#This one has five petals see! It's not thematic it's just nice! Lol

[sysig]

Hello there! Request for Ralsei carving a pumpkin?? 🎃

Day 29 - Flower!

[inkofamethyst]

June 19, 2021

Back on my musical escapades!  Right now I’m listening to some songs by Cosmo Sheldrake (Spotify recommended Come Along a few months ago (back in January, apparently) after one of my playlists has run through (I was probably sewing lol)) and I mean the thing I’d liked about Come Along was its super whimsical feel and that has definitely carried over into the other songs I’m listening to by them (basically, I listen to their top five songs according to Spotify then go into the top ten if I like those and then I decide whether I want to continue into, you know, their entire discography (I didn’t even need to go into The Crane Wives’ top ten though, I just knew)).  These songs feel otherworldly.  Like something fairies would sing.  The aesthetic reminds me of Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch for some reason??  I think the artist’s got bassoons NO WAIT it’s almost definitely a bass clarinet for sure up in his music (or perhaps some other reeded instrument) which is a super solid choice that not enough artists make, if I may be frank.

Oh!  Oh!  Also!  I gave myself a floral tattoo sleeve last night and I feel so nice :3 I’m going to go get on some real clothes and feel even nicer.  Update: put on some clothes and took down my hair.  Yeah, I look a lil cute (or maybe more than a lil).  I feel like a dangerous woman.  Like,, like I’m an assassin working for a crimelord (do I know what a crimelord is?  not exactly.  I imagine it has something to do with organized crime (and I’m even kinda hazy on that, but I imagine organized crime has to do with hidden power structures in a community)) who’s only known by Petals.  I don’t want to be involved with any of this, but I owe a huge debt to the crimelord and have entered his service to pay it off.  I’m never seen smiling unless I’m planning the details of a new mission, and even then it’s more of a self-satisfied smirk.  I keep track of every kill, and design my own tattoos, where every kill is a new flower.  After a certain number of kills, I take my design to a parlor and have it done.  The florals started on my upper left arm and have spread down that arm, up onto my shoulder and shoulder blade, down my left side, onto my hip and outer thigh.  A few petals peek their way onto my neck and collar bone.  Occasionally I consider leaving.  It brings me no joy to commit the act, but I’m addicted to the planning.  It gives me such a rush, and the crimelord knows it.  He has me under his thumb, and I’m the best there is as what I do.

um.

hehe

I kinda adore the way they look??  I think I’ve got enough for one or two more sleeves if I want.  And maybe I’ll do a saucy one on my ~inner thigh~.

Anyway I occasionally check my “Top Songs This Month” on Spotify because I get curious and, honestly?  Okay, I’m not surprised that All I Wanted is on there, seeing as I listen to it on its own and add it to my queue every time The Kill plays, so that’s basically double the listens compared to any other song.  What surprises me is the fact that Faceless by Red is up there as number 1??  And that Nothing Else Matters is there at all?  And I mean I find Come Along to be fun and quirky and all, but number 4??  I mean I suppose the numbers don’t lie.  My top artists are definitely a better reflection: The Crane Wives, Hayley Williams, Maxx LL (composed the Sprit Farer soundtrack which played after Sky: Children of Light soundtrack), Austin Wintory (I love the Journey and Abzu soundtracks so, so much), Icon for Hire, and Seatbelts (Cowboy Bebop OST).

I’m also kind of in the mood for some new playlists?  Like I’m thinking of starting one called “is he worth it” or “he ain’t worth it” and another one called “sad boi hours” and another one called “headbang” or something.  Basically I want to make my playlist titles more descriptive and fun while also splitting my Current playlist into different thematic playlists.  Current will stay as it is, but it’s a bit of a mix the way it is now, but there are definitely some themes that I could pull from it (and from some of my other playlists, including “Listen Here, Kiddo” which is mostly nostalgia-bait (late 2000s and early to mid 2010s, mostly pop, some punk) but I enjoy it nonetheless which is the important part).

