grew a tooth in a day while being human.

"Oh these are dentures."

Plus points when the human has one of those silver mercury fillings older people have.

763 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →