#When he meets Daisy's daughter. it felt like he was having Real-Boy Guilt

[chatdae]

Robert Redford as Jay Gatsby was really good at expressing different sides of the character. Sometimes Gatsby seems really mature and distant; other times he seems really adoring and earnest, yet still mature; other times he seems completely starry-eyed and naive. A lot of this comes from the script and visuals but still, I think Redford is a big part of it. By the end of the movie, Gatsby really seemed like a dreaming teenage boy in a man's body

Special nod to the way Redford delivers "Loved me...too?" during the argument at the hotel. It was palpable just how pitifully incapable Gatsby was of imagining Daisy in a way that wasn't absolutely perfect

[lizzy-williams]

𝗣𝗿𝗮𝘆 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗠𝗲.

🧢 Warnings: Spoilers, language, trigger warning

🧢 Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN9Yqeuo9Fo

Hey Kids by Molina (REALLY slowed down)

((I think that the music really fits the aesthetic of this movie, so like... listen to it while reading?))

- Tom Holland Masterlist

- Masterlist

I don’t think that I’ve ever seen anyone more embarrassed than Emma was that day. I had known the Russels for years. Sometimes they would even invite my mother and I over for dinner. 

But watching Rev. Teagardin humiliate her like that. Calling her less fortunate. She looked mortified. He was scarfing down her chicken livers as if it were a burden. Emma looked almost in tears. 

But when I looked over at Arvin, I could feel the anger radiating off him. Like the sun shining down on asphalt on a hot summer’s day. I knew Arvin was violent. I had seen it my fair share whenever someone picked on Lenora after school had dismissed everyone for the day. 

He wouldn’t fight them then, like anyone usually would. He’d leave. Then come back, picking them off one by one. And after I saw what he did to a few boys the past week, I knew what he was capable of. 

He held his grandmother close that day, his arm wrapped firmly around her shoulder, holding her as she buried her face into his shoulder, the unsettled expression on her face no longer seen by the people in the church who were looking her way. 

When everyone began eating, I watched as the Russels walked out, their heads almost hanging low. I nearly missed them, their escape was almost unnoticeable. Which was good, considering what had just happened. 

I excused myself, my mother giving a quick nod as I stepped away from the conversation. 

“Ms. Russel?” I walked quickly to catch up with them, “Ms. Russel??” 

The first one to turn around was Lenora, her eyes darting to the ground once hers met mine. 

Soon all three of them had stopped, Emma finally meeting my gaze. 

“I-I’m sorry about what happened in there, I’m sure the chicken livers were amazing. You truly have a talent...,” I paused, watching as her eyes softened up, “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d love it if you’d show me how to make them, if you’re willin’,”

Emma reached out and grabbed my hand, a smile on her face as she began to speak, her voice weak. 

“Of course. Thank you, [ y / n ], those words really mean somethin’.”

I nodded my head, “Well, I’m speakin’ the truth.”

For a second, only for a second, I looked up at Arvin. And he looked right back at me.

The diner was almost closed, the clock on the wall reading 10:00 pm. 

My blue uniform was stained with coffee, among other things. My hair was driving me crazy, and my clothes were wrinkled. My tights looked yellowed and my shoes were scuffed. 

God was really testin’ me today, wasn’t he?

The door suddenly opened, the bell above it ringing, making me jump. Everyone else had already left. So it was just me that had to clean up and lock up. 

I guess plans changed now. 

I knew who it was once I took a good look at him. That denim jacket was somethin’ I could recognize from a mile away. 

Arvin sat at the counter, taking his hat off, setting it to his left side, situating himself on the seat. 

“What can I get you, hun?” I knew it was cheesy as all hell to put the ‘hun’ at the end, but whenever I added that, I usually got a bigger tip.

“I’ll just have a coffee.”

“A coffee at this time-a night?” I giggled, “You must be pullin’ an all nighter.” 

He gave an unreadable smile in my direction, and I got the hint, turning around and pouring the last of the coffee in the pot into a tan mug. But I knew he was watching me. After all, what else was there to look at?

