#Walking in Shadmoor

[jchb32273]

A little snippet from Kylara’s Origins...

From Chapter 27 in my LongFic. This covers Kylara and Cullen’s first reunion since the attack on Kinloch Hold. 

The Whole Story is here

Knight-Commander Greagoir greeted us. “Ah, Wardens. What brings you back over here?”

“A couple of things, ser.” I suddenly saw Cullen enter the main hall. I tried to smile at him, but he quickly looked away, turned, and walked back out of the room. My heart crumbled. Alistair quickly saw and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I then faced Greagoir again, who was waiting for me to continue. I cleared my throat. “Sorry, ser. As I was starting to say, we came to speak with the First Enchanter about a few things before heading back out. We’re actually on our way to Denerim.”

“I see.” The Knight-Commander turned around. “Where is everyone?” I heard him mutter. “Carroll? Cullen? Anyone?”

Cullen, who apparently had just been lingering on the other side of the door, reluctantly poked his head back into the main hall. “Yes, ser?”

“Take the two Wardens to the First Enchanter, please.”

Cullen hesitated, then finally said, “But ser, she used to live here. I think she knows the way to Irving’s office.”

“You are questioning my orders?” Greagoir’s eyebrows raised. “The Warden no longer lives here. Protocol dictates that she needs to be escorted. She should also be treated with courtesy as an honored guest.”

Well now, that is a change from how I was greeted when I first came back here!

“Yes, ser,” Cullen mumbled. He slowly walked up to us.

“Ah, Knight-Commander, ser?” Alistair said, suddenly and to my surprise, “I’ll stay here with the rest of our companions. I’ll let Kylara speak to the First Enchanter by herself.”

I realized that he was intending for me to actually try and speak to Cullen alone. I nodded as he gave me a smile.

“Very well. Cullen, escort young Kylara up to Irving’s office. You will then wait there until her business has concluded and then escort her back here. Understand?”

“Yes, ser,” he replied quietly.

“What was that?”

Cullen stood up straighter and spoke a bit louder. “I said, yes, ser.” He turned to me but didn’t look me in the eyes. “Come on, now. Follow me.”

After we left together, Cullen stayed ahead of me. He walked somewhat quickly and even though I could have kept up with him, I pretended to have some difficulty.

“Cullen, please slow down. I can’t walk that fast.”

He said nothing in reply but did slow down slightly.

I tried again. “Cullen, please. Can’t you talk to me? I’m not a stranger, you know.” I sighed. “We were friends.”

Cullen abruptly stopped, almost causing me to run into him. I saw his fists clench. “Friends,” I heard him mutter. “Ha! As if I ever really knew you. Knew any of you… mages.” He spat out the last word as though it was a vile curse.

I winced. Even though the attack on the Tower had happened over three and a half months ago, it was clear that Cullen was still having a hard time dealing with what had happened.

“Cullen,” I whispered. I gently put my hand on his arm to try and comfort him, but he violently shook it off.

“Don’t touch me,” he practically hissed. “You have no idea what I went through! I begged to the Knight-Commander to let me have some time away from here, but he said I needed to stay here. That in time I’d learn to forgive and forget. But I will never forget! Never! Do you understand?!”

“Cullen, no one is asking you to forget. But you do need to… forgive,” I said softly.

He turned and glared at me. “You have a lot of gall to ask that of me. You…” He closed his eyes and took a breath. Then he reopened them and continued. “You, who started the whole nightmare for me! Because you were infatuated with me! You tried to sway me from my vows with your damning kiss! You… opened me to Uldred’s influence!” He backed away from me and stood up against the wall. “The… things he made me see!” He shuddered and took another deep breath. “Why should I forgive any mage… especially you!”

I was hurt, but his response made me angry as well. “Look, I understand you were tortured. I know what happened to your comrades! I was here too! I know what evil Uldred did! I know that some mages can be easily swayed by demons, but I am not one of them! I fought to save every last person here, no matter if they were mage or Templar! I killed the abomination that Uldred had become to free you, and this is the thanks you give me?”

Cullen actually looked a bit ashamed even as there was still anger on his face. He hesitated and then said, “How do you know you’ll never be tempted by a demon?”

“I already have been tempted.” Cullen started to nod, a slight sneer on his face, but I cut him off. “I beat the shit out of her to free not only myself from her foul influence, but from a child she had possessed.”

“Who?” he asked.

“Arl Eamon’s son, Connor.”

“Connor?”

“Yes. He’s a mage. He will be brought to the Tower soon. Probably after we finish dealing with the Blight.” Then I remembered another demon I had recently dealt with. “There was also another one who tried to possess a little girl in Shadmoor. The demon had shape-shifted into a cat and tried to trick the girl into freeing her from an enchanted prison. I put that demon in its place too!” I stared deep into Cullen’s amber eyes. “So don’t even think for one moment that I am the kind of mage who would ever take the ‘easy road’ to get anywhere!”

Cullen simply stared at me now. He blinked a few times, then simply said, “No, I suppose you are not.”

“Cullen, believe me when I say that I understand the trauma you are dealing with. I haven’t exactly had it easy since I’ve become a Grey Warden. I’ve almost died a few times…”

His eyes got big. “What?”

“We were betrayed at Ostagar by Loghain. Alistair and I almost died there. We were saved, thankfully.”

His eyes narrowed now. “How?”

“By a young mage and her mother who lived in the Korcari Wilds.”

“Apostates?!”

I sighed. “Yes, Cullen. Apostates. Mages not under Chantry watch. But I will have you know right here and now, that if it had not been for them, I would no longer be here to help battle the Blight. Not only did the mother rescue Alistair and I from Ostagar, but her daughter helped save me when Jowan tried to kill me.”

“You came across Jowan? Where is he now? We can send some Templars to apprehend him!”

“You needn’t worry about Jowan. He is dead.”

“Oh.” His lips thinned. “But what of the other apostates? This girl and her mother? Do I need to tell Knight-Commander Greagoir?”

“NO! Haven’t you been listening to me? Had it not been for them, I would be dead! Not all apostates are evil! Not all mages are evil! You need to learn this and move on with your life!”

Several doors had opened and I saw mage apprentices poking their heads out at the commotion.

Cullen glared. “Get back to bed! All of you! NOW!”

The mages quickly withdrew and the doors were slammed shut.

“Cullen… Was that really necessary?”

“They need to learn their place!” he growled.

“You are going to make them resent you,” I sighed. “If I held on to every grudge, every bad thing that has happened to me these last few months, do you honestly think I’d be able to do my job as a Grey Warden?”

He exhaled sharply. “You make it sound like it will be easy! Like I could just snap my fingers and that’s it. Erase the days of torture that I endured. Erase the memories of what Uldred did to my comrades, my brothers!”

“I never said it would be easy, Cullen. All I am asking is that you try.”

Cullen subtly shook his head, then turned and began walking towards Irving’s office again without any other words. I sighed again and followed. As we walked, I remember my vision of Cullen from the Temple of the Sacred Ashes. Because of Uldred, my anger towards you and other mages will remain for some time, but you must not let the guilt of it weigh you down… I could only hope the vision would come true in time…

[sunkentreasurecove]