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callunavulgari · 5 years

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“In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away”

Heather’s Top 25 50 Songs of 2018!

guts — alex winston // sweet dreams — mark hadley // africa — toto // go to war — nothing more // smallest light — ingrid michaelson // my friends — oh wonder // knocking on heaven’s door — raign // rememberance — balmorhea // hazy shade of winter — hidden citizens // time after time — joseph william morgan // live in the moment — portugal. the man // killmonger — ludwig goransson // daddy issues — the neighbourhood // no roots — alice merton // run for your life — k.flay // play with fire — sam tinnesz // the sailor song — autoheart // warrior — steve james // IV. sweatpants — childish gambino // hello — via audio // daddy — emeli sande // paradise valley — honey and the sting // attila the king — nick glennie-smith // foolish — lauren shippen // experience — ludovico einaudi // singing in the rain — through juniper vale // hello stranger — barbara lewis // end credits suite — nicholas britell // ahead by a century — the tragically hip // achilles come down — gang of youths // without you — leslie odom jr. // natural — imagine dragons // sky full of song — florence & the machine // broken people — logic & rag’n’bone man // flesh and bone — black math // nina cried power— hozier // kol nidrey — the yuval ron ensemble // stronger — the score // rise like a phoenix — conchita wurst // heroes — mans zelmerlow // cut to the feeling — carly rae jepson // the greatest show — hugh jackman // the plains/bitter dancer — fleet foxes // always starting over — idina menzel // if i could turn back time — cher // new rules — dua lipa // fernando — cher // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // movement — hozier // seasons of love — rent cast

short version | long version

so, fun fact. if you start a playlist in january and add a song every time you really love it or find yourself listening to it a lot, by december you find yourself with... a very, very large playlist. 261 songs, 17 hours and 17 minutes large to be precise. which hey, last year the mix was 262 so that’s a pretty spot on average.

i sort of prefer the long one, but i mean, hey. there’s large playlists, and then there’s listing all 261 songs. so i broke it down into a moderately more digestible abridged version with only 50 songs. if you want the original playlist, the link is there. have fun. til then though, here’s my 50 most played.

i. guts || alex winston i know you're a liar, throw me into the fire man i should have known, i should have known god damn you're a liar, threw me into the fire

This song is one of those where the catchy jingle sort of hides that the meat of it is relatively dark. It’s a gorgeous song, one that I listened to for most of January, and off and on throughout the rest of the year. Alex Winston’s voice is like a dream. ii. sweet dreams || mark hadley ft. dresage Hold your head up Keep your head up, movin' on

This song I actually listened to a lot at the tale end of 2017, because it was released as part of the Wrinkle In Time trailer and it was absolutely gorgeous. This year, I found it on a Stranger Things fanvid and it’s been on my Stranger Things mix ever since.

iii. africa || toto I hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation She's coming in, 12:30 flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation

Speaking of songs that are on my Stranger Things playlist... I’m kind of at a loss as to why this got so freaking popular this year. I mean, it is a truly dope song and I’m super fond of it but like. Was it Stranger Things? Did it just become that anthem of the year? For me, it was that I wrote fanfiction to it and also we played it on loop while we were playing beer liquor pong on vacation. It was... super surreal. iv. go to war || nothing more Hush, my baby, make no sound Maybe we can wait each other out It's a cold war Let's go to war So, this song I actually heard driving home from my friend Alex’s after marathoning a few episodes of The Flash and it just hit me super hard. I mean, it’s a great song for my kind of ships, but also, it’s just a great song. v. smallest light || ingrid michaelson Just because you don't see us Doesn't mean that we don't exist Sometimes the smallest light Shines so bright I think I originally found this song on the Watercast playlist on spotify? And I really liked it, because I like most of the songs on that playlist, but like. I was driving to work one day and like, just got hit with the biggest plot bunny for Will and El as siblings. And like, I just had that bunny and this song percolating in my head for the rest of the day, and the song just kind of stuck with me. This song is Will and El’s anthem. vi. my friends || oh wonder Can I beat within your heart? Can I bleed within your love? Oh my friends

Okay, so like show of hands- who here has read We Were Liars? This is a mostly hypothetical question because I’m not sure anyone actually pays attention to these anymore but I like them, so fuck it. Point is, I was listening to the watercast playlist a lot while reading that book and this song was playing when we made certain discoveries that most of us had already guessed, and it made me cry. vii. knocking on heaven’s door || raign It's gettin' dark, too dark to see I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door

