#about EVERYTHING regardless of rationality that all bad things register as suicidiality. all the time. every time.
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Everything A Fucking Ordeal In Area Family
#songs that the hyades shall sing#went to go sit down in the other room to work on something and apparently THAT triggered a screaming fit. forget it#dad's continual misapprehension that i show weakness because I'm not guilty enough to be good vs the truth that i am already so guilty#about EVERYTHING regardless of rationality that all bad things register as suicidiality. all the time. every time.#and since ive already chosen to live despite being incpable of feeling worthy of life everything else is a moot fucking point#every time 'this is BAD don't you get it's BAD' of course i get it's bad. it was already bad and always going to be worse.#you are the one with the illusion of hope buddy i just work here.#like that sucks i understand its not the most constructive attitude but trying to guilt me into things LITERALLY cannot work on me#the system that regulates guilt-driven behaviors is fucking broken it's like pouring gas into a car with no engine
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