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youcouldmakealife · 3 years ago

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YCMAL Superlatives Write-ins (Rd 4)

In which there are fighting words. And loving words. And pretty much everything in between.

Most elaborate pre-game routine:

Anton seems extremely superstitious. On the other hand David probably has an elaborate routine simply because Things Need to be Done the Right Way

based on nothing… sandro carmen

Playoff Willy. Does enforcing others people's smiling count?

Crane. Although only he knows what it is because no one who interrupts it survives.

Playoff Willy. It includes ritual intimidation of his teammates

I hold close to my heart the fact that Ulf is very superstitious.

Bryce. Or David. Honestly, anyone neurodivergent.

James seems like a ‘must do everything exactly the same way every time to keep in control’ kind of guy.

Crane (or maybe playoff Willy if routine is glaring your teammates into submission)

Sebastian Boucher’s dramatic ass

Joey. That boy is *particular* about his routines.

Craney, obvs. Fucking goalies

I feel like there's a canonical answer but I also know in my heart that it's Willy. I mean look at him

David. And it must be done exactly the same way. And don't you dare call him superstitious.

Tate Williams seems like the kind of guy who would be upset if the jam for his pre-game pb&j was the wrong brand. Also Troy, for whom only Nolan's stick taping will do.!

Conny. Big anxious boy has got to have 15 things he does in the exact order or else nothing's gonna go well

What’s a routine?

Jake. Probably does athletic stuff he’s supposed to do but spends the whole time chatting with the boys.

is it cheating to say owen?

Kiro, he is pure chaos

Liam. Organization and routines don't seem like a strength of his.

Mike - can all you crazy fuckers shut the fuck up

Playoff Willy, if it's not hockey it's a distraction, stop it.

Is it bad that I can sort of picture Gally having to ask this?

maybe Chaz Rossi? he seems chill

Scratch seems like he wakes up and forgets it’s game day

Liam (doesn't have a routine AND will mess with yours)

Jared (he's obviously above it!)

I looked into the void and the void said Derek

Liam will claim not to have one. In reality his routine is annoying his teammates

Trigger. Because he is already terrifyingly in the zone.

Stephen, just off the vibes. He’s too sensible for superstition, GABRIEL

Oleg, he's got little kids so must be at peace with chaos

Liam. He doesn't have the attention span to have one.

I feel like Luke Morris would be the type of guy to just. show up places. with no prep

Sebastian tried-to-leave-without-his-passport Boucher

Dima, unless by “routine” you mean needling a different teammate before each game but mostly his lineys

Ulf —way too self composed for such nonsense

Best babysitter for their teammates' kids:

There are two very vocal schools of thought on this. But first, the outliers:

David (though he doesn’t think so) and Vinny (who DOES think so)

Jake!!! You know there's a "Jake Lourdes holding babies" Twitter someone made in-verse

David, but only if you're Oleg

Jake. Responsible, fun, authoritative but in a relaxed way. Has mysterious helper on the line for tense situations.

Gerard Leon, canonically

Accidental co-parenting player?

Then the OG:

Vinny the dinosaur, hands down.

Vinny. Not even close. Adam and David are sleeper hits.

Vinny. Best dinosaur noises.Vinny.

It's 100% vinny. I'd let him babysit my kid

If you chose anyone other than Vinny you are categorically incorrect AND you should feel bad

And the earnest upstart:

Bryce - trying to convince Jared they need to have enough for their own personal team

There should only be one answer and that's Bryce Marcus: the Kurmazovs' fave free babysitter and future father of four hobgoblins

Bryce-would he give soda at 9pm yes, will he stay up till 2 in the morning running around screaming with the kids? Also, yes.

Bryce. An always willing babysitter is absolutely priceless. And Jared can bail him out if in a bind, albeit long-sufferingly.

And the rosé of the Wine Wars:

Vinny, but Bryce might be slightly harder to bully into bad decisions right? Which is embarrassing for Vinny cause Bryce is SOFT

Not allowed to babysit their teammates' kids:

More mixed results on this one! For various (very good) reasons.

Derek. Just no. Disaster. Someone will come back without an eyebrow.

Seb seems like a menace, he will just buy them everything

Kiro, although not because the kids don't love him. The parents will suffer the consequences for YEARS

Liam. He knows what he did.

i don't think anyone has ever even considered letting Shithead within 3 feet of their child

David if they aren’t Oleg’s kids.

Julius (he's fine with this)

Robbie the masshole (I'm one too, i know how often we swear)

I feel sebastien would encourage shenanigans

I honestly feel guilty putting anyone - I think pretty much all of them would rise to the occasion if necessary

...... Morgan Fraser

Gally. (Joke answer: Darryl because he can't even babysit his kid teammates. jk Darryl ilu)

Dima (does he have kids? i am afraid)

I mean Roman. You basically wrote that story already

LIAM (responsibility whomst?)

Gally (teammates come back, the house is on fire)

Please do not let Shithead corrupt children

Jared. He’d let them die.

Also a clear frontrunner here:

ScratchMoney, Scratch if I have to pick one, he'd totally give the kids a sugar high than hand them back.

I’m finding it hard to trust ScratchnMoney with a dog, let alone a human child

ScratchnMoney. The tweedles need a babysitter for themselves.

ScratchNMoney. Wait until the WAGs hear they got a dog.

I feel like Scratch would just give them loads of sugar while Money tries to be responsible and fails. they let the kids watch star wars and then give them lightsabers to "let the energy out" they don't know how things went wrong

ScratchMoney-kids whacked on sugar, them asleep on couch

Character you would absolutely loathe if you knew them IRL:

whoever chirped vinny about being a virgin, what an asshole

Had Jared and I been in the same high school class I would have killed him

Jared because I have his personality

I am ashamed to admit. Liam. We're too similar. He'd be taking peoples attention away from me and Id hate that

Robbie (sorry girl ily)

Much like David and Jake, I kind of want to punch Sebastien Boucher in the face

I was gonna say Nikita but tbh… Luke lol

Jared. I'm sorry, I love him, but he would make me so furious irl. I'm no Bryce.

Stephen. I am not afraid to headbutt him directly in the mouth when he’s mean to me.

Anton. Too grumpy. I’m grumpy enough.

