#adding the deathclaw tag since so many people have been adding it

[theggning]

I posted 852 times in 2021

157 posts created (18%)

695 posts reblogged (82%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.4 posts.

I added 761 tags in 2021

#fallout 4 - 257 posts

#gg answers - 101 posts

#laugh rule - 91 posts

#paladin danse - 65 posts

#fallout meta - 50 posts

#danse/piper - 46 posts

#anonymous - 38 posts

#nick valentine - 38 posts

#lmfao - 38 posts

#piper wright - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#regardless of the current fandom party line re: the superiority of new vegas which fed my children watered my crops and moisturized my skin

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I'm a little late, but if you're still doing them, opinions/thoughts on Nick Valentine? I'm dying to hear you go into detail about him.

Me, gushing about Nick Valentine? Don't mind if I do~

I've been playing FO4 since launch, and from my very first playthrough, Nick has been my favorite character in the game (and really, one of my all-time favs.) This is hardly an unpopular opinion. Everybody, even people who don't like FO4 as a whole seem to love Nick and he's widely lauded as one of the best characters in the series.

I think one of the things that makes Nick stand out is just how remarkably kind he is. I keep using that word on these posts, but I think it applies to Nick more than basically any other character. Nick is an honorable man with uncommon empathy for others and a sophisticated sense of justice-- but also an impressive sense of mercy (he is one of the only companions who approve of you sparing the deathclaw egg and returning it to its parent.) As long as you don't act like a total dickweed around him, he almost immediately treats you as a friend and not a client, caring about your personal well-being and emotional state (he also never even expects payment from you. We find out this is a thing he does fairly often via idle dialogue with NPCs.) He's not self-righteous, he's not arrogant, he doesn't think he's better than other people, and he's not in it for fame or accolades or money. Nick does the right thing because it's right. He helps people because they need it. In many ways, Nick is one of the most humane characters in the wasteland. Which is of course ironic because he's not human at all.

See the full post

120 notes • Posted 2021-06-19 19:42:25 GMT

#4

In Defense of Piper Wright

DISCLAIMER: People have opinions. People have different tastes in characters, and things that they like and dislike about characters. You are allowed to like whatever characters you want and dislike whatever others for whatever reason you want. You can read everything I say here and go “yeah but I still don’t like her” and that’s fine. There are popular characters in all of my fandoms that I still don’t care for much, and that’s okay! I still like to understand how they are written and what makes them tick.

I like Piper. I think she’s funny and charming and it’s very refreshing to see a bossy, outspoken, pushy, but overall courageous and goodhearted woman in a prominent role. But I’ve been kickin’ around this fandom for a bit now and I have repeatedly seen some incredibly uncharitable takes on Piper, a lot of which strike me as either hugely generalizing or frankly, something I don’t think would be directed at a male character with Piper’s same role and traits.

A lot of people complain that Bethesda “puts no thought into their characters”  which I find often translates to “I have not spent any time with this character”  (or less often, “this character is not exactly the way I would like them to be, therefore Bethesda is bad writers.”) Most of the companions in FO4 are quite nuanced and multi-faceted, and you learn things about them by traveling with them and talking to them, hearing their comments on various events and locations. Piper is in the unique position of being featured briefly in the main quest, so meeting her is not optional, though having her as a companion is. Because of this, I feel like many people stick with the basic first impression they get of her, and dismiss her on that alone.

So today in my TED Talk, I would like to discuss some common takes I’ve seen on Piper and provide canon evidence why I think they’re off base or overblown. You are free to agree or disagree with my opinion and you can like or dislike Piper, but there is some stuff flying around that is just not supported by canon at all.

See the full post

167 notes • Posted 2021-02-20 23:31:19 GMT

#3

Ma'am? There is a slight flaw in your cunning plan.

235 notes • Posted 2021-04-27 05:23:24 GMT

#2

I Hate the Alternate Ending of Blind Betrayal, and Here's Why!

DISCLAIMER THE FIRST: Massive spoilers for Fallout 4 abound. This post discusses Blind Betrayal, a quest with suicide as a heavy theme. Content warning applies.

DISCLAIMER THE SECOND: This post discusses cut OFFICIAL content from Fallout 4 that has since been repurposed into multiple mods. I am not criticizing any modders or their implementations of this content. Mods are fun and people can enjoy whatever the hell kind of game experience they want with whatever mods they want.

I am ONLY interested in discussing the original cut content as Bethesda had written it, and how it would have impacted the story and lore of Fallout 4.

So, yeah, it seems there was originally going to be another way to conclude Blind Betrayal (BB).

As described in this Kotaku article (citing this post by Tumblr user tentacle-explosion,) there are unused audio files of Danse’s dialogue that show an alternate ending to his pivotal quest. These lines are the only evidence we have of this ending (suggesting that it was cut fairly early on, as no other actors/characters seem to have recorded for it.)

From what we can tell, in this alternate ending of BB, Danse comes up with a possible way out of the sticky situation re: his identity as a synth. According to the Brotherhood Litany, he is able to challenge Maxson’s authority as Elder via combat. If you agree to this idea, you go with Danse to challenge Maxson. The Paladin and the Elder duel one another, Danse wins, and Maxson dies. Then Danse names the Sole Survivor the new Elder-- or with a hard charisma check, you’re able to convince Danse to take the job himself. It is unknown how the main plot would have progressed beyond this point, as there is no other evidence of what being (or influencing) the Elder would have been like or what choices it would have given you.

