#Trigun Maximum 1.2

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 1 (Part 2)

*me rushing after the bookclub timeline* My brain does not work in summer heat!

*continues to waffle about the smallesT details* And I will only get worse, nyehehehe

Chapter 03: Bravo Girls!

Meryl!

Uh… Neither can a man?!? Karen, what kind of sexist logic do you have there? 

Everyone should be capable and independent, that’s how you avoid landing in abusive situations. (It also does not mean that you shouldn’t rely on people. That’s how communities work.) Knowing your worth and loving yourself is the key here.

Those who know, know -_-

This is the first time that Meryl got any lifesign from Vash for about 2,5 years. She must have thought he died until now. No wonder she is near tears. Her friend is alive! She must feel so relieved! Boyo survived whatever the fifth moon incident has been!

Oh, I immediately dislike Mr. Keele. Keele = Kill, did anyone else zoom in on the phonetic similarities?

Again! Mr. Keele is a tradesman! An Assassin! I didn’t imagine it! Somebody tell me that I didn’t imagine it when I said that Wolfwood literally advertises he’s a trained killer in Ultimate 2! Karen gives Meryl all the hints! “Yeah, I would not want to be there, even if I was you, with Mr. Keele being a killer. Y’know, the ex-elite-military-dude.” We see the penny drop on Meryl’s face!

This has to be one of the bigger cities, since it was build around a ship. But it looks so small. Like 1.000 people, maybe 2000 max. I read somewhere that like 20 Million humans of 100 Million survived the fall (correct me if I remember that incorrectly). But with such small settlements… I cannot believe that. There was surely a second Great Dying in the aftermath, but this… this is so small. And it is a big, well-established city. If Vash is able to run around without people realising who he is, there need to be more people for that anonymity. Big cities offer anonymity, small communities do not!

I like this shot of Vash. He looks like he is Batman, all brooding and watchful. Through that establishing shot, we, as readers, aren’t really surprised when Keele is busted immediately. How exactly, besides Vash being careful, I don’t know. Is it the body language? The way he carries himself and his weapons? Does he hear them talking at the reception desk?

I like this whole scene. Vash is not naive. He knows of the dangers, he knows he is still hunted down, even without the bounty.

Keele is ruthless! To get to his target, he is willing to kill innocents. The woman in the car is an innocent bystander. Vash needs to shield her with his body. While the other assassins until now also killed people, they didn’t use them to get to Vash. That’s a key difference and makes Keele so much more coldblooded.

How much pain tolerance has he? He is smiling and joking after it. Yes, he is showing pain, but he is more obsessed with making everything seem less dire. Of course, Wolfwood sees through it and gets help. I am not sure, he may even carry Vash, since it is highly stupid to let Vash lay there in the open with a fucking hitman on the lose. I wonder how Wolfwood feels when being confronted with that kind of hit man. While we know that Wolfwood is able to “easily” kill, he does not seem like a person who would use innocents to get to his target. He is too direct and honest for that. You could also use the word too ethical, but that is… *looks at the killer for hire part* Well, even professionals have standards?

I love Meryl’s cool speech, but… Keele was hired by her boss. Her boss would have known that Keele is a hit man. Even Karen commented on it. What does that say about her organisation as a whole? I want consequences for it! Be it structural changes or anything, but we never get any. Please, if you have something like this in the story, Nightow, please, do something with it. What are the consequences about this for Meryl and her job, what are the consequences for Milly? Do they report this? It would be in character for both of them! And if they don’t… SHOW IT TO US! PLEASE! What is their reasoning then!

I’d say, Keele is not without logic, but it is not insurance logic. It is the logic that the state works with in “The minority-report”. The idea of a self fulfilling prophecy is also present here, too. Though, it is unethical from the perspective that it infringes on the human’s agency. Another little thing that is important for me (and most likely for Meryl, too) is that Vash is not the disaster! Things happen to and around Vash, but he is not the one who decides to go bat-shit crazy, he runs, he flees and most importantly, he keeps the casualties low! There is no intent there! She would have put that in her reports! Keele didn’t care, her boss didn’t care. 

Can you punish someone for something he doesn’t do? It would be punishing his existence. 

Keele goes to threaten Meryl with a gun, intending to kill her. He is not only a hit man, he is a murderer. His reasoning is greed and covering his own tracks. You could say, in this chapter, he is somewhat the antithesis to Vash. Vash brings destruction without intent and does his best to avoid it. Keele kills for personal gain without care for anyone other than himself. Who is worse? The answer is easy, but somehow from a purely capitalistic view the insurance agency came to another result.

Meryl thinking back to what Karen said, but I don’t think she thinks about herself in that position. She thinks about Vash and how he is thrown into life threatening situations again and again (at least that is my interpretation) and how he cannot be happy like that. His smiling picture contrasts what they have been through together. Yes, it is a shitty position that Meryl finds herself in, but she chooses to stay at Vash’s side. And damn, that’s fucking nice of her. She is his friend. She is brave. And she has ethics!

Milly to the rescue! I love the whole framing of that pic. Her smile and then the close up that shows it is an angry one!

It’s subtle, but does Meryl help Keele to fly by tripping him? Her position changes so much from the former page. She looks so completely unimpressed by Keele. Also, isn’t it nice that people other than Vash get panty shots, too?

WHY?! You smoked Vash out! You followed him! You literally got into a life threatening situation! Why don’t you go to him? AHHHHHHHHHH

Gosh, Wolfwood is so petty. Yes, he keeps Vash’s ethical standground and does not kill his fellow hitman, but Vash never said something against torture… And I didn't get why his face is so bloody, I thought that was the sauce, but no, he skitted on his face due to Milly's hit. Dayumm.

Meryl’s reasoning reads so weird. She used the vacation to look for him, but now she says that they will deal with him through work… Is it her being shy? And Keele never got busted… Nothing changed at her workplace even though it did something so unethical. I… really don’t like this plotpoint.

Chapter 04: Hero returns

Knives! My second best worstie! New readers still don’t get to know his face! Though, this is a memory from Vash. His brother is distorted to a monstrous being, inhuman with crazy eyes and a smile with so many teeth, it is a threat. Knives is not human, but Vash, his brother, is not human, too. 

“Forgetting brings too much sorrow, remembering brings everlasting pain.” That’s grief and it makes Vash's whole being. Sure, if you forget the person you lost, your pain may be gone, but you also lose what made you you. But now, every memory is tainted with the loss. Time should heal those wounds, pain becomes bearable and now painful memories become bittersweet. But I don’t think Vash ever reached that point. Rem is still a sore spot for him, he can’t even talk about her, but she haunts every step. Every scar on his body is a sacrifice to her godhood. Vash is less his own person and more a priest to her existence. While I am sad for Vash, I also feel for Rem. If she was able to know how her son idolises her to his own detriment, she would despair.

Vash having nightmares due to trauma, confirmed.

Damn, that contrast. Wolfwood, the black smudge, between all that white space and all the coffins hanging over his head. We already know that he deals with death at this point, being a gun ho gun and all that shebang, but it also evokes something claustrophobic in me. Wolfwood watching as more and more coffins -corpses- pile up, ready to crush him under their weight. And he just stands and stares.

Wolfwood, the town gossip. “Thank heaven you asked! It’s a long story, though it is kinda a short one! Anyway-” 

Eh, the town going all Montaque and Capulet, just without the lovers and more sexual assault. Kinda sad, but that is greed working. The planet truly brings out the worst of humanity. And Vash is still able to be sad about it. Because he knows humanity can be better. And Wolfwood is his bitter, contemptuous self, not without reason. I don’t see him saying that as misanthropy, though. Wolfwood said in his introduction chapter that he has an orphanage to care about. While Vash cares about the whole of humanity, Wolfwood cares for his smaller circle and he needs to stay alive to do so. He cannot allow himself the risk. 

And damn, Vash just plainly calling him out for having secrets and Wolfwood again, not denying it and just falling silent. They know. And it hurts.

Brad!

He is 17. Why do 17 year olds in manga either look kawaii or like the worst Jojo-delinquents

His hair reminds me so much of Ryu (or Josuke mixed with Jotaro)

Damn, Brad, you are such an arrogant arsehole here. Oh, yes, the people who are trying their best to survive daily on a planet that is unable to really accommodate their needs are not the nicest around… Dude, you are living at a place that guarantees that your basic needs are taken care of. Brad lived with a priviledge that other people literally would die for. I know Brad will grow on me, but damn, his introduction is always… I wanna kick him! At least you are not as bad as ‘98 Brad.

What conversation? The one about plants? The one about having to kill to protect your close ones? Are you trying to make him understand that you, Wolfwood, need to stay alive to keep the orphanage going? Or the one about you hiding stuff? Are you going to confess? Why you are here, Wolfwood? What is it? It is open to interpretation.

But I love this! This shows what a truly honest and open dude Wolfwood truly is. Yes, he goes so easily on the defensive and, damn, he speaks in absolutes and thus can be seen as condescending. But he reaches out to Vash again and again. He literally runs after him to talk! He tries to go by Vash’s rules. He didn’t kill anyone with his fucking machine gun cross, because Vash asked him to, and that is a feat in on itself.

Oh! There is a new coat in the suitcase, too! Didn’t see that in the first readthrough.

Brad: “I don’t think we have a choice, do we? Lost technology for lost technology.” I read this in my first readthrough as Vash trading stuff with the colony, most likely because I still had the scene with Kaite in my head, where Vash just pulls out a radio in the form of a pen. But now it reads as Brad putting Vash down as a plant and dehumanising him.

No! Vash, you are the fucking gun! Yes, you have dangerous powers, but you did not pull the trigger! I know it feels like it! And damn, your body must feel foreign and hostile to you, but you did not chose this, the responsibility lies not on you, however much you put it onto yourself.

“We have no choice but to depend on him”

“The only one who cannot flee or surrender, who will even return from the dead is that nice man right there.”

Damn, that hurts. I know the doctor has a better relationship with Vash than Brad has, but it reads like they are only using him and that only because there is no other option. It mirrors how Vash treats himself.

Brad struggles with Vash seemingly being immortal and inhuman. His hissy fit kinda fits what is brewing in Wolfwood. But with the Docs explanation of Brad being a fucking brat that has a temper trantrum because his age mate Jessica has a puppy crush on Vash... He is just a fucking hormonal teenager. Brad the brat. And that makes Vash’s bout of hating his plantness immediately less dire. I love Doc. (I wanted to write like, but my hands wrote love, so love it is.)

Wolfwood can never eat in peace part two electric boogaloo. He looks so cute, squatting down and just eating XD. It is one of my favourite Wolfwood panels. He just looks so innocent and curious. Annnnd… the softness is immediately gone with his scowl returning. Interesting, how Wolfwood takes the police/army force intervening as something that can go either way and not something purely positive. We don’t see much of them in the manga anyway, so how much power do they truly have? Not enough, considering Knives is scheming in the background with the whole of the gun-ho-guns.

Also, Brad, just go away with your prejudice. I’d like to see how you would have come out living not in a safe space but a world in which you can be shot just for looking stupid.

Kinda hypocritical of Wolfwood. He wants to go away and not interfere. While that is a choice, it is a passive one. His action is nonaction. But nonaction is also an action. He wants to avoid having to make this decision of life and death. But that also tells us, the readers, that while Wolfwood is capable of doing so, he hates taking a life, he hates this part of life and himself. 

