#Vanessa del Rio

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Hot Salsa magazine, November 1994

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vanessa del rio✨

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Vanessa Del Rio

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Vanessa Del Rio

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Watching Retro Porn Channel.

Just saw Vanessa Del Rio.

The biggest clitoris I have ever seen. I couldn't help but stare.

I wonder if it was always the size of a store bought breakfast sausage?

I think about things like this

~Red

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Put On Your Raincoats | Bizarre Styles (Stevens, 1981)

Some titles are purely literal. Others have depth and are chock full of meaning. The title here refers to both the work of our fashion designer heroine Vanessa Del Rio, as well as the ostensibly unusual variety of sexual activity depicted. You see, it has two meanings. Some films have titles with just one meaning, so this is a pretty good deal.

On that note, I must regrettably inform you that Del Rio does NOT wear the leopard outfit she wears on the poster in the actual movie. She does not leap around, like a leopard would. She does not make any roaring sounds or scratching motions. If these were the primary reasons you watched this movie, as they were for me, the finished product will carry a certain amount of disappointment. I can't hate any movie with Del Rio, but I must admit she's underused.

I should also note that the fashion show that the Letterboxd description suggests the movie is centred on actually comes two thirds into the runtime and lasts just a few minutes. It barely figures into the rest of the movie, which is just a loose string of sex scenes with little in the way of connective tissue. Not all pornos in the pre-gonzo era were models of narrative sturdiness. I guess the "Harem Hotline" belly dancer outfit worn by Annie Sprinkle was cute, though.

The sex scenes are also executed with little flair, aside from the cross-cutting the movie deploys in the last third, but instead serve as a catalogue of consensual kinks, depicted with enough attention that those with certain proclivities would likely find them pretty hot. It probably played better if you were jacking off in a 42nd Street theatre forty years ago than if you're trying to watch it like an actual movie in the Year of Our Lord 2023, is what I'm saying, although I did like the scene featuring the dominatrix with a thick Noo Yawk accent. And maybe a few others too, but let's keep that on the down low.

The score sounds like it has just a handful of pieces. The disparaging way to frame this is that it's repetitive. The appreciative way is that it's cohesive. Anyway, I liked the mix of funky guitar and electronic fuzz, but I admit it got a little tiring by the end of the movie.

This movie also has a lot of weird hair, from Sprinkle's bouffant do to Honey Stevens' rat tail to whatever was going on with the cockney woman. And on the male side, we get a clean shaven Ashley Moore... and it looks plain wrong. Please grow it back.