There is understandable disappointment in learning that this ending was cut. Choices in games are great, and it could have been fun to have multiple different options for how to resolve the quest. In many gaming circles, people complain that this theoretical ending is superior to the one we got and shouldn’t have been axed. The Kotaku article calls it a “way better” ending, and you’ll see many players lamenting that it wasn’t implemented, saying Bethesda was bad at writing for cutting it, etc.

So why did Bethesda get rid of the Elder ending of BB?

In December 2020, after the Fallout 4 Cast Reunion, Danse’s voice actor Peter Jessop answered questions in a private signing session on his Instagram. Peter Jessop is an extremely kind and gracious man, an avid gamer, and a huge fan of Fallout. During the stream, he reflected on the alternate ending and remembered recording the lines, but stated the content was ultimately cut because Bethesda decided it was lore-breaking.

Peter Jessop is right. Bethesda was right. The Elder ending of BB is a bunch of dumb nonsense. It sucks, I hate it, and I’m glad they got rid of it. And now I’m going to tell you why!

See the full post

237 notes • Posted 2021-04-14 23:11:49 GMT

#1

Gen-3 Synths: What Canon Does and Does Not Actually Say

Synths! One of the most important concepts in Fallout 4, much of the game’s plot and thematic structure revolves around the Institute’s humanoid androids. The question of whether or not to regard synths as people is hugely important (and if you’ve been anywhere near my blog before, you’ll know I come down solidly on the “yes, duh” side of things.)

But that’s not why we’re here today!

There is a LOT of misunderstanding floating around about gen-3 synths. Many players miss basic facts about what synths are, what they can and cannot do, how they function and how they are made. Because this is such a massive game with so many perspectives and factions to explore (all with their own opinions,) it can be difficult to discern what’s true.

So the purpose of this post is to outline exactly what canon says about gen-3 synths-- the concrete facts as stated in the lore. Along with that, I’ll touch on a few concepts that canon doesn’t actually specify, open for interpretation however you see fit.

Massive Fallout 4 spoilers ahead, obviously.

Sidenote: Gen-1 and Gen-2 Synths

Essentially, gen-1 and gen-2 synths are fancy robots. Fully mechanical, programmed to follow a set of orders, built to perform menial tasks for the Institute. The difference is the “skin” that covers gen-2s, where the gen-1s are just naked robotic frames and inner parts. There are a few gen-1s still kicking around the Institute and scattered throughout groups of synth enemies, but the majority of old synths you’ll see and fight in the game are gen-2s.

And so is our buddy Nick Valentine. As Nick tells us, he is a gen-2 synth in all but mind-- a special prototype to test if synths could operate with a personality. Nick received the brainscans of the human Nick Valentine to form his basic personality, while his “brother” DiMA was allowed to form a personality from scratch. Nick and DiMA both have free will, human-level intelligence, and are no longer bound to programming. All other old synths are still operating on their original programming, mindless robots that attack all enemies of the Institute indiscriminately.

Nick tells us a lot about his function and his experience as a gen-2 synth, such as the fact that he doesn’t eat, drink, or sleep. He mentions being immune to radiation and able to easily repair himself, advantages that come from existing in a fully mechanical body.

But I think a lot of misinformation about synths comes from people equating what Nick says about himself to ALL synths. In canon, gen-3 synths are different from gen-2s in every way but name. The ONLY thing gen-2s and 3s have in common structurally is the synth component, the hardware that allows the Institute to access their brains. You cannot take Nick’s mechanical advantages and apply them to a being who is made of flesh and blood, because it doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

So keep our dear Mr. Valentine’s mechanical nature in mind whenever he says something about synths, and recognize the difference between him and the more modern gen-3s. And with that, we shall continue!

See the full post

374 notes • Posted 2021-05-12 00:09:42 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[toads-treasures]

OC Interview

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

I was tagged by the lovely @metalforhands!!! Let me just say, for the umpteenth time I LOVE LUCILLE. 10/10 would protec. Not that she needs it, since she is a total bad ass.

I tag @slothssassin, @lookbluesoup, @tarberrymentatsand @sharonaw whoever else wants to do this because I am drawing a blank.

Also, sorry I don’t have an image but I don’t have fallout so no screenshots and I don’t have time so... no arts.

1. What is your name?

Eleanora Mai Lee Andrews

2. Do you know why are you named that?

My maternal grandmother’s name was Eleanor. I also think my my mother was fond of Eleanor Roosevelt. They added the a, Eleanora to keep things interesting I suppose.

3. Are you single or taken?

Uh, (blushes) taken? Is that a phrase we’re still using?

4. Have any abilities or powers?

According to Danse, an uncanny ability to get myself into trouble.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

(Frowns) What is that? Some kind of new political party? Just because I’m a general doesn’t mean I’m well versed in politics. I don’t have time for that nonsense.

6. What’s your eye color?

Brown I suppose, but very dark. I guess black some might say.

7. How about your hair color?

Do you have some kind of sight impediment? I would suggest eyeglasses but I don’t know if you’d find the right prescription. Black as well.

8. Have any family members?

I...I’d rather not discuss that.