Robbie tbh. I love him but the misogyny does not hit

George ”Cheating Cheater Who Cheats” Dineen

Fitzgerald (so so talky so so energy)

Deslauriers- I will absolutely throw hands with a homophobic geriatric

As much as I adore him in AIT, RL Robbie would make me homicidal.

Harry, bristly boys are not appreciated

For ‘ancillary character’ reasons he will not be making the Final Four, but clearly there is a consensus for numero uno hated:

taylor fucking benson

Benson (somebody pass me a sledgehammer I'm going to deprive him of his kneecaps)

Benson, but also Playoff Willy (and ONLY Playoff Willy not normal Willy)

Fuckin Benson

Character you'd want to be buds with if you knew them IRL:

Jared is currently in top four in the loathed and buds category, which deserves MASSIVE kudos, I think. Congratulations you snarky little hobgoblin.

Gabriel my beloved come make latkes with me

Jared (would he want to be friends with me though? Probably not)

Can I have Kiro, Victor, and all your most psychotic goalies? Okay it's possible I want a gang, not a bud.

ELLIOTT MATTHEWS I WOULD LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE MIGHT I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER CALL HIM NEEDY EVER EVER (GLARE AT ONE PARTICULAR ROBBIE LOMBARDI)

Milan, we can be salty Penguins fans together

Julius Halla! a snarky introvert whose musical taste encompasses death metal and pop???? be still my beating heart

If Roman handed me a homemade button, I'd keep it literally forever

Stephen. Me and my friends are bitchy and sarcastic together - he'd fit right in and I want an invite to wine night

Jared. He’s not an idiot, knows the value of shared silence, and we could talk shit about everyone together.

I will be Marc Lapointe's new best friend and I will brook no arguments, because dibs doesn't count (Dan) and Ulf can catch these hands

Kiro and Emily. I refuse to choose between them, they belong together.

Marc. Pamphlet buddies, social justice warriors, emotional support providers in our spare time.

Owen, emily, Elaine, JESSICA… honestly any of the non-hockey players

Vinny. I need sunshine in my life.

Liam (I love him and will hear nothing against him)

Jared. Snarky judgy hobgoblins unite!

Marc! I too love pamphlets

Jared. Silence and Snide is all I require

I would admire Kiro from afar with longing (but he's way too cool for me)

Jared, come sit by me and bitch about everything

Bryce (loves Pooh Bear, very sweet, what else is needed)

Vinny is already my best friend and I love him

Best Dressed:

Also two distinct camps, and now I am trying to decide if Bryce and Seb would hit it off terrifyingly at an All-Star Game, or if he’d join David and Jake in the Loathing Seb Boucher Club. I’m truly unsure. (Not about Jared though, Jared would hate him)

Dave if you believe in subtlety. Seb if you're uncertain what it means.

Bryce thinks it's him but I am not sure

If Seb isn't, he'll go fix that right now

BRYCE. THIS IS NOT A DEBATE

Bryce (or David if you like the immaculate-robot type)

At first I thought Stephen, maybe Andreas, but then I remembered Bryce Freaking Marcus

I feel like Marc has the same perfect $5 hairstyle as Hank Lundqvist so I'm going for Marc

NOT SEBASTIEN BOUCHER ANYONE BUT HIM

Ah. I do not want to say Bryce, because I bet he would be elegant but boring. I feel like Holden would crack the NHL Style Power Rankings with some obnoxious but smart fits

Bryce (Jared, don't look at the receipts)

Bryce, or Jared if Bryce dressed him that day

Elaine (thanks to my sweet Bryce.)

Jessica as gritty😉

Most expensive is Seb. Actual quality is like, Marc, maybe?

Sebastien! I can't remember if he has a stylist, but he's absolutely the type to have a stylist, even though Simon would be convinced said stylist only enables him.

Bryce or Seb. Canadians who like to spend their hard earned money

Chaz Rossi (i feel like he's got his shit together)

Sebastian "I unironically own $4000 Ferragamo loafers" Boucher

Worst Dressed:

... also Sebastian "I unironically own $4000 Ferragamo loafers" Boucher

Dan. I feel like he might end up in dad jeans too young.

In my heart of heart I believe that Liam has no taste in clothing

Shithead, he thought the gold shirt was a smart decision.

Too many candidates. I will say Benson because he doesn't have the personality to make up for it.

I'm not convinced Luke gives a shit how he dresses.

David (not 'bad', per se, more like boring)

maybe Luke? for some reason i imagine his non-hockey wardrobe pretty much exclusively containing plaid, cargo pants, and Nickelback shirts

I feel like Scratch doesn’t match his socks

Derek Carruthers is responsible for the Single Worst Outfit—there is power in the absence of shame—but day to day it’s gotta be Benson (derogatory)

Anton. If he were modern he'd call it "drip" and it would not be drip.

I think many would fall under the category of ‘just doing bare dress-code minimum’, but I feel Seb would go so far the other way and tip over the stylish edge into ‘the fuck is he wearing?’ category.

Any of them from ~17 through ~21

Jared seems like we wore cargo shorts before Bryce got his hands on him

Every single hockey player, c'mon

Is it Derek and Andy time yet?

Jared if he dresses himself

Mike “Genuinely Does Not Give a Rat’s Ass” Brouwer

Dan, particularly once the kids were born.

I have a feeling Dima proudly rocks some very unfortunate outfits

Any of the Russians. As a European I've already seen enough irl.

Most helpful copilot on a road trip:

DAN sweet sweet forgotten saint of a child

Tonya Petrov, accept no substitutes

Why is it none of them

Grace! excellent navigator, also a pretty good DJ

Jake. He’d make you feel better about getting lost.

Roman—a certified Useful Man, not too angry, not too silent

David (can't drive, so won't criticise your driving; will research how to get where you're and will be able to guide you

I'm gonna go against the grain and say Liam. You wouldn't get bored for sure

Willy has got that shit locked and loaded

I trust Sven Olsen with my life and we'd just chill and watch the miles roll by, maybe listen to a podcast

Marc (If by helpful you mean bossy)

Kiro (the stories this man can tell!)

Dan Riley seems like an all-around standup guy and good egg. And I bet he has a sense of direction.