This fanvid happened around the time I was writing that Will and El as siblings fic and I basically played it and the video that inspired the next song on the list on repeat until I finished. This cover is lovely and haunting and just, such a freaking earworm.

viii. remembrance || balmorhea instrumental Yeah, this is the video. I actually used this song in a fanvid of my own a couple years ago, when I got to make a fanvid for @iki-teru‘s fantastic Yuffie-centric fic All Through the Circling Years which... I can no longer find, so maybe it was taken down? Either way, I loved the song immensely before, but that fanvid with Hopper is so fucking tragic and beautiful. ix. hazy shade of winter || hidden citizens Seasons change with the scenery Weaving time in a tapestry Won't you stop and remember me

There... are a lot of songs on here that are also on my Stranger Things playlist. And I’m a sucker for haunting covers. x. time after time || joseph william morgan If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time This is the last of the Stranger Things songs. Well, at least the last of the ones that aren’t Harringrove related. Another fanvid that caught me off guard, because just. Damn. There are so many beautiful fanvids for this fandom, it kills me dead. xi. live in the moment || portugal. the man Come back Sunday morning With that soul to sell When you're gone Goodbye, so long, farewell Not 100% sure where I first heard this one, but it stayed with me for a good portion of the spring and summer. I discovered their song feel it still around this time last year too, so clearly they’re just a real good jam for when you want to feel the sun on your back. xii. killmonger || ludwig goransson instrumental

There are a couple songs from the Black Panther soundtrack on the longer version of this mix, three from the score and one, maybe two from the credits. I freaking loved that movie so damn much, but it’s soundtrack blew my goddamn mind. It is literally all I listened to for weeks, and this song in particular fucked me right the hell up. Just listen to the flutes and the bass. Just, damn. Killmonger, you’ve got the best theme in the entire movie. xiii. daddy issues || the neighbourhood I'd do whatever I could do I'd run away and hide with you I love that you got daddy issues And I do too And heeeere it is. This was the first song that I associated with Harringrove for uh, very obvious reasons. Definitely had this and a few others on repeat whenever I had to write sexy scenes for the boys. xiv. no roots || alice merton I like digging holes and hiding things inside them When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them 'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

This song hits the same part of me that fell absolutely in love with Guts when I first heard it. Alice Merton’s voice is just fantastic. xv. run for your life || k.flay Bite off the venomous head Follow the chemical scent Look for the hole in the fence Take everything you demand

I got to see K.Flay in concert sometime late last year, and even though I didn’t know her very well (I told my friend that I’d see K.Flay with him if he saw Glass Animals with me) her music was sweet enough that I could appreciate the concert even knowing none of the songs. Let me tell you though, I fucking wish she’d played this song then because holy fuck. xvi. play with fire || sam tinnesz Insane, inside the danger gets me high Can't help myself got secrets I can't tell I love the smell of gasoline I light the match to taste the heat Kuroshitsuji is something I haven’t really thought about in like half a decade. And then I ended up seeing this vid while I was waiting for my connecting plane to arrive so I could go see my family. I only saw the damn thing because it was made by the same person who did this one, which I hunted down because I was reading Yuri On Ice fic on the plane and the point is: pingvi is amazing and all of their vids are a goddamn delight. xvii. the sailor song || autoheart I was your sailor, your demon Your lover, your overbearing best friend Hoping for some attention

So, while I was down visiting my family sometime during the spring, I had a brief dizzying spiral where I fell head over face into the Pacific Rim fandom, because Uprising quite emphatically fucked me up. Anyway, because of this I spent the night after I saw it scrolling through fanart and reading half a decade old fanfiction while my brother was trying to make me pay attention to him. And yeah, that’s how I found this art and listened to this song for like the rest of the fucking year. xviii. warrior || steve james I got my head high, my chest out, my eyes open wide I got no fear, got no doubt and, god, I feel alive I'm not stopping for ya, I'm a fucking warrior

My brother showed me a bunch of fanvids on my first day down there, but my favorite was this one, because I’d recently watched Little Witch Academia and this was so freaking cute and all kinds of lovely. xix. iv. sweatpants || childish gambino Rich kid, asshole: paint me as a villain