I set the coffee down, and for a moment he watched my hands as I set it down. Secretly, I hoped that he noticed the red nail polish decorating my nails. My mother always said red suited me like a tiger with its stripes. 

He then looked up, his golden-brown eyes meeting mine as he opened his mouth to speak. 

“I appreciate what you said to my grandmother the other day. The reverend ain’t got no business treatin’ her like that.”

I gave a simple nod, leaning over the counter and locking my knees. 

“I agree. What he said wasn’t right. Makes me think he might be better off as one of the men on the radio. But then again, he might be over-qualified.”

Arvin let out a small laugh, a smile on his face, and I could feel my cheeks beginning to turn a light shade of pink. 

The music in the background gave a soft atmosphere. 

“My grandma wanted to invite you and your mother over for supper tomorrow night. Suppose you can do that?” he asked.

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

The drive up to the Russell’s home wasn’t too far from town, and mother knew her way there like she was the one who lived there. Her and Emma had been friends for a while, meeting in church of course, and she also happened to know Lenora’s mother. 

We pulled up, the sun just setting. Emma came outside just as she heard the engine of the car, my mother hopping out the car, hugging her tightly. As I opened the car door, I immediately looked for Arvin in spite of myself. 

“Oh, dear, come give Auntie Emma a hug,” my mother called to me. 

“Hey, Emma,” I greeted, giving her a big hug. She always smelled like cigarettes and daisies with a hint of peach. 

“Hello, darlin, you look stunning,” she enquired, referring to the new top my mother bought for me recently. 

I quite liked the pink top. It fit well with my jeans. 

“Where’s Arvin?” my mother asked. I secretly thanked her in my head for asking the question, just so I didn’t have to. 

“Oh, he’s out there somewhere,” she motioned towards the clear branches of the small forest they had behind the house, “Mind wrangling him in for dinner?” 

“Course, Emma,” I smiled, my mother leading the older woman inside. 

I gave a small sigh, looking at the expanse of the skinny trunks of trees. I walked out, the leaves crunching under my feet. At least I knew that he could hear me coming. 

“Arvin?” I called out, hoping to catch a glimpse of the brown eyes that had been bothering me in my dreams for the past several days. 

“Arvin??”

“[ y / n ]?” I heard from behind me. 

I jumped, turning around. 

“Arvin!” I held my hand over my chest, “You scared the hell outta me!”

“My apologies.” he said. 

“Your grandma wanted me to ‘wrangle’ you in for supper,”

“Well, come on then, there’s no use in keepin’ everyone waitin’,”

He grabbed my hand, making my heart jolt as he pulled me along with him, practically dragging me through the sticks. 

As everyone sat down for dinner, Emma set down her special dish at the center of the table. It was the chicken livers she had made for the reverend, looking like an exact copy. 

“These look amazing, Emma,” I smiled up at her, and in return she gave me a grateful smile. 

“Well, what are y’all waitin’ for?” Emma laughed, “Dig in,”

By the end of it, my plate was filled with food. Mashed potatoes, chicken, green beans, and fruit. 

Everyone started to eat, and I looked at everyone, my eyes first met Lenora. 

“So, Lenora,” I began, Arvin’s head immediately snapping up almost on instinct. 

I didn’t blame him. Gene Dinwoodie and his friends always made fun, and eventually, so did everyone else. But I every time I encountered her, I was always nice. 

“I heard you did real good in math class,” I smiled, Lenora looking down at her plate, “Must be nice, you really are smart,” 

“Thank you,” she muttered, a shy smirk on her face. 

I then felt a hand take mine, giving it a soft squeeze. I looked over, Arvin’s face contorted into a thankful expression. 

“She is quite the smart one, ain’t she?” Emma smiled, proud as punch of her daughter. 

And so we ate, and talked, and ate some more. And when Emma brought out the pie after dinner, Arvin and I found our way out to the porch, both of us sitting together on the stairs. 

“I heard what you did to Gene and his friends,” I brought up, Arvin giving a look of guilt, partly hoping I didn’t think lowly of him, “I don’t blame you, he's so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.”

Arvin let out a full-hearted laugh at that, and I felt the heat on my cheeks come back. He nudged my shoulder as I tried to take another bite of blueberry pie. 

