#ahton irwin angst

[angelbabylu]

Can We Just Talk? // AI

pairing: reader x ashton

warnings: angst, smut

word count: 9.1k

summary: lashton are brothers in this fic, reader & luke are best friends, reader is secretly fucking his brother

notes: about a month and a half ago i saw this picture of Luke and Ashton looking like brothers and i decided to write a smutty blurb about it. anyway here we are 9k later. this,,, is the filthiest thing i’ve ever written. its like only 4k actual plot the rest is smut. shout out to @baby-loba bc our hoe sessions inspired this fic tbh. It is only this nasty bc of you. also @aspiringwildfire for reading it & giving me advice before i posted. and @5sex-of-summa  for finding the picture for the fic (and @5sosnsfw for trying lol). love you all 

this fic is inspired by talk by khalid

--

The air turned heavy with anticipation. The second Luke got up and began walking away, both (Y/N) and Ashton had their eyes trained on his back, waiting for him to step out of view. When Luke rounded the corner, Ashton was on her. The hand that had previously been resting on her thigh crept closer to her heat and his mouth attached to her neck, lightly teasing the skin there.

“Fuck,” She groaned out, so overwhelmed she could barely keep her voice down. Silently, she thanked whatever deity was watching that the TV played loud enough to drown out her moans.

Moving to another spot on her neck, Ashton whispered, “You brought this upon yourself, baby girl.”  

1.

About three hours before, (Y/N) had received a text from Luke that simply asked movie night?

She had texted back immediately with yes!! can i stay the night?  

Movie nights had always been a staple of her and Luke’s relationship, but only recently had she begun getting so eager to spend the night. If Luke noticed, he hadn’t said anything. Perhaps he thought it had something to do with how lonely she got in that apartment by herself. That was only half of the truth.

The other half was that she liked what it meant for her and Luke’s older brother.

She had met Luke when they were both freshmen in Communication 101, bonding over their love for classic rock and their dreams of working in the music industry one day. She wanted to be in management and Luke wanted to produce music like his older brother. (Y/N) didn’t meet said brother until she followed Luke to LA, unable to fathom her life without him.

She remembered the day she met this brother very clearly. She was sweaty and disgruntled, unused to the boiling LA heat. Having been there for years already, he was seemingly unaffected.

The first thing he said to her was, “Are these yours or Luke’s?” signaling the boxes stacked on the right side of the U-Haul. As if she wasn’t hot enough, he had her flushing hotter. She could definitely see the family resemblance - the curly hair, the square jaw, the pronounced chin - but when he smiled, her heart reminded her that this was definitely not Luke.

“Those are Lu’s.”

“Cool,” he nodded. “I’m Ashton by the way.”

They lasted all of one year before they started fucking each other.

Luke, of course, had no idea. She and Ashton weren’t anything serious, so there was no need to concern Luke with the idea of sharing his best friend with his older brother or vice versa. And sometimes the struggle of always being around Luke, unable to touch each other, made their relationship even hotter. They were always finding ways to rile each other up without Luke noticing.

Like earlier that night, for example.

When she first got to the house, Luke was in the theater room flicking through movies on Amazon, while Ashton was in the kitchen preparing snacks. Instead of helping Luke with his choice, she lied, “I need to go to the bathroom,” and immediately made a beeline for the kitchen.

Ashton was standing with his back to her in a black sleeveless shirt, chopping a pineapple into small bite-sized pieces. She paused for a second, eyes trained on the swell of his bicep as his hand worked the knife, she could tell he had been working out.

“Are you just going to stand there and watch me from the doorway?” He asked, snapping her out of her bicep fantasy.

(Y/N) let out a small chuckle before silently crossing the kitchen floor to him. She knew her and Ash were just friends with benefits, but moments like this made it easy to forget.

As soon as she got behind him, she placed both hands on his waist, got on her tiptoes, and placed a kiss gently on the side of his cheek. A feeling of warmth spread through her chest as he leaned into her. Then, he turned his head just as she moved to the side, both in sync, both bringing their lips together for the first of many times that night.

“Hey,” she greeted as they parted. She slid away and moved to stand at the counter to his right, close enough that his arms brushed hers when he resumed his pineapple chopping. Grabbing a slice, she slipped it into her mouth.

She didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked down to her mouth, watching as she licked the dripping pineapple juice from her fingers. When the air in the room went heavy, (Y/N) was not surprised. It was like this whenever they were around each other. There was something about being in each others presence that brought a cackle of electricity.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” She said, the bashfulness of her voice contradicting what she was about to do. “I’m going to need to borrow your hand for a second.”

He shot her a questioning look but pulled his hands away from the pineapple slices nonetheless. A small, lopsided smirk began playing on his lips, enough that she could see the slight indent of a dimple.

“My fingers are a little sticky.” He wasn’t sly. She knew exactly what he wanted.

She grabbed his hand, stepped closer, and said, “That’s okay, I can take care of that for you,” before bringing his fingers up to her lips. This wasn’t a part of her plan, but to say she had a thing for his fingers would be an understatement. She pulled three fingers into her mouth, loving how he immediately took over, pressing on her tongue as she licked and sucked around them.

“I’m assuming this wasn’t the surprise?” he asked, eyes locked on her lips as she switched out the three fingers for his thumb.

She shook her head, tongue circling the thumb. When she pulled it out, a small translucent strand of saliva still connected them. She licked her lips to break it.

“Nah, that was just a little extra,” she admitted with a wink. Ashton was always so responsive to her ministrations, it made her bold.

She moved the hand away from her mouth and slowly guided it down to the edge of her t-shirt dress, eyes locked with his the entire time. He took over, other hand coming to join the first, pulling her flush against his chest as he took a moment to enjoy the feeling of her skin under his fingers. It only took a few seconds before he realized the surprise she was showing him. He groaned, grabbed her ass in both hands, and pulled her even closer to him.

“Fuck,” he grunted, hands skimming up and down her lower back confirming, “You’re not wearing any panties.”

She nodded her head against his chest. “Wanted to make it easy for you,” she murmured. Her breath hitched as a large hand gripped her ass cheek and pulled before lightly gave it a light slap. “So, we don’t have to waste any time when Luke finally falls asleep.”

“How the fuck,” Ashton responded through gritted teeth, “Am I supposed to sit through this movie knowing you’re right next to me with no panties on?”

She looked up at him, bit her lip and shrugged. “But speaking of movies, I better go back to the theater room before Luke starts wondering where I am.”

As she pulled away, he shot her look that told her she would pay for teasing him like that later.

--

It was later, and she was paying.

Knowing Luke wouldn’t be in the kitchen for long, Ashton made quick work of wetting his fingers and pressing them on her clit. The feeling had her gasping, throwing her head back, and biting her lips to control her moans.

“Wish I could eat you out, baby.” He whispered, lips brushing against the column of her throat. “Wish we had more than a couple of minutes so I could get down and eat you out right here. You wouldn’t be able to sit through another movie night without thinking about my fingers and tongue inside you.”

He had a filthy mouth; she had a love-hate relationship with it. She loved listening to him talk but hated how he just had to breathe one word, and she’d be wet and pliant for him.

“Or maybe next time I’ll get you a vibrator, pretend I don’t realize how I’m ruining you while you struggle to stay quiet and still so Luke and I can enjoy the movie.”

Whining, she bucked her hips up, begging for more than the glide of his fingers between her folds, craving those fingers inside her. Grabbing the arm that was working her pussy, she dug her nails in hoping that he’d oblige.

He didn’t. Instead, he kept teasing.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Love struggling to stay quiet with a vibe inside you?”

And he really didn’t have to ask. He knew how much the thrill of getting caught made this thing with him even hotter.

But she whined, “Yeah,” anyway. Her breath hitching as his fingers finally slid inside her. Her other hand settled on his thigh with an iron grip. She needed something to hold on to - everything was too overwhelming.

Her next whine was interrupted by the sound of the microwave beeping in the kitchen.

Ashton was off her in an instant. He licked his fingers - reminiscent of that moment they had shared in the kitchen - before moving away and grabbing his phone. She gasped at the loss of him, at how quickly he had shifted off of her and took on a cavalier demeanor at his end of the couch.

Without even looking back at her, he said, “You might wanna cover up, baby.”

She was still struggling to compose herself, but she pulled her dress down, crossed her legs, and threw the blanket back over her for good measure. She had hoped that she could catch her breath, that she could control the flush on her face before Luke made it down the hallway and back into the TV room.

No such luck.

