#XinnyMinny

[for-flyboy-who-stole-my-hea-blog]

4th XINSERT: Hey You Flyboy *flashes my small one-sided smile*

...I miss you a lot...

...I want to explain, even if you probably don't really wanna hear or know it...

...Popcorn and I, it was a pleasant surprise...

....But I didn't replace you in my heart...

....Just as there will always be a special place for you in my heart, there's one for him too...

...You can't learn to how to stop loving a person, because if you do, then you didn't really love them in the 1st place...

...To be honest, I'm not yet really sure of how I love you now...

...But I can say this, I'll always be here for you... I'll always be ready to welcome you home if you need a place and a shoulder to rest your weary head in and on...

ALWAYS and FOREVER.

You'll find someone who cares with me.

I'll always be here to cheer you on, to help you get up when you stumble and to treat your wounds if you have any.

And the things I said about loving you forever?

I still mean it, I'm just trying to figure out how.

But I'll always love you.

Y'know, I did mean it when I told Nii chan I'd wait for you next life.

They say that the souls of people don't always have to be in the same relationships with each other.

My mom could be our cousin next life, for example.

...I'm not saying you wait for me or that you don't move on... Just--don't forget me and let's be at each other's sides in another life, kk?

I'm just crossing my fingers you'll find me and recognize me in another life.

Then maybe *smiles and shrugs* Who really knows, ayt?

;">

I'll always love you, My Flyboy.

Take Care Always, hey?

always, Your XinnyMinny

[for-flyboy-who-stole-my-hea-blog]

3rd XINsert:

*deep breath*

I broke up with my boyfriend last night.

Not that it matters any to you.

But it's a really major step for me.

I entered college with him, and now I'm halfway done with it but without him by my side.

I might sound really bad right now, but the first thing I felt was relief.

Why?

Because I was sick and tired of all the things that were happening to me but I still didn't want to hurt him by dumping him.

I still love him as a friend and respect him as a person.

Even if last night was the 3rd and final time he dumped me.

*shrugs*

I did love him. He was my whole world at one point in time.

I'd even argue with my mom just to make sure he would never have to get in trouble.

But I never gave him reason to argue with his family because of me.

I've already taken him to see my mom and grandpapa.

But he hasn't done the same thing with me.

Sometimes, it makes me think he's ashamed of me.

And that's just sad because what I am now is a result of what I did for him.

I made myself look nicer for him so that I could remain the apple of his eye.

I made myself get good grades so that he wouldn't have any difficulty presenting me to his family.

I made myself nicer so that I could get along with his mom and all his siblings.

But guess what?

Everytime we fought, I always dissolved in tears.

Got no sleep.

Sacrificed my self-respect.

Flunked school work for that day.

If only to get him not mad at me anymore.

Did this hundreds of times already.

Because I truly loved him.

But the pain soon rubs you raw and changes everything.

It was like he didn't really care anymore.

And it hurt to think that he could bear to hear me crying and to know that he was the reason behind my tears.

I domesticated my self for him, ditched my adventurous side since he talked of wanting to settle down soon after college. (WHICH I DO NOT WANT AT ALL)

I mean, why couldn't he understand my need to explore? I was a kid kept in the house before, why couldn't he choke me less with a leash instead of adding another choker?

I wanted to be an archaeologist, for crying out loud! 

I wasn't allowed to go out that much with friends and I had to drop cosplaying just so he'd believe that I wasn't going to cheat on him.

And that's really sad because I love cosplaying a lot.

He forbade me from becoming close with my really good guy friends and I agreed if only to reassure him.

Lies.

I am allergic to them.

And he has lied to me about two timing girls.

I caught him lying, and forgave him because I thought everyone deserved a second chance and it was the past already.

Should I have dumped him then?

And I just couldn't bear the insults he hurled at me whenever we had arguments.

I know I make such a poor girlfriend, but I do not need a boyfriend who will be around just to make me feel bad about myself when he seems to be just all bark and no bite.

I still respect him though, and refuse to be bitter towards him since he was the one who healed and melted the thick ice around my heart.

Thanks to him, I learned that not all people are out to get me, especially guys.

So I will do my best never to become a bitter person if only out of respect to him.

I hope God blesses and preserves him then.

Good bye Troy.

[for-flyboy-who-stole-my-hea-blog]

2nd XINsert:

Hmmm, IDK if you'd actually be interested in knowing how my day went, so here goes:

- I called my unreasonable teacher a crazy cow because she said that she was expecting our lab manuals next week then suddenly asked to check them an hour after. GUUUH. UGH.

- I got the term "Mouse Whisperer" because we had to handle mice during Pharmacology lab session and I was the only one who never got bitten and was able to put them to sleep. I was actually cooing to them and cuddling them best as I can with my hands and even singing to them.

LOL

weird, I know.

- I usually use purple contacts with my blue eyeliner.

Just saying

>w<

[for-flyboy-who-stole-my-hea-blog]

1st XINsert:

I know I sound so iffy and persistent about how you feel for me and stuff. And I am honestly sorry. I seem to have a complete inability to control my emotions regarding this aspect of my life.

*rubs back of head awkwardly while sighing*

I know--

that we can't be. Because it's forbidden. Because your world is far too dangerous for me. You can't be with me all the time and must be away most days.

And trust me, I completely understand.

But the thing is, I love like you enough to be willing to undergo all that danger.

Trouble.

Discomfort or what nots that you can think of if only I could get to be with you.

Leaving a so-called normal life for you wouldn't be so hard for me considering the fact that I already left "home" at the age of 13.

All I want is you and to be with you and to do my best to make you happy.

In my eyes, life is beautiful but short.

I may die tomorrow, the day after, next week or even after 80 years.

Idk when for sure, but that's why I do my best to live life to the fullest.

To choose the moments over the times where seemingly important things must be prioritized.

I know I sound impractical.

But that's how I see things.

That's why I want to spend as much time as possible with you and to cherish each and every moment I get to be with you, even if it is only online.

It means a lot to me.

Getting to exchange words with you even if it were only for a few moments, because I miss you even more the minutes after.

I want to wrap each word and lock them up in my heart.

*sighs*

I know it sounds aimlessly cheesy but this is just how I honestly feel.

And I believe in chasing rainbows and dancing in the meadows.

In counting stars and whirling in the moonlight.

Just as how I believe in the depth of my feeling for you.