#a reason as to why i'm a bit discouraged that i'm chatting about to nobody

[spllwys]

i'm going on exam season lockdown as of today, which means no more gifs/edits/anything else because i spend way too much time on them for an engineering student in the trenches lmao. posting this not because i think anybody will notice or care, but so i can hold myself accountable and get embarrassed if i break the pledge. see you on june 3rd for a ghovie creativity extravaganza

edit: besides the ghovie trailer 😭 i cant restrain myself from that one

[olderthannetfic]

Nearly 75% of fic on AO3 has less than 5 reader comments. Can we please acknowledge that lack of engagement in a positive fashion is the norm in fandom and that writers are expected to work for nothing in return yet readers are allowed to be entitled?

The source of my number

https://www.tumblr.com/transholmes/738776926733336576/and-even-those-numbers-on-the-lower-end-are

--

Hahahahaha.

Oh, anon.

Okay, first of all, I just posted a bunch of graphs showing exactly this, so not only am I well aware of it, but you also clearly don't read my tumblr much and are just here because some friend of yours is upset that I responded negatively to them about their dumb bookmarking opinions.

Second and more importantly...

No, no one is expected to do anything.

That's crazypants influencer talk where you think your hobbies are jobs that you have no choice about doing.

I suppose I do expect fans to have something at least marginally worthwhile to say—or else I'll block them for being whiny little bitches who make my day dumber as well as less amusing.

But mostly, what I expect is that people will do hobbies because they are fun. If I ever decide that writing fic is too boring, I will stop.

I write because it's fun.

I write original work for money too, and if you want to read that, you're going to have to pay Amazon your cold, hard cash. But I still do it because I enjoy the actual act of writing... at least a lot of the time.

What I see in the bookmark boo-hooing is a bunch of people who haven't noticed the last eighty thousand rounds of this same dumb wank and who not only expect to get the last word but expect that somehow I'm going to signal boost it on my tumblr as that... a tumblr known for contentious debates and nobody ever getting the last word till everyone's exhausted and never wants to hear about paper plates or beans again.

I also see that some of the thinnest-skinned people have fic patreons.

Now, I chose not to bring this up before because it sounds a bit below the belt in that "And thus you're morally impure and thus I can ignore your argument" way... But it's a consistent pattern in these conversations over time, and I do think it's relevant. The biggest sensitive babies are always the ones most afraid of bad reviews but also low engagement, and I think it's because they're caught in some half-pro, half-not limbo where they want the best of both worlds but keep getting the worst of both.

If you behave like a professional who is owed compensation, you can expect a more professional style of response to your work.

And what does the pro world look like? Radio silence. The occasional harsh review. Nobody caring why you wanted to write X or why you couldn't finish Y on time.

If you're here to socialize, you should look for a beta or a couple of good friends who like your blorbos and your style of fic, and then you can squee together about what you've written. It may not come in the form of visible AO3 comments. It may be in private chat.

In some cases, it may just be friends you can talk to about your writing but who aren't actually going to read it. I have plenty of friends who read different things than what I write.

That's what socializing and hobbies look like, dude.

It's fine to point out that many writers do get discouraged by low comment counts and then stop, so if I, as a reader in a fandom, want more, it behooves me to befriend writers and make them feel good.

But at the same time, writers get discouraged or move on to the next fandom all the time for all kinds of reasons. If the critical mass and the zeitgeist aren't there, then they aren't.

Do your hobbies for reasons internal to you.

If the main point is external validation, get into BDSM and find someone excited to indulge your praise kink. It will work a lot better than chasing fame via art.

[loi-et-love]

NF: You charmer.

I: heh today, i spent so much time with SZ. My boss left at 5:15 n then i was at SZ's desk chitchatting with him. we left together n then we were in the basement till 7:15 talking. standing outside our cars n then he said lets go! you need to go home so we left n he gets more traffic than i do, so he texts me when he';s stuck, so this time i texted him when i was waiting for the signal to turn green n then he called me. we spoke for 6 mins. he reached 15 mins before i reached home n he wrote this: Is it you or if should be me scared ..... today I was down for one hours ..... I was emailing you 70 odd mails .... this is because you are in office ..... what would happen when you are not in this company you would forget me and find someone else ...... so who is the one to be heart broken ????? You keep saying I would go abroad ..... but look at yourself it's you who is going to leave me and go ...... any clue how I would feel when you are gone and stop talking to me as much ? And WTF ...... I am already missing you ..... you are right I should have hugged you before leaving and then got in to back seat. And the reason I didn't kiss was ..... I don't know what you think about me or what you would think about me after that.

in the basement, he came up with a stupid plan. he said "im not entertainment" i said ure not. nor are you a distraction!!" so he said, "okay so let's do this. starting from tomorrow, we won't talk/chat/ communicate till thursday" he's gg to out of town again for work on tuesday morning n coming back on wednesday night so ill see him on monday n then on thursday

NF: It would give your fingers a chance to rest.