Another thing that happened to me that week was the discovery of lipgallagher’s fantastic harringrove fic (shoot the lights out, hide) till its bright out. Which is all kinds of great and lead me to this song and the realization that Donald Glover does music? xx. hello || via audio How could it be Someone could find me Too scary to say hello to This was one of the songs on Damien’s fanmix from The Bright Sessions. And because The Bright Sessions suckerpunched me with feelings, I spent like a month straight listening to that mix and getting into that garbage man’s headspace. It was wonderful. xxi. daddy || emeli sande He's out your system yeah it took you a while You got your family back and you got your smile And you promised your sister that you'd never go back again I spent the better half of this year shipping Harringrove and Mark/Damien, which are both ships that are... well, not exactly the healthiest of relationships. Mark/Damien fucking ruined me. Listening to the last bit of The Bright Sessions was basically physically painful because like, okay. Logically I know that Damien is a garbage person. But also, he’s got a shitty power that would lead to some pretty interesting moral dilemmas even if you were a normal nice person (cough cough Mark), and like. They’re both so fucked up and Damien is so in love with Mark even if he’s not entirely sure how to be a fucking person and I have never had a pairing come after me as hard as this one did. Like it really came after me. Anyway, this was my true Damien/Mark anthem, because it’s fucking perfect and awful and fantastic and I just want them back in my life, guys.

xxii. paradise valley || honey and the sting In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away

This here is my most played track of 2018. I first heard it during the special two hour episode of Wolf 359 and the whole end of that episode just blew my mind. So I immediately went to spotify, found it, and have basically listened to it all year since then. It helps that Nick loves it too, so every once in a while he’ll be playing it, which reminds me why I love it and just. It’s so soulful and beautiful.

xxiii. attila the king || nick glennie-smith instrumental

Yeah, I literally have no idea how this made it to the top 50 much less the top five, but apparently it did. It is really good writing music, but still.

xxiv. foolish || lauren shippen The impossible happens every day No matter what you do it won’t go away Don’t ask for more But then what are you waiting for

This was my year for podcasts - in one year I fell in love with Wolf 359, The Bright Sessions, and EOS 10 all over again when it came back for its third season. Near the end of the series though, The Bright Sessions did a musical episode! I listened to it in my car on my way to work and basically spent the entire freaking time smiling like an idiot. Truly my favorite episode. xxv. experience || ludovico einaudi instrumental

The Sense8 finale came out in June and it was absolutely wonderful. This song was playing during the last scene of the series and I fucking cried my eyes out. The song itself is fucking gorgeous, but what’s more is it made that last scene so much more than it would have been if they’d chosen any other song. It truly was, and forgive the corniness, a fucking experience. xxvi. singing in the rain || through juniper I'm singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain What a glorious feeling I'm happy again I went through a phase in June-July where I checked out a bunch of old movies from the library. The first one was Philadelphia, because it was mentioned in the musical episode of The Bright Sessions and I just really wanted to watch it? But I also picked up Singing In The Rain, because I’d never seen it before and just, damn. I watched it before work and it was raining that day and the drive to work was the most fun because I just listened to different covers of the song and sang my heart out, and I was just so damn happy. It was dumb, and nice, and it probably going to be one of my happiest memories that I take with me into the new year. xxvii. hello stranger || barbara lewis Hello, stranger (ooh) It seems so good to see you back again How long has it been? (ooh, seems like a mighty long time)

I also watched Moonlight sometime in late June. It was one of those quiet nights where nothing really seems good enough, where you feel just a little bit empty inside and nothing is helping. So I watched the movie and read @notbecauseofvictories‘s A Cornstalk Fiddle on my back porch afterwards and the movie combined with the fic and the music turned that quiet empty night into something just as quiet, but a million times more full. Another good memory from 2018 that’ll stay with me for awhile.

xxviii. end credits suite | nicholas britell instrumental From the end credits of Moonlight - I played both this and Hello Stranger on repeat while I finished up the fic I mentioned above.

xxix. ahead by a century | the tragically hip No dress rehearsal This is our life

I watched Anne With An E. I was sad a lot at the time, and got to a part early on in the second season that kind of lead me into an uncomfortable headspace so I actually still haven’t finished it? But it was really nice for awhile, and I hope to go back and finish it sometime.

xxx. achilles come down | gang of youths Just humour us, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won’t you get up off, get up off the roof?

