#UUH HI. i had a . uhm. family thing today and im COPING

[alienaiver]

cw; hurt/comfort, toxic family dynamics, cutting parents off, soft ending

you sniffle as you press yourself further into shinsou's shirt, trying to contain your tears but failing miserably. it feels gut-wrenching to keep them back so against your active will, you let them flow. shinsou's hand rubs gentle circles onto your back, not entirely sure how to comfort you in this situation.

he's no stranger to unhealthy family dynamics and even the story you've unveiled for him through the time of your relationship has sounded eerily familiar to what his home was like before he became an orphan.

"am i a terrible child?"

his heart skips a beat at the question before he feels a boiling anger rise to his head. not at you, not at the question itself, but at your parents for making you feel like this.

he coos gently as he kisses your forehead, trying to sound calm, "no, they're terrible parents."

his certainty, the determination in his voice makes you flinch before you hide again. you're flustered at being an adult crying like this to your boyfriend, but deciding to go no-contact with your parent proves incredibly hard as their presence keeps haunting you like unrestful ghosts.

he kisses your forehead again and you let out a new series of sobs. he so badly wants to help you through this; he sees the flinching when your phone rings, the name familiar on the screen. he sees the dysregulation in your stability when it's brought up. he sees the way you curl in on yourself whenever you have to defend your choice.

you willingly orphaned yourself and some people have made you out to be the villain.

but what child - no matter how old they may be - would willingly want to lose their parents, if not out of a desperate need for survival?

your parents messed up, not you.

he says this as he pulls you closer, into a tight hug. you squeeze your eyes impossibly tighter, feeling hot from the embarassment of complaining about your parents when you know how his abandoned him. you're priviliged and spoiled, right?

it's like he reads your mind because he presses a kiss to your wet cheek and pulls your head up by the chin to look into your eyes, "our situation's not the same. you looking out for yourself is neither terrible nor selfish of you. i am so sorry that they do not appreciate you for who you are, but i'm here for you, and"- he tugs a strand of hair behind your ear and wipes a tear from your cheek with his thumb -"whatever terrible thoughts are going through you right now, i am not thinking any of that, i promise you. you deserve to have your boundaries - which are very basic, by the way - respected. you've tried, you've communicated, you've given chances. you haven't given up on them without a fight, so this is their own doing, okay?"

your underlip wobbles as another fat tear spills from your eye, but you nod and lean into him again, inhaling his scent as you try to unclench every muscle. it's going to be okay. you're not alone in this.

"they made their bed." you say finally, hiccuping as you take deep breaths. shinsou nods, "yeah, and they're grown adults who've made choices. i know it hurts - but you're not alone."

"thank you hitoshi."

he smiles and kisses the crown of your head, "i'll always be there - together with all your friends. we see you and we support you. you deserve better."

he wants to tell you that family isn't blood, that he could be family, that he wants to be family but you're overwhelmed right now and this is not how he's planning to propose; the ring's already hidden in his locker at the agency, waiting for one of your friends to finish a crocheted commission of your cats that he'll need to make his plans perfect.

he knows a husband isn't a substitute for having a mom or a dad, but he hopes he'll always make you feel loved and appreciated when he one day becomes your family.