Mike- navigator expert, Liam-Conversation

Pierre Marc “I have researched every possible destination so I can tell you about them” Lapointe

Ben Morris! a good bean

Okay, his DJ skills may be suspect, but Jake had got to be hands down the best road companion.

Jared (organized. would research the route. terrible conversation but would be committed to keeping the driver awake)

Steve Peters! My man exudes responsibility (DONT HIT THE DRIVER JARED)

Once again, a consensus has seemingly been reached:

Gabe. Smart and patient.

Gabe, steady and reliable

Gabe. Although I think he could just be Most Helpful full stop

Gabe would figure everything out and provide good conversation as needed

Gabe (knows how to read a map, is sensible and doesn't complain every 5 minutes)

Gabe. Good, always competent Gabe. Not too chatty, not too silent, not an idiot, and probably does not have deplorable taste in music.

Gabe, planned out routes (you know he's got back ups if there's traffic) will be quiet if I need it, or chat, easygoing

Gabe. Chill, smart, good conversationalist, and part of the 'more than one braincell' club.

Gabe (because of the braincell)

Gabe, the good son, who will be prepared with GPS, snacks, and an un-obnoxious playlist.

Although several guys could fit those individual roles, Gabe probably has the best all-around combined score

Most useless copilot on a road trip:

Holden Chase. Murdered by the driver before they got anywhere.

scratchnmoney could get lost in a paper bag

Harry would guide you the wrong way on purpose, turn up the volume if you wanted to talk and once you're enjoying the music he would speak over it

Derek, I have no reason but just gut feeling

Scratchnmoney (just bc i feel like i can't write liam fitzgerald for everything)

Liam. He doesn't know how to entertain himself without messing with other peoples' heads and/or lives (phone sex with Mike doesn't count)

Scratch: "are we there yet?" "can we stop for candy?"

Julien, I don't speak French or Poet

Robbie Lombardi, world's most annoying backseat driver

Evan Connelly is nervous and only wants to agree with you—no helpful decisions will be made

Liam. I would literally kill him.

Charlie as a child seems like a terrible travel buddy

Liam, I'd throttle him if I was stuck in a car with him for hours! And not in a sexy way.......

Derek Carruthers wins a lot of these most useless categories

Harry Chalmers would be a PAIN

Scratchnmoney (why are they so frequently the worst at the more practical things?)

I would say Joey and Scratch except they would be entertaining which is very important in a road trip. Anton, because he's either missing Vinny, being mad if Vinny's attention is being taken up by the driver and not him, or he and Vinny are the only ones going on the road trip and therefore he's driving.

Liam, he'd never shut up, get distracted by his terrible playlist and forget to navigate, and eat all the snacks.

How do I not know which of your characters falls asleep as soon a they're in a moving vehicle? Charlie?

David, what use is a copilot if they can't even drive`?

Liam, either singing along badly or asleep

And so beautifully terrible that he leapfrogs a bunch of main characters:

Julius. Will sit in shotgun, headphones on, and play phone games. You want conversation? Screw you. You want a dj? He's not listening to your music. You get lost? Lmaoooo

Julius would tell you that your phone has gps and ignore you the rest of the time

Julius Halla- my boy has limited English, a hobgoblin attitude, and a preference for Finnish death metal; 0/10, would not roadtrip again

Julius, canonically

Julius (doesn't know how to get where you're going, will only talk to you to criticise your driving anyway, will want to listen to Finnish death metal)

#YCMAL superlatives

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youcouldmakealife · 3 years ago

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YCMAL Superlatives Write-ins (Rd 3)

More write-in answers!

Most likely pair to rock a couples Halloween costume:

???? you know who we're all gonna say (scratchnmoney)

Derek and his reluctant co-conspirator Andy

Vinny and Anton and Anton would be SO BEGRUDGING ABOUT IT but he'd do it because he loves Vinny

Robbie & Matty & Wheels & Crane (& lauren) count as a couple right

ScratchMoney. No shame means unlimited room for creativity

Isn’t the answer clearly not a pair, but a throuple? (Evan/Harry/Roman)

Certainly not scratchnmoney, who we refer to as a collective

Bryce would want to but Jared would Not stand for it.

Most likely pair not to bother with costumes at all:

Mike will not comply

Jared and Bryce, but only because Bryce capitulates when faced with a petulant Jared

Stephen looks like he'd think dressing for Halloween is beneath him so

"Hey Mike?" "No."

... are we counting everyone who forgot it was halloween?

Stephen and Gabe, Stephen wouldn't dare wear a costume and Gabe's not fun enough to want to make him

Would be your favourite player IRL:

(huge variety of answers for obvious reasons)

Trigger (I love goalies and I’m not sorry about it)

Julius (I love talented players who don't know how to talk to media, their blunders give me life)

Probably Nikolaj, because I have a soft spot for players who end up with ~nebulous reputation issues

david, the boy too good

David Chapman (reminds me of my beloved Murder Swede)

Vinny (becuase who doesn't love an adorable goalie??)

Bryce Marcus the flow, the talent, the troubled authenticity

Harry Chalmers, that's my son and I love a depth player

Fourns, but please let it be known that I am super sorry I'm not saying Vinny.

Gabe, because he is handsome and sensible and I am always a fan of Jewish players unless they give me a reason not to be

i would be marc lapointe’s #1 defender but anton’s shot blocking makes a compelling point

David. His hockey would be sexy to watch.

much like Jake Lourdes, talented pretty boys with bad attitudes are my kryptonite so... David Chapman

Gabe. Love me a third line beauty with *intangibles*

Julius. Bitch recognizes bitch

Jordan! (competent red wings captain? yes please)

I am very very ashamed to say it would be Shithead, without a doubt

vinny (i have a thing for backup goalies)

Marc. I love a woke boy also good at hockey.

Julius (yes King give us nothing mcdavid vibes)

Fournier - everyone needs a friend like him, he is the best!

David. So fucking skilled, puts up points without needing the flashiness *cough* Seb *cough*

Annnnd:

Jared Matheson (my type is pretty and savage)

Jared (I'm a sucker for pretty white boys)

probably jared. unfortunately

Jared Matheson (im a simple gal with simple pleasures)

Jared (pretty so pretty)

Would be your least favourite player IRL:

..... Jake Lourdes (unless he's on my team)

Bryce would have been annoying but helpful while on my team, and absolutely loathsome once traded to our hated rivals.