9. Oh? How about pets?

I think Dogmeat adopted me more than the other way around, and I was this close (holds up thumb and forefinger a millimeter apart) to stealing Emmet the cat from the Prydwen. (Sigh) Haylen talked me out of it though.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

The lack of a proper showering system. It’s been two hundred years, someone should have figured something out by now. I’ve been meaning to make my way over to the Capital Wasteland and have a look at their purifier too. Hopefully, that chapter of the Brotherhood hasn’t heard of me yet...Maybe I could come up with a new persona. I bet Deacon would help me.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

(laughs) As if I have the time for that. My hobbies are keeping myself and those around me alive, does that do for you? If I get a spare moment I do love to read.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

(pained expression) More times than I’d care to admit.

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

I...yes...

14. What kind of animal are you?

The worst kind. The human kind.

15. Name your worst habits?

Gosh where to begin, (cranes neck) where did Danse or Valentine run off to? They’d be delighted to fill you in. I fidget a lot, which drives Danse up the wall. Valentine says I argue with anything that has a pulse. And some things that don’t. Preston says I work too hard, which is really something coming from him. I can be a bit...pedantic. Oh and MacCready says I don’t know how to take a joke. I told him he’s just not as funny as he thinks he is. He’s been a bit cross ever since.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Plenty of people. Danse is an incredible inspiration to me, the way he’s been able to come to accept who he is and learn to rebuild his life around something other than the brotherhood, the way he is so willing to help me and the minutemen and the people of the commonwealth and (pauses, blushing) he’s...he’s great. Oh, and Preston. And Nick. And Deacon, and Piper and...(blushes even deeper) I think you get the picture.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

Rather nosy, aren’t you?

18. Do you go to school?

I went to school, and I’d love to start one up again for the kids in Sanctuary. It’s in the works.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

I..(clears throat) I don’t know, I mean… Danse and I are…(blushes) we’re already pretty much, uh...maybe? It might be nice to have some kind of ceremony. Someday….Maybe. And as far as kids go, I, I’d love to, but, I don’t know if that’s..uh. I don’t know. We’ll see, I suppose.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

Any...what? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean by that.

21. What are you most afraid of?

Well this took a turn. I suppose, I...if something ever happened to Danse or Shaun, I…(clears throat) let’s just say Radscorpions and leave it at that, why don’t we? Or Deathclaws. Yeah no, Deathclaws. Definitely Deathclaws.

22. What do you usually wear?

Whatever’s around honestly. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I have to admit that cargo pants post apocalypse are actually quite useful. Lots of pockets. (shakes her head) Oh if Rosa could see me now….

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

Preston’s Radstag Stew is always lovely on a cold Commonwealth day.

24. Am I annoying to you?

Do you really want to know the answer?

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Carry on then, I haven’t got all day.

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

I’d define everyone in the Commonwealth as working class these days.

27. How many friends do you have?

(Smiles) I’m very lucky in that regard. I think I have more friends now than I ever have before.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

(Groans) Ugh why did you have to mention pie? My grandfather had this recipe for pumpkin pie back in the day, and fresh whipped cream. And his banana cream was exceptional.

29. Favorite drink?

Tea, any kind

30. What’s your favorite place?

I can’t just tell you that, part of the reason it’s my favorite is that hardly anyone knows about it.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

See that gentleman over there? Tall, dark, handsome, and utterly infuriating? (grins) Ah, he’s blushing. That one.

32. That was a stupid question…

Well I wasn’t going to say it, but...

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

I miss the ocean, probably just as much as I miss a good shower honestly.

34. What’s your type?

(Smiles) Tall, dark, handsome, and utterly infuriating.

35. Any fetishes?

Not that you need to hear about.

36. Camping or outdoors?

What does that even mean? Would I rather sleep outdoors or in a tent? I feel like I’m camping just about every day.

[the-dubstep-strawberry]

OC Interview: Margot de Havilland

Rules:

1. Choose an OC

2. Answer them as that OC

3. Tag 5 people to do the same!

Tagged by @thegreatdivide, thank you darling <3

Tagging: @solesurvivorkat, @itsmesaberaltered and @ladynyxeris​!

1. What is your name? Margot de Havilland. I was Margot Fontaine, before I got married. My husband always used to call me Nora... that’s my middle name. Nobody else gets to call me that, though. Don’t even think about it.

2. Do you know why are you named that? My middle name was a family name, but I’m not sure if there’s a story behind my first name. I guess my parents just liked it.

3. Are you single or taken? Widowed. But seeing someone...

4. Have any abilities or powers? I can drink an uncanny amount of alcohol and barely feel a thing. Mostly. I can hold my breath underwater for a good long while. Not a bad sniper, either. And I’m good with computers. People say I’m good with words too, but I’m not so sure about that part.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue. I’m more of a mess than a Mary Sue, but okay, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

6. What’s your eye color? Brown. Probably one of the few things about me that hasn’t changed since I got out of the Vault.

7. How about your hair color? Dark brown. Yes, it’s natural. No gray hairs, and believe me, nobody is more surprised about that than I am.

8. Have any family members? My family used to be a lot bigger, put it that way. I lost my dad in the Sino-American War - he was shot down over Anchorage. My mom worked for RobCo, but I never found out what happened to her after the bombs dropped. I had a little sister, Peggy... she and her husband were supposed to have a place in a Vault, but they lived in the D.C. area and I heard it got hit pretty hard. I suppose I’ll never know if they made it in time.

