#after years of depression and self loathing turns out PRIDE and ambition were my biggest hurdles all along | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soldier-poet-king · 11 months

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I DID finally start carrying around a journal for when I'm bored at work and start Thinking Like This and trying to glimpse the secrets of the universe while waiting for Tasks

Y'know? It's going great. Today I have written

Martyr complex = desire for meaning and ambition for Great Work? Not just linked to absolute dogshit self esteem and childhood issues but the unceasing hunger of existence

So truly. Great self awareness here. Having a normal one. I bet they wanna study me like a bug SOOOO bad

#franposting #this is humourous yes u can laugh #i am partially joking but also partially not #u know how kierkegaard became so obsessed with self analysis and meaning that he ruined his personal life and was kinda a dick #i actively know i am on that path and yet!!! i cannot let it be #after years of depression and self loathing turns out PRIDE and ambition were my biggest hurdles all along #and yet i cannot let them go because there HAS to be more than this. more work. more greatness. more meaning #the humdrum everyday has sucked my soul dry #yes it serves a purpose. yes the romanticizing of the everyday and the small joys keep me alive #but that cannot be ALL there is to it #im sorry mary oliver i am getting a bad grade in humility and softness. it is a good survival tool. but i am too hungry to be satisfied #there is the atypical and the unknown and the meaning in the vilest and worst of things #i think maybe i am simply a lunatic with delusions of grandeur. or else i am the most correct to ever exist. either or #my existential hubris knows no bounds #i will simply. keep thinking

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