And his decision is to decide which conflict he interferes with, because his main goal is to keep the orphanage afloat. Wolfwood has to decide for himself who is worth saving and who is not. No wonder he calls himself a demon. But it is also very human.

He does not have the capacity to help everyone and if he dies here, the orphanage would suffer. His life is worth something for that very cause. While Wolfwood is right that you cannot not make a choice, he doesn’t seem to completely understand it, either. Surely, he breaks the choice down to kill or let live, but there are myriads of other choices that have to be decided before it comes to this. His choice right here is not to kill or to kill, but avoid interfering so he does not risk his own life at the detriment of the orphanage.

And Vash is… Not understanding Wolfwood or humanity. From Vash’s perspective every life is important. He cannot fathom that for some people some lives are more important than others and that alienates him from humanity. From his position it seems unimaginable for him that he does not jump into the fray to rescue the hostages. And it reads a bit patronising or judgemental that other people are unable to do so. It reads like: I can do it, why can't you? Wolfwood has a point, but Vash slaps it away by telling him it is just talk. Vash is not human here, he is far from it.

For me, this also opens up another question. Is Vash using this unconsciously to avoid Knives? By concentrating on helping the locals, he gets distracted again and again from their real goal, smoking out Knives. While Vash said that he wants to kill Knives, it goes against his ideals. Rem also died for Knives, not only humanity. And Vash still loves him, even though Knives did something unmentionable to him. Considering that Vash is also latently suicidal… is there an unconscious hope that he could die before having to meet Knives? It also makes his position of I can do it, why can't humanity do it, kinda sad. He can't imagine people wanting to live and considering staying alive a priority. 

I… just love this very interaction. It feels a bit jarring that they had such an intense argument just a page ago and now they are back to silly nillies.

Chapter 05: Dancing revolvers

Hehehehe, Baby Vash immediately wanting to eat the geranium. Geraniums are also used to repel mosquitos. How does Zazie feel about them? Do the plants smell of geraniums? Imagine Zazie meeting Knives and having to retch.

Interestingly, I mostly found geranium meaning protection and warding off evil, even as a promise to meet at a specific place. Only after a deeper search did I find the meaning of determination. Rem’s face in that scene. She takes strength from that meaning, her own determination to leave behind something or start anew. The woman has a deeply seated regret or two.

We learn later what this exactly means, but Luraude not losing a drop of sweat… HINTS! It looks like he was controlled somehow.

Vash, that can kill a person… A pacifist, you are…

Then why are you bleeding from the mouth?!

I love the framing of Vash’s shooting scene and the aftermath. How his training comes to fruition and how much of his fighting is like high level mathematics. We also don’t know why the storage is shown in the aftermath until we get the resolution of them having been shot open. 

Chapter 06: Sin

I love that framing. It shows the sin and the grief that follows it. It doesn’t show the act, it shows the victims! That makes it much more poignant for me. It is about how innocent people are forced into such situations, how much loss there is from ONE wrong act. 

And while it makes a full circle back to Wolfwood’s words and gives them much needed human context, it also opens up the idea of Wolfwood being a victim that had to take up arms, too. His expression is also important. There is no: “Gotcha! Spikey! There is not his angry stubbornness or this neutral, stoic facade that normally accompanies him trying to make Vash understand. It is just absolute sadness and, maybe (I am really bad with faces) apathy by helplessness. I like that we get a callback to the scene a few chapters beforehand, because this close up tells us a whole different story and frames Wolfwood’s position much more as a position made by need and not by want. As much as Vash cried in that scene, Wolfwood looks like someone who wants to cry, too, but has no tears left.

Wolfwood says that Vash is foolish and stubborn. He looks kinda like a devil, enjoying Vash’s plightful situation. Could it be misguided care for Vash’s survival, because Wolfwood himself had to learn the hard way how to survive? Or does he want confirmation that Vash is someone who reacts and thus is in the end human? There is the hint that there is more to Wolfwood joining Vash’s travels. Our man is sus.

There are other questions that I have as a reader. How often does Vash regret the outcome of these situations? Does he only regret those where he couldn’t save everyone? Or in which people choose to be greedy? How does he keep up his hope towards humanity after those situations? Every life is holy for him, so the life of the murderer and the life of the daughter has to be on the same level. Doesn’t how we fill our life’s make a difference? Vash needs to say no to this due to all encompassing love for humanity. And that makes him inhuman. 

I love how the panelling kinda says two completely different things. By lowering his gun, Vash takes a step back and lets the father decide how to punish his daughter’s murderer. Framing Knives in the middle could be read as Vash’s own acceptance of his hypocrisy. If he is willing to kill Knives for what he did, why should he stop the father. But it also shows Vash’s inner fight for me. He lowers the gun, while we are presented with Knives’s portrait. Vash is unsure if he even can kill Knives.

You can’t save everyone, but you should at least try. And Vash acts upon it. Not putting the father in danger by using his gun, but by trying to save the rapist with only his hands. It is about not burdening the father with being a killer. And… it is an end that makes Vash keep up his promise, but it also feels hollow. The girl was tortured to death and her killer lives. It is unfair. The father’s grief won’t lessen, he may even feel like a failure. And everything about this is just sad.

Another point for Vash being decidedly inhuman and separated from humanity. How would I feel if I saw my family that I put under my protection tear themselves apart. I look down from far above and their scuffles would seem so menial to me and I still lose family members to it, other grief and take more lives in revenge. But also, if everyone is your family, no one is. Family is that important because it is our in-group. But an in-group automatically has an out-group. Vash is ripping himself apart with his point of view.

Yeah, I would also yawn if my boo bombs up my holding cell and gets me with his cool bike. As if Vash expected Wolfwood to come to his rescue.

I like this little tidbit of Wolfwood showing empathy to the father and offering him an escape. Our boy is a softie! Even though he immediately grows defensive when Vash calls him out on it.

I also like Wolfwood stressing to Vash that Vash’s luck will someday run out. And Vash knows it. Vash knows he has been lucky til now. Wolfwood means it in a Vash’s life or the other person’s. Wolfwood wants Vash to chose his own life.

Annnnd Luraude was a puppet and no one knew. Even Vash with his supersenses didn’t sniff or hear him out. 

And I lov…hate… love… Legato. I mean, it is a planet full of bdsm-gear-wearing cowboys shooting each other up and he walks up like from a HIM concert all in a fucking iron maiden. Damn.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 10.4

It is time…

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 10.4, 10.5

07: Wolfwood

Farewell, my friend. 

Fitting, that we do not see Wolfwood here, but little Nicholas. Because in the end even though he was aged up and tortured, this child remained in him. This is his true self. The lost little boy that felt himself as a burden to all and that shouldered the responsibility of the wellbeing of the place he loved most. The lost little boy that cared too much in a world that cares too little. The morals of this little kid made Wolfwood the man he is today, through all the torture and everything, they persevered. This is the best of humanity.

Wolfwood has been an awkward idiot even in childhood. He cannot deal with open affection and becomes shy. It is sad and cute at the same time.

Is that a young Chapel? How much did he age in those six years? Damn!

The tricks the cult used to get children. It was a trap and it got Wolfwood. He left to become a tradesman… And a tradesman he did become, just not the kind of tradesman everyone imagined. Wolfwood was a great brother to many and they loved him.

Even if confetti is selfmade, we know they didn't have much ressources there. It surely was not cheap to produce it, even if it was selfmade.

How old does Wolfwood look there, maybe 10? Maybe even younger. The timeline is really not something we should look to close up. Nightow went by vibes, that’s all we need to know.

Like I said so often, the orphanage is Wolfwood’s paradise. The place where he was fed, could sleep and felt safe. He didn’t require anything more and that says much about his living situation beforehand. Much like Rem for Vash, it is an ideal for Wolfwood, a perfect place, something that has to be protected from the reality of the world. This ideal has been his saving grace. It made him survive not only Chapel and the torture, but it gave him reason to go on when his guilt became too much. If Wolfwood is truly devoted to something, it is this.

Wolfwood’s sorrowful eyes… He looks younger here. And softer. The softest Wolfwood we have ever seen. Close behind the Wolfwood that let down his guard the night before he brought Vash to the ark and they relaxed a last time together.

Even after all he did and all he accomplished, Wolfwood feels undeserving for any forgiveness or any welcome. If Chapel has achieved anything then it is that Wolfwood truly has no self love. Wolfwood was hypercritical with himself before the cult got his clutches around him, but I have no doubt that the things he went through have worsened his self worth massively.

He wants to be kept in memory as the innocent, but responsible, big brother Nico and not the bloodied gunman he has become. He wants to keep their innocence and the illusion that somewhere their beloved big brother is still out there. He wants to protect them one last time, this time from the grief that comes with his death.

But, Wolfwood is a complex character. If the kiddos knew, would they really go away that easily? Wouldn’t they try to make him come with them? Being either forced to watch Wolfwood die on the way to Home or having to see Wolfwood breaking down, because he cannot keep up the masquerade anymore. He cannot be vulnerable, especially not in his last moments.

I wish we would get more info, does Wolfwood chose to stay because he knows he would not get to the main ship for help/he knows that his body breaking apart is not treatable or has he ‘just’ given up. I think it is the first, I just wish for some hard facts. But neither of the two lovely calamities left are really able to talk directly about the elephant in the room. Vash is so desperate.

By not addressing that Wolfwood is actively dying, by trying to push Wolfwood to leave with the others, they both avoid one thing… The helplessness. This is Wolfwood’s choice, so it is okay, so it is bearable.

There is one really big headcannon that I have for the case that either Wolfwood decided to stay there even though there may have been a possibility to save Wolfwood or that Vash may have been able to heal Wolfwood with or without a cost of his lifespan, but Wolfwood denied either of it. And it boils down back to agency. Vash is so much about having none/giving others the full agency, that he cannot force Wolfwood to do something he either doesn’t have the energy to or doesn’t want to due to the cost. Not only is that one of Vash’ biggest modus operandi, reacting instead of acting, but here it is something more. It is about Wolfwood’s agency. By now it is absolutely clear that the only true choice Wolfwood had in his life was to die for the things he loved or lose himself. Vash cannot rob Wolfwood of his agency. Not when he finally regained some in his last moments. (That said, I do not judge any peeps who use Vash overriding Wolfwood’s wants and healing him or bringing him to safety. One of my most favourite breaks-my-heart-art piece is the one where Wolfwood awakes with golden hair on the couch, because Vash has given him all his life. And Vash sits lifeless next to him. I have so many feels about that one.(by popular request a link to the pic, damn had I dive deep into my bookmarks))

Neither of them really talk to each other. But from what they know of each other, it says more than words. Wolfwood, stressing that he is a gun-ho-gun, a killer, an assassin and a traitor to Vash, even seemingly proving it with the coins, Wolfwood wants to keep Vash from grieving. Vash does not need to grieve for Wolfwood. Wolfwood is a shitty person. There is no last-minute discussion to be made about it. Vash accepts the plea behind it. He disagrees with Wolfwood. But he helps Wolfwood to keep the illusion up that they aren’t that close, that Wolfwood doesn’t need to feel sorrow for leaving Vash, because their connection is not real. They both comfort each other by not talking about it.

Personally, I am so sad, that even in his death, Wolfwood is all about others, about lessening the pain that comes with it, that he cannot be vulnerable and just grieve his future. I am sad for Vash, too, but Vash will live on, for the better and worse.

