#Thunder is going to be in the background of nearly every major trial. He is the judge.

[bonefall]

Been thinking a lot about the idea that a StarClan cat appearance becomes more fantasy-like based on the stories of them and how they're perceived by the living. So new spirits would look more like how they were alive while older spirits would look different.

[ID: A sketch of BB!Gray Wing, Patron of Wisdom, over many generations. Xeir hood has changed into the wings of two pheasants, with their eyes overlapping xeir own, and beaks crossing above the nose. Xeir body is covered in illegible script.]

While I do imagine they keep a "BE NOT AFRAID" normal-form that they can choose to appear as, yes. Over time, ancestral spirits begin to lose touch with their mortal forms and become abstractions.

Once, long ago, the Four Seasonal Gods resembled something very much like an ancient patron of Silverpelt. In comparison to Rock, Sol, Midnight, and Sharptooth, even the oldest spirit in StarClan (Gray Wing) is still an infant.

Partner and I are still designing the other founders but Gray Wing and Clear Sky are pretty solid.

[ID: A sketch of BB!Skystar, Patron of War, over many generations. He is wearing a thousand pelts stitched together like a king's robe, flowing down his body.]

[forgottenliving-blog]

Setbacks

I know that some people are magically blessed or something and never seem to have anything go wrong in their endeavors. I am not one of those people. I never have been and I probably never will be. But it builds character, right? Boy, I must have SO MUCH character by now. Andrew had to go to a work conference about 3 hours away, so we traveled there a day early and had a low-key mini vacation. We both needed it badly and felt we deserved it after our rather stressful year. We even splurged and went to a nice dinner, since we ate homemade bread, carrots, cheese and peanut butter the rest of the day.) I drove home the next day because the baby chicks need fresh water every day and I didn't want to hang out alone while he had to attend conferences all day. I walked in the door to Geo vomiting and have liquid poo, refusing to eat or drink and acting very listless. So I took him to the vet straight away and they kept him for tests and overnight observation. The next day I was greeted with a $400 vet bill (that totally wasn't the money we had to build our chicken coop,  by the way) and the news that he had a minor intestinal infection and that I *just* needed to give him two different antibiotics twice a day. However, backing up a bit, after I came home from dropping off Geo, I went to the background to check and see how my pepper spray worked while I was gone. (No more tomatoes eaten, so that's at least something. Two bell pepper plants withered away, though.) After checking the tomato plants, I looked up to discover that our crab apple tree and our gala apple tree both had their major trunks/branches snapped off. The crab apple *might* survive, but I'm highly doubtful that the gala will. So, even if the warranty we got will cover death from either squirrel or muskrat, this will place us another year behind for a full apple harvest. Then, my rhubarb was dying because I think it was getting too much sun. So I transplanted it to right under a tree, so it can get more shade. We'll see if it survives. I then investigated the floor of the old dove coop that we still had in our backyard because it had not fit in the dumpster when we had our big junk removal weekend. We were hoping that we would be able to reuse it for the base of our chicken coop that we need to build. I went over and lifted it up and immediately had a baby muskrat run right between my ankles. Surprised the ever loving crap out of me and I nearly dropped the whole kit and kaboodle right on my toes. Sorry, not sorry baby muskrat. I think your mommy killed my apple trees and therefore I hate her. (I'm become much less kindhearted towards little fuzzy critters in my yard.) Turns out, the whole thing was far too rotted to use as a chicken coop floor anyway. No saving money there for us. It was one of those days where things happen right after you've treated yourself and you do nothing but regret the good time you had. It sucks. Back up to today. Giving Geo his medication tonight went swimmingly, if you count being covered in cat spittle and nasty smelling medication as progress. He took the second medication better, but I think he will hate me for the rest of today. And tomorrow when I squirt pink and brown nasty tasting liquids down his poor throat. So, it's been a tough few days and I'm struggling with my decision to drastically change our lives and try homesteading. Getting started has been a HUGE investment, even doing it cheaply, and my stress is through the roof right now with funds and worrying about our food plants. This whole experience so far is really teaching me clearly the worries and struggles of being more self-sustainable on a budget. You really start to think a lot more about the weather and has it rained too much? Not enough? Is that damn squirrel trying to dig up my watermelon plant AGAIN?! I have thundered outside more than once today, hurtling myself violently, while yelling towards the offending squirrels. Let my neighbors think I'm crazy. Those plants are going to be my food this harvest season and those little tail flicking, hole digging nut crackers are going to learn that they don't get to wreak havoc on my gardens willy nilly. I think I am also feeling a lot of pressure, put on myself, to succeed at this. I left a very high paying (though crippling anxiety and misery causing) job to become a homesteader. If I don't succeed at this, and reach my goals of having a full larder of food I've grown and preserved myself, and safe happy, egg laying chickens, I will have failed myself, my husband and possibly placed us in a financial pickle. My brother told me today to never regret trying to be happy. (I sometimes have meltdowns at my brother, he's a saint.) This week so far though, I have regretted trying to be happy. I'm not upset because it's more work than I thought it would be. It is. But I don't shy away from work. I'm feel that perhaps I am feeling the stress and worry that our prairie farmer ancestors felt every year. It is all on me to work with the changing climate and nature and try to grow food for my husband and I to eat this year. It is also an extreme trial and error process. You can learn a lot, but nothing everything, from books and so far, I'm learning a lot of things by failure. I can only hope that it will end up making me more prepared next year, though. I am a very self-critical person, and I feel very much like I'm not succeeding at this endeavor. But at the same time, I can't imagine going back to working full time and relying on other people and corporations to feed me. Especially if something were to happen. I want to have that reassurance of a pantry full of preserved food that I know where it's from and what's in it, that can feed my family  no matter what could happen. This experience has also made me grow as a person, and I can't regret that. Life and mother nature are putting on the pressure guys, and I'm doing my best, and I hope that will be good enough. So stick with me. I'm definitely going to, and have had, some rough days and weeks, but I'm not giving up yet. We're just going to eat a lot of potatoes and homemade yogurt for a while. :) Click to Post