I: so in the chat he said "we will talk on thursday" n i said "i cant do that. n i know u cant either" n then i said this "damn yaar.. this is fucked up! idk where the flirting ends and reality begins anymore!!" n he said "Agreed it's getting fucked up ..... so either enjoy this or stop this ..... this between thing is insane" ok! again! i dont believe he's really interested. like really interested. if he wudnt be married, he wud actually date me. BTW he knows about BB. the whole story

NF: You don't believe he's really interested??? You mean like he'd marry you?

I: i never think its possible. not that he wud marry me. no no no

NF: That's pretty hard to tell. You guys are in the super excited phase.

I: hehehehe its crazy yeah

NF: He'd be VERY happy to jump your bones though.

I: i dont think he wud actually do it. theres no air conditioning or fan in the basement so we were sweating. he used his hanky, which i didnt even knew he carried

NF: I estimate a 99% chance that he would.

I: so he joked that lets sit in the back seat of his car n i said lets go!! i said it a couple of times. n he said nahhhh no no. he just didn’t

NF: You've said no more a couple of times and you kid all the time, so he knows you are kidding. If you actually kissed him, like he's thinking about, excellent chance he wouldn't stop.

I: idk how this is possible

NF: When you are used to having sex, once you get riled up you want to keep going. It feels natural. And you have him riled up. Way riled up.

I: hehehehehh so when u said "you charmer" i grinned... hehehe idk. i really like him. n im not that person where i enjoyed n i left without giving a damn. i really care about him

NF: You really like him

I: yeah. i wudnt mind kisisng him but he's married. and then i'll officially be the "other woman"

NF: You already are. You're way past that.

I: i think ive always been just that. now im ready to see him outside office. he was shocked,. i told him when he had called me. i texted him the reason why i changed my mind

NF: You feeling the flames yet?? Heh. Playing with fire! Unless you really do want to have an affair with this married guy.

I: I don't want to do something immoral. Don't want to sabotage his marriage

NF: You already are doing that.

I: I asked him today how is his wife okay with you traveling so much?! Cause I wouldn't be okay! N he didn't answer. He said he did flirt with women after he was married. Nothing scandalous. I told him, “damn yaar.. this is fucked up! idk where the flirting ends and reality begins anymore!!” And he said, “Agreed it's getting fucked up ..... so either enjoy this or stop this ..... this between thing is insane” What does he mean by 'between things'??

NF: You are all hot for each other but not having an affair. You have gone to way more than friends. So not friends, not lovers, something in between.

I: idk. Me? Relationship? Me lovers? What???????

NF: That's what I think he means by "between thing"

I: And what? What aboutBB? My feelings for him?! They haven't gone anywhere

NF: You and SZ are about 95% of the way to having an affair.

I: My mom called why I was late. N I said I was in the basement talking n she asked who was I talking to? So I said "hmmmmm SZ..." n she mimicked me. And that's my mom !!!! On top of everything. As if he's my 24 yo unmarried going to marry me boyfriend

NF: heh

I: He took a risk to talk to me for so long in the basement. Everybody knows him in the office. He's a family friend of the owner. He calls him uncle. Was telling me about the paintings the owner has in his bathroom!!

NF: I wish you well in this. I hope you figure out what you really want.

I: i want to have an affair but im scared to begin n of how it will end

NF: Some people regret what that will do to the wife. Some don't.

I: he responded n said "nothing. see you on thursday"

NF: He could have seriously mixed feelings too

I: He was telling me that he wrote this huge email to me n in reply I sent him a longer email than his so he came to that n he's like "and yes! That was a long email! That was the longest email ive ever seen!!" I said but you wrote a long one too. So he said "yeah but I'm in a hotel room. I'm in shorts, doing nothing but just writing to you n answering to GC's phone calls. But you're in office!!!!" He was surprised. He was like "I started reading n I'm like why isn't this ending?!! Where the hell does this end?" Heheheheh n he was laughing. when he had called today, he tells me that when he responds to my emails, there's my pic in the right. so his colleagues, with whom I also talk, have seen him emailing me. They probably have read a little bit here n there too. n thats when i knew how he wud feel if i told him that H sir n Kaalu knows we email n that Kaalu has read a few too. im not including you in this

NF: So now people in the office are thinking you two are having an affair? That might discourage your boss.

I: heheheeh. SZ said ppl have noticed that we two talk a lot. that GC's secretary gave him the eyes n also taunted him saying "pay attention to work n stop getting involved with women!" it makes sense bcz SZ n i have nothing in common. why wud we even start a conversation????

NF: Oh, no work reason to talk

I: thats what he loves about me. he had very few conversations with ppl around him n nobody could hold a conversation. even relating to work. n then there's me!! who spoke about all nonsense crap n still it was interesting