Update: so my dnd-friend invited the Discord over to just chill at her house and, well, I went!  I was the first to arrive, and I just chatted with my dnd-friend and her brother for about an hour.  My cello-friend arrived and we chatted for a bit as a group then roped him into watching the first hour and a half of the Elder Scrolls Online Critical Role mini-campaign, something my dnd-friend, her brother, and I were planning to do if no one else showed up.  Then my dancer-friend rolled up with her boyfriend (my journalist-friend, if I recall correctly), and we chatted (quite a bit about anime, actually lol, and I’ve got some new recs!!) then got pizza (we all liked pineapple (a rare group composition to be honest), and my journalist-friend recommended that we pepper some ol’ bay on top of it and honestly?? it was pretty good!  the sweetness of the pineapple with the saltiness of the ol’ bay?  not bad at all!!), and then we played mafia until we all headed out!  It was a ton of fun, and honestly the most nerve-wracking part was the period while we were watching the CR mini series with my cello-friend.  

[insert because I forgot to mention this but it’s really funny: So,,,, it’s no secret that I was into SouthernAccent!Fjord like, a lot (I have a thing for both cowboys and pirates/sailors, so, uh, Fjord drove me a lil wild before he revealed his true accent (still attractive, but just not in a way that made me go a lil feral)).  And my dnd-friend is super into Caleb/Liam, and she’s got a tumblr account where she reads a bunch of critical role meta-analyses (apparently they’re legit just like the essays I write about theme and character and stuff, ugh, I love those things lol) and stuff, and she found out that Fjord was kinda into Caleb at the start and Caleb was kinda into Fjord at the start, right?  Okay.  So it was me, my cello-friend, and her at her kitchen table and she mentioned that to me and my mind immediately went back to that scene where Fjord holds his sword up to Caleb’s throat early early on in C2 and we start freaking out over that and my cello-friend is clearly clueless so we find art for him and my dnd-friend locates the clip in like five minutes and we’re crying because there is an inherent intimacy involved with shortsword interactions, especially the sword-against-throat thing?  y’all.  Anyway it was just the way that the energy bounced back and forth between the two of us that completely caught me off guard and I was super swept up into it omg.  Anyway after that we roped my cello-friend into watching the first half of the one(ish)-shot.]

I’m really tired though, it was, like, a solid seven hours or something of physical social interaction straight.  More smiling than I’ve done in months, I think?  It felt good.  It felt really good.

I will say, I had to go through the whole Detective Routine afterwards to reassure myself that I was not excessively awkward or weird or attention-hogging by, well, analyzing what I objectively remember observing.  And all I saw were smiles.  It’s funny, you know, because earlier today I wrote the following:

[Quote]

You know, on second thought, I think... I think going back on campus is going to be more difficult than I imagine it being.  I’m thinking about going back to campus as if I didn’t just take a year off from literally communicating with people on a regular basis.  I’m thinking about going back to campus the way that it was back in Fall 2019.  But two years have come and gone since then.  I’m not a biochem major anymore, nor am I pre-pharm.  I’m not a newly-graduated senior.  If anything’s the same it’s that I’m still unsure of myself.  I don’t know how I’m going to navigate this Fall.  I mean, I know where my classes are and the buildings or whatever, I mean socially.

I’ve grown so used to solitude.  I don’t know how I’m going to bring myself out of it.

To be frank, I am afraid.  There’s no use in me dancing around it.

A few months ago, my therapist told me to explore the situation instead of just being afraid of that future.  What’s the worst that could happen?  Well,, ugh I don’t know I feel like I’m more comfortable in the fear of what it could be as opposed to exploring how realistic it is in the first place.

It’s probably just because I have too much time to think and I’m just in my head all the time now ugh I need a hobby.  I need to read or write or sew or something.

[End Quote]

And, like, yeah, a lot of those feelings are still there in me, I won’t lie.  But this experience did make me feel a bit lot better.

Happy Juneteenth, my friends.

I didn’t practice my ukulele today, but I think I prefer what I actually ended up doing anyway.

Today I’m thankful for, well, I feel like you can probably guess :)