I would have said Shithead despite my fondness for him, but then you introduced us to Holden Chase.

Brandon “shithead” simcoe who now plays for the bruins who I have consistently said I would fist fight myself

shithead, for obvs reasons

David Chapman because he plays for the capitals #goflyers

Brandon (yuck flyers)

i would hate every single one of the scouts for no reason

Bryce Marcus' fuckboi persona

i would spit on holden chase’s grave

Mike...why you gotta fight so much, bud?

I believe Benson would give off bad vibes

David with his perfect face and his perfect hockey. So perfect I'd watch him play angry because he is too good.

Most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse:

Luke with a goal in mind would be unstoppably brutal

There is no doubt in my mind that Devon Crane is running an incredibly successful fortified settlement/possible cult. Would like to join.

Marc out of spite

Dave, honestly. He'd have already prepared for every scenario well in advance.

Trigger and he has prepared for it

Chaz “I have no special skills but everyone likes me” Rossi

Benson. Fucker is probably like a cockroach.

I can see Robbie happily shooting everything in sight until he's the only one standing

Liam - He is sneaky and also bites.

Roman Novak (he has grown up practical skills)

Derek has highkey prepared for it

vinny (vinny doesn't need survival skills becuase nobody would let him get hurt. even the zombies wouldn't want to hurt him)

Jared and Bryce could survive if they managed to get to Jared's dad

Mike and Gabe, only ones with life skills. Or Jared, didn't notice it was happening until it was over.

And:

Mike Brouwer (has strength, practical life skills, and ruthless pragmatism)

We're doing this again: paradoxically, Mike

Mike Brouwer (and Liam by association)

MIKE. You know he has like, an emergency fire axe right next to his baking sheets. He is ready

Mike. Not even zombies would fuck with him

Mike, he's the only one, no others will survive

Mike Brouwer: strong, can throw a hit, can fish and cook, good taste in rock music

Mike Brouwer will fortify his home against all attacks

Least likely to survive a zombie apocalypse:

I know it my heart that it is Bryce

Nick "got stuck in a children's jungle gym" Angelopoulos

Bryce (the boy...does not have practical skills)

Mike, not because he wouldn't be able to, but because it would be a hassle

Bryce Marcus (like a delicate hothouse flower)

Willy (he’s the beautiful one who goes first as a surprise)

Joey - poor guy was not meant to be written into any sort of dystopia

Bryce, I’m sorry baby: too soft to kill a zombie, can’t cook, severely lacking in the practical life skills department, needs all his fancy hair and skincare products

All of them except Evan because he's not allowed to

ScratchNMoney. A fountain almost got the best of them, as did a playground slide.

nikita (nobody would help him and I feel like he has no survival skills. also, it's what he deserves)

Vinny. Doomed.

I’m not saying it’s Seb, but I am wondering if he’d know how to deal if money is meaningless

scratchnmoney are barely surviving as is

I am so sorry, but Joey. He's not final girl material

Jared would willingly die

Everybody not Mike

Thomas is probably too nice to do what is needed

And...

Liam, unless paired with Mike

Liam without Mike

Liam (thank god he has Mike)

Liam would only survive If mike kept him alive.

Liam if Mike wasn’t keeping him from taunting said zombies

Most likely to call their mom if they have so much as a runny nose:

Oh Scratch definitely be wanting his mommy

Liam. Except he'd probably call Mike.

Robbie. Canonically.

Nick “my mom scares me but also I’m very sick and need my mom” Angelopoulos

Jake has big sad sick momma's boy energy

Gabe - For all his maturity, he loves his mom, and she is great.

Totally Scratch. And Irene would baby the fuck out of him.

Bryce, canonically. Vinnie, but Fourns instead of his mom

But consensus:

Bryce, but only because he was calling her anyway.

Bryce Marcus (and who can blame him? Elaine is great)

Bryce. Like he needs an excuse to call her.

Bryce of course but he was already on the phone with her when his nose started running

Bryce. There is literally no other answer but Bryce. And Elaine would instigate.

Least likely to admit they're sick even if they're running a temperature of 101 (38.3c):

Jared out of pure stubbornness because Bryce told him to wear a scarf

David, possibly beaten for the position in his later, less prickly years by Oleg and his Internalized Responsibilities.

Bryce if he has to play that day

You’d think it’d be David, but he’s very responsible about his health. It’s actually Harry, bc stubbornness.

Jared (he's just contrary like that)

Tate “no sick days, only hockey” Williams

Bryce again, no way he's not getting out on the ice for 104 fever (but he makes Jared stay home and rest for a hangnail!)

Maybe Francis is the worst at accepting that he, a doctor, needs a doctor

David, but he’s not lying, he hasn’t noticed yet

Anton. Russian machine never breaks.

Playoff Willy isn’t sick, the thermometer is just broken

Oleg, dude is too busy to be sick

Best choice for your pub trivia team:

Sven Olsen. Brilliant and terrifying.

Mike, if you could somehow convince him to actually go

Owen, who knows more than all of the hockey boys

The Caps—Quincy and Oleg alone would clean house

SCRATCH MY NERDY SON

sarah riley my queen

Stephen, snottily knowing the answers to everything

Raf, he'd know all the answers but he'd be kind if you got one wrong

Marc - He would get all the snooty questions.

I feel like Jared is too obsessed with being right to not know a bunch of random facts.

Feel like a team of Gabe, Stephen and Jared would clean up, can I have three? They're literally a family!

Jake obviously knows pop music and sports which are my weakness

Stephen he wouldn't want to go but he would crush it

Gabriel (for answers Stephen is just as good but for team morale, Gabriel)

Marc (not only bringing knowledge to the table but also the Need To Win!!)

mike (a good mix of practical and book smarts)

Stephen or maybe Kiro?? but more realistically Emily

Marc for politics and current events, mike for literature and history, willy for determination and stare downs

Worst choice for your pub trivia team:

Shithead. Provides no useful answers, gets kicked off your team, still somehow offends the staff enough to get your entire team banned.

Harry, we can't argue over EVERY answer.

