#Usually any virus is hell on earth with all the symptoms but this time I only have sore throat and fatigue and that's it

[a-silent-observer]

I am being prescribed psychiatric medicine so potent the viruses just slide off of me

[where-s-all-blue]

Okay so I've entered the Alabasta Arc now (I am actually pretty close to the climax in my rererewatch) so here's some thoughts:

Reverse Mountain:

I personally adored the mishaps the crew has on their way to the GrandLine, and the entire reverse mountain is very intriguing to me to this day. One day, I'll figure out just how on earth that thing works.

Laboon's story, tear jerking, absolutely devastating. Luffy being able to talk sense into a WHALE tells all you need about his ability to befriend beings. He also was the first one to hear Laboon, foreshadow for his later on found ability to Hear All Things or Haki?

Whiskey Peaks:

Ahh the time Vivi tried to be a villain. And Mister 9 is an absolute sweetheart. Honestly they made a pretty good team even if neither of them actually knew how fighting works. Personally I would've loved to see more of them, Mister 9 and Miss Monday seemed like interesting characters.

I keep forgetting about Zoro having supersonic speed in these, I kind of miss him just disappearing only to reappear right in middle of the group to mock their reaction of looking at the place he just was sitting on. The speed of him and his ability to momentarily cut through things he later on can't pretty much just tells you that he does have it in him, but it just isn't conscious thing yet. Also unconscious usage of haki spotted?

Vivi being The Vivi Nefertari is one of the more interesting and intense sequences in the pre-timeskip era, even if it takes less time than for example the Arlong Park does and shows just how devastatingly strong both Luffy and Zoro are. I can't believe that these idiots would retort to a fist fight mid battle.

Mister 5's ability is very unhygienic and I'd like to drown him in sanitizer, Miss Valentine needs to be silenced forever, her laughter creeps me out and she honestly doesn't add any value into the conversation. This is a duo I'd like to murder slowly.

Igram blowing up still gets me, the reactions of the characters, the devastated facial expression of Vivi, the sound design, the shocked looks, it's just so well executed.

Vivi's reaction of mixed feelings regarding Miss All Sunday/Robin, albeit just, is very confusing for me. I remember when I met her the first time and all I could think of was "She's a nice person" just based on her facial expression and the words she used.

I forgot that Luffy broke the eternal log pose Robin gave them. Not because he didn't trust her but because the choice Vivi would've been forced to make after the shock of loosing Igram would've been too much. Also because he didn't want anyone to dictate HOW they get there, he's the captain and as such it's his job to make the final decision, he also appears to have been convinced that this way Vivi would be safe.

Little Garden:

Aah, Little Garden, the island I'd simultaneously love and hate. Love because dinosaurs, hate because loud and probably insects large enough to use me as a quick caffeine filled pick-me-up. I might have a problem.

The fact that I can understand the thought process of these giants concerns me greatly. Is this the power of the Monkey Brain?

Mister 3 would be an amazing character if only we could see his self proclaimed genius in action and hear him go through plans etc. I feel like he's just trying to compensate on his lack of battlefield knowledge and experience. Miss Golden Week is highkey a mood and I love her. I, too, want to paint whatever I want and get paid for it.

Zoro actually started to hack through his own leg because he wanted to fight so badly, what a mad lad. Usopp honestly is flexing with his quick thinking and reflexes here. We love that for him. Go you funky little sniper.

Luffy might've used observation haki instinctively in the Mister 3 crowd.

Sanji managing to outright fool Crocodile to believe that he is Mister 3 indicates that Crocodile has never heard the voices of his underlings before and just assuming that the man who answered is Mister 3. The two also apparently have similar sense of humour. That Crocodile is aware of based on what Robin has told him.

Sanji both taking down the Unluckies without any hesitation nor stopping to think about where they came from really tells volumes about him. He also apparently lied so convincingly that Crocodile was 100% sure that it was Mister 3 fighting Luffy and not a chef beating up his long distance murder pets.

Nami was bitten by a bug, which was the carrier of a rare, nearly dead disease. Based on the amount of time one would usually need to wait for the sickness to develop, I'd say that they were about a week on the ocean before Nami developed the fever.

None of the crew members, Vivi included, thought about doing a full body check on her to see if there were any other symptoms than fever, ie her body actively fighting against the infection/sickness. Also her sickness isn't apparently something that spreads, so it's very unlikely for it to be virus based or spread similar to flu.