That’s… Wolfwood had no goals for himself. He has always been the protector. He never imagined a future beyond that. He had his purpose and that has been fulfilled. Not completely, since Knives is still there, but he has done all he could. He has done what a human could do. And I understand that Wolfwood cannot regret his decision. It is too intrinsically intertwined with his identity and self-perception.

And again, Wolfwood cannot bear vulnerability. Neither can Vash. Which ends in this silly exchange. But, truly, if Vash didn’t react that way, I believe both would have broken down.

The last time? The last time was when Vash got drunk in the bar with the two outsiders and Wolfwood was persuaded by the nice granny to let his guard down and drink a glass, too. It was the talk where One-Eye stressed that “you’ll always end up alone and be alone.” Damn…

Birbs. Nicholas can finally enjoy his freedom. For a moment at least. For a moment he is free like a bird. The struggle is over. He is already dead. There is nothing to fight for him anymore.

It confused me. This sentence at the moment. Two possible interpretations for me: 1. Wolfwood still tries to fake more distance between them to make it hurt less and/or 2. Wolfwood truly wishes for a future for Vash in which he can smile with a full heart.

But even Wolfwood cannot hold the soft feelings in. Not all of Vash’ smiles were empty. Many smiles that Wolfwood saw and/or caused were real ones. I read this as Wolfwood trying to tell Vash that he knows that he was someone important to Vash. And now Vash cannot bear it. Because he is about to lose Wolfwood forever. 

(What ruins the mood a bit for me is that I cannot not laugh at the funky pose of Wolfwood. He really was like: I am a twister!)

This is the first time I saw Brad in the background. He must think they are all crazy! He doesn’t know.

Wolfwood always had a home. They love him. They accept him as he is. They know that the bloodied man is their beloved big brother. Wolfwood can pass with the knowledge that he is accepted into paradise with bloodied hands and all.

Wolfwood cries. The man that so stoically had been in control of himself, that has been so incredibly avoidant of even an ounce of vulnerability, cries openly. Most likely for the first time in years. We have never seen him cry in the manga, we have seen him in shock, in despair, we have seen him shout out in pain, but he never cried.

And with that realisation… I cannot say how to interpret this scene. Comes the realisation of this love with a wave of grief because he cannot be with them, that he has no future to enjoy together, that he loves them and cannot tell them? Is it a last surge against the inevitable? A cry for mercy to the absent God? Does he wish to stay with Vash and his family?

And his bell tolls. Wolfwood has died.

I do not believe that Wolfwood would regret his choice. He fulfilled his life goal. He may regret leaving Vash, he may regret not having had a future or more time. But the one thing he can be sure of is that Vash will take over his burden and fight for their future. They are not defenseless. He can rest. For me, the smile does not mean he died happy or without any regrets. But he died not alone. And that is enough for him.

And Vash stays, again. Vash avoided any real connection to humans. Even those he called his family always felt artificial for me. Wolfwood was the first human since Rem that got under Vash' walls and got into his heart. And I truly believe that other than with Rem, with Wolfwood Vash sometimes wasn't aware of the for Vash so obvious difference between plants and humans.

Wolfwood’s death… My feelings are divided and are all over the place. It is handled with such care and the consequences of his death are felt so deeply through the narrative, to which I say more in a later volume. He wasn’t alone, he was with his best friend. He didn’t die in a fight, but out of it at a place he could choose. And even better, he got a very clear message that his family loves him, even if he cannot do it himself. It is one of the most peaceful deaths imaginable for this pained soul.

But at the same time, it is so unfair! Wolfwood sacrificed his whole life for the safety of innocents, he bloodied his hands again and again and endured so much and all he got was a death that wasn’t the worst. He got the knowledge that he is welcome home. He gets the knowledge that his loved ones are safe for now and that his friend will try his best to keep it that way. But he never gets to experience it truly. He never gets to enjoy the fruits of his labour. He didn’t want much. He didn’t even really dream of anything. But if he could have a place to rest, to eat and to be safe, he wouldn’t want more. 

I think part of my reaction stems from me being from an individualistic society. We learn that you put the work in and receive your reward, that selfless behaviour gains you a reward. Look no further than the fairy tales that are used to teach Europeans like me morals, The Star Money is one that fits this idea. But Wolfwood as a person did not get a personal, selfish reward. He got death. And that makes it so painful. His death wasn’t for nothing, but his life feels so cut short. He just started the path of forgiving himself. He just realised that he wasn’t alone anymore. His development was not at an end. But what Nightow wanted to say with him in the story was. The difference between the narrative and the character. And that is upsetting, while still being completely okay.

Taking in consideration that Nightow comes from a collectivist society, I feel that the outcome that Wolfwood was able to save his home, his group, even at the cost of his life, is meaningful in a way I may not completely get. Wolfwood will live on, in the actions and life of the people he saved, he will live on in Livio, he will live on in Vash. But I see the abused kid that could not be saved. The abused kid that protected others because he wasn’t protected. That is the tragedy for me. 

Maybe, adding to that, on a personal note, I am a Millennial. The world that was promised to me was built up on lies and is crumbling under the greed of a few people. But media says it is my generation's fault for *looks at today’s paper* eating avocado instead of diamonds. Parents being absent due to work, being alone and self reliant, maybe the oldest kid that has to take care of the siblings instead of the parents, those things were more a normal state than a rare occurrence, when I was young. With the wars, the crash from ‘08 and the shit that came after it, the existential dread is real and the hopelessness, too. I can only try to lessen the impact for the people who come after me and try my best to endure. And Wolfwood’s whole character vibes with my experience. And on this personal note, that the character who cared so much and tried so hard could not be saved… I want hope. I need hope. In this day and age more than ever.

08: Final Parting

What’s more to say? It is final. In spite of all of his powers, Vash was unable to save Wolfwood’s life, even though he was able to protect Wolfwood’s treasure and was a big part of Wolfwood freeing himself out of the cage that Chapel put him in. It’s just so damn tragic that after all he has been through, his freedom lies in the way he was able to part.

The denial, the looming panic and then Vash laying out the facts, short, precisely and with a deadpan face. This scene is just so... It hurts. Wolfwood's death is final. It drives it home.

There is not a small part in Vash that may despise Livio right now. It won’t keep. From Vash’ perspective, Wolfwood entrusted Livio and the whole orphanage to him, the future as a whole, but especially the future of his loved ones. 

Razlo has been a brat, but Livio seems also extremely young. I do not think he ever truly believed Wolfwood would truly die and only now he starts to understand how much Wolfwood sacrificed to get Livio out of Chapel’s claws.

Vash not only protected Wolfwood’s body and Livio’s life, he protected the whole orphanage. Vash protected Wolfwood’s paradise from Knives’ laser.

And by reflecting Knives’ power back to their source, Vash declares war.

How does Knives do it? He is further and further gone the longer the story goes. 

But not only that, what must that mean to Knives? His brother uses his so important lifeforce to not only spite Knives, he does it for the human Knives has sent out to betray Vash. This human has been somehow able to become more important to Vash than not only his life, but also his brother. A massive middle finger right in his face. And the worst part of it, Wolfwood is already dead. He cannot even take revenge upon him. Remember the two-face panel of Knives when he cause the fall? He drew blood with his thumbs over the left side of his face, the first panel here resembles this from the pose. Kinda as if Knives does his last step to complete and utter madness.

We know that Wolfwood came from a place of scarcity. Food is his love language or one of them. So it's fitting that both of the boys have memories with Wolfwood regarding this. Not only that, the memories shown are either the first meeting or the start of their journey together. Vash makes the food that Rem has made him and food that reminds him of Wolfwood. 

I learned that food can be an important part of grief. You need to keep yourself fed and grief can be easily so overpowering that you cannot do it. But they must keep going on. So they eat.

The fucking third vial! You were a red herring for Wolfwood’s survival, a false counter. I despise you!

And this is a peace offering from Vash. I still believe that Vash is incredibly angry, but he understands why Livio was in that place. Remember Wolfwood, remember the man that was everything to me and that gave everything for you.

Wolfwood’s burden made him the man he was. It is just a fact.

And now it is Vash' burden. Vash takes over for Wolfwood and keeps going where Wolfwood couldn't. What a sad situation. When the only thing that binds you to your lost friend is the burden that he carried and that killed him in the end.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum Vol. 10 Part 1

I… don’t want to read this again… I can’t. I am still scarred.  You’d think it’d be easier reading this the second time… But instead it got worse. I am bawling preemptively.

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, You are here!

01: Delusion 

(Me, when I think: Maybe it won’t happen this time)

The frontpage shows Razlo. And yes, he is pretty delusional if he thinks that Chapel needs or wants him at his side. But the chapter starts with the following.

Not from your teachings, that much is clear. Who is the delusional one here? Wolfwood, who stands up against Chapel or Chapel who doesn’t understand why Wolfwood persists?

Wolfwood is a protector, it is the core of his being. He cannot stand down. Not when the thing that he protects is on the line, especially against an abuser like Chapel. But, as a consequence, Wolfwood’s life seems more and more negligible against his want to protect.

The sentence that is so important but is so judgemental, too. While Vash saw who Wolfwood is behind the mask from the beginning, he was also still too wrapped up to truly understand how and why Wolfwood acts the way he does. This is an echo of Rem, not really understood. Her ideals live on in Vash, even though he twisted them so much.

But now, since shit has hit the fan, Wolfwood only can hope. There is nothing else left.

Wolfwood cannot change the outcome of the whole world, but he can change this outcome. He has already laid his hope for the future in Vash’ hands. That’s why he freed him from the ark. That’s why he endured months on the ark, while being forced to commit mass murder. Wolfwood still has no hope for himself, there exists no future for Wolfwood in his mind, it never did, but he believes in Vash and he believes that there is A future. It is still sad, but it shows how far Wolfwood has grown. (Wolfwood is such a Millennial, before Millennials were even a real thing. But it kinda fits, since Nightow lived through the Lost Decades that started like 5 years before Trigun started to run)

Wolfwood does not believe in the world, in the good of man or anything. He believes in his friend. He trusts in Vash. He openly says that he doesn’t know if Vash would win against Knives. He just hopes. Through all of the developments that Wolfwood went through, this is one of the biggest. Wolfwood who has learned by experience that there is no reason for hope, that things will always go to shit, has nothing left to give, only hope.

Like he hasn’t forsaken Wolfwood… But this was never about Vash forsaking Wolfwood. Wolfwood chose to leave Vash to not be a burden to him. Wolfwood will get a stark reminder, soon, how much he erred in his importance to Vash.

Through all of this, Wolfwood still does not see himself as redeemable. Or as someone not worth any kind of grace. Having been so intensely self reliant and independent, he just can’t. His feelings go against his knowledge and in the end, a human is a being that goes by its emotion, not its logic. How do you go against such mindset, when you do not have the opportunity or skills to recognise it?

I think that is the delusion in question. A.) It does matter, B.) Vash will be there soon and C.) Wolfwood did not have to do it.

There may even be some hope in Wolfwood that Vash has followed him, since he didn’t take the deadly dose of the vials yet, but I am not sure about that one. Many ways to interpret that.

Razlo is shown as someone incredibly unlikeable here. He enjoys torturing Wolfwood. He is monstrous. We know behind that lies the reason why Razlo exists, being the one who attacks so no one can hurt Livio. But he is more than just that, he is a person. I think he enjoys fighting and Wolfwood is one of the first people who didn’t just flatout die on him. A predator that is finally able to stretch his muscles.

