#ahh im having a panic attack again god damnit
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I'm gonna die one day oh my god holy shit fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck there's no afterlife oh holy shit fuck help oh my god no no no no no
#tw death#sorry I'm having bad thoughts at night again#BUT HOLY FUCK I'M GONNA DIE ONE DAY I'M SO FUCKING SCARED BECAUSE THERE'LL BE NOTHING#IT'S FUCKING INEVITABLE FUCK#ahh im having a panic attack again god damnit#tw caps#if i had a different personality i would probably be seeking religion as a way to stop these damn panic attacks#but i don't have any faith in me at all#my brain is too science/logical focussed to believe in a god/gods#so I'll just have to deal with it ig#until it actually happens#or go to therapy at some point#if i can afford it#but god do i need it#this is my punishment for writing another chapter of a&tsp instead of sleeping#it's 00:43 rn#my cat's on me#I've got family guy the video game speedrun on tv#but i am mortal#I've been dealing with this for 3 years now ntw#since i was 14#i remember i had a panic attack when watching squid game because#watching them drop like flies like that really got to me fsr#ig the msot comforting thing about it is that it'll literally happen to everyone ever#so no matter what happens I'm not alone in any way shape or form#sorry if it sounds morbid and maybe selfish that I'm comforting myself using the knowledge of the inevitable deaths of other people#but we are all equal in death ig#like that one quote#who said that
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