Drum Island/Sakura Kingdom:

Nami is capable of sensing the weather, and act upon her feelings, under 40C fever. If I have any level of fever, I am rendered near vegetative state until my fever either goes down or raises past certain level. What I'm saying is that Nami is some sort of Goddess or superhero because of being able to do anything with that fever.

Vivi needing to think about whether or not she can afford waiting extra days for being taken to Alabasta or to change the course to find a doctor is one of the stupidest things ever especially since the person who is sick with such a high fever happens to be the navigator.

Warm welcome by residents is warm. And by warm I mean freezingly cold. I can't believe that Luffy thought about yelling to the person before Vivi bowed her head prompting Luffy to do the same (though heavily "encouraged" by Vivi). Vivi saying that Luffy isn't fit to be the captain reflects very strongly her own views and beliefs, but she keeps forgetting something very simple, yet important. Background. She has no idea about Luffy's past nor how he grew up, she hasn't been long enough with the crew to be able to tell just why people follow Luffy, nor is she aware of how he communicates with people. She doesn't realise that when it comes to Luffy, humility isn't a word to describe him with nor that he would be able to set his own pride aside just yet, Luffy is a 17 year old, a mere child, who has just set out on the sea few months ago, who only knows the harshness of the world, where to survive, you must take things with force or be aggressive. She also isn't familiar with Luffy's way of helping others and going all in no matter the situation.

It's interesting to see how from the time Vivi is with them, Luffy is clearly paying attention to how she does things and how she presents herself, the mannerisms and the likes. It's not as clear idolisation and wish for being equal/better than someone as it was with Katakuri's use of haki, but he is striving to learn. If not because he acknowledges how important manners and humility are, but because it makes things easier on certain places. He especially starts to pay more attention to it once Ace joins them.

By the way the sickness Nami is struck with? It's most likely the same as the one that cost the life of Captain Yorkie of the Rumbar Pirates. After all, the ship doctor couldn't heal it, he didn't know how to, he could only prolong his death for a little while, few days max.

Chopper is a joy to have around and I'd physically fight Doctor Kureha at first sight because WOMAN! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ATTACKING YOUR PATIENTS JUST BECAUSE THEY GOT OUT OF THE BED! What if they need to use the restroom. I don't care if you're a youthful 139 year old lady, you can't just do that. Also how the hell are you still able to move that well? Most people I see start to slowly loose their mobility at 60 as their joints are starting to wear out causing pain and their muscle mass is lowering due to the inability to move as much as during their prime.

I am surprised that a reindeer even cares about something like a blue nose. The devilfruit thing? Yeah sure, but not the blue nose. These local reindeer are dicks with human level of obsession to look like the "norm". News flash, there is no default anything. Your appearances are purely dictated by a set of genes that decide to either activate or deactivate as they please without any warning and genes can skip multiple generations. That's why I apparently look identical to my great grandmother.

Nami is kind towards other women and animals. Men not so much, my assumption is that she is carrying a trauma from the Arlong time that she hasn't yet processed and as such she is even now a bit guarded against the rest of the crew.

Hiriluk's character is closer to that of a mad scientist or a very enthusiastic chemist who keeps forgetting that people aren't test subjects. His curiosity and and enthusiasm are something to strive for even if his methods are questionable, all he does want is to bring people sense of hope, wonder and awe. Though I can't help but to wonder about his story. The thief (him) having a serious incurable heart condition and seeing cherry blossoms that cured him. A metaphor for his past self being relentless and uncaring while thieving, but the indescribable beauty of the scenery he saw changed his heart to be more generous and kind?

Hiriluk's death is one of the most important ones in the series if you ask me, it defined Chopper and who he became; Doctor hoping to be capable of curing any disease there is.

[hide-the-cutlery]

I had an interesting thought a little bit ago. I tried to write it out on my phone, but my eyes weren’t cooperating and I couldn’t focus them, and even if I could, my glasses are scratched to hell. (Too many times I’ve found them on a random place on the floor in my old, filthy apartment after my usual habit of blacking out. I don’t know how I’d find them, honestly. I am extremely nearsighted, and had to crawl on my hands and knees through the trash to locate them. I was used to it — It was all part of the routine.) Now the worst that happens is they fall off my bed, and I have a backup pair, just in case. Little things like that make me grateful for leaving drinking in the past.