I’m guessing my in-laws are gone now. They lived here in the Commonwealth and I’ve never been able to find any trace of them. Nate had some family in West Virginia - some uncles and an aunt, and his cousins, Alice and Darnell. I’m assuming they’re gone too. If any of them did make it into a Vault, I doubt they were lucky enough to get frozen.

As for my husband, and my son... well, I’m sure you’ve heard about what happened to them by now. No sense in opening up old wounds.

But I still have a family. I have little Shaun, and Codsworth, and Dogmeat - and more brothers and sisters than I can count in the Brotherhood of Steel. I’m also lucky enough to have some good friends out here. Nick, Piper, Deacon, Curie, and the others... they’re as good as family in my book.

9. Oh? How about pets?

Good old Dogmeat. He’s the best dog I could ever have asked for. I ran into him on my first day out of the Vault, outside the old Red Rocket station - he’s stuck by my side ever since.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like? Raiders. Gunners. Having date night interrupted. Walking home in the rain. Deathclaws. Ann Codman. The list just goes on and on...

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do? I used to read a lot. Don’t have much time for reading novels these days, the Minutemen and Brotherhood keep me pretty busy between them, but I try to read a bedtime story to Shaun every night.

Uh, what else? I like cooking, dancing, listening to music, fixing things... collecting things from before the Great War. Sometimes I’ll head on over to the other settlements to trade, help out, make sure everyone’s doing okay. Sturges and I are working on a new robotics project, that’s going pretty well. Oh, and I like watching old movies. I’m hoping to head on over to the Starlight Drive-In again, now that they’ve got their projector back up and running - I promised Shaun I’d take him to see the Grognak the Barbarian movie.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before? Probably. But honestly, I try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. There’s enough suffering out here without me adding to the pile.

13. Ever… killed anyone before? Kellogg, but he had it coming. I also heard a rumor that I’m top of the Gunners’ hit list after all my run-ins with them. I’d tell you the bounty, but I’m worried you might be tempted to take a shot at me yourself if you heard how much they’re willing to pay for my head. And I’m kind of amazed that we haven’t run out of Raiders yet - God knows I’ve killed enough of those bastards. You’d think they’d take the hint, wouldn’t you?

And of course there’s the little matter of destroying the Institute... but that’s kind of personal. I’d rather not relive that experience right now, if you don’t mind. Next question?

14. What kind of animal are you? The other girls in my sorority used to call me a party animal. Does that count?

15. Name your worst habits? I worry about drinking too much. Whiskey can get to be a nasty habit. And then there’s the cursing. And the insubordination. Elder Maxson once publicly called me a pain in the ass. He’s probably not wrong. I don’t exactly set out to do it, but... I don’t know. I guess I never did let go of a grudge easily.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all? There was nobody I admired more than my dad when I was a kid. He was my hero. And then there was Nate... he went through so much for the sake of our family. Elder Maxson was someone I admired for a long time - although that was before the incident with Danse. If I had to pick someone now? I’d say Danse, or Preston. They’re both natural leaders, and they’re two of the best people I know. Or Nick. He’s been a good friend to me, probably a better one than I deserve. He helped to keep me on the straight and narrow when I was really in danger of going off the rails... one of these days, I’ll have to tell him how much I appreciate that.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual? Rather a personal question, don’t you think?

18. Do you go to school? No, I did my time in law school. And then there was boot camp with the Brotherhood. I think I’ve had enough formal instruction for a while.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day? I tried that, and it didn’t exactly work out well for me. Although - I don’t know. I’m trying my best to be a good mom to Shaun. Perhaps marriage will be on the cards one day, if D- uh, never mind. I’m getting ahead of myself here. Forget I said anything.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys? I think Preston gets a little starry-eyed around the General of the Minutemen. Not that I’m not flattered, but I don’t think I’m the legendary warrior he thinks I am. Hey, he picked me to be in charge. He should be the one getting all the praise in this outfit.

21. What are you most afraid of? Dying out in the wastes somewhere and never getting to say goodbye. Or being trapped underground. I don’t like caves, or those old Vaults I keep running across. Two hundred and ten years underground is more than enough, thank you very much.

22. What do you usually wear? Uniform and armor of some kind. Minutemen, Brotherhood, depends who I’m helping that day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first one in line for pretty dresses at the clothing vendors, but I’m not sure why I waste the caps... I don’t really get to wear any of them them unless I have some downtime at home. And that’s quite a luxury these days.

23. What’s one food that tempts you? I’ve been known to pretend that we’re out of blue-frosted Fancy Lad Snack Cakes, so I can keep at least one for myself... sorry, Shaun. I’ll make it up to you, buddy.

24. Am I annoying to you? Not really. Although I don’t have all day to chat. Can we wrap this up soon?

25. Well, it’s still not over! I’ll take that as a no, shall I?

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)? Lower-middle, I guess, although I think my mother-in-law cared more about that sort of thing than I ever did. Not that any of that matters any more, unless you’re in the Upper Stands and don’t have any actual problems to worry about...

27. How many friends do you have? More than I had before the war, if you can believe it. There’s Preston, Sturges, Nick, Piper, Cait, Curie, Deacon, MacCready, Hancock, Haylen... and Danse, of course. Danse is very dear to me.

