#Today&039;s Philosophy

[stoicoftheday]

The Likability Paradox

Ever catch yourself saying you “like” someone, only to realize there are layers to that sentiment? Let’s talk about this social phenomenon we all experience but rarely discuss: the two distinct types of people we claim to “like” in our lives. The Genuine Gems Picture this: You’re hanging out with a friend, laughing uncontrollably over the silliest joke. Your guard is down, your true colors…

[bohdisanders]

Be Prepared! Bohdi Sanders

Be Prepared! Bohdi Sanders

Tomorrow’s battle is won during today’s practice. Samurai MaximIf you wait until you have an emergency to prepare, then you will never be prepared. You must be prepared ahead of time for whatever you may encounter. You don’t play the game before you understand the rules, develop a strategy, and practice to get your skills honed. This is true in every area of life.If you wait until the hurricane…

[newssplashy]

The Rape Culture: What exactly is going on in our universities and colleges?

There's a rape culture in our schools and no one is talking.

The average Nigerian student entering tertiary institution whether University or College, is most likely going to be between 15 and 19 years old. 

Their self-esteem will most likely be shaky. Their world views and philosophies unshaped. They want to feel valued and accepted. It is also at this age that sexual curiosity spikes.

Combine all of these, and vulnerability rears its head. People in this bracket are perhaps the most likely to get raped, especially women. 

Let’s start with Tola.

Tola is a smart young lady. Settling into University life wasn’t as difficult as she thought, classes are coming and going. She’s making new friends, interesting friends. There’s one she likes. Like really really likes. He wears really nice shirts, and speaks really well. Most of all, he listens. He listens to all her stories. Wonder who made it easy for Tola to navigate the Jambite registration process? Him. 

His name is Steve. 

So one day, she’s bored, and asks him if he’s downloaded any new movies. Of course he has. Of course he has the newest episodes of the best shows. So empty USB flash in hand, she heads to his house. 

Finding his tiny student-size apartment is not so hard, not like it’s her first time going to collect movies, or charge her phone. 

Today, Steve doesn’t look so well. He’s cuddled up under his blanket. He tells her he has a fever. By the time he says this, she doesn’t even care about the movies she came to get. Today, she’s going to care for her friend. 

He shows her where he kept some painkillers. It’s at the bottom of a shelf. When she turns around, Steve is no longer on the bed. He’s now standing in front of her, at just a breath away. Bare chested. 

“I really like you,” he says. 

She’s shocked. And confused. 

“What are you doing?” she asks. He draws closer. She says stop. She says it again. But he’s all over her like a beast on prey. 

10 minutes later, he’s panting. She’s crying. 

“Why” she asks, “why did you do this to me?”

“What? I thought you liked it.”

This is what rape looks like in Nigerian student communities (and outside), and Tola is not alone.

In a survey of 349 women, 1 in 8 of them said they were raped while in school (University/Polytechnic/College of Education).

The numbers are probably higher, considering that many victims themselves don’t have a clear understanding of what is rape and what isn’t. This begs the question;

What is rape? 

Rape is a form of sexual assault where a person has forced sexual intercourse with a victim without their consent.  According to the Violence against Persons' Prohibition (VAPP) Act, the definition of rape has expanded to: "Rape is non-consensual penetration of a person's vagina, anus, mouth or body parts with an object or penis or other body part". Also worthy of note is that the legal definition differs from state to state.

But what about sexual assault?

While rape is a form of sexual assault, it is much broader. Sexual assault in the simplest terms, is the non-consensual contact that does not include penetration. Examples of sexual assault are: attempted rape, unwanted kissing, unwanted fondling, and unwanted touching of the genitalia, buttocks and breasts.

So whether it is Yaba Market boys pulling the hands of passing girls, and touching them, in the name of getting them to buy whatever cloth it is they are selling. Whether it is a lecturer groping a girl in his office. Whether it is fondling her without her consent. Whether it is a guy pressing groping a girl in a concert. This is sexual assault.

Why is rape common in tertiary schools?

Let’s go back to Steve. Steve is a regular guy. But the guys tease Steve for being soft. The other day, one of his guys teased that he liked boys. Why? Because Steve has no body count — number of girls he’s slept with. 

The guys also know about Tola. They believe he’s slacking because he hasn’t even kissed her. He likes her, they know this, and they assume she has to like him too. 

So when they ask him how far, and he says he’s finally slept with her, he’s the man. When he even says she wasn’t interested at first, and that he finally got her to have sex anyway, they say he’s the chairman. 

Perhaps, the biggest cause of rape in Nigerian schools stems from the attitude of men towards rape and the disregard for consent. It is the sense of entitlement that makes a man feel he deserves it, and he’ll get what he deserves by any means necessary. 

“What was she wearing?”

Another major contributing factor to rape is the tendency for society to blame the victim, instead of seeking justice, and punishing the rapist. 

A society that blames a rape victim, for any reason at all, gives the next rapist an excuse and even motivation to commit the irreversible crime.

How can we change this?

Back to Tola. Never in her life has she felt more alone.

She blames herself for ending up in that situation. She hates that she can’t tell anyone about it. She tells her friend about what happened, and her friend is not only surprised, she’s confused. The first thing she asks throws Tola off balance completely;

“But didn’t you say you liked him?”

We need to understand that this is a matter of control. There’s a stark difference between giving, and being taken from without consent. This is what rape is a about, taking without consent. 

Now, Tola hates that she told her friend. She fears telling her parents even worse. They’d probably call her a disgrace or a disappointment. So she swallows all the pain, and drowns in her own grief. 