“I don’t think the people in this town realize how twisted people are. Everybody loves Gene, even though he’s meaner than a grizzly bear, and not to mention that flashy preacher.”

“Somethin’ about him don’t seem right,” I agreed, looking out into the night, the light behind us on the porch casting a shadow. 

“I don’t like the way he looks at Lenora.” he admitted, “He’s a lyin’ son of a bitch, he would tell you an alligator is a lizard.”

“I guess it’ll just be between us, because nobody else will hate the reverend. Maybe we can just... pray somewhere else,”

Arvin looked over at me, a glint in his eyes. Somethin’ told me the idea was familiar. 

“Alright then, pray with me,” he set his plate to the side, looking over at me. 

“Oh, you mean right now?” 

“Yeah. Why not?”

So we sat together, praying for nothing imparticular.

And that night, I saw a different side of Arvin. Not the mean, angry bully the other kids would refer to him as. And I was almost certain that I was falling in love with him.

“[ y / n ]??” My mother called from downstairs, “[ y / n ]!!!”

I rushed downstairs as fast as I could, my mother gripping the phone as she looked destroyed. 

“Mama?” I asked walking over to her quickly, taking the phone, and putting it up to my ear. But there was nothing but a dial tone, “Mama, what happened?”

“I-It’s L-Lenora,” she stuttered out, holding her chest tightly, “Sh-She-”

“What, Mama, tell me,” I sat her down, asking her in a soft voice, trying to coax the answer out of her. 

“[ y / n ]... Lenora hung herself.”

I held my mama that night. Held her tight. But the only one I truly thought about was Arvin.

Everyone stood at the side of the grave, an oak colored coffin before it would be lowered into the ground. I held Arvin’s hand, his eyes red and puffy. He had been crying for a while. There was no use in trying to calm him down. He needed to mourn. 

“Oh lord,” Emma held her chest, my mother’s arm wrapped around her shoulders, “There’s just some things we can’t understand,” she leaned down to the coffin, “But you take her into your arms...” She held her bible close to her chest, sobs leaving her mouth. 

“Uh, ain’t somebody,” Uncle Earskell spoke, “Sayin’ prayers or,” he stopped to clear his throat, Arvin giving him a deadly look. 

Earskell stopped talking, Arvin helping his grandmother off the ground, her sobs never stopping, my hand lightly drifting across his back, the action encouraging him to do the same to Emma. 

The drive home was painfully silent. My mother drove, and I sat next to Arvin. I didn’t know what we were. As far as I knew, we were best friends. But I couldn’t help but want something more. 

But I couldn’t be selfish. He was going through a lot right now. I thought that all he needed right now was someone to be there for him. 

As we reached the Russell’s house, Earskell helped Emma out of the car, and I moved out of the way to let Arvin out. 

“Take care of yourself, Arvin,” I said, giving him a remorseful look. 

When I got the little piece of paper on my porch, I thought nothing else of it, putting it with my other mail. 

But when everyone began to talk about the preacher and how he was shot and killed, the things left on his corpse including a girl from town’s panties, I knew he had somethin to do with Lenora.

Arvin went missing off the face of the Earth. It killed me not knowing where she was, his family scared sick. My mother went to go help Emma, knowing that if that woman suffered anymore heartbreak, she would die. 

When I had gotten home from visiting the church, I opened the piece of paper.

My heart almost stopped as I read it. 

[ y / n ],

I am writing this to you because I know that there is no way I can say this to your face. There are things in this world you need to deal with firsthand. I know what happened to Lenora. Our suspicions were correct, he’s bad. Real bad. Just know that what I’m about to do is something I’m not doing because I want to. It’s because I have to. Don’t try and look for me, it’ll do you no good. 

But we will meet again, I swear it. 

Arvin.

But I was gonna go find him. I felt like I had to. He was my best friend. 

I couldn’t do this without Arvin. I was worried sick, trying hard not to think about worst case scenarios.

That night, I packed my bags. I didn’t know where to look first, but somethin told me he would head to his old hometown, Knockemstiff. I packed my bags, and tried my best not to look back, knowing if I did, I would. turn around. 