I feel a bit cheated. Why focus on that he has three vials, if it is not three more, but two more vials that will kill him? In my first read through, my hope for Wolfwood’s survival was based on this.

This is the reason why I have these two headcannons, that there is 1. Just a finite amount of vials you can take as a whole (five it seems. Wolfwood took one after the ark and one in this fight) and 2. That taking vials back to back amplifies their effect for the better and worse. The vials were a spontaneous edition. While Nightow excels at writing humans, his worldbuilding goes more by vibes. Which (not meant as an insult) sometimes makes things a bit hazy and uncertain. As someone who really likes clear rules, this can be annoying for me personally. Which again, is not meant as an insult, but my personal likes. 

Your Divine Retribution? Hey, everyone! Chapel is God!

For all the conflicting signs of Chapel switching between a weird care for Wolfwood’s survival to him sadistically hurting him for his betrayal to then putting Livio/Razlo down for their skill to then again warning Wolfwood for his life it finally boils down to his true face and his true reasons.

And back to the chapter title “Delusion”. Chapel is the delusional person. He is almighty, he has complete control over his pupils, he is their God, he owns them in body and mind. Wolfwood not only defying him, but nearly killing him, is the reality he cannot accept. The slave has not to rise up against its master. But Wolfwood did. Because Chapel never owned him. Wolfwood's existence is the burning example that Chapel is not someone godlike and that’s why he has to be erased in the worst way possible. So Chapel’s world is right again.

02: Sworn Friend

On my first read, I thought Razlo wanted to save Wolfwood somehow by buying time. But Razlo hasn’t that in himself, that’s something for future Razlo to develop. Razlo wanted to fight with an equal, someone he can rough up without immediately losing him. Maybe he wished for an equal, too, since they are both pupils of Chapel. He may be dependent on Chapel, but I cannot imagine that he gets much emotional bonding time with that old hoot.

Dude, you are seeing the red flags, but are unable to understand them as such. 

Chapel did not take L/R in after Wolfwood left, but before! He is walking here! Chapel taught them as pupils at the same time, but kept them separate (or took Livio in after Wolfwood became his pupil, but still while Wolfwood was in training).

From this I get that Livio/Razlo is kinda ousted from the EoM, since he murdered some of their people. They may have spared his life, but revoked his position. Didn’t Legato mention that there was some kind of infighting going on? But… wait, since Chapel is walking here… That would have been at least 2,8 years ago. So… put a maybe to my assumption. Maybe it is a long ongoing internal war?

Razlo… Nooooooo…Explains why Razlo is so loyal to Chapel. Livio, I am sure, would have broken away sooner, if it wasn’t for Razlo wanting to stay. Razlo wants to be needed above anything else. I think Livio, too. Being needed means security. If they are needed they have a place to stay there. They won’t be thrown away. That’s what it comes back to for Livio and thus Razlo, that is their biggest fear. But that has opened both of them up to the abuse of Chapel. 

Little sidenote, all of this combined, Chapel’s sign of care for his pupil, his theatrical sacrifice and the resulting hold he gained onto Razlo, is so interesting in comparison to how Wolfwood loves Livio. Wolfwood is dying right now in the desperate attempt to free Livio. But it is a gift and not something contractual. Livio/Razlo need continuous security, that they are needed and thus have a place under/with their benefactor. But Wolfwood cannot offer any further security. He can only offer his future. Razlo does not understand that, Livio maybe, but it needs to reach him first. (Also, how ironic, that Wolfwood is able to give so much freely and openly out of love to his peers, but cannot accept any of this for himself.)

They force them out so they can slaughter them before Wolfwood’s eyes. Why am I reminded of war crimes?

I love how ready Miss Melanie is to protect the kids with her live. And the kiddos’ reaction? It totally fits bratty kids. The scene is incredibly heartwarming and sad at the same time. The kids stay with Miss Melanie. Her tears show her desperation/frustration, but I’d like to imagine that she is also touched by this.

Wolfwood’s worst nightmare. He fears that they are afraid of him, that he is truly just a monster. That the one place that took him in and was his paradise is forever closed to him for what he has done to keep them safe.

And for a second, it looks like it is true. At least from his perspective. Miss Melanie recognises him and she pales. But her shock is not because of who Wolfwood has become, but because she realises how much he sacrificed for them. I cannot even imagine the feeling a mother would have seeing her child in such a state, realising that it has been alone the whole time, carrying such a burden without ever coming home to rest.

Chapel is laughing, because he truly believes that Miss Melanie would judge Wolfwood like Wolfwood judges himself. He truly believes that Wolfwood is not loved. Chapel is Wolfwood’s self hatred personified. 

And until Miss Melanie speaks, he truly can revel in his victory. What he couldn’t do himself, the rejection by Wolfwood’s home does it. But she speaks.

She doesn’t judge him, though. As much as I criticise Miss Melanie for the parentification of Wolfwood, I know that she has been way over her head, trying to take care and feed so many poor kids. She hadn’t had the resources to help Wolfwood. But she loved him as one of her own and cared for him as much as she could. Not every abuse or neglect comes from bad people. Sometimes even not from people at all, but from the society these people live in. 

Trauma and neglect are such a big part of this story. But they are all so different. I think it is interesting how the emotional neglect coming from the mother figures Rem and Miss Melanie is both accidental/ due to circumstances (and now that I think about this, both chose motherhood! They did not fall pregnant. They are not blood related, but they stepped up for these kids because there was no one else who would do it.). Rem did not have the abilities to suddenly mother those two aliens and was mentally unwell. Worse, she lived in an unsafe environment for the twins, so she had no one who she could ask for help. Miss Melanie on the other hand has the emotional ability that Rem lacked, but she is so overworked to care for all the kids that Wolfwood slipped through and she could never reach him. But it is also her that made him believe in something good in this world, something worth protecting. But I am babbling again.

Miss Melanie reprimands Wolfwood. But not for his work, but for bottling up his pain, for not relying on his family that loved him. He did all that to protect them, but in the end the very same action ended up hurting them. Because they want to be there for him. And he rejected that and that rejection hurts. As a caretaker it must feel so shitty to know that your warden did not trust you enough to come and ask for help. Especially since Wolfwood endured this pain for them.

Miss Melanie is thankful, too. No wonder that the orphanage is Wolfwood’s paradise. He is loved and welcomed there. What he does for them is seen and appreciated.

But even that does not reach Wolfwood, he cannot give himself the saving grace. Wolfwood cannot see what he does for them, he only sees what he could not do.

Yeah. But you didn’t want to be a burden, did ya? I read a sentence in a comic that goes like this: “I hope you learn one day to be less convenient.” And I wish that for Wolfwood. But since we are at Vol.10, we know it is too late for that.

Aww, didn’t this work up to your expectations? Boohoo, they really do love and accept Wolfwood, how could they? Poor Chapel, who would have thought that there are good people all around? (sarcasm)

But it is also here that Wolfwood throws the rest of his self-preservation away.

Wolfwood truly has made a friend. 

This is for me the moment they truly become equal. Through all of their travels it has been Vash who was the one who decided on where to go, often without telling Wolfwood anything about where and why. (I grew iffy with that and I still am somewhat iffy, because it read as pure avoidance of Knives. Thanks to @/revenantghost I remembered that Vash had reasons to go here and there, getting a new arm etc. but it still comes back to: Vash decided where to go without consulting or even speaking to Wolfwood) Not only that, Vash tried to slip away from Wolfwood, like on Home. Here, the roles are reversed. Vash followed Wolfwood who slipped away. Wolfwood decided what is important to him and followed that. And Wolfwood has become important enough for Vash that Vash is not only not avoiding the connection between them anymore, but he is actively seeking it out. Nightow said a possible love prospect needed to be very patient with Vash. Wolfwood has been patient the whole time. (Kinda, he blew up and grumbled and still followed Vash’ whims.)

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 10.5

Afterthoughts I had. About Vash, Wolfwood and human connections, point of views and how it affects me as a reader. Mostly babble.

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 10.4

Wolfwood has been our point of reference for some time. While the story is about Vash and his struggles, it is Wolfwood's (and Meryl's) reactions that make us not only understand how out of place Vash' behaviour is, but it is their reaction that makes us want to understand Vash. We share their struggles and not Vash’. While Vash is the protagonist, without Wolfwood we would have so much less reason to try and empathise with Vash. Wolfwood’s struggle with Vash pulls Vash down from the position of a higher being to someone, whose intentions we can scrutinise and dissect, someone we can see flaws in and we can critisise. Wolfwood's struggle with and around Vash makes Vash at least humanoid, if not human. We do not get much insight into Vash’ thoughts and are pushed away from any real talk like Wolfwood and Meryl are. We are shown the flashbacks and they give us an understanding how Vash’ ideals came to be, they give us a reason. But we are never really in Vash’ shoes. We see him from the outside, how he persists holding up his ideals to his own detriment. And through Wolfwood and Meryl we feel for Vash and are hurt by his self destruction. And we are helpless like them, because Vash does not change. He does not listen, does not even try, because he stubbornly holds onto his ideals without really understanding them.

Especially the struggle of Vash' pacifism (which is none by the meaning of the word) and Wolfwood's seemingly ease in killing is an interesting one. We constantly see Wolfwood struggle with Vash’ behaviour in the story, we see him reflect, we see him argue and give reasons for his own behaviour. We see Wolfwood persist to try and bring this struggle to rest, not only due to his own guilt, but because he wants Vash to take care of himself, he is hurt by Vash getting hurt. (Ironically, it is only at the end, when Wolfwood temporarily seems to take over the protagonist role that we get flashbacks and the foundation of Wolfwood’s reasons and ideals.) But we do not get much back from Vash in that struggle. Vash is not shown in a way that we really understand him. We get the little talk in Home, but not much more. And I understand why that talk leaves Wolfwood frustrated.

Same with what people mean to Vash. We get information like: Vash knows every face and name in Home. But those always read for me as so robotic. That is not a connection to people that Vash has there. Brad is a perfect example for this. Vash recognises Brad, but Brad has a completely different picture of Vash in his mind. Why? Because he has seen him last (and most likely for a short time) when he was 5 and now he is 17 years old. That is a whole lifetime! The older people of Home accept that, they care for Vash, but they surely had a similar struggle like Brad. A want for a connection, a relationship, has been constantly been put at bay and become one akin to a shepherd to his sheeps. And the older people had to come to accept this, that they will not get more, that Vash will always push them away and they can only wait and hope. It is not a relationship between equals.

Moving on with Vash’ relationship to Meryl. Like with Home, he is constantly evading her and fleeing from her. Even her learning about his past does not come with his consent. Not with hers, either, really, but at least she had the want to know more about his past. And worse, after that traumatic experience, he rejects her care for him and that stops any real talk about it, something that would help HER to process things.

Wolfwood did not stay with Vash fully out of his own will in the beginning. He had to join Vash due to Knives. But Wolfwood came to understand Vash deeply. An ironic twist, because Wolfwood came to his understanding of Vash in the same way Vash comes to understanding of others. By observation and drawing his own conclusions. They never really talk about that stuff. They state it and that’s it. It is no real talk or opening up. And that’s for the worse. That way, neither of them gains a complete understanding of the other, just “just enough”. Wolfwood doesn’t know about Rem (he asked), Vash does not know about Wolfwood’s upbringing. And that’s why their first real argument due to Rai-Dei’s death always sticks out to me. Vash gets so much about Wolfwood, he gets the kind soul behind Wolfwood’s cold mannerisms and his ability to kill without hesitation, but he never does the next step in trying to find out why. And I have no doubts that this stalled not only their budding relationship, but also played a big part why Wolfwood did not shed his protector-behaviour towards Vash and asked for help.