When Luke walked in, he took one look at her and asked, “Are you okay? You look flushed.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, hoping she didn’t sound too breathy. “But maybe we should head to bed after this movie? I’m a little tired.”

Luke shrugged, “Yeah I have an early day in the studio, anyway.”

For the second time that night she thanked whatever deity was up there looking out for her, helping her get laid.

--

The rest of the movie was a blur. Ash was a steady presence beside (Y/N), his hand resting on her thigh under the blanket, reminding her of what they could be doing that very moment. Luke was on the other side of her, reminding her why they couldn’t.

The half an hour it took for the credits to roll in was torture. It felt like every minute, Ashton’s hand would creep higher and higher up her thigh.

She knew he wouldn’t try anything - not with Luke draped against her. Too much movement on either of their part would alert Luke to what was going on. As much as a part of her wanted to say “fuck it,” wanted to drag Ashton upstairs, to let him have his way with her, it would be better for everyone if she waited patiently for the end of that half an hour instead.

When the movie was over, she and Ashton were out of their seats immediately. She grabbed Luke’s hand, trying to pull him off the couch and up the stairs.

“Let’s go to sleep,” she whined, hoping he wouldn’t see through the fake yawn that followed.

When he yawned in return, she counted it as a win. He still didn’t move from his spot on the couch, however, suggesting instead, “We should at least help Ashton clean up first.”

Ashton shook his head, already picking up the trays with a few pieces of fruit still leftover. “‘S okay, I got it.”

“You sure?”

Luke looked surprised. (Y/N) didn’t understand why - Ashton was always cleaning up after them. It was kind of his love language, these little acts of service.

“Thanks, Ash. Love you,” Luke chimed, finally standing up.

Ashton rolled his eyes in response. But they had a rule about always repeating the sentiment when one of them said I Love You, so as (Y/N) and Luke ascended the stairs, they were accompanied by the sound of Ashton calling “Love you too. Goodnight,” after them.

Luke and (Y/N) had done it so much lately, getting ready for bed together was almost routine. They spent about a half an hour together in the bathroom, brushing their teeth, washing their faces, and applying the various creams and serums of their nightly routine, all the while chatting about everything from industry gossip to what Luke should do with his hair. As Luke talked, she could lend him no more than half an ear, her mind consumed with thoughts of Ash, wondering if he was already in his bedroom waiting for her.

She wondered if he would take some time to rile himself up while he waited. Maybe he was sitting on his bed, idly playing with his dick, hissing as his fingers ran over it, knowing that his hands could never do her pussy or her mouth justice. Her mouth watered just thinking about it. She needed to get to him as soon as possible.

It took Luke all but screaming her name for her to snap out of this fantasy.

“You okay?” He asked, obviously concerned about her uncharacteristic spaciness.

Knowing she couldn’t very well say, “Sorry, I’m thinking about fucking your brother,” she shrugged and mumbled, “Just tired, I guess.”

Luke led them both out of the bathroom, shutting off the lights behind them. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Eagerly, she bounded towards the bed, lifted the covers, and slipped in. When Luke slipped in beside her, she breathed out a sigh of relief. She hoped he would fall asleep quickly so she could sneak from his bed and into the room right next to his.

About ten minutes later, she got her wish. Luke’s breath was coming out in short huffs which usually indicated that he was asleep. “Luke?” she tested. When he didn’t respond, she snuck from underneath the covers, making her way out his door and over to Ashton’s.

Ashton had been waiting for her. He must have heard her footsteps approaching because before she could even knock, he was opening the door and pulling her in. He had to be careful closing the door behind her, knowing that a slam could wake Luke easily - and waking up alone to a noise coming from elsewhere in the house would mean Luke coming to investigate. That was the last thing either of them wanted.

“God, I wish I could be rougher with you,” Ashton groaned, pushing her lighter than he wished against the door. He grabbed both ass cheeks immediately, kneading them in his large hands. “Wish I take you hard and fast until the headboard was slamming against the wall and you were screaming my name.”

The very idea of it had her squirming and moaning, pushing back against his large hands, hating the way he riled her up with no way of making good on his promises. She thought maybe the following day they could meet at her place, be as loud and as rough as they wanted to. She didn’t get the chance to suggest it before he’s wetting his finger and bringing it to her hole. Rubbing around, he was surprised to find her already a little wet with anticipation. He pushed the digit inside her, playing with her for a moment, darting in and out of her, loving the way she pushed back, trying to get the finger deeper.

