#Wolverine: ''RWBLWBLWLBWLW''

[sage-nebula]

I watched X-Men: Evolution as a kid, because of course I did, because it was a Kids WB! show and Kids WB! was where I watched most of my cartoons. (I mean, I watched some Nickelodeon too of course, but particularly in my late elementary / middle school years I was all about Kids WB!, since that was where Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Jackie Chan Adventures, et cetera aired.) I loved it back then, as you do, and since I signed up for Disney Plus like a peasant because I want to be able to watch the new Marvel shows when they come out, I’ve had it on in the background while I do tedious stuff in Pokémon Sword, like going through Max Raid battles or breeding.

I’m on season three now, so I have to say that my impressions of it now are definitely different from what they were when I was a kid (or even in my early twenties, I think, since I’m pretty sure I rewatched it on Netflix way back then, but I honestly don’t remember very much of it from that rewatch for some reason---I think maybe because they didn’t have all the seasons?). For starters, in the first season in particular I cringed so much watching it now, because it is so very, very early ‘00s. And that’s not a bad thing, per se! It’s just that---for instance, Kitty’s valley girl slang was off the charts in season one. The animation has clearly not aged very well in comparison to what we have today (though of course that’s to be expected). And I’m sorry, but some of the mutant superhero(/villain) outfits are just so, so ugly. Wolverine honestly looks like a Halloween costume store reject (though I’ve never seen a good outfit on him so he’s just . . . he’s doomed no matter what series he’s in). Jean has some weird funky headband thing going on. Cyclops correctly pointed out that Avalanche wears a fruit bowl on his head, but Cyclop’s own onesie is so ugly he has no room to talk. Some of them aren’t so bad, like Shadowcat’s or Nightcrawler’s, but others are just . . . well, this is me looking at them:

But honestly, as much as I’m embarrassed by the show at times in ways that I know I was not when I was watching it as a kid growing up, I have still stuck with it, and it does get better as the series goes on. With that said, I can tell that my tastes have changed regarding ships and such as well from when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I know for a fact that I shipped Scott/Jean and Kurt/Kitty. While I still think that Kurt/Kitty is cute, Scott/Jean makes me roll my eyes and groan every time they have another Romantic Moment™ together, because of how forced it feels (and how childish and annoying the romantic triangles were in season two especially). Scott and Rogue have more chemistry in my opinion, and while I like Jean well enough I don’t really ship her with anyone at the moment. I also have fallen head over heels for Kitty/Lance, both because they are cute as hell in season two (my favorite moment is when it’s agreed they’ll go to the dance together and he’s so happy he accidentally causes an earthquake dslkfjds), but also because I’ve come to stan one (1) problematic boy, and his name is Lance Alvers, a.k.a. Avalanche, a.k.a. the only valid cartoon character named Lance don’t you even start. Watching the series with adult eyes gives me a lot of feelings for this poor boy, mostly centering around the fact that I don’t think Xavier tried at all to recruit him in season one (during Kitty’s recruitment episode), and that I feel that if he had reached out, that if Lance had been shown some compassion then, then perhaps things might have been different for him. I kind of feel that way about the Brotherhood as a whole, actually, except Todd and Fred have less inclination to do the right thing than Lance does, in that Lance actually tries sometimes to be a good person, whereas Todd and Fred just . . . don’t care very much. (Which, to be fair, Lance “blends in” with non-mutants better than Todd or Fred do, and as such both of them have received far more bullying and harassment over being mutants than he has, which might in turn inspire them to turn more harshly against others who might criticize them in any way---but I digress.) Seeing that Lance’s chances at redemption, and that his relationship with Kitty, is being / has been tanked in season three makes me sad. My feelings are hurt. I just want him to sort his life out and start doing the right thing. Just please get your shit together, Lance, I’m begging. (That said, that responsibility is on him, not on Kitty, and she is not wrong for not being with him while he’s pulling bullshit. I want them to be together, but I also want it known that Kitty is her own person and needs to do what’s best for her, too.)

Aside from them, Wolverine and Captain America had only one episode together but they are clearly OTP material, wow. That whole scene where Wolverine is by Cap’s ice bed talking about how they’ll find the cure and he’ll be waiting and etc etc? I don’t get why people ship Wolverine with Sabertooth (if they do, I’m assuming) when he clearly has a pining heart for Steve Rogers. I sleep for Wolverine/Sabertooth, but Wolverine/Cap is the real shit.

That said, I cannot take Wolverine seriously at all. Not only is his mutant outfit ugly as sin, but he also makes all these snarly noises whenever he uses his claws that honestly sound pretty reminiscent of Electabuzz from the PokéAni and I die laughing all the time. Like it’s supposed to be a serious fight scene and he’s supposed to be badass but here I am laughing my ass off at him because he can’t use his claws even once without being like “RWBLBHWLBLBHWBLWH” (that’s probably not the best written out version of his snarly noises but you get it). Like calm down, man, don’t be so dramatic. I’m sure, positive even, that you could scratch things without having to make snarly noises with your mouth. Scratch with your claws, not with your vocal chords. I believe in you. (This is 100% how I would die in a fight against him, though. He’d make the snarly noises and I’d start laughing and he’d be able to kill me instantly because I’d be incapacitated by laughter. It’d be worth it, though. At least I’d die laughing.)

I feel like introducing the new students in season two (save for like, Boom-Boom, because I love her) was kind of a mistake, since hardly any of them got any real development and were just kind of There as a result. I’ve heard that Bobby gets a lot of heat for being stupid, and to be fair there was a moment at the end of season two where he successfully cuts the alarm system but then almost immediately drops the wirecutters into the motion sensors that he’d already passed, but like, honestly . . . I would do that. That would be me, and my luck, and my clumsiness. I can’t even fault him because man, I’d be there. Even so, Bobby didn’t contribute much in most of season two, and neither did the others, and I feel that screentime would have been better saved for the main cast to be developed more. C’est la vie though, season three has started trimming that cast down some at least.

All in all though, it’s a fun thing to have on in the background, and like, now that I’m an adult and know with 100% certainty that I’m queer, seeing the political side of X-Men also clues me in to exactly why superhuman and ESPer stories always appealed to me as a kid. I didn’t know I was queer back then, at least not consciously, but subconsciously I knew I was different and so now, knowing exactly how I am different, it’s like ah . . . oh yes . . . that’s why this type of story appeals to me so much, I get it now.

Either way, though, don’t be surprised if you see more Avalanche / Lance Alvers reblogs from me, because every time I see him I’m just

So yeah, don’t be surprised if you see more of him.