#Wilder Blake Vernon Lahey (Original Character)

[spookyblazecoffee]

Isla: Many people are mildly dehydrated and don’t realize it. You should drink at least six glasses of water per day. Raine: No, eight glasses! Wilder: I heard ten. Erica: You need to drink at least five glasses of water per minute. *later…* Camden: Okay, I just read through every study I could find to try to figure out whether low-grade dehydration is even a real thing. Isla: What did you learn? Camden: If you spend all day doing research and forget to eat or drink, you start to feel pretty bad. Raine: I’ll get some water. Camden: But how many glas–whoa, feeling dizzy. Jack: Maybe you should just drink straight from the tap.

[spookyblazecoffee]

*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation* Camden: How do you eat pickles? Wilder: What do you mean? Camden: I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand, because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes. Wilder: Yeah, that's why you use a fork. Camden: Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean. Wilder: But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it, it's too much work. Camden: It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl. Wilder: I get that, it's not ascetically pleasing. Camden: Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug. Wilder: *Nods in agreement* Erica: That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS! Camden: Jeez, okay. Wilder: Quit yelling at us already.