I’m not 100% sure where I found this song either? My gut reaction is that it was a song I found while I was reading either The Cruel Prince or The Goblin Emperor, but I’m not sure. Good song, though.

xxxi. without you | leslie odom jr. The earth turns The sun burns But I die Without you

Oh man, I found this cover one night while I was reading, and like, I was reading, so at first I didn’t really process what I was hearing, just that it was familiar and that I liked it. And then my brain connected the dots and I looked up and saw that it was a cover by Leslie Odom Jr and immediately restarted the song and just listened.

xxxii. natural | imagine dragons Deep inside me, I'm fading to black, I'm fading Took an oath by the blood of my hand, won't break it I can taste it, the end is upon us, I swear Yeah. I like Imagine Dragons. Honestly though - this one might not have made the cut if I hadn’t heard it a few months later on an EOS 10 playlist.

xxxiii. sky full of song | florence & the machine Grab me by my ankles I've been flying for too long I couldn't hide from the thunder In the sky full of song So, a while back there was that video going around where Florence literally sang this song while a storm started up around her, and like, that was the first time I heard this song? That was the first I heard that she even came out with a new album, so I basically sat down and listened to the whole thing, but this one was still my favorite.

xxxiv. broken people | logic & rag’n’bone man Broken we ain't beaten There's no glory in defeat We won't fall into the cracks between our streets

I uh, may have watched a couple fanvids after Infinity War. This was one of them.

xxxv. flesh and bone | black math Break the truth inside of me Climbed down to hell on the devil’s tree I clutched a branch of soot and flame The thought that rose, to scorch my feet

I walk alone Beside myself Nowhere to go

This was another.

xxxvi. nina cried power | hozier It's not the song, it is the singin' It's the heaven of the human spirit ringin' It is the bringin' of the line It is the bearin' of the lie It's not the wakin', it's the risin'

So last year Take Me To Church made it to my Top 38 or whatever I had it narrowed down to, mostly because I went through a Les Mis phase. But I kind of joked on that post last year about Hozier releasing an album next year and how unlikely it was, and lo, here we have it. Maybe not a full length album, but five new beautiful songs.

xxxvii. kol nidrey | the yuval ron ensemble Nidrana lo nidrei, V'essarana lo essarei Ush'vuatana lo shevuot. Maggie Stiefvater posted this song to her blog a couple months ago and I was really fond of it. It’s incredibly beautiful.

xxxviii. stronger | the score I do this with conviction I write truths and never fiction My disease is what you fed I can't stop with my ambition

Oh look, another Marvel fanvid.

xxxix. rise like a phoenix || conchita wurst I rise up to the sky You threw me down but I'm gonna fly So honestly, basically the rest of the mix are songs from Ryan’s OR mix which is an official EOS 10 playlist. It’s phenomenal, and I basically spent all of October and some of November getting stuck on various songs in the mix. xl. heroes || mars zelmerlow Don't tell the gods I left a mess I can't undo what has been done Let's run for cover

Yup. Giving me feels and also super catchy.

xli. cut to the feeling | carly rae jepson Ah, I wanna cut through the clouds, break the ceiling I wanna dance on the roof, you and me alone I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah Okay, but like - why did nobody tell me that Carly Rae Jepson had other songs and they were super fucking catchy? I spent the last few days of being a waitress driving to work blaring this and the last two songs and it did fucking wonders for my mood.

xlii. the greatest show | hugh jackman Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for (woah) Been searching in the dark, your sweat soaking through the floor (woah) And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore Taking your breath, stealing your mind And all that was real is left behind

Breaking news, The Greatest Showman was amazing and I cried. I fucking missed hearing Hugh Jackman sing, and like the fucking lead up, of starting the movie with this song and then ENDING it with this song, with that performance, with those fucking lines (this is the moment you’ve waited for) - was so goddamn energizing. I just could not fucking deal.

xliii. the plains/bitter dancer | fleet foxes I should have known one day you would come All of us walk so blind in the sun Midnight feeder, beggar pleader

Okay, okay. So there's this playlist called Wet Black Leaves that I listened to a lot when I started my new job, throughout rainy October and November, everything was just a little too wet and a little too cold, and this whole mix is so atmospheric and gorgeous. I absolutely adore it.

xliv. always starting over | idina menzel Am I always Starting over? In a brand new story Am I always Back at one After all I've done?

