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[thatiranianphantom]

Recappin’ Riverdale 1x03: Body Double

Episode summary:

I feel like this episode thought it was making this feminist statement, but it’s....contrasted with the whole rest of the show? Like, no. Women on this show are played as sexual objects. RAS has out and out admitted to dressing the cast, particularly the female cast, in provocative clothing specifically so people can lust on them. You don’t get to think you’re being so feminist and progressive when that’s disproven by every scene on this show. Betty’s FIRST SCENE was in a bra, and she was fifteen. Was that just...for comfort? Or maybe it was to say “come watch our show! We have hot young actors!”

Also I get a bit more in-depth rambley, under the cut!

- Oh god, I can’t even stand the voiceover. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Jughead Jones is a TERRIBLE writer. He’s also REALLY fond of adjectives. And if this was an intentional character choice, it’d fit so well. It’s so like a teen to have this exaggerated sense of self-importance. It would make sense that he THINKS he’s a better writer than he IS. But that’s not how Riverdale works. Jughead is a writer stand-in, and they probably think the narration sounds edgy and profound. Look, voiceover narration is hard to get right. God knows I’m annoyed by Grey’s Anatomy’s voiceovers more than I enjoy them. But like, maybe go with the style Criminal Minds used? I always enjoyed hearing their beginning and ending quotes, instead of this hipster garbage. 

- “I loved Jason more than I do myself” we should have and could have done a deep dive into Cheryl’s characterization, instead of having Toni briefly touch on it. Cheryl does not have ONE stable, healthy connection in her life. She has ZERO reference for what a healthy relationship looks like. She has no healthy connections. Jason was the only loving relationship in her life, and I would not call that a healthy relationship. 

- That dress Cheryl wears. She has so many better outfits. 

- GREAT interrogation, Tom Keller. A+. We’ve saved a place in a line of Riverdale’s top law enforcement for you. God, can anyone get a decent sheriff here? I’m calling Nicole Haught. 

- God I feel so bad for Cheryl, especially in season 1. How she could turn out as she is now despite enduring nonstop abuse is amazing. And let’s be clear, Riverdale. The way she was treated is ABUSE, whether you want to recognize that or not. 

- S1 Alice was cold af. I mean, now, they really don’t know what they’re doing with her and never have, but she’s really rigid here. 

- FIRST BUGHEAD SCENE! I love that she immediately calls him “Juggy”. Inquiring minds want to know about these two’s past.  

- Girl’s done her research. 

- Honestly, did we think Jughead could say no to Betty?

- Tiny flirting. Love it. 

- Ah, retroactive parenting. The Fred Andrews MO. 

- Okay, I’m glad they redeemed Chuck. We all know how good Riverdale is with their POC characters. 

- Betty’s outfit in this hallway scene. Blue loose top, blue cardigan, jeans....this is a FAR CRY from her S4 outfits. 

- THE STICKY MAPLE. GOOD GOD. I THOUGHT I COULDN’T CRINGE MORE.

- I read a fic once, I wish I knew who it was by, where Veronica kind of took the “sticky maple” thing and ran with it, implying Chuck was...lacking, and he was begging her to take it down. I wish they had done that. 

- Betty covering her face in the locker room. I love it. 

- And thus we begin on teenagers being far more competent than law enforcement. 

- Okay so Josie and Cheryl are friends?

- Some proof that Riverdale doesn’t plan ahead:

Tony Topaz?

-  Ethel being the one who’s constantly screwed over. Need someone with a creepy Jughead obsession? ETHEL! Comics backs this so we’re in the clear! Need someone to fall into a cult and nearly die? I know just who! Need someone to be creepily watching other people’s sex tapes? There’s our girl! 

- Boys will be boys HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS

- Poor Camila. She does what she can with some VERY shoddily written dialogue. 

- Ditto Madelaine. 

- “I saw the way you looked at me” - Okay, Jug

- Archie did not have the black eye earlier in the episode and now it’s back? God the script supervisor must hate her job, her life, and everyone around her

- TREV. I hate people in fanfic making him out to be the villain he never was. 

- The Betty ballet bun. It’s adorable. 

- Josie is so freaking gorgeous

- Okay we also meet the Dark!Betty plotline this episode. What a super realistic, healthy, nuanced portrayal of mental illness. 

- You should know that I skipped most of the Dark!Betty scenes because I am just...disgusted with *gestures vaguely* all of this

- I ain’t going to say Alice didn’t deserve that punch. 

- Some secretive Jarchie. There’s a secret relationship AU video in here, if you edit. 

- “Slut-shaming. That’s what they call it when sluts get shamed.” THANKS ALICE. Would have been really hard to piece that together without you. 

- “Soundproofing the garage” Fred Andrews doing himself a favor. 

- Also skipping the grooming scenes. I don’t know how that wasn’t presented as EW as it was. 

Anyway, that’s episode 3! Hope my conservative estimate of one person reading this enjoys hearing my thoughts!