David Chapman (too much of a perfectionist, will keep second-guessing everything)

David (unless it's hockey). Everything else is inconsequential

Sven (doesn't know the right answer, but will say something ridiculous with such confidence you will believe him

The Scouts—big hearts, too much chaos

jake. not a single thought in his head

Liam. He knows the answers and intentionally gives the wrong ones. Or Julius. He might know the answers, but he won't tell you until you give the wrong ones.

Scouts- they seem to consistently function at the level of the lowest common denominator..hijinks ensue as Scratch and Joey devolve into a side argument

Fucking Benson.

Bryce, love him, but sweetie has a very limited range of knowledge (2 topics) and there won't be many hockey Q's and NONE about Jared, so he's out

Bryce, bless his pretty little face.

Jared- you KNOW he would mutter the correct answers under his breath and then get mad at a teammate for not hearing and putting down the wrong answers, total mood killer :/ also Shithead, because Shithead

Anton (can you *imagine* the level of "i am not participating" he would radiate)

Kiro. No answers only trolling

Bryce bless his heart he is an expert in hockey and Jared, and clueless about everything else

ScratchAndMoney have not a single braincell between them

Joey. He's not good on the spot

Jared isn't the only person who will never let Bryce live this down, and that’s fair:

Bryce "truffles are chocolate" Marcus

Bryce “theres chocolate in my eggs” Marcus

Bryce. That boy has never thought about anything except hockey in his life (point: truffles!!)

bryce “chocolate? in my eggs??” marcus

The duality of man:

Marc - he has to explain every answer to you. And why it is oppressive. And what you should do to make it right. And would you like a phamplet?

Marc would lead his team to victory but at what cost

Marc, but not because you'd lose

#YCMAL superlatives

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youcouldmakealife · 3 years ago

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YCMAL Superlatives Write-ins (rd 1)

Been cracking up at some of the write-ins for the YCMAL superlatives, and pleasure’s best shared!

Best to be stuck with on a desert island:

Scratch but just because I love him

There's definitely characters who would be helpful for survival but I honestly just think Jess would be good company; we could panic uselessly together

Oleg—smart, not chaotic, knows people with boats

Liam (because I’d never be alone with my thoughts)

Don Matheson (can cook, has handyman skills, good level of snark...)

Mike (paradoxically, best survival skills)

Worst to be stuck with on a desert island:

Harry "very few practical life skills but very loud opinions" Chalmers

Seb (can you imagine the sheer amount of TALKING)

Joey, adore him but that boy has zero survival skills

Liam - when driving you crazy is his only form of entertainment

Kiro. I love him, but hell no.

LIAM!!! (Imagine Liam hungry, bored, sunburned and without Mike! You are welcome)

No longer allowed to be locker room DJ:

That list is too long.

Jake post break up with david

WE KNOW ABOUT THE NICKELBACK, LUKE

Playoff Willy

Marc (he'd probably play an NPR podcast or something)

Julius (Finnish death metal no thank you)

Most likely to get a speeding ticket:

Bryce (except if Jared’s in the car)

Bryce (if he isn't in the top 4 I'll eat my shoe)

These are young, rich athletes. It's a lot of them.

Sebastien Boucher (self explanatory?)

Marc and Charlie (they share this trait yes?)

Most likely to drive EXACTLY the speed limit:

David Chapman- actually, he would probably drive under the speed limit...

David, if he literally ever learned how to drive. Maybe Jake just by virtue of having David in his passenger seat judging him

David. Is that a question.

Jared Matheson (just bc David Chapman doesn’t drive)

Most likely to be the one in the middle of locker room nonsense:

Scratch and money are one person, right?

Scratchnmoney

Derek (like, canonically)

Sandro (he started the locker room nonsense)

Joey Joey Joey followed closely by Kiro (they should never meet)

ScratchMoney, I guess Joey if they don't count as one person

Least likely to get involved in locker room nonsense:

They all live in the locker room, and all of them have canonically gotten involved in nonsense, no winner

Oleg Kurmazov (best boy)

Mike (pre-Liam)

Mike Brouwer (dare you to even try to get him involved)

Most likely to venmo you $1.67 If they owe you $1.67:

Robbie (but only to Georgie)

Stephen, passive aggressively

Robbie, out of pettiness

Harry (my petty boy)

David because he thinks that's polite, Jared because he knows it's rude

Most likely to forget they owe you ANYTHING:

Benson (fuck him)

Jake. But he'll take you out for dinner/drinks the next time he sees you.

fucking benson

Bryce Marcus-Matheson (never expects to be paid back and therefore forgets to pay others back all the time)

My girl Charlie growing up in that house (mansion)

#YCMAL superlatives

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youcouldmakealife · 3 years ago

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YCMAL Superlative Awards

It’s time to pick the YCMAL character you’d most like to be stuck with on a desert island, who you’d hate in real life, the preeminent user of ‘uh’ and ‘um’ in interviews, and more!

Any character’s eligible, not just main characters: if Dmitry Kurmazov strikes you as the right answer, then by god, you write that man’s name in.

There’ll be a category for each day of November, with new polls every 5 days. The first one’s below, but you’re still more than welcome to submit categories for contention here!

The top four write-ins of each category will duke it out for bragging (and shame) rights in a multiple-choice edition in December.

You’re under no obligation to answer all questions! If one stumps you that’s totally fine.

ROUND ONE.

#YCMAL superlatives #utter nonsense

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youcouldmakealife · 3 years ago

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YCMAL Superlatives: Final Round (1)

The people named and shamed in the write-ins, and now the top vote getters in both laudatory and...shameful...categories will face off against one another in the Finals. So we can finally settle whether David or Jared would be more likely to venmo someone $1.67 (though let’s be real: they both would.) and whether Mike Brouwer would be the most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse or...it’s Mike. It’s definitely Mike. Dude had like 80% of the write-ins, I think we are in collective agreement Mike’s got this.

YCMAL Superlatives Finals (THE FIRST)

If you see more than four options, that’s because there was a tie and this was easier than coming back asking for tiebreakers and more fair than me bumping someone from the list.

This poll covers parts 1-3 of the write ins. Part two is coming next week to give everyone a bit more time with the final three polls. Four is here, five is here, and six is here.

This poll and the following will remain open until Dec 25, and the results will be revealed before the New Year!

#YCMAL superlatives

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youcouldmakealife · 3 years ago

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YCMAL Superlatives Write-ins (Rd 2)

Everyone continues to be hilarious.

