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#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L
the-acid-pear
·
4 months
Text
Mental illness is insane I'm just having dinner w my father eating this a little too spicy pasta enjoying the Yeowch on my throat and the silence and suddenly I'm like yeah I'd kill myself.
#luly talks
#i mean it came from out of nowhere grieving but it's so bizarre
#like i just got hit by this very heavy rock in my skull this overwhelming and genuine urge for a second that yeah that'd be ok
#that's the correct path to take and there's no physical changes i just kept on chewing on my all too spicy bc he used the wrong condiments
#pasta. like sure i was a little zoned out maybe if you paid close attention you'd have seen my eye getting lazy or something but like. thats
#it. and i always in zoning out
#like this wasn't even an intrusive thought those come out of nowhere and just are echoing chambers of fear and shame
#this was a calm resolution like yeah. that's the way to go alright.
#y'know kind of unrelated but i always wish i had someone to talk about some mental health things i cant w my therapist
#more on the speculative diagnosis thing. if you dont know what i mean shame on you for not keeping up with the Luly lore /silly
#it's really hard being neurodivergent and im not talking about autism rn that i can manage but gestures vaguely its hard when it's
#a group project. it's hard when everything is so fuzzy
#because sometimes i tell myself i only think of this bc im all day alone and thinking but like
#what. am i supposed to be getting non stop stimuli 24/7 least i realize i hsve something in my skull going on?
#i blame my mother for that one she always made me ashamed of being sick or whatever acting like it was my fault
#like me noticing symptoms was equivalent to me making them real
#as if that wasn't just absurd like. the symptoms are here you twat. I'm not placebo effecting myself w shit
#even the ppl who do like. the symptoms are real.
#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L
#brain stuff
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