#again I am so sorry this is so long dkdjks

[fr3aklike-me]

Hello! Sorry if this isn't the right place to ask, I hope this isn't a bother. I'm confused about my sexuality/sexual identity and I'd like to be guided through it, at least a little. The thing is, one part of me thinks that it doesn't matter what the other person has between their legs as long as our minds have a strong, emotional connection and a relationship based on mutual respect. One part of me, though, thinks that if I had to have sex with someone, that someone HAS to be another girl (I'm a girl too). Girls are wonderful beings and I'd definitely like way more to be in a long-lasting relationship with a woman rather than a man. I cannot imagine myself in bed with a man, holding hands with a man, kissing a man, having a romantic affair with a man. With a woman, however, it feels completely different and I'll gladly do everything I just listed and more. What does this make me? What labels should I use? Is it normal to feel the way I'm feeling? Can you help me understand what I'm feeling?

omg, please don't apologize at all! I am more than glad to respond to any asks that are about any single thing. like, even if it's for some guidance, I am seriously more than glad to answer it and try to help, so trust me, it is not a bother, at all. although, of course, I am, at the end of the day, someone who isn't, you know, an expert or professional in terms of dealing with attraction or emotions, so what I have to say may not necessarily help even if I hope it does, and if you still have questions, of course feel free to send them in, but someone with a bit more of knowledge or objective expertise might help more, as well <3

so, the thing is, mutual respect and a strong, emotional bond are extremely important things to have in a relationship. however, attraction is an equally important aspect. and what we desire in a relationship isn't necessarily connected to who we find attractive - like, for example, a strong, emotional bond and mutual respect are things you find important in a relationship. and that is amazing! but, just because you really prioritize an aspect of a relationship that has nothing to do with gender, doesn't mean your attraction has nothing to do with gender. like, for example, let's say Person A was only, solely attracted to people with green hair. but, they also really prioritized and valued people who can make them laugh. they might meet someone with blue hair who can make them laugh, but just because that's the case, Person A isn't obligated to ignore their hair colour. their attraction in terms of hair colour is also just as important as their attraction to humour, and both should be valued. just because A had something they prioritized in a relationship that had nothing to do with hair colour (someone making them laugh) doesn't mean they're obligated to ignore hair colour entirely when it comes to their attraction, you know? I am sorry if I am making zero sense rn LMAO. I just mean that just because you value an aspect of a relationship that has nothing to do with gender, it doesn't mean you have to ignore gender as a whole when choosing your partner. (of course, though, hair colour and gender are nowhere close to each other in importance, weight or significance - like, of course, gender is on a much higher level of importance than something like hair colour. I simply used hair colour in the example to talk about it a bit more simply for myself, so it’s a bit easier to get the point I'm making, haha.)

and, yes, omg, I feel you. girls are wonderful, and amazing, and breathtaking, and ethereal. and your attraction to them, and your desire to to have sex with them and be in a long-lasting relationship with them is completely, totally and 100% valid. like, that sexual and romantic attraction you feel towards them, and the want to only be in a relationship with them is totally normal and valid. same goes towards you not wanting any of those things with men - you not feeling attracted to them or wanting a sexual and/or romantic relationship with them is also very valid.

so, to me, it sounds like you are romantically and sexually attracted to women, and either lean much more towards them instead of men, or you may not feel attraction towards men at all. and it is totally, absolutely, 100% normal to feel this way. to be a girl and feel this strong attraction and desire for a relationship with other girls is totally normal and completely natural. in terms of what this makes you and what terms you should use, that is totally up to you to determine. if you truly desire to find a label for yourself, I totally understand, but also, please don't try to determine a label for yourself out of any sort of obligation to do so. you like who you like, you're attracted to who you're attracted to. you don't need to put a label on it, and you're not obligated to choose one either. like, some days I identify as "bi," other days it's "queer." and that is okay, because I am not obligated to use one label and stick to it. and neither are you - you're not obligated to determine a label for yourself, so please don't ever pressure yourself to do so. your attraction to anyone is beautiful, precious, valid and completely real - label or not, that much is true, so don't feel like you're obligated to have one. let yourself feel what you feel, there is no rush to figure out what you are or what you should label yourself as. those things will come naturally to you as you continue feeling and experiencing your attraction, and even then, might change after. and that is totally okay. because attraction is something natural, that sometimes alters and changes, and other times never changes, and that is all okay. as long as there is respect, safety and love, your attraction is always beautiful and worthy of validation. it doesn't need a label to be either.

and if a label is something you genuinely desire, not out of obligation, that is completely understandable! you can do more reading on the experiences of different people with different sexual orientations, reflect on their experiences and compare them to yours. read more on it, write about your own feelings and attraction in a journal as a way to help yourself become more in touch with them. all of those things can help enormously. watch documentaries on people of different sexual orientations, different videos, and learn about their own experiences and feelings. when I realized I might be attracted to non-men, I watched so many Tiktoks on queerness and wlw/wlnb attraction, and that helped me enormously because it helped me normalize and figure out what I was feeling. and even then, I called myself bicurious for months until I actually felt comfortable with the term "bisexual." and even now, I don't have to use the label if I ever stop feeling comfortable it.

you can always to do the above things if you truly desire to find a label you feel comfortable with. but, again, you're not obligated to have a label - your attraction, both sexual and romantic, is very much valid either way. and it is absolutely normal to feel the way you feel, and deserves celebration because it is so, so beautiful.

thank you so much for sending me this ask. I know it's something personal for a lot of people, so thank you so much for opening up to me and being vulnerable and honest about what you're feeling, it takes so much strength to do that. I am very proud of you for taking the time to consider and ponder on this part of yourself, and thank you so, so much for telling me this and trusting me with this. and thank you for feeling safe and comfortable enough to reach out to me about this. and, I am so sorry my response is so damn long LMAO. please, if you're comfortable, you can absolutely send me a response to this answer and tell me how you're feeling and what you're thinking about it, and if it helps at all - I'd love to know. and, please, please, feel free to send me any asks or questions, like this or otherwise, in the future.