28. What are your thoughts on pie? That damn perfectly-preserved pie in the vending machines. I swear to God it’s taunting me. I’m thinking about smashing the next one open if it doesn’t pay out on me this time. Although I wonder how exactly it’s being preserved so well... some of those Pre-War additives were kind of dicey. Knowing my luck, it’ll probably dissolve into a pile of mold the minute it’s exposed to air.

29. Favorite drink? Nuka-Cola. Whiskey if I’m off-duty. It used to be champagne, but try tracking down a bottle of that nowadays!

30. What’s your favorite place? Sanctuary Hills. There really is no place like home.

31. Are you interested in anyone? Well, there is a certain handsome man in Power Armor that I’ve been seeing for a while now...

32. That was a stupid question… I’ve been told it’s terribly obvious.

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? They’re both irradiated. I think I’d prefer to stay out of the water until we can do something about that.

34. What’s your type? Handsome military men. Tragic past optional.

35. Any fetishes? Not really. Nate was more of the adventurous type in the bedroom than I was. Although I did give burlesque dancing a try once. That was.... quite an experience.

36. Camping or outdoors? I never was much of an outdoors girl. I’d prefer to be at home in my own bed.

[solesurvivorkat]

OC Interview: Nora Taylor

Rules:

1. Choose an OC 2. Answer as that OC 3. Tag 5 people to do the same!  ((It’s been so long since I’ve been tagged, I say feel free to do this if you’d like! :D ))

Tagged by @the-dubstep-strawberry, @scorpio-skies, and @lothrilzul - all awesome ladies that I am blessed to know, thank you so much for thinking of me and I apologize 1,000 times over for the delay!  <3

Interview done with my Fallout 4/’Shadow of Steel’/female Sole Survivor OC, Nora Taylor! (And once again, I swear to you that my Fallout 4 fanfic is not dead - I am just very, very behind. Eep.)

((...I really need to find/get a good reference pic of poor Nora sometime, lol))

1. What is your name?  Nora Taylor. I was Nora Delaney for a period of time, but... not any more.

2. Do you know why are you named that? I was named after my great-grandmother. I never knew her, but my mom liked the name.

3. Are you single or taken? Widowed. ...And... currently seeing someone now.

4. Have any abilities or powers? Let’s see... I’m pretty good with computers (I can usually hack into them better than my friend Nick), pretty good at being empathetic and using the power of speech, and... not to toot my own horn or anything, but since joining the Brotherhood of Steel, I’ve gotten pretty handy with a gun too (particularly my laser rifle).

5. Stop being a Mary Sue. ::blinks::  ...A what? A ‘Mary Sue’? ...I’m not sure what that means, but if that’s some snark about me acting like I’m perfect or something- ::laughs:: -then you obviously don’t know me very well, because I am far from perfect. Just ask my friends. ...Not Brooks, though. Anything he tells you about me is a filthy lie. ...And maybe not Womack, either.

6. What’s your eye color? Green.

7. How about your hair color? Darker blonde, maybe a ‘honey blonde’ color.

8. Have any family members? ....... ..........My family is long gone. My parents, brothers, sister... they all died a long time ago. At least, I’m pretty sure they did. I have no idea if they made it to any vaults before the bombs hit, but... I’m not betting on it. Even if - by some miracle - they did survive the bombs, there’s pretty much no way they’d still be alive now. Not unless those a- creeps from Vault-Tec froze more people in cryopods. 

My husband Nate... he died a while back too.

I’m searching for my only family left - my son, Shaun. I’ve been trying to hang onto hope that he’s alive and well (albeit older than when I last held him in my arms)...

For now, I have Codsworth, Dogmeat, and my ‘brothers and sisters in steel’ in the Brotherhood, who have become like a new family to me. My other friends are very dear to my heart as well.

9. Oh? How about pets? Dogmeat! He’s just the best boy, so loyal, and always there for me when I need him. 

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like? Urgh, deathclaws are the worst. I have the scars to prove it. Raiders and Gunners are almost as bad... maybe worse, actually. Deathclaws are deadly, but they’re just doing what any wild animal of that size and stature would do. Raiders and Gunners... they can be stupid, cruel, sadistic, greedy... I could go on and on.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do? I don’t really have a lot of spare time, between being a Brotherhood Knight and leader of the Minutemen (which I’m still trying to convince Preston to become). However, I do enjoy cooking from time to time (as members of the Brotherhood also seem to enjoy, haha), working on modding my power armor and weaponry (with Danse’s dutiful supervision), helping the settlers of the Wasteland, and cuddling with Dogmeat and a good book (and maybe a certain gruff Brotherhood leader on occasion...  ;-)  ).

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before? ...Maybe. Not intentionally, anyway (that I can remember). If I have, I’m sure I had my reasons. I make mistakes like anyone else.

13. Ever… killed anyone before? .....No one that didn’t deserve it, in my eyes. I make it a point to never hurt the innocent or helpless. And even when defending myself, I try to use sound judgement. If I’m blatantly attempting to kill someone... there’s definitely a reason behind it.

14. What kind of animal are you? Hmm... not sure. .....  ::smiles softly::  .....Nate once said I’m like a shark when defending those I feel need it.