You know the worst part? She’s in the same faculty with Steve. So she sees him every other day, and he acts like everything is fine. 

Rape is a crime, like armed robbery and murder. And until we treat it like a crime where the criminal is held responsible without putting the victim on trial, it’s not going anywhere.

Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi, Founder of S.T.E.R (Stand To End Rape), also recommends that we as people push further for the implementation of the Sexual Harassment in Educational Institutions Prohibition Act, 2016.

 Until we create a society where victims won’t feel ashamed to speak up, we shall have people living in fear for their safety, paranoia and hate.

Guaranteed.

source http://www.newssplashy.com/2018/06/the-rape-culture-what-exactly-is-going.html

[stoicoftheday]

The Four Pillars of Happiness

I used to think happiness was all about feeling good all the time. You know, constant smiles, laughs, and good vibes. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: if we were just chasing those good vibes 24/7, we’d probably end up dead in a week. (Yikes!) Our negative emotions? They’re not the enemy. They’re like our body’s alarm system, keeping us safe and alert. I recently came across this quote from…

[stoicoftheday]

Breaking the Hunger Habit

So, I just finished reading this awesome book called “The Hunger Habit” by Judson Brewer. It got me thinking a lot about my own eating habits and how I can make some changes. What’s really cool is that a lot of Brewer’s tips tie in perfectly with Stoic philosophy. I thought I’d share my journey and how combining these two approaches has helped me take control of my eating habits. My Struggle…

[stoicoftheday]

Digital Black Hole | Endless Scrolling

Endless scrolling is ruining your life. No matter what you aspire to achieve, endless scrolling is your biggest enemy. You might think you’re staying informed by reading news articles back-to-back. “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all…

[stoicoftheday]

How to Feel Truly Alive Every Day

A friend of mine used to feel like his life was getting a bit boring, and he just didn’t feel alive anymore. So, one day, he decided to change that by doing a tandem skydive. That experience gave him such a rush that he felt a spark of excitement he hadn’t felt in a long time. Inspired by that feeling, he embarked on a journey to become a professional skydiver, finding a new passion and purpose…

[stoicoftheday]

Followers by Nature?

Ever noticed how we just follow orders without question? Recently at the airport, our flight was delayed for hours, and not a single person questioned it. It’s pathetic that sometimes we act like sheep, programmed to follow. But why is that? Psychologists suggests that it feels safer to hide in the herd than to stand out. It’s a survival mechanism. We’re also molded by our education and laws…

[stoicoftheday]

You're Not Famous

You’re not famous, and that’s unlikely to change. More than 100 billion people have lived and died on Earth—really, how many of them were famous? So, why treat your hobbies like they’re for an audience that frankly does not exist? Create not for applause, but for your own joy. When passion fuels your hobbies, not profit, every moment spent is a masterpiece of personal satisfaction. Do things…

[stoicoftheday]

Pilot of Your Life

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine you’re at the controls of a plane – the plane being your life. Now, as you open your eyes, ask yourself, ‘Am I really in the pilot’s seat?’ When you woke up this morning, what were your first thoughts? Did you look outside, trying to gauge the weather, thinking, ‘Let’s see how the world is today, and I’ll act accordingly,’ or did you already have a…

[stoicoftheday]

What's Your Keyword?

Watch on Youtube Yesterday, I was writing a blog on my website and I was about to hit ‘publish’ but there was one last thing to do, which was to choose the keyword. That one word that pulls the whole idea into focus and helps people find your content. Keywords are essential for search engines like Google to understand what your blog content is all about. and that got me thinking. What if we…

[stoicoftheday]

Finish Lines Are Overrated Anyway

“O snail, Climb Mount Fuji, But slowly, slowly!” Kobayashi Issa This beautiful haiku captures the essence of the journey towards achieving meaningful, seemingly insurmountable goals with patience and perseverance. Imagine setting a target not just to achieve something great but to embark on a journey that never truly ends.  This idea, daunting at first, is a powerful recipe for a fulfilling…

[stoicoftheday]

What Is It To Be a Man?

Imagine standing high up, where buildings touch the sky, or racing into a building everyone else is running out of because you’re there to save lives. Think about going deep underground to dig out the minerals we all rely on every day. These aren’t scenes from an action movie. They’re real-life moments for some incredibly brave men. We’re talking about construction workers who build our cities…

[stoicoftheday]

How Our View Shapes Reality 

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This timeless saying is more than just about aesthetics; it’s about how our perception shapes our reality. Picture a rose bush, blossoming with flowers and adorned with thorns. 1. The Romantic’s View:  To a romantic, this bush is a symbol of love and beauty. They see the vibrant roses and perhaps think of romance, poetry, or a beautiful garden. For them,…

[stoicoftheday]

Perspective on Individual Strengths

Life in the wild is a vast canvas of variety, with every creature equipped to tackle its unique challenges, from the elephant to the squirrel to the bird. Elephants, with their large bodies and strong trunks, can push over trees to feed on leaves that smaller animals can’t reach. Squirrels, with their agile bodies and sharp claws, can climb trees and find food sources that larger animals…

[stoicoftheday]

What Do People Really Think About You?

Ever wondered what you look like through your friend’s eyes? What would they say if someone asked them to describe you? Understanding this can be like looking in a kind of mirror – one that reflects not just our face and body but our personality, our strengths, our peculiarities, and maybe even some stuff we’d rather keep hidden! Our identity, or who we think we are, is like a puzzle. It’s…