The finale of Wolf 359 fucked everyone up, right? Yeah, obviously. Okay, well the final episode of season 3 of EOS 10 also fucked me right the hell up. Like we’re talking messy crying in the car on the way to your like second or third day at the new job. Anyway, I kind of spiraled and then I went back and listened to Ryan’s mix and found this song and just wanted to kick my heart around for awhile.

xlv. if i could turn back time | cher If I could reach the stars I'd give 'em all to you Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do If I could turn back time MESSY CRYING. But like, I also really like this song. So MESSY CRYING and also screaming all these words as loudly as I can within the relatively safe confines of my car. I guarantee you that people next to me at stop lights thought that I’d gone through a messy breakup.

xlvi. new rules | dua lipa Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him Okay, but also some of the Ryan songs were catchy in a not heart breaking way, unless you think about the untold story of what exactly went on between Ryan and Akmazian and fill in the blanks and break your own heart.

xlvii. fernando | cher There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me

Cher did an entire cover album of Abba songs in like, late October, I think? And like, my little gay heart fucking exploded and I listened to Cher singing ABBA songs for like three whole weeks and it was fucking fantastic. This... was actually not my favorite of the bunch until I went into a Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy of The Wise Man’s Fear and had a completely transformative experience when I heard it playing softly over the stacks.

xlviii. it’s quiet uptown | kelly clarkson If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He’d be standing here right now And you would smile, and that would be enough

And after a brief detour into delightful cher/abba combinations we’re back to tragic EOS 10 songs. Additionally, I’m sick of Hamilton songs fucking me up. I get to see it in person in 2019 and I’m going to make a fool of myself when I cry my eyes out in front of Nick and our friends.

xlix. movement | hozier So move me, baby Shake like the bough of a willow tree You do it naturally

And just when I thought we were just going to get the four songs out of Hozier in 2018, we got this gem, which I think I like more than all the others.

l. seasons of love | rent cast Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure the life Of a woman or a man?

I will never be over this song. I will never be over this musical. Merry Christmas, guys.

#heather says what #music makes the world go round #fuck yeah fanmixes #new year's memes #2018

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toaquiprashippar · 6 years

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always there

I hope you guys like it, I decided to post it here since, I posted all my fanfics here, this is the first part, part II is coming and there’ll be a part III. Sorry for the angst, came from the heart. After long nights of me and @porrabett talking of how lyanna would watch over jon, it had to be written! Plus, I could never have written this without her! <3

She was always there

Jon could not remember a time where she was not in his dream, or even his nightmares.

He could never fully see her face, but he remember her smile, it was large and full of teeth. Like a she-wolf showing her grace, or a wild animal protecting her babes, watching them from afar.

When Jon was nothing but a child, he and Robb would prank the other children, pretending to be the dead Kings of Winter, rising to scare the others, down the crypts. He could never see anyone, but it was as if someone inhabited the shadows. But he was a brave little boy, and he would never tell such nonsense to his brother, it was enough being a bastard, let alone a mad one.

The night before he left for The Wall, he dreamt of her. He was lost in the crypts, when he heard her cries. It was sad and heartbreaking, a sound to make the Old Gods weep.

What is it, My Lady? What can I do help? He would ask her.

But she would not give him an answer.

She wept, still.

Surely, she could not be crying for him, the ghosts of Winterfell would not care for a bastard.

He could never see the face, but he could see her hair, wild and curly, hiding her tears, in the darkness she lived in.

His friendly ghost, his ghostly friend. At first, she scared him, but after years of her presence, her smell of winter roses had become comforting, a bit like home.

He would miss her at the Wall, so when he prayed at the Godswood, one last time; prayed for his family's safety, for his new life and for his friend to be there somehow.

For a long time, she was not.

He never saw her when he lost hope of finding his uncle, but he felt her presence, when he mourned him, all those cold nights at Castle Black.

He never saw her the night he swore his vows, but he dreamt of a Godswood with blue leaves, and it smelled of his distant friend: winter roses.

He never saw her in the crypts, the night he dreamt of his father, right after his demise; but he knew she was there, in the shadows.

He never saw her when he got the dreadful news of Robb and Lady Catelyn, and he wanted to kill and die. But he knew she was there, somehow, somewhere.

Winterfell, Bran, Rickon. Robb. He was so angry, his pack was dying, he did not know of his she-wolf of a sister, and Sansa was beyond his reach.

When the snows fall and white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives.

His pack was either slaughtered or scattered, so die the lone wolf did.

He did see her that night, though, the night he would finally see her face. The night his brothers ended his watch and his ears would hear her voice.

It was cold, but her embrace was nothing but warm.

He remembered everything.

“TRAITOR”, they called him. Yet, they were the ones who stabbed him.

“Oh, my poor boy, what did they do to you?” Her face was beautiful, defiant, yet soft. She reminded him of Arya, with her deep grey eyes. Eyes that mirrored his own.

“They killed me…I am dead, am I not?” He could not believe it. Dead. By the hands of his own brothers. His watch has ended.