15. Name your worst habits? I... can be quite stubborn, unfortunately. I think with my heart a little more than my head. That may sound like a good thing, but it’s gotten me into trouble before. And... once in a while, I can be a little impetuous.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all? Danse. He’s someone I admire a lot. And Preston too, actually. They do the things they do because they want to help those that rely on them, putting others before themselves frequently. Arthur is like that too. He’s... often misunderstood by many, when he’s really sacrificed so much to try and be what everyone else wants or needs him to be.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual? ...Does it matter? Straight, if you need to know.

18. Do you go to school? Not currently. I graduated law school to be a lawyer. That was... a very long time ago.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day? ...I did, once. My husband Nate was... taken away from me. Shaun too. In the future? ...I don’t know... I can’t really think about myself and the distant future when one can’t really determine what tomorrow will bring in this world now.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys? ...I think there’s some people that look up to me (like Preston), but I feel undeserving of their praise. I’m just doing what any good person would try and do for others.

21. What are you most afraid of? ...Never seeing my son again. Or... reuniting with him, but him not wanting anything to do with me any more. I think that would hurt me more. Also, after what happened in Vault 111, I tend to panic in enclosed spaces (it took me a while to get used to wearing power armor regularly). I definitely don’t like the cold, either.

22. What do you usually wear? Usually power armor and my Brotherhood uniform. Preston prefers me in a Minuteman uniform when I’m helping him out, but... I don’t know... it just seems kind of goofy to me, running around in seventeenth century garb. Hey, it looks fine on him and Hancock, but I just don’t think it’s for me.

23. What’s one food that tempts you? Danse got me liking Fancy Lad Snack Cakes, but I’ve always had a bit of a sweet tooth. God, I miss decent chocolate. If someone had something like that, I’d definitely go a bit weak in the knees.

24. Am I annoying to you? ...No..... but this is quite a few questions...

25. Well, it’s still not over! Phew... you’re more tenacious than Piper.

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)? Before the ‘Great War’, Nate and I were middle. Now...  ::shrug::  ...not sure. Definitely not high, though. Just as well too, those people are nuts. We’re all trying to survive in this Wasteland, and they’re just concerned with their clothes/how they look and what possessions they have. It really is ridiculous.

27. How many friends do you have? Let’s see... Preston, Sturges, Nick, Piper, Hancock... MacCready and I are getting there, I think... Haylen, Knights Womack & Petris, of course Brooks... and absolutely Danse. He and I are about as close friends as you can get.

28. What are your thoughts on pie? Pre-war pie was something special. Granted, I was more of a ‘cake, brownies, and cookies’ kind of girl, but still... there just isn’t quite anything like that nowadays. I don’t have the courage to try that vending machine pie I see around the Wasteland...

29. Favorite drink? Nuka-Cola. Sparkling cider used to be one of my faves too, but I haven’t had that in- well, a long time.

30. What’s your favorite place? Hmm... I used to prefer being around Sanctuary Hills, but home is where the heart is (as they say), and not being around the Prydwen for any length of time really makes me blue...

31. Are you interested in anyone? ::coughs::  Well... there is a certain Brotherhood member that’s caught my eye... ::blushes:: ...no, it’s not Danse!

32. That was a stupid question… Well hey, you asked it. We try to be subtle, but... come on, the guy is the leader of the whole freakin’ Brotherhood. You try being discreet when everyone is always watching you. .........I mean, er......

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? I used to love going to the beach and swimming in the ocean. Now I can’t even get close to the water without incurring some radiation. Kinda depresses me for what used to be.  :-(

34. What’s your type? ...I tend to go for military guys. Big, strong, responsible ad trustworthy... but I prefer it if they can also make me smile and laugh, as well. A sense of humor is definitely important to me.

35. Any fetishes? ::blushes::  ...That’s kind of personal, isn’t it?  ::scowl::

36. Camping or outdoors? Hmm... the two options really aren’t that far away from each other, don’t you think? I do like being outdoors and enjoying nature (safely), but I can’t say I enjoy camping in the rain (which I’ve had to do with Danse a couple times).

[cloudscope]

The Life and Creativity of A Great Bethesda Artist

This article has been copied to this blog for backup purpose.

Date of Access: 04-May-2019

Author: Jonah Lobe

Orijinal Link: https://kotaku.com/the-life-and-creativity-of-a-great-bethesda-artist-1740993491

I couldn’t stop smiling one day in late 2005 as I was led through the darkened basement of Bethesda Softworks toward the little corner unit that was to be my cube. My geek barometer was pinging off the charts. I could scarcely believe that I was there.

The place looked like a laser-tag facility; the ceilings were high and black, the walls gray with accents of Zenimax Red. We strode past the programmers, the fishbowl meeting rooms, the designers and world artists, until we reached the final row: Character Art. There, in the far reaches of the office, was a cubicle bearing the name “Jonah Lobe.” I sat down, giddy and a bit stunned, and began day one of what would become a seven-year career at Bethesda.

But this story isn’t about that career. It’s about the man in the cube behind me, a man named Adam Adamowicz.

Although he worked in the farthest, darkest corner of Bethesda Softworks, Adam’s influence stretched across the length and breadth of the studio. What Adam taught me and so many others at Bethesda - about creativity and work ethic - has stayed with us ever since.

I’ve wanted to share my memories of Adam with you, the developers and players in the gaming world alike, for many years. With Fallout 4 around the corner, I think now is the time.