Two days had passed, and if I was completely honest, I didn’t know my east from my west. I didn’t bother to call my mother. I had other things on my mind. All I had was a bag in the back and a wallet full of cash. 

It was the middle of the day, and at this point I didn’t know if I was ever going to see him again. I clutched the wheel tightly, feeling my chest contract, tears brimming in them as I felt as if I would pass out. 

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK,” I yelled, trying to keep a stready way on the road. It was so hard. What was I doing? Leaving everything I’ve ever known for a boy. My mother had done the same thing, and as much as I loved her, I didn’t want to become her. 

I suddenly swerved to the side of the road, getting out of the car, slumping to the ground. I didn’t know what to think. I loved him. I would do anything to have his hand in mine again. Even if it was just for a second. 

“Please, please, please,” I found myself sobbing, repeating the same words over and over again. 

Everything that had happened. Everything that was discovered. Lenora, her mother, the story of Arvin’s mother and father. Everything built up. 

“[ y / n ]?” a soft voice in the distance, and for a second, I thought it was delusion. Something that was caused by the heat. It sounded like him, but it couldn’t have been. 

God really was cruel today wasn’t he?

“[ y / n ]!” the voice was closer now. I picked my head up and looked in the direction of the voice. 

I screamed on shock, picking myself up, running in the direction of the face that I had been thinking about ever since I left. 

I embraced him, sobbing into his shoulder, my body shaking, the boy’s bag dropped to hold onto me tight. I didn’t want to let go, I feared he would evaporate, disappear again. I prayed God wasn’t playing a cruel joke on me. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” I whimpered into his shoulder, my face buried into the crook of his neck. 

I pulled back, putting my hands to his face, one on each side, taking in his face. 

His eyes were filled with tears as well, his expression unreadable. I then took note of the dirt all over him, “Where did you go?” I whispered. 

“Please don’t take me back home,” he started crying, “I can’t face my grandma like this...,”

“I wasn’t planning on it. I wasn’t planning on going back myself.” I admitted. 

“Where are you headed?” 

“Wherever you’re goin’.” 

((Boy oh boy, here we go-))

[purplebass]

Pain & Pleasure 2/?

Hello! I saw that my Jordelia fan fiction was appreciated, and I honestly thought about a continuation, so here I am. I hope you also like this chapter. No idea how long it will be, but I guess until I am inspired. lol. Enjoy!

Couple: Cordelia Carstairs and James Herondale Rating: T

CHAPTER 1

After getting Cordelia safely to Kensington, James was hit with the realization of what had happened at the Merry Thieves’ private room at the Devil Tavern.

He felt a pang of guilt in his stomach, but what for? Was it guilt because he had kissed Cordelia when he still thought he liked Grace, or because of Cordelia’s reaction to that kiss? Cordelia hadn’t seemed enthusiastic about it once it was over. Yet, she had let him press his lips on hers for longer than he believed she would, so maybe the kiss had been what she wanted.

James sighed. He had entered the Institute several minutes before, but he had been sitting in the drawing room instead of going in his room. It wasn’t that late, but he hadn’t heard any voices when he came back and supposedly everyone had already gone to bed.

He looked at the fire, and the flames made him think about Cordelia again. Her hair wasn’t the exact color of the flames, but they were still fierce like a beacon brightening up the dark. Yes, Cordelia definitely burnt like a blazing fire when she had to help other people.

“By the angel,” James murmured to the fire and touched his forehead and closed his eyes, letting his body relax on the sofa. “Why Daisy, why? Why did you do it?”

“Has something happened, Jamie?”

James opened his eyes abruptly and shook his head, trying to conceal the confusion of his thoughts. There was still somebody up at the Institute. “No, papa, nothing.”

It was a lie, of course. James wanted to tell him that everything happened at once and he was flustered, but he didn’t want to discuss this with his father. Will was probably the happiest out of his family about his engagement with Cordelia. Not that his mother wasn’t happy for them, but his father was the one obsessed with the Carstairs to the point that he couldn’t hide his excitement about this future event – to the point that he called his uncle Jem even when nobody needed medical help from a Silent Brother just to see him or hear his voice in his head.