Lastly, the change in Vol.10. There is a change in Vash and a massive one. Vash finally realises the importance of Wolfwood in his life and rushes after him. Vash changes from the followed to the follower. And we finally get an insight to what Vash feels towards Wolfwood and that is such a big change in Vash’ presentation towards us readers. From then on we get less and less insights into Wolfwood and are put in Vash’ shoes. We are the observers. We are with Vash. Wolfwood is the one who gets observed. We do not get any insights into Wolfwood's head when he dies. That’s why his scream and tears have so many different interpretations. We only get Vash’ thoughts. They completely switched places. For two volumes, Wolfwood has been our protagonist, but he has been Vash’, too. This experience has changed Vash, towards the world and towards us, too. We are back to not getting real insight into Vash when Livio and he eat. But we know of the change that has happened.

And the burial. We don’t get to see the burial, because even though we share Vash’ pov, that is too private to share.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 3 Part 2

Why the hecking heck am I so slow. I need to catch up! I will do so this week! Don't hold me to my word, please!

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 10.4

05: The long goodbye

Poor Brad. He’s in all over his head. He does not even have any fighting experience!

There he is! Our well-prepared, dead man! Being sucked in by the darkness that followed the bloodbath!

The things Wolfwood protects are painted in crass contrast to him. They are just white outlines. They are innocence. Wolfwood on the other hand is painted in blood, black suit, dark hair.

Nightow likes to drive home why Wolfwood is able to do such brutal acts. Without him contrasting Wolfwood’s actions with the closeups to his face showing his despair and intersecting with Wolfwood thinking about the kids he protects, I don’t think the readers would feel so much empathy for Wolfwood. Nothing about Wolfwood’s fight is clean or straight, unlike Vash’s. Vash is somewhat in control during his fight, no, he has control. He can keep the enemy at bay, he lets the puppets close and acts only when he knows they truly are puppets. He talks to Emilio and tries to get through to him. Wolfwood has no such power. He hasn’t even got words left. Wolfwood’s fight is direct, gory, bloody, brutal, and personal. It reads like a rabid animal fighting for its life, being cornered and having no way out, baring its teeth and tearing its enemy apart. But who can fault him for it?

Other users already pointed out that Wolfwood’s eyes go bright when he is in emotional stress. This a desperate animal trying to stay alive, to not die. But Nightow intersects Wolfwood physically killing the little people in Ninelives so brutally with Wolfwood needing to concentrate on the reason why he does it. For me, it reads like Wolfwood outright fully dissociating while he kills Ninelives. Fleeing to his safe place and the reason why he persists in this world. Wolfwood is truly a monster, but even at his most monstrous we get to see him at his most human, too. Brutal and cold, his actions may be, but they are not done by hatred, but stem from a love for someone. His expression visibly softens while he thinks about the orphanage. 

It is extra horrific that the little people inside Ninelives are so small, childlike from their height and body proportions. It must be extra hard for Wolfwood. Wolfwood needs therapy after this!

Another reason why I read this as dissociating is that the other two Ninelives are able to sneak up on Wolfwood. He shuts himself off and is unable to hear or sense them in any way and leaves his back completely open, even though he knows there are many people in the body and he doesn’t know how many. It is unlike Wolfwood to let his walls down like that. He's at a breaking point.

When you want to protect the corpse of your childhood sweetheart and you accidentally topple over like a domino game. This panel made me laugh.

Time for a concussion! Not like Nightow really thinks about the consequences of head trauma *stares at Vash giving head trauma left and right* This trope, I hate and love it. 

*pats Brad* Sorry, buddy. Now you know, too.

Either Brad vomits because of the revelation or because of the headtrauma. Porque No Los Dos?

Brad says: Yeet the creep! Not gonna lie, that is a very intelligent way to deal with the intruder. The part with the power is interesting. Brad is very aware of the power source and what they need it for. Foreshadowing?

Vash to the rescue! Even after all Emilio did, Vash doesn’t want him to die. I have many feelings about that. Not all are positive towards Vash. Not all are bad, either. It’s a difficult situation and a difficult stance. No one would have faulted him for not trying to save the man who killed and vivisected so many of his loved ones. Some may even take offence to it. There is no right answer in the grand picture, but Vash can at least know that he did all he could from his ideal’s perspective.

Emilio chooses to die. He cannot live with the loss of Isabel, his not-girlfriend. At least I conclude that Emilio never told her and the regret eats him alive. I hope that is no foreshadowing for Vash, since Emilio is kinda his counterpart to Vash in this arc. Both are men made by grief. Emilio even compared Vash and himself at the beginning, both harbouring so much grief and suffering behind their masks. Being a higher being like Vash means for Emilio that Vash is able to just deal with the losses, totally dehumanising Vash. But he does not see that Vash does not do it. The people who he really connects to haunt him and their memory controls him til today, like with Rem. Emilio and Vash also mirror each other in the way they feel about their life. Emilio does not want to live a life without Isabel and chooses to die when he cannot even have her corpse, the illusion of her at his side, Vash does not really want to live either, without Rem or any real connection, but he still avoids those. Our latent suicidal boy :C 

That looks biblical… Also, Wolfy? You still there? You look completely gone.

Aw, the girls have his back! Did… Did Milly shoot them through the ceiling? She looks so delighted. “Look what my gun can do! Weee!” Why do I get a flashback to the 98’ scene where Vash is like: “I know a shortcut!” And proceeds to shoot through like 20 floors down.

What do the first two panels even mean? Argh! Please, someone tell me.

Hehe, in the “Nick” of time. You did that on purpose, didn’t you, Milly? Is that the Toma-Dude calling down to them? Wolfwood looks just so done. 

06: Families

Interestingly, the title does not say ”Family” singular, but plural. So it will be about the contrast between Vash’s blood family and Vash’s chosen family?

I am not laughing at Knives’ silly BDSM-getup with the 6 eyeholes, while having a fucking round piano thingy around him. I am totally not laughing at him. His get-up reminds me somewhat of Belzebub, the master of flies. But I am not laughing at him. … I am. I am laughing at Knives.

And he shoots just a hole into the ceiling… For funsies.

Aw, a memory of Doc and how they found Vash! Q_Q

HOSPITAL YURI! HOSPITAL YURI! HOSPITAL YURI! AHHHHHHHHH! He woke up to Wolfwood’s heartbeat! Vash looks so somft when he realises that it is Wolfwood! But also so distraught at either the condition that Wolfwood is in or worse, he faults himself for it because they argued about their ideals before.

Not gonna lie, I’d react the same way. Jessica reads weird to me with her puppy crush. They met when she was like 5, she is now around 17 years old and still has her infatuation on high drive. Maybe I am too autistic to get that. *sits with the insurance women and is confused*

Why… does Meryl hit him over the head? Vash is just really happy to see her. He does not do anything creepy like '98 Vash. They are having a moment here! This is so outta the blue. Is it one of those tsundere jokes? That Meryl is unable to show her true relief and thus acts out? Meh :C 

I love how they then awkwardly proceed to give him business cards. I know business cards are incredibly important in Japan. But the insurance women give them one handedly, which is not right as far as I know. They hold them out more like badges. They are such cute weirdos.

LUIDA! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOUR STYLE! AHHHHHH!

And good on her for putting on Vash’s head right. He rescued them! His existence is not wrong. These are Emilio’s, Ninelive’s and Knives’ actions! I love how down to the matter Luida is. But at the same time, she avoids talking about Doc. She is hurting, too. But she needs to be a leader now, first and foremost. But her grief is palpable.

Sidenote: In ‘98 the whole ship was pretty hostile towards Wolfwood as an outsider. And they even turned on Vash in the end. And damn, that was really hard to watch. Maybe that’s why I saw and see Brad in a harsher light, because he was kinda the summary of the ship's behaviour. I really, really like that Nightow did not keep this up. Vash has been through so much and FINALLY there is an adult that can understand cause and effect and “judges” Vash for what he does and not for who is after his ass. It is the question of who is at fault, the gun or the one who pulled the trigger. Who do you hate, the gun or the person who shot?

No, another nightmare for Wolfwood? At least now I got my question answered if anyone ever saw him get one. Vash did.

This is a funny scene, but it says so much sad stuff. The second Wolfwood is conscious, worse from a nightmare, he is alarmed. He needs to check his surroundings for safety first before he can even allow himself to check up on his body’s condition. Didn’t he break all his ribs? Every breath must be painful, but no, he needs to check his safety first. A hospital should be a place where people feel safe, but Wolfwood surely does not. And as soon as he spots Vash, his mask is back on and he is his usual snarky self. And that after a nightmare that woke him up! GODDAMN! GIVE THIS MAN THERAPY!

Damn, going right at his own throat. Vash does not judge Wolfwood. Wolfwood judges himself and projects that onto Vash. And Vash denies him. He thanks him, instead. Here, Vash is understanding Wolfwood, but Wolfwood doesn’t understand Vash due to his own prejudices. Wolfwood cannot accept that someone does not judge him as hard as he judges himself. Man, those men.

“I’ve burdened you with my own ideals.” Such a raw line. I love it. What I am missing a bit in Vash is that we see Vash reflect upon other people. We get Wolfwood who constantly reflects upon himself and others and judges, we get Meryl trying to understand Vash and bringing his inhumanity together with his apparent softness that he has shown again and again, we get Brad dealing with Vash’s unchanging immortality and the way he bonds with people in a very inhuman way. But we don’t get Vash reflecting on how other people impact him. Even now, his stance is how he affected Wolfwood, not how Wolfwood affects him. Vash is unchanging. For the better and worse. That may be by intent from Nightow, since Vash is such an inhuman being. Maybe even we, the readers, aren’t prone to get a true insight of him and only bits and pieces from the story to build up our own image.

“The way he talks, his words... they contradict everythin' I stand for. Immortality.” Foreshadowing?! 

Is it truly Vash’ apparent immortality that scares Wolfwood? Or is it the sudden realisation that Vash is so much longer than Wolfwood on the planet and still holds onto his “naive” ideals? That nothing he experienced did deter his optimism? Wolfwood already breaks under the burden of his priorities, the orphanage and thus his own survival. But for Vash, it is everyone except himself. To grapple such an idea and see it successfully executed is jarring. It is inhuman. Vash is inhuman and this is the point that Wolfwood truly understands his inhumanity. And it fucking scares him

07: His life as a …

A reminder that No-Man’s-Land is pretty lawless. Why does law exist (in theory)? The law is there so people do not abuse their power. So people don’t take revenge. It is there so that after a misdeed families don’t run into blood feuds taking revenge upon revenge until the triggering act is forgotten but the stream of blood does not stop. The men in the beginning of the chapter do exactly that, use their power to exact pure revenge over people in their captivity. This is an extremely ugly consequence of people willing to do everything to protect their families. I can empathise why they do it, but I don’t approve of it.

Vash is about 180cm in the manga. How small is Luida? Damn! Also, baby Brad! Baby brat Brad! So the front page shows Luida, the doc, maybe doc's father and Brad and Jessica. It looks like a family picture. Is Doc Luida's father? How does Brad relate to her? Or Jessica? Brad wanting to woo her at least should mean that they aren't related.