Adam Adamowicz was a concept artist. When I first started, he was the only concept artist at Bethesda, a company that builds landscapes and nations alike. His cube was small, and it felt even smaller because of the relatively large man who worked within it. The walls were tacked with ever-growing layers of sketches and illustrations.

In this temple to computer art, I couldn’t believe that Adam worked in traditional media. He used pencils, pens, markers, colored pencils and paint. What impressed me more than anything was the abundance of creativity on those walls.

Adam’s ideas, wrought fast and bold, practically burst off the paper. He was a living treasure trove of inspiration. He conjured people, beasts, landscapes, outfits and weapons. His creations were often complemented by fascinating and funny margin notes, like “apocalypse sandals,” or “vomits entrails for external digestion” or “’It’s just a space helmet, Jimmy!’”

Adam Adamowicz was a strange and colorful man. Physically, he was unexceptional—tall and strong-looking, handsome, with broad shoulders, pale blue eyes and a receding blond hairline. He stuck to faded T-shirts and jeans, eschewing branding or fashion statements of any kind. And yet, despite this mild appearance, he was crazy. Not really crazy, of course, but his eyes sparkled with demented humor, and the things that came out of his mouth were an unpredictable, mad-lib mix-up of the colorful and morbid. “That Mole-Rat wants to hollow out your body and use it for a toboggan,” he’d say, or “He’s like a voodoo mix of Boris Karloff and disco crabmonculus.” How do you respond to that?

In 2006, while the rest of us were finishing up with the 2007 Oblivion expansion Shivering Isles, Adam began work on Fallout 3, and what followed was one of the most expansive and incredible brain-dumps of concept art I’ve ever seen. I was a character artist. My job was to extrapolate 2D drawings into 3D video game characters. I specialized in monsters. For any given monster, Adam supplied me with between three and 30 drawings, ranging from gestural pen work to detailed, full-color illustrations. From this wealth of material, I created monsters like the Deathclaws, Feral Ghouls, Radscorpions, and Mirelurks that were more novel and inspired than I could have possibly conceived on my own.

As I worked to translate Adam’s concepts into three-dimensional models, I showed him my works-in-progress. I wanted his artistic feedback, of course, but mostly, I wanted his approval. His responses surprised me. He was always positive and brimming with nice things to say, and yet I wasn’t always certain he loved what I had done. That bothered me at first, but as the years went by, I came to understand that it was not so much the faithful reproduction of his work that moved Adam, but my riffing on his idea. If he could see that his work inspired me, Adam was happy.

To Adam, concept art was not so much about aesthetics, but ideas. He treated his art like a series of drills. He put as much source material into his brain as he could, and then output as many concepts as possible. His goal was never to create a body of polished art. His products were always rough-hewn and raw. He mixed-and-matched ideas at an astonishing rate and never concerned himself with what might be considered acceptable. Who else would think to strap a model Enola Gay airplane to the top of a mini-nuke, or slap a cheese-grater to a Supermutant’s helmet? Adam didn’t care. Adam was fearless. Over the years, he created 10 times the number of concepts that we could ever use. He worked and he worked and he worked. And for what?

Oh, nothing much. Just that little thing called Fallout 3.

And then, a few years later, Skyrim.

Because my job at Bethesda was my first in the industry, it took me a while to understand that Adam was one of the best. His work provided us with the visual backbone for these unstoppable blockbusters. But if their critical and commercial success affected him at all, he never let it show. Adam was grateful for his job at the “monster factory.” He doodled through team meetings and yelled out “beer tickets!” on paycheck days. He was humble and he was gracious. He never complained, he never acted entitled, and he never took rejection personally.

And the most important lesson? Adam considered himself a student, through and through; always learning, always improving. His cube was filled with books: huge tomes of anatomy, ‘50s technology, architecture, and style. His appetite was voracious. He absorbed everything, and what he absorbed filtered through the quirky labyrinth of his mind to spill out—garbled and rearranged—onto the page.

How did he do it?

I asked Adam once about his routine, and he described to me a surprisingly regular and disciplined way of life. In the mornings, on the bus to work, he sketched his fellow passengers, sights he passed, and any number of crazy ideas that came into his head. Once at work, he’d refill his coffee mug (his relationship to coffee bordered on religious), sit at his desk and get straight into it. Despite being one of the most popular guys at Bethesda, he ate lunch at his desk on most days, eager to get back to work. He worked all day, powered by banter and coffee, and then, on the bus ride home, he’d draw some more. Afterwards, he’d visit the gym (exercise was important to him), make himself dinner, pop open a bottle of wine and absorb himself in more personal art projects, painting and sculpting.

“Have no fear of perfection,” said Dali, “You’ll never reach it.” Adam took that lesson to heart. He had no fear of the blank page; he did not fear failure. He wanted to learn. He wanted to grow. Unbelievably, over the course of his time at Bethesda, he got better and better.

And then, one day in the fall of 2011, a few years after the development team had moved up to the sun-drenched upper levels of the building, I passed Adam in the hall outside of the art pit. We stopped to chat, as we often did, and when I asked how things were going, he complained that his shoulder hurt. Negativity was unusual for him, but as I watched him grimace and rotate his arm, it never occurred to me that I should be worried. Adam was a big guy, after all, forty-three years old and active. What was a sore shoulder to a guy like that?