“Aye. You are, but not for long.” Her voice was fierce, but sad. She was beautiful, and so familiar.

“Who are you? Are you my shadow friend?” He was asking, but somehow he knew the answer.

“I am.” She smiled. He knew that smile. Cause he had it himself.

“What do you mean ‘not for long’?” Death was permanent; he was supposed to meet his father, his brothers. Probably his little sister, Arya, too. Where were them? Did bastards have no right in the afterlife too? Was he all damned?

“You will soon find out, I promise you.” She smiled.

“Why am I at the crypts? I am not a Stark.” He could not understand how death brought him to the resting place of his Lord Father’s House. “The Kings of Winter do not wish me here, they told me so themselves, in dreams.” He could never forget those dreams, they haunted his memories and it felt like a joke from the Gods, as if Lord Stark’s ancestors hated his bastard as much as his wife did.

“Stark blood run through your veins, if you are here, mayhaps the Gods want you here.” Her soft voice assured him, her face was still sad.

“Are you a Stark?” Only the Starks were welcomed here.

“I am a memory, Jon. A friend. A protector. A guide.” She looked straight into his eyes; her eyes seemed to see right through him. It was unsettling.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me, Sweet Boy.” She turned to his Father statue, staring.

“I know your heart. You are not one easily scared; don’t fear a shadow that only wants to talk.” She looked aside, to smile at him. It was not a sad smile, for once.

“You were always good in scaring people around you, though. You and your brother, Robb. Scaring Sansa with your flour ghosts, playing with the boys and Arya, training with your sword around the castle. Did you ever imagine how often you would need to yield it, years later? How you would see real ghosts and even talk to ‘em at the same crypts you once hide yourself at? Oh, these Gods and their jokes…” The Lady turned to the other side, walking to another statue, his Uncle Brandon.

“You have always been near me, haven’t you, My Lady?” Jon wondered what it probably meant, but he would never say it aloud.

“I saw your oath, in front of that Godswood. I wept with the Gods.” She was crying now, he did not know what to do. But she just continued.

“I saw you giving up everything, getting on a horse, to follow Robb, the winds helped your friends to find you in time to stop you from being a deserter…I would like to think I was always very good in helping the winds.” He remembers that day, maybe if he had gone, Robb would still be alive…Or maybe he would have just died alongside his brother, at the Red Wedding.

“I saw you falling in love with a woman kissed by fire, not because you wanted to, but because you had to, but you did so anyway, but I also saw you losing her, and it breaking your heart, and I am sorry for it. I know all about a broken heart. Although mine have not beaten in decades, I did lose someone I held dear, and nothing made me sadder.” She touched his face, as Catelyn did when Robb was upset.

“I failed my brother. I failed Ygritte. I could have helped both, now they are both gone.” Jon whispered. They were alone, but saying it aloud made it hurt even harder. It just made his guilt even more real.

“No, my Sweetling. You did not. Their lives and journeys were theirs to live. Yours was elsewhere. You love so deep and so fiercely, Jon. That is why men follow you to the ends of the earth, you inspire their loyalty. No legitimacy gives someone that, it comes with their personality, and you have it more than anyone in Westeros.” Hearing this from the outside was like healing a wound that has been hurt in the open for a long time. She was always there, but she was not. She seemed to know everything, and still saw him as a good person, as worthy. Had he ever had that from anyone other than his few friends at the Night’s Watch? From his sister Arya?

Someone was calling to him, it was not the common tongue, but somehow, they both knew it was a summon, meant for Jon.

"You must go now; they are reaching out to you. You inspire admiration and respect, love from people, Jon. No one would ever give up on a person like yourself. The mysterious woman was holding to him tight, like a she-wolf protecting her pup.

“Nor will I, I will stay in the shadows, but you can always find me.” Her words were comforting and sad, he could not imagine her not being there, but now, having talked to her, he could not imagine not talking to her or having her answer back. He feared what that meant.

“Why? Why won’t you leave, why won’t you give up on me?” He looked into her eyes.

“I don’t think you are ready to listen to this answer yet, Jon. Stop doubting yourself, go south, and get warm. Fight the wars they send your way, you are meant for greatness, you were never ordinary, you were promised.” She touched his face once more.

“I am a man of The Night’s Watch. I can’t fight any King’s War.” He was confused.

“They killed you. Your watch has ended. You can do as you please, and a Long Night approaches, men will need someone to guide them into it.” She still would not let go of him.

“Jon…Just don’t let her fly away.” Before he could answer, she was gone.