Best Chirper:

Robbie - he maybe, might have made David smile once

Ulf or Liam, either way there’s innuendo involved

Kiro (if he can get to Oleg, I’m convinced he can get to anyone)

Liam, I am sure he is as annoying in the ice as off it

Kiro and he knows it

Stephen? in a cutting way, Dmitry in a silly way

Julius (but its in Finnish so no one knows)

Julius, if he ever opened his mouth

Devon Crane (feel like everyone is so terrified of him that deadpan chirps would go over *so* well)

Worst Chirper:

Money - I don’t know why, it just feels true

Ben is far too nice a young man for effective chirping

Bergen (“Hey Vinny, still doing that whole virgin shit to turn into a super goalie?”)

Shithead but he thinks hes great at it

Bryce because he is bad at being sarcastic and mean or David just because he is truly terrible at chirping

And...

David (anyone else is objectively wrong)

David. Poor thing.

David (but only when he’s intentionally chirping, he’s very effective at being hurtful when he’s not)

David! He tries the darling

David Chapman (I would die for him but even Max seems to be a better chirper)

david would never even try

Most likely to use a dozen hair and skin products:

I’m so caught between my dumb sons Seb and Bryce

whoever it is, they probably only do so because their [sister] told them to

Bryce - and maybe Jared after he steals all of Bryce’s products or at least his fancy shampoo

Bryce, as part of Recovering from Toxic Masculinity

Bryce the boy is so vain (rightly)

Most likely to use 2 in 1 shampoo and a bar of soap:

ScratchMoney, they are a 2 in 1 couple

Literally everyone but Bryce

Mike Fucking Brouwer. I know you’re not ashamed but I’m ashamed of you.

.... like 2/3s of the league

Mike (except he probably uses a 3 in 1)

Jared because of pettiness alone

Jared Matheson is judging his vain fashion pot husband

i hate to say it but. Andy.

Adam, out of sheer melancholia and frugality

The rest of them???

Benson (derogatory)

Most likely to win an Olympic medal in another sport:

Evan. In the summer olympics. And never tell anyone about it.

Seb for sailing. Based only on him having a boat and how hilarious Jake and David’s reactions would be to him winning medals for multiple sports

Kiro and Gally want to know if pranking is an Olympic sport

Playoff Willy (based on sheer determination alone)

Bryce, works so hard and dedicates himself to what he loves, hockey, Jared, it'd be the same any sport

Is it just me or could Oleg become a curler or something hilarious like that?

idk i feel like julius would do it out of sheer talent and pettiness, but don't ask me which sport

David (hardworking little weirdo)

I dunno why, but Willy. He just has that multiple-gold-medal vibe

Marc Lapointe (the man was born to be a champion)

And:

Marc (diving)

another write in for Marc (in diving)

Can we make the Marc diving joke or is that just for Dan?

And (100 points for making me cackle like a hyena):

.....................Aaron

Most uncoordinated off the ice:

So are ScratchMoney a single unit throughout? Because them.

Evan (he's not used to how big he is after bulking up so his spatial awareness is all off)

I don’t know why the answer is Andy, but it is

I really feel like it's Andy. Maybe Evan. Definitely one of the gentle giants.

evan immediately post growth spurt is like a teenaged dog

Sweet Baby Connie, he's like a newborn giraffe

Cody Gallagher (no clue, just vibes)

Joey if he’s drunk or feeling shy

Julius Halla (look idk if he's uncoordinated off the ice i just think it'd be funny if he were)

Most ‘ums’ in a single media availability:

Mike. Self censoring himself with all the swearing

Julius. This is not his language, he does not want this, someone please help.

ALL OF THEM except Stephen and Gabe

Charisma black hole Jared Matheson, and nobody will care because they’re all too busy staring at his gorgeous face

In my heart I know it’s Bryce

I’d say Julius but that implies that he speaks to them at all

Jared Matheson (with likes)

Liam but it was a bet

Evan Connelly (too anxious)

Most likely to get through an interview without a single filler word:

Marc. Mostly because he's ranting

David in full Hockey Canada robot mode

Dave (LISTEN I know he's not a player, but if he was he wouldn't use filler words)

Oleg has never said ‘um’ in his life

Marc when he gets going about the current dismal state of politics

Marc has his media planned out three weeks in advance

Willy, most charming man alive

Gabe. He has The Singular YCMAL Braincell

if there was any competition Marc would have taken them out already

David Chapman, if he deigns to answer interview questions

Marc and that's not even a question

David Chapman (thinks about everything before he speaks...usually)

Ref’s Favourite:

Any of the small number of people at the centre of the ‘sensible’ ‘competent’ ‘personable’ ‘plays hockey’ Venn diagram. So Gabe or Jordan

the caps as a team except robbie

Oleg Kurmazov (a no bullshit man)

And numerous (fair) iterations of:

Jordan Davies ;)

Refs' worst nightmare:

Dmitry Kurmazov (a yes bullshit man)

Jake Lourdes (every hit *right* on the edge of too hard)

Luke for fighting, Liam for mischief

Jake “i’m the captain it’s my job to argue with you while standing on top of the guy i just slewfooted in plain sight” lourdes

Have you met Seb?????????????

Holden Chase and Shithead when their first line privilege protects them from getting anything more than a 2 minute minor

Holden Chase (I don't know why this one needed the full name)

Liam. He'd 100% brat at them all the time and I love that for him

Willy (probably not but I love the juxtaposition of Willy and Playoff Willy)

#YCMAL superlatives

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youcouldmakealife · 3 years ago

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YCMAL Superlatives Write-ins (Rd 5)

I’m not here! I think I will be back tomorrow? But gathering write-ins is a good ‘is doing something but doesn’t actually require brain’ kind of work when under the weather. (...I promise I am mostly resting. This is restful!)

Second to last of the write-ins!

Most likely to stay physically active after retirement:

Liam, fiery ball of energy. Anton, who doesn't give up jogging, to Thomas' chagrin. Bryce, handling the kids (yes, it includes playing hockey). David, because letting go is not an option - and Jake exercising with him is... very...attractive.

Bryce, Dan, Marc, Jared - the dads who must chase or play with their hobgoblin children

I feel like David wouldn’t be able to let go of that routine. Like, a lot of them wouldn’t, but David especially.