His engagement was a big lie. A fabrication to save himself and Cordelia.

James felt sick to have to pretend in front of Will, since they had a good relationship and he always almost told him everything. For one, he hadn’t told him about what was going on with him and Grace, even though his parents had realized it later, probably, after Magnus had taken him home and saved him from drowning in the Serpentine. He feared that they would also find out that what was going on between him and Cordelia was nothing than what they thought it would be. And the thought frightened him. Besides the fact that it could ruin Cordelia, he was scared that the respect and trust his father and mother had in him could change. That they could judge his actions and don’t understand the reasons behind them. But then he thought, my parents aren’t judgmental people. If and when it happens, they will understand. Won’t they? They would understand.

Will sat on the sofa besides his son. He was wearing his night clothes, and he was probably going to bed. “It was gentlemanly of you to accompany your fiancée home.”

“I couldn’t let her take a hansom cab. It was late.”

“We raised you well,” he commented, with a glint of pride in his eyes. “I’m very happy that you are marrying her, James.”

James managed a smile, then looked at the fire again, trying to evade his father’s gaze. “I think we are fated to be together,” he said without thinking. How he wanted to kick himself for that line. He sounded corny, but he knew that his father would understand and would buy the lie even better. What bothered him was that when they would divorce after a year of marriage, these words would laugh back at him. Especially when he didn’t completely believe in fate. He was damned, after all. And in his case, fate didn’t have a positive connotation, but a negative one, like ill-fated. He hoped his and Cordelia’s lives wouldn’t be tainted by ill-fate after this.

“Fated? That is a nice way to put it,” Will agreed. “I’ve always tried for us to meet with Cordelia’s family whenever they were nearby, but I surely wouldn’t have thought that you would fall for her. You know how ecstatic I am that she will become a daughter for me and your mother, but we couldn’t expect you to be attracted to her. I mean, she might have not been your type. But seeing that you chose her brings me so much joy.”

James nodded. His father was already on the Cordelia train. It was crystal clear. Then why wouldn’t he jump on this train as well? Yes. Grace. He loved Grace, but Cordelia… He needed to stop thinking about Grace. Yet, he looked at the silver bracelet on his wrist. “Well, since you couldn’t marry uncle Jem, there will still be a Herondale that will marry a Carstairs,” James teased, knowing that his father didn’t mind him joking about his love for his ex parabatai.

He knew that if Jem hadn’t been a Silent Brother, his father and his mother would have probably married each other and his uncle, had it been legal. James knew Will loved Tessa more than his own life, but he also loved uncle Jem the same way. And James was a bit jealous sometimes. He also wanted to receive that love from somebody who wasn’t Lucie or his parents or Matthew or uncle Jem. He thought that person would be Grace, but it didn’t seem like it would be possible at the moment. He wondered if in the meantime he could come to love Cordelia, perhaps. Perhaps the lie could turn into reality?

His father laughed at his joke and put a hand on his shoulder, suddenly becoming serious. “I know you are a good boy, James. Not only because we tried to teach you about loyalty and love, about trust and kindness. You are truly kindhearted. And I know you will treat Cordelia well, but I just want to tell you this. If you are bothered by something, anything, share your burden. It may come to you as a silly request, but I know you, Jamie. You are a quiet boy as well as good, and there are some things that plague your mind that I understand you don’t want to share with me or your mother. But James, don’t leave your future wife out of your mind. Let her help you. You like to take the world on your shoulders and help the people in need, but you should also learn to ask others to give you a hand. And I see Cordelia is just like you. After all, you may really be fated like you say.”

James was stunned. It wasn’t the first time his father had told him that. He knew that he didn’t always tell them everything, and it didn’t bother him. On the other hand, he appreciated his parents for giving he and his sister space and being close to them and affectionate at the same time. They were a close-knit family and he loved his parents. That’s why it hurt him more to lie.

“I don’t know what to say,” he replied.

“You don’t have to say anything, fy machgen. I know your ears work,” he grinned.