“Let who fly away, My Lady?” He asked, but she was no more.

Before he could react, there was light.

Pain was no longer, air filling his lungs, he could not gasp enough.

He was alive.

His watch has ended, but his life was not.

He was back in his old room, back home. After years away from Winterfell, he and Sansa were finally home.

He could not save Rickon, for as fast as he rode, Ramsay’s aim was better. He would always carry that with him. Had he listen to his sister, or mayhaps the Gods just wanted to claim Rickon for themselves, he could not save his baby brother. He now layed with Father and their ancestors.

Their home was once again under Stark protection. The North remembered but House Bolton would become nothing but a faded memory, they were calling that day The Battle of the Bastards. All Jon could remember was Rickon falling, him and his men killing their way into the Bolton army, almost drowning until he heard the song that would save them that day, Sansa and The Knights of The Vale...Running with all his rage and grief after that beast that almost broke his sister and killed his brother; his house that murdered Robb and Lady Catelyn. Wun Wun, the giant, giving his life to give them passage, Ramsay’s face against his bloody knuckles, it came in flashes, with all the pain that filled his lungs.

King in the North, they call me.

Jon remembered the days Robb was in his position, was he ever this overwhelmed? This burdened. Cersei Lannister had sent a letter, not a day prior, demanding them to bend the knee and accept her as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. He would do no such thing, The North was independent now, and he would continue to be so for no southerner cared for their cold and damp lands enough to deserve his knee bent. Tohrren Stark bent his knee to protect his people from Aegon Targaryen, his sisters and his Dragons. Cersei Lannister was no Targaryen and she would know no recognition or love from his people, nor would he show it.

They had been searching for answers; any clues that could help them fight the Walkers, anything that could give them an advantage. How can you fight the Dead? How can you beat the last enemy, the one we shall all meet one day? But they were no ordinary dead, they had been risen by The Night King and stripped off their memories, wishes and any humanity they ever had. They were nothing but vessels of dead and destruction.

Sam had been at the Citadel for months now, studying and looking for anything that could help them, and he had discovered a keep of Dragonglass, hiding under Dragonstone. How would they reach it?

He could not forget the dream he had the night before the raven deliver his friend’s letter. Jon woke up in sweat, looking for his direwolf, only to find him exactly where his dream had shown him.

It was not the first time Ghost’s eyes had been his own, wolf dreams, as Old Nan would say. He didn’t think of himself as a warg, for he could not warg himself into his direwolf whenever he wanted, it was more like a connection they had, called upon whenever needed. That night…It seemed needed.

She was in his chambers, looking upon him. A beautiful, but sad Lady. He knew her, he had seen her before. Her eyes were anything but strange, yet he could not remember where he knew it from. But her face? It felt like a distant memory, one he barely had.

Her presence, though, had been constant all his life. His shadow friend.

When was the last time he had seen her?

He felt her the night before the Battle, her smell was there, at his tend. He felt that same scent when they buried Rickon and Sansa was holding his hand so tightly, she could have broken it.

She turned her back and ran outside. He ran to her, she was fast, he felt his paws heavy and fast, but never fast enough. It was dark outside, and instead of the cold of the snow they fell, it felt warm. Instead of the horses outside or the sounds of the night, his wolf ears heard waves, and saw light.

Winterfell was far from White Harbor, far from Eastwatch by the Sea, no ocean for miles and miles at all directions, yet, the sounds danced in his ears.

The Lady ran as no human should, let alone a frail looking woman, but Ghost could not reach her. When they reached the Godswood, he was not Ghost anymore, and it was not the North, but the entrance to a cave. His friend was no more, but a shorter woman: long, braided blonde, almost white haired woman. She was dressed in a black dress, with black trousers beneath. He could see she wore a silver chain crossing her chest, and a long fabric in her shoulder. Her chain sparkled in the light of the sun that burned bright in that strange place, just like the stones he could see everywhere in the cave. Chunks of sparkle, if he did not know they were on the floor, he would say she was standing in the sky. She entered the cave, he looked behind him, and he could only see the beach and the stones surrounding him. He followed the woman, but before he could reach her, his friend was behind him, holding him back.

Welcome home, Jon.

The very next day, Sam’s letter arrive, and the news of Dragonstone mountain of Dragonglass. He would not tell anyone about his dream, but it scared him. He did not know who the silver haired Lady was, nor why his ghost friend called it home, but sounded like his shadow friend was more than a shadow and more like a friend.