Bryce seems like he's just genuinely a gym rat so him

I don't think Willy could ever slow down enough not to

Bryce, gotta keep it tight for that beautiful boy

Ulf (out of vanity)

David. Just because he wouldn't know what else to do.

Tate "Rise & Grind" Williams

David, just as the doctor said.

Dan. Yoga is canon.

I feel like Liam wouldn’t work out but he’d run around like a toddler on a sugar high anyway

Bryce will always need an energy burn! So, I guess my vote goes to Jared?

Oleg! He was in his whatever thirties and keeping up with David in training!!

Bryce “weirdly frequent alumni games” Marcus

Ulf you peacock

I don't know who the "Ontario boy who goes out hunting in camo every offseason" is in this verse, but it's him

Willy. He is young and he is beautiful and he wants to stay that way.

Despite potatoes, David

Playoff Willy is gonna get so ridiculously competitive at running marathons

Most likely to immediately get out of shape after retirement:

I’m considering not even bothering with a ‘top four vote getters are your options, pick one’ for this category unlike all the others, and just giving you all Scratch written four ways. Is it: Scratch, Nick Angelopoulos, Nick ‘Scratch’ Angelopoulos, or all of the above? (Am so proud of ScratchnMoney getting disentangled for this question.)

But not everyone agrees!

tbh none of them. But I could see Jake almost never playing hockey specifically again.

Luke, like Mike, stays big but gets soft (literally AND metaphorically)

Marc Lapointe, because lazy

I mean, Mike, but that's not fair. Low-key, it's Vinny.

Scratch (not nMoney), also Andy

I trust Dan to calm down and chill out

Julius, he can't cook and he's used to being skinny automatically. That stops working eventually.

Liam- annoying the shit out of people doesn't burn as many calories as hockey

Tbh, i can't picture it for anyone bc you kinda have to love exercise AND have self-discipline to make it to pro-hockey levels?

Oleg, the man's exhausted

But also...

Scratch (now money cannot limit his sweets!)

Scratch, those eating habits gonna catch up with you......

Scratch (hates running! Eats so much shit!!)

I feel like scratch would immediately ditch the food restrictions

Scratch - when the snack drawer is just the pantry.

Nick “Ugh, JOGGING” Angelopoulos

Scratch already would be out of shape without Joey

Scratch is a cookie monster even in the nhl he’s only gonna get worse when hes not contractually obligated to be in shape

Scratch is gonna love his dad bod years

Most likely to get back to back hat tricks:

The people are angry but honest.

Somewhere on this continent there's a secret warehouse Sébastien Boucher rents out just for his hats.

Seb, and he'll let you know about it too!

Seb!!! (Jake is crying somewhere; David is seething)

Seb. And celebrate them in the most obnoxious way imaginable

Seb, damn him

Seb, to the great chagrin of David

Seb Boucher. Ugh.

Julius "better than you" Halla

Julius. He'd be so smug but also so nonchalant about it too.

Shithead, cause life isn't fair

Marc. Overachiever.

Raf, because he deserves all good things. And he'll be bashful about it.

Shithead, and both will have a shorty thrown in there for good measure

I don't want to say it but I gotta. Seb.

Marc, probably to prove a point

I mean. Seb won the richard for a reason

Probably Shithead, AND he would be annoying about it

...... boucher (the douche-r)

Bryce out of sheer talent, force of will, and need to impress his husband on the bench

Most likely to get back to back Gordie Howe hat tricks: (1 goal, 1 assist, 1 fighting major)

Flames-era Bryce (Jared is Not Happy)

Holden Chase (also with obnoxious cellies)

Jake -- there aren't many other players who combine "very good players" and "piss people off on the ice" like him.

Jake. But he's so nice about it!

Jake or Georgie both fit into the slim center of the Venn diagram between “good enough for a goal and assist” and “up for a fight”

Mike while on a line with Julius

I bet Jake has plenty already

Luke, cause life is sometimes fair

Holden Chase. And one of those fights will be with his liney.

Jake, probably because he's a dumbass

Jake. Is there a Gordie Howe hat trick hat trick when you get 3 in a row?

Jake (but not against the Bolts)

Shithead. So talented, such a dick.

Jake "all refs are out to get me" Lourdes

Shithead is going to fight Holden Chase for the honor

Best Dancer:

The people are VERY DIVIDED (except for those who confidently say ‘absolutely none of them’, which would absolutely track for a bunch of characters created by me.)

Ballroom: Oleg ( wedding practice). Club : Liam, on the nights he's away from Mike. Mostly to turn strangers on and tell Mike when they have phone sex later.

Vinny. He'd just go for it, and he's flexible

None of them, hockey players are terrible dancers

I feel like all the hockey players are probably pretty bad dancers. I'm going with Elaine, mostly because I have this headcanon that she takes ballroom and swing dance lessons as a way to get out of the house and meet new people.

I feel like Derek would have the moves, but Sven would turn out to be good at like, ballroom.

I feel like Sven Olsen can wave his limbs around in strange and mesmerizing fashion (a la Thom Yorke or David Byrne).

Probably Derek, no shame or inhibitions, just goes for it

Look Tremblay didn't kill it on the dance floor at a gay bar sporting a feather boa just for you all to vote for anyone else

Kiro Volkov. i feel like if he and Emily could come as a set? i bet they have routines.

Stephen seems like a guy with hidden depths

Ulf. He has snake hips.

Oleg Kurmazov has hidden depths

Liam. Nobody likes it, but it’s Liam.

In my heart I see Vinny

Emily (I refuse to believe that literally any of the men can dance)

Tremblay (if you've got taste)

Vinny just because he makes you smile no matter what he's doing

Carruthers. In his mind.

Literally none of them

I wanna say Jake, confidence and a lack of care what others think (though that could also make him the worst dancer w/o him knowing)

Willy is best at all things

Liam, comfortable in his body and absolutely shameless

Seb. No inhibitions.

Scratch. Idk why but the vibes

Tremblay, just saying, Matt didn't know he was gay before seeing him dance.

Georgie. Bet he has some smooth moves.

Ulf, for sexy reasons

Bryce (if he lets himself i feel he would have RHYTHM)

Drunk Joey

theyre all terrible dancers. i genuinely cannot think of anyone who is actually good or even strikes me as “least bad”. if there’s a character who is a dancer and ive forgotten, them.