The urge to write won’t subside, so I’ve found myself on my old laptop, in the middle of the dark night, in a dark room; the only light offered glaring harshly at me from the screen. Still, I’m drifting in and out, confused. I’m forgetting what I’m doing. Not in the sense of “shit, what did I come in this room for?”, but feeling like my mind is being wiped out over and over again. I I have to reread previous notes I jotted down just to stay connected with my thoughts, when they’re not being blocked off. It’s all failing me tonight, though, as my notes were completely incoherent, and my internal dialogue is too exhausted to help me know know where to go and that to do. My memory is failing me, too. “My thoughts go black.” I don’t really have to explain myself about this situation, do I? Just a waste of time and space, but oh, how I hate the dark, except for the cover it provides. The escape it provides. When my mind is right, the peace it provides. “No one can see me.” But right now, my mind is not well, and there is no peace.

I was at a meeting today, and the topic was, ofc, the Coronavirus. If/when I get healthy, I want to go back to school to get my Masters in Public Health with a concentration in epidemiology. Outbreaks, the cause, the threat, and most of all, the symptoms are kind of my thing. It might have been a fun and stimulating meeting, if I wasn’t in a room full of people who couldn’t tell their asses from their elbows and are obviously had all the sensationalized, worst-case-scenario, click-bait articles as their only sources for what’s really going on. Social media distorts everything it touches, and takes the gullible ones, holding them hostage with their implanted doomsday beliefs. People are always getting caught up with whatever the newest threat of an epidemic could be. Nothing new to see here, besides the exponential power of the media. Freak out, it tells us. It won’t be alright.

A gentleman was sharing about some real issues he was having, not “oh no, we’re not gonna make it ‘cause we’re out of toilet paper!” It was a nice little break from all this virus talk (I do live in a county where I know for certain three people have tested positive, so that’s unnerving and a little too close to home for me). So this guy is sharing, and after you’ve been going to these groups for so long, you start to see different faces with the same story or vice versa.

I know that it’s not uncommon for an individual who is overcome with feelings of despair, failure, illness, fatigue, loss, hopeless, loneliness, etc to implore some higher being or presence to “please don’t let me wake up in the morning” or “please take me in my sleep.” He shared an experience he had which was just that. Wanting to not wake up. Dreading waking up. These narratives are not easy to hear, and my sympathy and empathy go out to anyone feeling like that’s the only way they can end the pain they’re experiencing. I’ve personally been there a lot. Much more than I let on.

A peaceful passing in your bed can sound so tempting. But there’s no guarantee that those feelings won’t chase you down on the other side.

keep running.

Thankfully, this man was speaking about something that happened quite a while ago, but it doesn’t make it any easier to digest.

We hear stories (go to a few AA meetings or other support groups, and you’ll hear plenty of stories) of how those mistreated, broken bodies, tormented minds and unwell souls did wake up the next day — their requests to exit this reality seemingly denied. Even if the answer is “no”, oftentimes, waking up with the slow and steady thud of your pulse and your lungs filling with air can be all you need to embrace that you are, indeed, alive. Things happen the way they are supposed to. If you’re still residing on the Pale Blue Dot, then there’s a reason you’re here. I should take my own advice, because I tend to say “fuck it, who cares? I quit. None of this matters” far too often.

But — we never have the opportunity to hear about those prayers that are answered in an affirmative manner, because if g-d says “yes”, they don’t wake up in the morning to tell the tale, just like they desired. It’s not something we’re privy to, since those desperate moments are between a (wo)man and their conceptualization of something superior and much more dangerous than us on Earth, capable of giving and taking life.

So I guess we just don’t know what’s really going on, and how many deaths (if any -- I’m agnostic so I don’t believe I or anyone else knows either way). We’re probably not supposed to know. How many people’s lives are ended because they asked their Higher Power to let them go peacefully, and their prayer was answered.

I could ask for death tonight, not wake up tomorrow, and no one would be the wiser as to why. Is that the true cause of people dying in their sleep — because they asked, begged, pleaded for it? I guess my question is are our wishes and prayers actually granted or denied (a “yes” OR a “no” is still a response), or, is everything in this world just one big coincidence? Are those who did wake up and changed their lives crediting someone/thing that doesn’t even exist (a placebo effect on faith, spirituality, and/or the thinking mind), or did they experience a loose version of divine intervention of sorts because their deity wasn’t ready for them quite yet?

If I prayed for death every night, inevitably it would come for me.

A broken clock is right twice a day.