Jon just prayed for the Old Gods that Sam would find something else, a stronger weapon, a game changer. The winds were getting colder and winter was here, their time was running out.

If dreaming about Dragonglass and receiving Sam’s letter about it the very next day was not strange enough; Jon received another raven, this time from Dragonstone, by Tyrion Lannister, asking him to come to the ancient castle; the same place said Dragonglass was located at; to bend the knee to none other than Daenerys Targaryen, the Mother of three full-grown dragons, with enough fire to change the course of the War and help them beat the Night King and his army. The Lords of The North were not pleased, but they had not chosen him to please them, but to save them.

Sansa was livid, but he was doing it for her too. She would be happier to stay alive. He truly understood where her feelings came from, his sister walked through all seven kinds of hell, and she feared having to suffer it all again, but he would protect her. While she feared the living, he knew the real who was the real enemy now: the dead. If going to Dragonstone would help them defeat them, he would gladly go. That he did, and leaving her as Lady of Winterfell, no one would be a better judge of character of what their home needed.

There must always be a Stark in Winterfell.

King or not, he was a bastard. She was always the only Stark there anyway. She would do well, while he got them as much Dragonglass and support as he possibly could.

For all the days they travelled from White Harbor to Dragonstone, he did not have remember having a single dream, but he always slept to the smell of the sea and winter roses, and the words “don’t let her fly away” were the first thing on his mind every morning, like the wind whispered to him with the break of dawn.

A curious thought and scenery, indeed.

The moment he set foot in Dragonstone; Tyrion Lannister, an old friend, greeted him. He hoped no one would see the astonishment in his face. He had been here before. He knew this place; his shadow friend brought him here that night. He knew that cave must be somewhere near this very shore, the stones were same and the beach had the same dark blue. It was all too similar.

How could Jon Snow dream of Dragonstone, when he had never left The North?

Welcome home, Jon.

He remembered those words, they were distant but he could still hear her voice. Her northern voice in such a southerner land.

He was taken to meet the Queen. Their Dragon Queen. They said she had three dragons. He prayed she really did, for they were ones that could save them all.

She was infuriating, that woman.

She expected him to bend the knee for some blood right when his own father had fought to over throne him. He would not.

He had heard of her beauty, of her strength, of her youth; never of her ignorance. She claimed herself Queen of The Seven Kingdoms, how could she let her people die, just because she believed her claim to the Iron Throne was more important than protect this very kingdom against the Army of the Dead?

Would it really be fair to expect anyone to believe him this fast, though? White Walkers were nothing but horror stories to scare little children and if he had not seen it for himself, would he ever believe anyone who told him about it?

Maybe his sister was right, he was wrong to come. It was as Tyrion had said earlier that day, “Stark men don’t fare well when they travel south”. He should be at home, helping the men and women prepare for the Great War; but the same man also asked him to be reasonable and give him time to speak to Daenerys about him mining Dragonglass and taking it North with him, so mayhaps it was not all for nothing.

Would he dream of that place for no reason? Daenerys was a Targaryen, she had valyrian traits, such as silver blond hair and lilac eyes; he could not see the woman’s eyes, but he was trying hard to ignore the similarities to the Queen’s hair to the woman’s standing in his dream.

However, he was not doing a good job.

You better get to work, Jon Snow

Somehow, Tyrion Lannister proved himself a real good politician and did well on his word. Daenerys gave him permission to mine the Dragonglass.

Her dragons were something out of his childhood dreams or the bedtime histories Old Nan would tell him and Robb. Arya would certainly love the sight of them. They were beasts, gigantic and gorgeous beasts. She watched them, as a mother watched their children, and he could see her as The Mother of Dragons, would she ever want to mother a child? Had she? Maester Aemon should be here, to see his niece and her dragons; somehow, Jon thought he probably was.

She was not the hard, incorrigible, hostile Queen she had been when they first met. Could he blame her for being so? After being through all she told him, would he not act the same towards anyone who could be a possible threat? The world was not a kind, forgiving place to anyone, especially women; his sister Sansa was a living proof of that. But did she have to be so stubborn? Yet, here, with no one around, but her flying sons, she seemed guarded but curious, but especially frustrated. It seemed to be the mood of the island that day. Frustrated or not, he would have the Dragonglass, and he still had time to convince Daenerys to help his cause, their lives depended on it.

Maybe travelling South would be of help, they say dreams are a warning.

I had been warned.

- end of part I -

so? I hope you guys liked it! I hope to post parts II and III soon, I know part II is ready and III almost done.

You can also find it on AO3. <3

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