Literally no one

Worst Dancer:

Sweden coming in ready and willing to destroy international relations.

Jessica, although it's probably on purpose

Scratch and Money definitely flail.

Jared, only because he never dances

Tremblay according to Dan

Shithead's dancing is 80% twerking and he's not even good at it

Connie, shy & self conscious never works on the dance floor, bless him

tied for David-what-is-dancing-Chapman and Mike-fuck-off-fitzgerald-im-not-doing-this-Brouwer

Andy. He’s too embarrassed for this, and not even alcohol helps.

Vinny - but in an endearing way

David- I am laughing at the image of him on a dance floor

Also Tremblay (if you've got eyes)

Dan Riley. Doesn't even try.

Anton. This is canon. Crank that Soulja boy.

Literally all of them

Depends what you mean by worst: david is too stiff, dima is too chaos, Seb is too Seb

Jared Wouldnt Dance

Julius. Finnish people can't dance (regards, a Swedish person)

Willy. So pretty. No rhythm.

Andy (it's the curse of the gingers)

imagine Trigger dancing

theyre all terrible. every single one. special shout out to: everyone when drunk, Derek, Joey, Scratch.

Shithead in his gaudy gold clubbing shirt. And he’ll think he’s great.

Drunk Joey, followed closely by Sober Joey

Liam but he doesn't give a shit

Most likely to be the cool mom/dad:

Dan, Bryce, Emily, and for some reason Roman. Also, Jake is the cool uncle right?

Does Erin Matheson, the future Wine Aunt, count?

Is being the pushover who you can get to let you do things cool? If so, Bryce.

Kiro and Emily could not be anything else if they tried.

Jake, I think he'd be a great dad, still holding out hope Taylor........

Elaine is canonically the cool mom? but also, Bryce

Ulf. Although I can't see him with kids, he'd be suitably aloof and all the kids pals would have a crush on him / want to hang out with him

Anton’s parents ARE the cool parents, he’s just the only one who doesn’t think so

Ben :) good egg

Dan. By not trying to be the cool dad.

Grace obviously

Jake, which is why David's not letting them have kids. So Bryce.

Emily is the coolest so by default she is the coolest parent

Gritty with all my heart

Ngl none of them have any chill but I can see Seb trying

Bryce will never say no to their kids

Jake if they had kids. He will settle for cool uncle

Elaine. She is the most wonderfullest, best-friend mom in the whole world, thinks Bryce.

Gabe Markson- he IS a cool mom

Jared wishes

none of them. theyre all dorks. lotta cool aunts/uncles though

Bryce! He takes after his mom that way

Most likely to be the embarrassing mom/dad:

Bryce is literally the frontrunner in both these categories, the people are TORN on his coolness. Kiro also appears in both but I think we're all in agreement that if he's embarrassing his progeny it's 100% on purpose.

Jared. He's his mother's son and will delight in embarrassing his kids.

Marc. He just wants to support everyone. Please put away the pamphlets at the peewee game.

Bryce. Let's face it he already is and he doesn't even have kids. Dad Vibes

Tonya Petrov (for a given value of 'embarrassing', where most people don't think she is particularly embarrassing, but she maximizes actions that make Anton cringe)

Definitely Bryce; he would be so sentimental always.

...and yet somehow also Kiro. But on purpose. He weaponizes embarrassment.

Bryce and Jared combined. Bryce with the gushy love and Jared trolling the hell out of them. Good luck lil M&M's

Kiro"why have kids if you don't embarass them" Volkov

DON MATHESON but also. Stephen would embarrass his kids on purpose

Bryce (not in purpose) dmitry (on purpose)

Marc. Although that may be too canon so Jared but he'd do it on purpose.

Bryce—soft man, many feelings, cannot keep them inside

Kiro is for sure an amazing dad but I am persuaded he trolls his children

Also Bryce (the duality of man)

All of them. Teenagers are embarrassed by having parents exist

Bryce. He gushes. And cries.

Marc. He can’t help it.

Jared on purpose - he has to pass along the suffering

Jared, raising the next generation of hobgoblins.

Bryce with his sheer force of love!

Also Gritty with all my heart

Bryce by accident and Jared on purpose

Marc, right? The answer is Marc, right?

Bryce <333 has too much love and no chill

Tonya could teach a master class after raising Anton

Marc definitely speaks to their teachers too much.

I feel like anyone that gets too close to any player would realize how embarrassing they all are

Boy I hope Derek's hypothetical kids are as unembarassable as he is.

Bryce, but i have to note it’s literally everyone. all of them are embarrassing.

Best work-life balance:

A background character that stays so far out of the ridiculous drama the protagonists create that we've barely heard of them. Maybe one of the not-Mikes?

Gabe (best at any balance! best at life!!)

Stephen—plenty of practice making time with NHL Gabe when both their schedules allow

Roman seems like he knows how to have fun and still work hard

Gabe Markson or Chaz Rossi, our most relaxed sons

Elaine (still not sure if she actually works, therefore perfect work-life balance)

Dan Riley, who married the opposite

Gabe, most reasonable in all things.

It would be simon were it not for the seb-shaped anchor holding him beneath the waves of work related stress. So I’ll say Chaz

Jake is the epitome of work hard and play hard

Gabe, of course. The most stable and balanced son.

None of them? Gonna go with none

Kiro or Gabe. Sensible good eggs

Owen, by virtue of not being a hockey player and/or spouse of a hockey player. and like, being relatively sensible and level-headed. points deducted for being a student, so ymmv.

Work is life and balance is bullshit:

David if Jake isn't in town. Dude, chill.

Playoff Willy and/or Owen (baby when do you sleep??)

I mean, you sort of wrote a massive epic about David's pathologically intense relationship with work...

Playoff Willy. Hockey. Is. LIFE

Playoff Willy, why are you laughing this is playoffs.

Have you been introduced to the concept that is David Chapman?

Dave!!! And his favorite client.

David and I hate that my precious angel is my answer

Dave can only dream about anything like balance cause Andreas has his foot on the scale

Literally everyone, but Playoff Willy leaves them all in the dust

David. No question. Will never retire.

David. we’re all collectively staring at david.

#YCMAL superlatives

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