This scene always gets me. Luida putting her foot down and just being a boss. It is so small, but so telling about the characters. I love how Wolfwood just respects her rules, even though he chimes in like a little boy with: “But it ain’t even lit.”

I also love that Wolfwood just carries his drip like the punisher.

Vash shows Meryl and Milly an extremely important part of him. He is showing vulnerability, but at the same time… I don’t know, it feels incomplete? Vash is staring away, at his past and more importantly at Rem, while Meryl watches him and reflects upon their experiences. Meryl watches from the outside, she does not get any insight.

We, the readers and Wolfwood, get a bit of a summary about Vash’ past, but I don't know if Meryl and Milly do get it. It looks a bit like it, but at the same time absolutely not. There is a hint that Vash is older than them, but it is a hint: “It’s from a long time ago. Before your grandparents were born.” It is from before he was born, too! But it has been on this planet since before their grandparents were born. He is not part of the sentence. But it is subtle and I would not get it when I was in the insurance women’s shoes. Milly may have gotten it, but the scene focuses on Meryl. Does Vash tell them about his past? I don’t think so. If he did, why does Meryl think that she can see his enigmatic past laid out there? Why are we shown this introspection without any Oh!-moment? It is more about feeling and not knowing. The cuts to his past are always told from Luida’s/ Home’s perspective and focuses on Wolfwood’s reaction. Vash is truly a man where you need to pull every info out of his nose by force. 

“This time… it is possible…” What is possible? Wolfwood is focused on Vash’ age, so I understand that he immediately zooms in on Vash dying, but I read that more as a worry for Vash. Vash is passively suicidal. That is a fact. 

But why is it a foolish question? What does Luida mean with Vash’ true immortality? Sorry, that I totally do not get. Yes, if Vash used his true power no one would stand a chance, but he doesn’t because he gives everyone else power over him. That reads as a cry for redemption. We, the readers, know that Vash feels an immense loss for Rem and that’s why he needs to protect every last living human. But self flagellation for an idol is still a cry for some kind of absolvement or redemption. Does Luida mean that he could just regenerate? Knives should have been able to do that! He needed a new body because Vash damaged his old one too much. But Vash choses the pain that comes with the mutilations he endured. That is self hate. So why is Wolfwood wrong by assuming it is a cry for redemption? Or is the question foolish because it is too obvious. (I really need input here, please.)

Uh, okay, I got my answer. Luida agrees with Wolfwood that Vash wishes for a form of redemption.

I still stand by my point that knowing everybody’s face and name may be amazing, but it does not mean true connection. Vash does not feel connected to them for me. If everyone is important, no one is. He is a human caretaker and not part of the group.

Another user already pointed out that Wolfwood’s face is torn (tell me who you are and I add you, better show me the post and I link that one). 

The left side is smiling affectionately and the right side looks forlorn and commiserating. While I don’t think Wolfwood accepts Vash’s point of view, he emphasises with the pain that Vash carries around and comes to terms with Vash’s point of view here. Vash won’t change it. It is something Wolfwood cannot change, even though he wishes to. While he does not understand it, he starts to admire Vash’s resilience and strength. Additionally to that, the talk with Luida helped Wolfwood understand that Vash’s behaviour does not come from not understanding the world, what he thought even at the start of the chapter, but by outright fighting the status quo. The last sentence drives that home for me. Vash is not a true gunman that tries to look on the bright side of life, Vash is a true gunman that keeps trying to look on the bright side of life. This is an active decision of Vash’ part and that makes a big difference. Maybe here, Wolfwood even starts to wish to protect Vash for it.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 10.2

How can it get worse and worse?! When did this manga take a turn to despair… I know, like 11 volumes ago… *flops facedown* I am hit critically in the feels.

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, You are here!

03: Sudden Change

Oh, how this chapter title took me for a spin in my first read through. Yes, the tides of the battle turn, but not completely and at what cost? There is a change in Wolfwood, too, physically, but also mentally. 

Yeah, as if you were his best friend and he couldn’t live with the idea of losing you. Especially with what you sacrificed for him repeatedly.

But behind that, there is Wolfwood’s core problem. He sees himself as a burden. Not only is everyone else more important, his existence is a burden for others. Something he has to make up. That’s why Chapel got his claws around him so easily. Remember back at Vash’ and Wolfwood’s first meeting?

He left the place either as a young teen or a preteen… And even there he constantly worked as a caretaker for the other kids, to lessen the load on Miss Melanie and the other staff. 

While there is a cold logic to Wolfwood’s decision: Vash needs to save the whole world, Wolfwood cannot risk him for my much smaller problem. Though, in reality it boils down to: I cannot burden him. Wolfwood cannot take into consideration that he himself is an important person that not only needs, but is allowed to have someone at their side that protects them. He is that to other people, because he never had it himself.

Okay, it seems my question in the last volume got answered. When Wolfwood received his Punisher (the tenth), it was the tenth Punisher that has been ever made. Question is, did Razlo get new ones made or did he inherit those from the former members?

I can’t. Does Vash ever have nightmares about this after all is done? That Wolfwood stared at him with panicked eyes and then chose to kill himself for Vash, the kids and Livio?

This scene has so many different interpretations and I have a different one each time I read it. Right now I read it as: Vash is in trouble and Wolfwood is too hurt to help, so he makes the choice to sacrifice himself so Vash can protect the children. And with Vash being the shield for the children, Wolfwood has another chance to get through to Livio. If he fails, Wolfwood trusts that Vash can take him on.

A few pages later we see that Vash gets a punisher bullet through his side. So, Wolfwood’s assumptions seems more like a keen observation.

Speedwagon again… Why… would Chapel care in this situation if Wolfwood survives? Oh, no, that’s not it. It is that Wolfwood is in a position to stand up against Chapel and fight him, again. Chapel was so close to breaking Wolfwood down, but he failed and that’s what makes him call out to Wolfwood like he is an idiot that does not understand these vials and their workings. But Wolfwood does. Chapel cannot understand that something is more important for Wolfwood than his life.

Another reason why I think taking vials back to back amplifies their effect to the better and worse. Did Wolfwood grow, too? The cracking and bulging sounds imply that.

He turned into a breakdancer! *okay, jokes aside*

*sobs*

Does… Does Wolfwood headbutt Chapel to death?!? Naice.

In the end, Razlo is a little, bratty kid that had no one. He is dependent on Chapel. Chapel fostered the dependency to have control over Razlo. He used him. But Chapel was still Razlo’s safety anchor.

One more point for the team: Vash can hear thoughts of people who are dying. 

Poor Wolfwood, that he is a monster is just so ingrained into him that he cannot bear the thoughts of the people he loves so dearly see him. He cannot even fathom that they’d see something completely different than he does. And the return of the glasses! The glasses hide his true self, they hide his fear. They are his crutch that helps him to put distance between him and others.

I KNOW that this is Razlo being totally irrational, but I shouted out: “Oh, come on! You two just tortured the big brother of your other self!” Razlo is so strong, he never had to deal with the fear of losing, either his life or just a battle. Wolfwood goes into battles with the knowledge that he can not only die easily, it was one of the reasons why he reprimanded Vash for the risks he took. This is the first loss Razlo has experienced.

And fitting to that, Razlo did not care for Chapel as a person, he needed to be needed. Chapel filled that desire. It is about the loneliness that comes at the loss, not the loss itself. 

Oh, now we get an insight into Vash?! NOW! So it hurts even more?

Vash, if you truly listened to Wolfwood and tried to understand why he does the things he does, you would have understood that your beliefs aren’t that opposed. In the end, it is the scale that is different. But you never asked. You are so used to doing your own thing, that you trust what you get by your observation skills and do not really interact with the people or with the conflict that ensues. The whole “You give up hope too easily” stuff is a perfect example of this.

One of the reasons why I have a growing annoyance with Vash while the volumes go on is that we do not get his insight, we do not see him grow much. As much as he puts up distance between himself and others, we as readers are kept at a distance, too. That’s why the characters Wolfwood and Meryl are so important, because they are there for the readers as a point of reference. But that way we also grew incredibly close to them. I’d say closer to Wolfwood, since we get so much more insight into him and Meryl gets sadly pretty sidelined. We see them struggle with Vash and what he is and what that means for them, we see Wolfwood in constant conflict with his reality and how it opposes his morals. We do not get that from Vash. That often makes him seem aloof, stubborn and judgemental, at least to me. There are little flashes like the talk on Home, but those are very rare.

And back to the bird high in the air. It fits here, too. It is unreachable, up in the air. Wolfwood was seemingly free to do as he liked towards everyone. Freer than Vash could be with the chains Vash has put around himself to punish himself, robbing himself of so much agency to act in his own defence or defence of others. But Wolfwood was struggling the whole time to survive. His morals and his chosen responsibilities slowly suffocate him.

Battle buddies, my favourite trope.

The only way Wolfwood can show care or thanks. He hides behind his abrasiveness and the obvious problem looming over all of them. As he justified his leaving to himself, Vash is needed there and Wolfwood’s problems are just a negligible distraction. It is the fate of the world that is in Vash’ hands. 

The obvious answer is that Wolfwood is just so much more important for Vash than the fight with Knives. I’d even go so far and say that he needs his assistance in the fight, even if it is just for the mental boost. But neither of them is able to tell the other what they truly feel, they hide it behind banter, not speaking the most important words.

04: Death Omen 

Uh… didn’t we have a chapter with the same title? Eh… But fitting… 4 and death omen..

It is the only time he has… Wolfwood is so happy that Vash is there. He is grateful for their time together.

Wolfwood’s face behind the glasses. Vash does not understand what or why Wolfwood acts that way symbolised by the way Wolfwood’s eyes are hidden. And he throws Wolfwood’s words back into his face, how Wolfwood is a realist, how he has to survive at any cost. For the kids. Even for their friends.

And it clicks. Vash starts to realise that something is deeply wrong with Wolfwood. That Wolfwood is truly believing that he will die here. Vash may have even forgotten for a while that Wolfwood is in the end human. His childhood was exchanged for a fighter’s body and he has the vials. But has really ever understood what that meant? Did Vash see the wounds as something he has been already through, so Wolfwood would survive them, too? Vash is still in denial. But it starts to dawn on him. Are the wounds on Wolfwood too dire? 

The expressions of sorrow on Wolfwood is so… so… good. The sorrowful Wolfwood’s are with the best expressions he ever drew. 

It… It’s the page. Them desperately reaching out for each other. Vash finally had realised how important Wolfwood is to him, either during the arc-rescue or when Wolfwood ghosted him. And Vash finally stopped avoiding the connection they had, he seeked Wolfwood out, breaking a series going on for 150 years.

But it is too late. 

And Vash understands that Wolfwood is dying. He was too late.

How his fingers dig in… That is the side where Chapel shoved his weapon into, Wolfwood was speared there. There may be not much left under the suit. 

(Sidenote, since bible fanfiction. Jesus has been speared into the side, too, after the crucifixion to check if he was truly dead.)

Vash always does his best to not shoot in anger. But all is lost to him at that moment. The only reason why L/R survives is because Vash cherishes Wolfwood’s wishes too much to do more. But if Wolfwood would have been unsuccessful in saving Livio, I have no doubt that Vash would have murdered him in cold blood.

What else but leaving a man his dying wish?

This hurts so much. They finally got together, they finally bridged the gap that kept them apart for the whole time. They finally found understanding in each other. And now Wolfwood’s looming death parts them. The last panel shows the growing distance.