As much as she loved getting fingered by him, she was horny, and this was not what she came for. She reached a hand behind her, rubbing down the front of him, trying to get a hand on his dick. He was only in his boxers, which made it easier for her to grip and rub it.

“Let’s take this to the bed maybe?” she suggested, words heavy with desire.

His finger slipped out of her; then, he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the bed, pushing her down to lay on her back. He grabbed her waist lining her up with the edge of the bed where he knelt before her.

“You have to be quiet,” he reminded, hands roaming up and down her thighs. This was a game they played. He liked to see just how much he could drive her crazy as she struggled to remain silent.

She bit her lip and nodded, “I can stay quiet,” but he threw her a skeptical look.

“One sound and I stop,” he warned, and with the warning still in his hazel eyes, he bowed and took to her heat.

She had to bite her lips to keep from crying out right away, squirming as he flattened his tongue and licked between her folds.

He licked a broad stripe over her pussy, coming a to stop at the clit, bringing it in between lips and sucking. She wasn’t expecting it, the pressure was too much - she had to bring her hand up to her mouth, covering it to prevent a cry. She could all but see him smirk at her reactions. He knew it was a matter of time before she couldn’t contain her screams anymore.

She tried. She did. She bit her hand, and her tongue and her cheek, bucking as he dragged his tongue back and forth against her. She could hardly breathe. One hand reached down to grip his hair for purchase, as she tried to lift her hips off the bed, chasing more of that sinful tongue laving over her pussy.

When he took her by surprise, sucking her clit into his mouth once more, both hands went to his hair, and she cried out, “Fuck, Ashton.”

She was so caught up in the heat of him, she didn’t realize what she’d done until he was off her, looking unimpressed.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

But it was too late. Ashton got what he wanted. She was always wound so tight in her everyday life, he loved that in bed he could get her to be less than perfect. And she loved the feeling of giving up control, something she had a hard time doing outside these moments with him.

“Turn over,” he ordered, standing up to remove his boxers as she rolled onto her stomach and got up on her knees, face pressed up against the sheets, ass waving in the air. When he looked up from where he had kicked his boxers off to find her ass in the air, he groaned and grabbed it for the third time that night. To say he was an ass man would be an understatement.

She wasn’t sure when he had rolled a condom on, but she felt his plastic clad dick pushing into her. When his dick bottomed out, she could already feel herself becoming overwhelmed with the feeling of him inside her. Her toes curled, and her hands reached out grip the sheets. When he started fucking into her, she knew that she would have a hard time staying quiet.

With every stroke she had to make an effort to control her moans, bringing her hand to cover her mouth, biting the sheet below her, holding her breath. None of this made a difference when Ashton began picking up speed, pounding into her.

She was whining lowly, twisting, trying to take him deeper, when he grunted, “You gotta be quiet, baby girl.”

And she nodded, but she really couldn’t control herself, each other breath drawing a moan or gasp or whine from her.  

Eventually, Ashton flattened himself against her, strokes becoming shallow and slow. He brought his lips to her ear and whispered, “Shh, Luke’s gonna hear you.”

She shook her head against his. “Can’t.”

The sensations were too much. She couldn’t control herself.

“Just gonna have to help you out then.”

He pulled out of her, and she gasped whining at the loss of contact. Then he was flipping her over, leaning over her on the bed, realigning himself and pushing into her. This time, he had one hand braced beside her head, twisting in the sheets, the other came to curl around her throat.

There was something about his fingers around her neck that quieted her. Maybe it was just the sheer act of dominance that down, causing her to submit in every way. It brought her feelings inward, bringing awareness to how her entire body was aflame.

It felt so good to have him pounding into her while she was unable to breathe. She could feel her orgasm building, and by the look on his face, his orgasm was coming too.

When she came, her whole body seized, squeezing down on his dick. That had him chasing his own orgasms, a few pounds into her before he was coming too.

He rolled off her slowly, pulling off the condom, tying it, and placing it in the trash. When he came back to lie down next to her, he caressed her face, running his thumb over the light sheen of sweat that had collected on her upper lip and pressing a small chaste kiss on her lips.

“Was that okay?” he asked, fingers rubbing at where they were choking a few minutes before.

(Y/N) nodded, knowing that he liked checking up on her after getting particularly rough.

