#addendum: i have had multiple people tell me i don't have much of a stomach at all

[whiskeyandwolfsbane]

8/14 - 11:04PM

My final post-op appointment was on the 11th! The nurse took off the steri-strips covering over the incisions, and cut off any remaining sutures that hadn't ended up dissolving like they were supposed to, and said everything appears to be healing nicely.

I'll take her word for it; though I have been and still am kinda worried about how, to me, my nipples look like they're spaced unevenly. Like, too far apart. Everyone I've talked to about it so far though says, you're still healing, the swelling still hasn't gone down, give it time. So I'm trying not to stress too hard.

While there, I went to bring forms to the front desk. You know, the ones they told me to fill out that I had already filled out. (I didn't fill them out again, I just brought the original ones from home.)

The woman at the front desk, the very sweet one who helped me the first time I actually filled everything out, said she would take care of it and when I came out of my appointment, to come by and she would give me my paperwork back.

So I get out of my appointment and walk up to the desk. She tells me that she did some research - and apparently I was already approved for medical leave.

This was very confusing for me, since I never got any sort of notification: no email, no letter, no phone call. The only letter I got was for when I got denied.

We discussed it for a short time, but only really could come up with "maybe things got lost in the mail". She couldn't tell me where or who exactly allegedly approved it either. When I got home, I eventually called into SAW to ask about it.

According to the lady on the phone - I have never had medical leave approved. Only denied.

So yeah I have no fucking clue what is going on anymore and I'm so over it, lol. I'm trying not to bother thinking about it anymore. Later in the day, my store manager texted to ask if I could come back by the 3rd of September. I considered it, but since outside of having money again I would gladly stay away for months upon months, I decided to stick with the date my own surgeon originally gave me (that I sent to him and the HR team actually) and say it'd be best to wait til September 9th. So that's what I'm doing.

Other than that... yeah. Same old, same old. Just playing video games, reading, trying to get back into writing and trying to learn guitar and trying to learn to draw.

There has been trouble in my family. One of my grandmothers passed away suddenly and shortly after that, someone else in my immediate family had a near death experience that I'd rather not talk about as it's not my place. I only just found out about the second; I learnt about the first a few days ago after it happened.

My mind is... mush. There is a lot going on mentally and I'm not sure how all to handle it. So of course I'll handle it the way I've been handling my beloved cat dying, and how I've been handling my crippling fear of the future, and how I've been handling my general pining for past relationships that have changed drastically.

That is to say, refusing to think about any of it and throwing myself into multiple forms of media at once (i.e., a game going on my laptop and one on my phone, a book open on the desk next to me, music playing in the background, and notebooks scattered around) and never letting up until I'm no longer able to stay awake, thus being taken by the release of sleep. I am well aware that I'm doing myself a disservice and only delaying the inevitable, and that it will be all the worse for me when the foundation caves in but... I can't really help it. It's all I know how to do.

Anyway, sorry, that was a bit of a depressing note and nothing really related to my surgery, which is why this blog exists, and none of yall need to be burdened with my mental BS, so - sorry about that.

On a positive note to try and bring this back; so far, it's been really, really nice to be able to wear tank tops and not be super uncomfortable anymore. I'm still semi uncomfortable because of how large my stomach is but it is very nice to finally have a flat chest and not have to worry about that part of things anymore. I'm excited to hopefully lose weight and then be able to fit into all the old shirts and jackets I've missed so much.

And... yup, that's about all I got, surgery-wise. see ya.