Wolfwood is the bird and the one longing at the same time. He has no real freedom, he never had, but had to struggle the whole time to survive. He wanted rest and peace, but his life did not offer him any of it. His only real choice was to be the protector for others. So that others have a place to rest and feel safe. So that their safety is not a cage, but that they gain both freedom and a home. And that led him to an early and brutal death. Is there true freedom in this decision? He chose his own path here. But at the same time, it was the only path he could take. The only way for Wolfwood to stay Wolfwood was to die. Breaking his morals here to save himself over Livio, would go against his whole person. He has to protect. Without being the protector, Wolfwood is not Wolfwood.

Vash is the bird and the human, too. Vash longs for the first time to be with a human, but he can only look in longing, since his wish will never be. After his long and painful existence, he truly wished to find peace with someone (platonically or romantically), but the bird that is Wolfwood has already passed him and he can only look at him in longing, because he has no way to reach him or make him stay.

Wolfwood is in full big brother mode. Razlo gets treated like the brat he is. It is funny that I wrote that Razlo is a brat before reading this.

The way Wolfwood’s eye is shown, tells us that he is serious. Very much so. Razlo is in for a hell of pain. 

Nightow is *chef's kiss* at cool expressions and poses.

Wolfwood not only received his death omen, he is a dead man walking. But he is the death omen, too. He will end the hold that Chapel has over Livio, over Razlo’s dead… uh… not body, since it is Lilvio’s. But Wolfwood will find a way.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 10.3

What? You demand more pain? Don't worry. Nightow is giving it out in spades in this volume!

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2 (Isn't shown on my dash somehow... But you find it on my blog), You are here!

05: Final Battle

It truly is Wolfwood's final battle.

Oh, I didn’t get it without @/alena-reblobs that Wolfwood avoids the missiles of Razlo and turns around to use the following explosion to jump the distance towards Razlo. Wolfwood is such a brilliant fighter and his fights are the best. His weapon is so stupid looking, but the way Nightow makes use of it is so fun to watch. Though… sometimes it is really difficult to follow the action.

I mean… is Razlo really the best wielder? Having three always read as overcompensation for me. With three he can easily overpower his opponents. But look how Wolfwood wipes the floor with Razlo since he knows how to use his weapon.

And Vash is watching. He respects Wolfwood’s wishes. But I also assume that he desperately tries to burn every second of Wolfwood’s last minutes into his memories, since this is the last time he will see his friend. And in the end, this fight IS what Wolfwood is, protection, the good in humanity. Their destructive power is used to save someone.

I just love how Wolfwood reads and taunts Razlo. I just wish it was in a more brotherly, peaceful situation. This fight is just so good. The way Wolfwood overpowers Razlo so easily made me believe in the first read through that this was just a scare, that Wolfwood is not dying, that this is not his last action.

I didn’t see it the first time. Wolfwood’s Punisher has a white cover and Razlo’s are black. Something about Wolfwood fighting to protect others, while Razlo’s main motive is to get recognition from the husk of a human called Chapel. Selfless vs Selfish.

Wolfwood is the master of the Punisher. He knows his weapons flaws and strength and can adapt it to any fight. Not only Razlo’s body takes a hit, his confidence, too. Not only that, if you look back how he was willing to kill Chapel, but not for any revenge reasons, but for the future safety of the kids... Wolfwood gave out punishments, but neutral ones, not pain for his own selfish gain.

And then Wolfwood adds the worst insult. He throws the Punisher aside. This stopped being a fight long ago. This is a trashing. And more so, it is much more intimate. This is not a fight between two fighters, this is an older brother who gives Razlo a reality check. Wolfwood teaches Razlo not only fighting lessons, but life lessons.

06: Return

Wonder who will return?

Razlo never had someone be his equal. 

I learned from a colleague who became a kindergarten teacher, that the trickiest part about that was that when a kid was stronger than the rest they often hurt other children without really understanding it. So he was in the position of having to teach the kid the other position without overstepping any line. 

Razlo reminds me of that. He never had someone being equal to him, he never had to go all out. Chapel would have wiped the floor with tiny Raz and by the time he got that build he already was totally under his thumb. And we saw that little Raz was able to kill more than a few people without breaking a sweat. Wolfwood is the first person who can take him on and who can teach him that: Damn, being hit hurts. I don’t want to hurt. (And the consecutively end of that line: I shouldn’t hurt other people)

I just cannot see Razlo as someone evil, he is a survival mechanism of a lonely kid that got out of hand.

Positioning Vash there… Yeah… While Razlo confronts his mortality for the first time, Vash is crumbling under the loss. He will never be the same again. Vash cannot even imagine being without this pain. He just found a hope for himself, he just started to imagine a future and it was ripped from him, again. How many times is he expected to get through such a pain?

Fucking red herring of the third vial. It gave me hope on my first.

Razlo does not understand empathy or care. He has never been cared for. He is unable to get that Wolfwood cares for Livio and consequently for him. This is a fight for death for him. ‘Wolfwood is just playing with him’. But Wolfwood tries to reach Livio.

I need to look like four times to finally understand how this bretzel-Vash is twisted and how he connects his hits with them. Wolfwood wanted to fight Razlo one on one and Vash will make that happen. He has his buddy’s back, especially since it is the last time.

Another misdirection. I like how Nightow uses them.

Livio appears again! Finally! Took only nearly ripping the head of his body off.

And another misdirection.

Who is the Judas now?! Wolfwood, who betrayed his abusive mentor to protect others or that mentor, who was ready to stab his other, devoted pupil in the back to kill Wolfwood?

Also, Chapel returned for a little comeback before he finally croaked.

Who would have thought…

Sarcasm aside. Again, Razlo is a little kid. He trusted Chapel blindly after what he had done “for him”. But that devotion was one sided and used for Chapel’s benefit. The safety of being useful was a false one. L/R was always alone in the EoM. His explosion of anger is a bit like a temper tantrum. He cannot deal with these emotions, he cannot deal with the betrayal. And he lets it out on his surroundings and innocents. In his pain he is even unable to realise that Wolfwood just saved his life. Everyone is against him right now, since even the one person he trusted turned out that way.

And finally, the real return of the chapter! Livio comes back. Wolfwood’s sacrifice has reached him. It may be a mixture out of the beating and, especially, shoving L/R aside when Chapel attacked.

Wolfwood becomes Livio’s role model as Livio finally emerges out of his cocoon that protected him against rejection.

How much blood does his body have? But it feels nice that Wolfwood accomplished what he set out to do and even lived long enough to see Livio return.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 9.2

And the second part...

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4

Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, You are here!

04: At the verge of death

Again, complex feelings. Wolfwood spared the bandits, but not Livio? No way. Wolfwood expects Livio to heal with the vials after he killed Chapel.

And here, Chapel goes Speedwagon for us readers and explains what modifications Livio went through.

I… just how Nightow draws the blood splatter on the wall, makes Wolfwood’s wounds feel so much more real. And I have to be honest, that started with the last fight on the ark, it is like NIghtow’s drawing had a level up.

Willpower against Willpower.

Midvalley was right that Wolfwood is a God of War.

This panel… Damn. The dynamic poses, the lighting especially on Wolfwood and the way his face is drawn... Wow.

And this sounds so incredibly desperate. Wolfwood pleads for Livio’s life. Wolfwood’s desperation feels so real. I don’t remember reading Wolfwood begging before. Even on the arc, Wolfwood was somewhat kept together, his doubts and pain expressed internally only when he thought he would die. Here he shows his fear and care for Livio openly to Livio. Wolfwood loves Livio. Livio cannot die. If he dies, I do not trust that Wolfwood could go on.

Wolfwood is an incredibly brilliant fighter, but if Chapel is right then Livio is physically better than him. Wolfwood has only a set amount of chances until Livio would overpower him in the end, so he has to take desperate measures.

05: Demon

Is Wolfwood the demon the chapter title mentions? He went beyond Chapel’s expectations and overpowered Livio. Like Midvalley he stands corrected.

I mean… he was trained by you and then he had to run after Vash for like nearly three years. You learn a trick or two from that.

But that is not the only thing, yes, Livio has physical buffs shoved up his arse til kingdom comes, but Wolfwood has for one much more experience on the field and with Vash, too, and, while he is a massive derp in human interactions, he knows how to read people. He just does not know what to do with it.

Does… Does Wolfwood do the weird killing aura plant stuff now, too?!?!?

First time reading, this confused me. There are only 9 of these important weapons! You get the tenth. Now I know it means that Wolfwood is good enough in his… uh… craft that he deserved to get his own made. But, question, is it only ten Punishers? Or ten of these cross weapons as a whole with each having their own name? Because Chapel has one, I do not count Livio’s two and Razlo’s three, since he got under Chapel after Wolfwood, so after this flashback.

The Eye of Michael was founded around 5-10 years after the Great Fall. This is a flashback to TeenWolf, so he should be 6-10 years younger than the current timeline Wolfwood. Sects and such tend to sprout out of the ground like conspiracy theories when times are hard and what is harder than the Great Fall? I’d like to know more about its foundation time. Knives and Vash were walking around together then, so I would be surprised if Knives helped it along. Did he corrupt them later and they started out as something hopeful?

I love the flashback and what it points to. The name of the Punisher is sacred. Wolfwood does it justice by bringing Punishment not to Livio, not to humanity, but to the abuser Chapel.

This will be important later. I always interpreted this as that there is a finite amount of vials your body can process. Like everyone has a limit. Additionally, the vials heal by fast aging the body to heal it up. So every vial is a few years off, but if you go beyond that limit, you die, because you are beyond your maximum time. But Stampede makes me wonder, is it how many vials you can take at the same time or over your whole life? Because I thought the latter, but at the rate StampedeWolfy seems to throw them back… Another thought to my former idea, if you take more than one, it’s effect does not add to another but gets multiplied for the better AND worse. But those are headcannons, since we do not get much about the vials.

We, the readers, get an additional visual hint by Nightow drawing Razlo’s expression from the masked side. This is Razlo.

Did he hide the third arm in his body? I thought it was somehow weirdly placed on his back, wait no, that is the fabric ripping. Still, the third arm makes me laugh so hard. It… just looks so derpy. And off balance, too! Yeah, give him a full additional iron arm on one side! That will teach him.

The chapter starts out with Wolfwood presented as the demon, but it ends with a picture of Razlo in diablo mode. Razlo is the demon. I know Tri-P stands for Tri-Punisher, but the Trip of Death sounds, well, like a trip in itself.

06. Fortitude

Razlo may be stronger, but he is so much more naive… Why would he even think that the Eye of Michael would be friendlier? I get that they trick kids, but that is really… Dunno.

Razlo IS Livio’s fortitude. But is this chapter truly about Razlo’s or will it circle back to Wolfwood’s fortitude?

Uh… that’s a way to appreciate your servants… Again, Razlo does not care about others. Razlo exists because he is there to protect Livio’s life at all cost. But this introduction makes it difficult to feel empathy for him. The way he treats others and life in general is revolting.

Wonderful fight scene and the way Wolfwood crashes into the surroundings makes it just feel so much more visceral.

Again… Does Chapel want Wolfwood to die? I… Razlo boasts about his fighting prowess and Chapel puts him down, commenting on how Wolfwood did not fight with his true power, that he held back for Razlo. And… It does not read as Chapel being on Razlo’s side, but Chapel wanting Wolfwood to let go of his chosen path and return to his true “assassin” form and that Razlo is the thing that will make Wolfwood do that… Razlo reads as the unaware sacrifice for that specific goal.