A few weeks later, however, Adam left work for health reasons. Weeks went by, then months. I kept popping in to the art pit, anxious to see him again, to welcome him back. But the lights around his desk stayed off, his chair remained empty, and the little rubber-toy nun on his wall—”Squeeze nun for service”—stared back at me, silent and unsqueezed. The word I kept hearing around the office was “cancer.”

A few months later, he was dead.

We didn’t touch his desk. I’m not sure if there was even a discussion about it (though I suspect our head of game development, Todd Howard, had something to do with it). We just left it alone, like a holy place, somewhere to worship at the feet of creativity.

Time stretched by, and his room remained wallpapered with his art; incredible as always, bursting with color and inspiration—except now, nothing was changed or added. The lights stayed off. The only difference was that his fish tank of plant-growth had become a choked mess, one which no one bothered to clean up, since it was agreed that this was probably what he would have wanted anyway.

I left Bethesda in the fall of 2012

By then, Skyrim had shot to the top of the charts, and Fallout 4 was on its way. Professionally, I felt like the boy at the fair who’d just won the giant stuffed panda, and I wanted to leave on a high note. My soon-to-be-wife was in her third year of law school in New York City. I wanted to be with her, and I had dreams of becoming an author. I wanted to grow in ways I’d never known before, to immerse myself in the act of creation, and to build a world, by myself, from scratch.

So what does that mean, exactly, to be creative?

It’s been three years now since I left Bethesda, and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on that question. Creativity is such an elusive trait, one difficult to foster. How does one reach into one’s mind – limited, as it is, by finite experience and memory—and bring forth anything original? Adam did that all the time. What was it that made him different?

Steve Jobs once said that “Creativity is just connecting things.” While I doubt Adam was a fan of Apple—I’m not even certain he owned a cell-phone— I can’t help but think that this is an apt description of what Adam did. Flipping through his work, I was always struck by the bubbling confluence of subjects, a fearless fusion of influences. He developed his artwork using a range of tools: pens, markers, colored pastels. His creations were a collection of distinct and disparate ideas. When designing an original gun, for instance, Adam didn’t focus his research on the study of other guns, but on tesla coils, industrial power tools, or lab equipment. When designing outfits, Adam employed chew toys and oven mitts, radios and asbestos padding. The results were messy, ridiculous, and utterly original.

Adam’s creative process went beyond mere design. It was Adam who taught me that characters were more affecting with unexpected nuance: the horrifying is more horrible when infused with comedy; the disgusting all the more stomach-churning when mixed with beauty. The Draugr were not simple mummies, but noble warriors rendered in beef jerky. The feral ghouls were both repellant and pitiful. The Deathclaws were cheetahs, long and lean and starving. And Fallout 4’s Supermutants are not lantern-jawed hulks, but long-bodied infant-men with muscles that sag like taffy. Understanding this confluence of appearance and emotion helped me realize designs more original than anything I could have otherwise produced on my own. I have learned that it’s because of these unexpected details that we remember these creatures.

Fallout 4 is around the corner.

The last Bethesda game I played on which I hadn’t already worked long months was Morrowind. I’ve got monsters in this game—the Supermutants, for instance, and, of course, the Deathclaw—but the product will in every other way be new to me. My former teammates who have been working themselves to the bone for years on this game are very, very excited. Fallout 4 is a labor of love. And even after death, Adam’s fingerprints are all over it. He authored hundreds of original concepts for this newest game. He labored, as relentlessly as ever—for the game, for the team, and for you. He worked on it from his hospital bed. He worked until the end.

I have a painting of Adam’s in my office, one his mother sent me after he passed. A woman’s face; her skin like ivory, her hair raven-black. She carries a staff of gold, one that bears an eerie resemblance to the Dragon Priest staffs, and she is draped in a cloak of crimson flowers. Adam painted her on a sheet of cardboard, which a friend and I transported to the loading dock and sprayed with so much sealant that it’s become some sort of toxic polymer alloy. I look at it often.

When someone dies, they leave pieces of themselves behind. What we choose to do with those pieces becomes, in part, their legacy. I intend to honor Adam’s legacy.

So I exercise. I write for four hours every day. Afterwards, I draw, or paint, or model, or maybe I write some more. We eat dinner late in our house. I sleep, and tomorrow, I’ll do it again. I try not to fear the blank page. I try to endure the failures. I will learn, and I will grow, because I am a student, and I will always be a student.

My book is almost done. I’ll be searching for publishers soon, and I’m steeling myself for the inevitable rejections. It’s a grind, by turns demoralizing and exhilarating. When I’m tired, I take a break. I stand, and I stretch, and I stare at the painting of the ivory-faced woman. Her hair hangs in loose black tendrils, and her pale blue eyes are focused just above me and to the right, at some point I cannot see. If I turn and follow her gaze, I would see a digital print of my own work tacked to the wall just behind. I look for a moment, then scan the others beside it. They look drab. And yet, I can see that they’re better than I could have done a few years ago.

So I eat lunch at my desk, and then I get back to work.

Jonah Lobe is a writer and illustrator living in Brooklyn, NY. You can find him on Twitter at@jonahlobe, or down at your local coffee shop, furiously editing his novel, or on TwitchTV, where he hosts an illustration/gamedev stream weekdays at 4PM EST.