James bent over to hug his father. It was Will who usually did that, because he loved to shower him and Lucie with affection and he usually took the initiative. But in that moment, he felt like taking upon himself to do it first. For someone it might have been weird or something to be ashamed of, because he was a seventeen-year-old hugging his father as if he were a child. To James, instead, it was something to be proud of, because it proved that a man could still be vulnerable and in need of affection, or simply, a guy just wanted to tell his father how much he loved him. And it was silly to think he would need to justify his actions. That was one of the things he learnt from his parents: don’t be ashamed to love and to show your love.

This made him think about Cordelia. And he was ashamed, because their love was not real, and he thought he should fix it, or at least try.

“I’ll try my best, papa,” James said once the moment was over. Then Will told him he would go to bed because his wife was waiting, and he suggested him to do the same. To go to bed, he meant. Not to go to his future wife.

Cordelia was going to be his wife.

Cordelia was going to be his wife.

Cordelia…

Perhaps I should really try, Daisy, he thought that night while he was in bed, unable to sleep. At least I should try to lessen your burden by making these months pleasant. So that it won’t be a burden to be with me for show, even if you don’t love me.

The following day, James woke up early to do just that. He wore his black coat and tried to warm himself against the cold autumn weather, by walking to Cordelia’s house. He thought it wouldn’t be that odd for him to show up on her doorstep without announcing himself. He was her fiancée, after all. So, when Cordelia’s maid Risa opened the door after he knocked several times, he wasn’t expecting to find a familiar face in her drawing room.

James waited for a moment in the dark, like a shadow. But this time he didn’t turn into thin air, because he felt everything, like the pang of jealousy in his gut.

Matthew was there. His Matthew.

“James,” Cordelia rose from the armchair she was sitting on. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

James tried to smile and hide his feelings. What was he feeling, exactly? He wasn’t able to tell. It was foreign, yet, something familiar. He was confused. “I…” James said, but he couldn’t find the words. “I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to take a walk with me.”

Cordelia was taken aback. “I fear we can’t this morning, James. Matthew was just telling me that his mother said that my father is arriving in London,” she told him excitedly.

“Hello, James. Hope you don’t mind me here, but I wanted to give Cordelia the good news in person,” he explained, still sitting on the far end of the velvet sofa. From the cups on the small table in front of it, it looked like they were having tea.

James thought he was silly. Why would Matthew be at his fiancée’s house before nine in the morning, if not to tell her such important news? But still, his jealousy didn’t go away. Perhaps because he still remembered the way Matthew and Cordelia had gazed at each other during their engagement party, and how they had made each other laugh. He didn’t have to lie to himself. It could be that Matthew liked Cordelia and that Cordelia fancied Matthew. After all, he also loved Matthew. He believed a person like Cordelia may come to love him as well. Under the eccentric exterior, Matthew was someone who desperately wanted to be loved. What if his parabatai and his childhood friend, now fake fiancée, would fall in love?

James didn’t know if he liked the idea or not, but he had to consider that possibility. Still, he had to try to make everyday count, so that he could say he tried his best.

“That’s great, Daisy,” he replied. “Is he coming here now?”

“No, we were about to take the Consul’s carriage to go to the Silent City. He’s being held there for the moment, since they wanted Silent Brothers to examine him,” Cordelia explained. James noticed her tone was happy, but there was a bit of worry in her words, especially if her father was to be examined by a Silent Brother, which James knew he didn’t like.

“Then I’ll come with you. Would you mind, Daisy?”

“No, of course not, James. After all, it is better if we go there together, since he doesn’t know about our… our arrangement,” she said, looking uneasy for a moment.

“Alright,” Matthew said, “I guess it is time to go. My mother said that Elias would arrive at nine sharp. We should move.”

“Isn’t your mother coming?” James wondered.

Cordelia shook her head. “The Silent Brothers told her it’s better she stays home and rests because she’s pregnant, to avoid that she loses the baby. So, we’ll take my father here.”

James nodded and then the three of them went out on the street and reached Matthew’s carriage and got in.

It would be a long ride to the Silent City, and James really didn’t know nor was prepared or what to expect from that journey. He just knew that it would be harder than he thought to win Cordelia’s attention, but he loved challenges.