And Chapel’s anger comes from Wolfwood staying true to his chosen path. His pride is hurt from Wolfwood rebelling against his order. And now, after he tried the last time to return Wolfwood, he prefers to kill him for his transgressions.

Is he? Wolfwood started his path to change before meeting Vash. He tried to kill Chapel beforehand for the orphanage. Yes, the way Wolfwood comfortably stays against killing if it is not needed, is thanks to Vash. But he was on the path to that decision long before meeting Vash. 

Additionally, isn’t cursing Vash kinda against Chapel’s belief system? Vash is an independent plant, he should be at least on the same level of reverence like Knives, even if he has no authority over them.

I do not get this sentence. May be because English is not my mother tongue. Does Wolfwood think this fight, his fight is stupid?

But… Vash can die. He learned that from Luida. Vash does not bleed like humans, he heals easily, right, that adds to his ignorance and arrogance when he judges people who kill to survive or even for others. (But the reason is not Vash’ immortality, the reason is that Vash does not understand community, because he is just that unbound by it.)

And Wolfwood does not follow Vash completely. Wolfwood is still ready to kill Chapel. I… don’t think Wolfwood has truly a No-Kill-Conviction, but he knows his skills. The bandits from before were outmatched, so why should Wolfwood go the easy way and just kill them if he has the ability to not do that? That’s mercy.

“Killing is a sin but also a path to redemption. Do you understand?” No, do you? This is a contradiction in itself. Fitting for Christianity, truly. You build up guilt and guilt and guilt, by all these rules that are partly so complicated and changed through translations and intention that you cannot hold up every last one. If you feel guilty, you will keep your head down and follow the head mocho. This only leads to suffering and easily exploitable followers.

I do not like that it reads a bit like the only way to survive is by killing or you die by trying to find a way out. 

The one part where Wolfwood was right in the past is that sooner or later Vash will be forced to decide. And making no decision is also a decision. 

So much about Vash is avoiding, avoiding connection, avoiding rejection, even avoiding real responsibility by feeling responsible for everything. But if he acts, he stands by it. And Wolfwood respects him for that, he respects Vash for that with him he was able to live a softer life, a life where he didn’t always have to kill, where he had another option, even if Wolfwood was in the position of the preacher, warning Vash about his fallacies and getting him out of shitty situations. 

“An iron bell is tollin’ inside my head… Or at least one should be... I can’t seem to hear it now…” 

I was confused about the meaning, but in the first chapter of the volumes they are already mentioned as a sign of warning. Wolfwood is saying that he will do something dangerous, that he will go against his better senses, against his survival instincts. If that isn’t an omen, I do not know what is. :) 

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Maximum 9.1

I am done… I can finally rest… *looks at calender* ‘Tomorrow Vol 10 starts.’ Fuck!

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, You are here!, 9.2

Home

NIghtow! NOOOOOO!

Wolfwood and food. It is one of his love languages

Someone recognizes Wolfwood?! Well, he grew up there, but he has been gone for quite a while now… And… *points to the growth spurt and such*. I don’t think it was spelled out that Wolfwood is on his way to rescue his orphanage. We, the readers, can assume this with the crumbs of info that we get, so this is just another crumb. Wolfwood returns home.

But we do not stay on this scene. Wolfwood is like: I have no time for this shit! And explodes his way through.

Oh, it is THE bike, the one with the crosses. Is that Angelina II? Or a new one? It has to be a new one. Where did he leave the last one? They walked to the ark… Huh… Through how many bikes did Wolfwood go during the series?

I love how Livio’s lashing out is so childish. It is just peak preteen/teen.

Baby Nico is just so… *chef’s kiss* 

Brutal honesty, the best way to get Livio out of it. Livio tends to have his head up his arse a little. Not meant as an insult. Just the comparison between Wolfwood, the caretaker even as a child, and, well, another child that has been abandoned like him. While I do not believe that Wolfwood does not share the pain that Livio has, Wolfwood has already accepted the orphanage as his true safe haven, something Livio hasn’t done.

And fucking empathetic about the other children. As much as Wolfwood is a big derp about showing his care for others in words, he sees and gets stuff. He sees the pain the children carry with them, he understands it, he has been there, too. But I think his caretaking of the others, of the children that cannot express themselves or that shut themselves out like Livio, is with a coping mechanism, something that lets him push his own pain aside.

Working and helping each other can get one out of a shitty headspace, so right call there.

I do not not like Miss Melanie. But Wolfwood is truly parentified. He watches with her how the new kid integrates, he has a part in it. But he is a child, too. He is maybe a year, maybe two older than Livio, but he watches the kids like one of the caretakers, not like one of the group, And Miss Melanie should have cut that out from the beginning.

HOW THE FUCK DID THE FUCKING DOG EVEN GET THERE?!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The someone you should love is yourself. Not Jasmine. Like Wolfwood, Livio has a massive problem with self worth and self appreciation. But Wolfwood started to become a caretaker and absolutely neglected himself, while Livio became dependent on outside affirmation.

We learn in a later chapter of this volume about Razlo, so it is not a spoiler when I talk here about him. Razlo killed the puppy because it endangered Jasmine. He acted either out of an misguided attempt to make Jasmine, Livio’s crush, safer or out of a need for revenge for Jasmine, since the puppy endangered her life. It is a childish rationale, but there is a logic behind it. It is a shitty situation all around. I feel for the puppy and for Jasmine. (Sidenote: They have to deal with food shortage and stuff, Wolfwood said that they did not have enough. How the fuck did they keep a puppy?!) Razlo is protective, but not outright evil, but he needs to be reigned in.

Another sign that there is not enough personnel in the orphanage. Livio could just run away. It’s… just a sad situation all around. And Wolfwood takes the responsibility for Livio leaving upon himself, another thing he has to feel guilty about.

Livio does not remember what Razlo did, but he seemed to get at least some intrusive memory bits. The rejection from Jasmine, the distrust of the kids and the guilt and the fear of himself made him leave. He needed a psychologist, but find that on no man’s land…

*sigh* Nightow and drawing children/age. Wolfwood’s age is such a big question mark in the story. Livio’s too, to be honest. What I liked about Trigun is that the characters seemed to be, at least, not teens, maybe in their upper twenties. So my first shock was when Meryl was 21 at the start. Like… DAMN! She is barely out of her apprenticeship and you make her do WHAT, HUNT THE STAMPEDE? But Wolfwood is even more complicated due to the spontaneous addition of ageing up. We know he is an adult, but beyond that... He knew Maylene as a toddler, when he seemed to be a preteen, taking care of her. We meet her as a responsible young woman, but how old is she? I’d say at least 16, maybe even older. So Wolfwood would be at least 24. He would have left at 18, if we take the “haven’t seen for 6 years” from elsewhere, but… then he’d already been through his growth spurt, but maybe he visited them before the whole experimentation stuff… but who knows? Then there's this little dude. He looked like 4-5 in the flashback and now he seems to be a preteen. If Wolfwood left nearly immediately after Livio left and considering that it has been around 6 years since the kiddos last saw him… Wolfwood would be around 18-20 years old. Which is… very young. 

Same with Livio. Chapel took him in as his pupil after Wolfwood left, while he was part of EOM before that, he still looks like 12 years max… 

I know the ageing up was a last minute addition, but damn, as soon as I think about it, my head hurts. I really liked Wolfwood being at the end of his 20s. I still hc it that way, fight me.

Why wouldn’t Livio be welcome back there? Isn’t he seen as Chapel’s perfect pupil? Or did Chapel get repercussions from Wolfwood defecting?

They named a kid Cactus?! He truly had loving parents...

And here is the hope for Livio that we were waiting for. Not unlike Wolfwood at the beginning, Livio kills, but in the end he does it to protect someone, too.

There is also the question of worthiness. Livio seems to be somewhat, I’d say, triggered by it with the way he brutally responds. And there is the question of worth and affirmations by others that were present in little Livio, too.

How old does Wolfwood look for you? Somehow many manga have the tendency to show everyone adult as either 20s or old. Wolfwood looked like at the end of his 20s for me (‘98 mid to end 30s and Stampede… is maybe 18?)

02. Tempest

??? Who is speaking in the first panel? The second seems to be Wolfwood, but the question of there being any point in saving him seems out of character for Wolfwood, especially as he presents in the fight. Wolfwood has gone beyond killing if not necessary. So why would he ask if the guy should be saved?

I just love Wolfwood’s versatile use of the Punisher. He knows his mistress and how to use her. And… I just really dig it, how he switches her modes to everyone’s surprise.

Since before his training, Wolfwood had a steady set of morals and rules. Chapel may have thought that he tortured that out of the kiddo, but it remained. Wolfwood has chosen his own path, he goes beyond Chapel’s teachings, choosing mercy, even if it is dangerous for himself.

Is that a weird level of care? They led Wolfwood there to die. Why would Chapel care if Wolfwood’s way of fighting is better or worse for survival? Or is it anger or hurt pride? That his teachings did not stick, that this pupil dared to choose his own path against Chapel’s orders? That even though he was a perfect student, he dared to become something other than a perfect assassin under Chapel? 

Wolfwood warns him. I like that the missile that Wolfwood shot up into the air in the beginning has a comeback. His style of fighting truly resembles Vash’ now. Like a weird chainreaction or play where everything comes back in the end.

And our expectations got played with. We expected Wolfwood to panic because of the missile, but it was because of Livio the whole time. Wolfwood was in control of the situation with the small scale bandits, but not with Livio.

Yes, he could have, but why should Livio care about the lives of the dudes that just endangered the orphanage? Why would Wolfwood care about them? Vash’ idealism is reasonable up to a point. That said, I don’t think that Wolfwood comes from the same angle as Vash does. Wolfwood doesn’t want to kill anymore. He broke under the guilt of what he did on the ark.

Livio as he is now is a reflection of Wolfwood at the start of the series. Okay, granted, a Wolfwood in a much worse place, but the basics are there.

03: LR

But he is here! Makes me wonder why the kiddos think that little Nico could help them in this situation. Like… maybe comfort them… But little Nico wouldn’t survive these kinds of people. Nicholas on the other hand…

Another thing, Wolfwood hasn't been there for years, but he left such an impression on the kiddos that they still look up to him.

His little crush and the shame that came with hurting her, even if he does not truly remember how he did it or why.

And latent suicidality and no self worth… Could any of the male fighters in this manga have something different going on? Oh… Razlo has…

It is creepy how easily Razlo kills and how brutally. Razlo’s care is only Livio’s safety. 

Livio and Razlo mirror Wolfwood in their need to be useful. But damn… But again, they go a completely different way. Wolfwood IS a caretaker, L/R want so desperately to be needed that they fall victim to an manipulative and abusive system. Wolfwood’s stability and fortitude comes from already having a set of morals that make him, he doesn’t need outside input, but Livio hasn’t such. Wolfwood already had something that was the rock of his existence and personality, L/R do not have such and that’s why Chapel’s manipulation fell on fertile grounds.

This panel… Just… So dynamic. Their whole fight. But here, how the gun looms out of the bounds of the panel… My oh my.

Knowing Wolfwood, I already expect him to not have killed Livio, even though it is kept intentionally vague here. Wolfwood’s big regret and mission is to save the orphanage including Livio. No way is killing Chapel more important than this.