#aaaaaaaaaaaa God please help me fix my horrifying psyche and resolve my distressing interpersonal relationships | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

countess-of-edessa · 6 months

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my brain is so broken

how i genuinely feel: i was literally throwing myself at him. i could not have been more obvious about my feelings without straight up screaming them into a megaphone. it was humiliating how obvious i was being.

me (talking to him): i automatically assume any man who is attracted to me is a pedophile. i have never had a crush on anyone in my life, when one of my friends asked me out in high school i never spoke to him again. i don’t like your shirt.

#God help me #that’s not an exclamation of frustration although i guess it is also that but like literally God please fix whatever is wrong with me to #make me like this #i mean i know what it is it’s that i hate myself and i am afraid of vulnerability but still!#i am undergoing so much character development right now tbh #which sucks because i am not a character! if this was a narrative there would be a satisfying resolution and a climatic moment #instead i am just sitting in my chair #i mean in a way I am a character and there is an Author and He has already given me everything I need for the ultimate happy ending #anything further (and He has also given me a lot further) is just window dressing #that said #aaaaaaaaaaaa God please help me fix my horrifying psyche and resolve my distressing interpersonal relationships #TO BE FAIR #MOST OF THE MEN WHO HAVE HIT ON ME HAVE DONE IT IN CREEPY WAYS WHILE REFERENCING THE FACT THAT PEOPLE THINK I AM MUCH YOUNGER THAN I AM #SO LIKE. I HAVE NEVER HAD ACTUAL CONFIRMATION THAT A NON-CREEPY GUY THINKS I AM PRETTY #SO THIS COULD BE TRUE.

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