He searched her face, making sure she wasn’t just saying it, making sure she was actually alright, before saying “Good,” and capturing her lips again for a kiss.

This time it was filthy, tongue dipping into her mouth, rubbing against hers.

“We should get under the covers maybe?” He suggested. Then he gestured to both their states of varying undress. “I mean I’m cold.” He didn’t have anything on, but she was still wearing her dress, bunched up at her hips.

She chuckled but shook her head. She did consider it very briefly. Since they’d started fucking, she had gotten kind of addicted to the feeling of his arms around her. But, she knew she couldn’t, Ashton knew she couldn’t, not when Luke had fallen asleep with her in his bed an hour before.

Sitting up she said, “Gotta get back before Luke notices I’m gone.”

She saw the moment his face fell and fought to ignore the tightening of her chest. Leaning down, she moved for one final kiss. “We can do something tomorrow night?” she suggested, remembering her earlier idea. “You can come over, and you can get as rough as you want and we can even cuddle after.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, in a manner that almost sounds like relief, burying his hand in her hair and pulling her down for that last kiss. 

2.

When Luke left early the next morning, (Y/N) almost left too. She had an entire morning routine - gym, breakfast, then work, like clockwork, every morning. Yet, all it took was her being in the same house as Ashton to get thrown off her game. She felt pathetic just sitting around for him to wake up, so she ended up making herself some breakfast. It was nothing fancy - just a smoothie from the leftover fruit in the fridge and an English muffin.  

She had the blender on high when Ashton emerged from his bedroom, coming to greet her in the kitchen. She didn’t hear him coming up behind her, so the hand on her waist and the kiss to her hair was a surprise.

“Morning,” he mumbled, sleep still evident in his voice. He released her and moved over to the dishwasher to grab a cup. “What are you still doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the gym?”

“Just woke up,” she lied, figuring that sounded infinitely less pathetic than I couldn’t bring myself to leave without seeing you.

He smiled as he filled his cup with water from the fridge door. It was a knowing smile, one that told her he was well aware she hadn’t just woken up. Before he could call her out on her lie, she asked, “Do you want to do lunch?”

“Sorry,” he responded, causing a cloud of disappointment to settle over her. “I have lunch with an artist. But I’ll be by your place tonight, okay?”

She obviously didn’t do a good job of hiding said disappointment, because he was crossing the kitchen floor to grab her chin, forcing her to make eye contact with him. “Don’t be sad,” he said, kissing her once on the lips. “I’ll more than make up for it tonight.”

--

She had lunch with Calum instead.

“Speaking of Ashton.”

That was a mistake.

“Were we speaking of Ashton?” She asked throwing him a look of irritation. They were not. He had waited until there was a lull in the conversation to spring the topic on her.

Which really could only mean one thing.

With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, she said, “He told you.”

Calum at least had the decency to look apologetic. “Sorry,” he said. “But to be fair, you had to know he was going to tell me.”

She opened her mouth to argue but couldn’t. Ashton and Calum were very big on openness and honesty with each other. Ashton keeping a secret from Calum was rare, unheard of even. She should have expected it, but that didn’t mean she was any less annoyed by it.

“To be honest,” She joked as a means of hiding her frustration. “I’m surprised he didn’t roll over and text you immediately after he finished. He at least waited until he got me off first. I’m proud of him for that.”

The joking also kept the bubbling anxieties at bay. It quieted the voice in the back of her mind trying to tell her that one more person in on her secret was one additional variable she had to keep track of. Being with Ashton made her feel out of control enough. She loved it in the moment but, at times like these, the lack of control burned a hole in her chest.

Unfortunately for her, Calum sobered the conversation. “You’re not mad that I know, right?”

She didn’t know how to respond. Yes, she was mad, but she was trying very hard not to be.

“It’s me. I’m not going to tell anybody.”

And she knew that. There were definitely worse people that Ashton could have told. But at the same time. . .

“I don’t know, Cal. I was kind of hoping it would be just between him and me.”

“Why? This group has never kept secrets from each other. I know intimate details about both your sex lives. What makes this time any different?”

She sighed.

She had forgotten who she was talking to.

This was Calum Psychoanalyst Hood, and she was ever his favorite patient. She had a habit of ignoring her feelings and making bad decisions, and he had the habit of pointing them out. But never in an upfront manner. He preferred to let her know he was concerned about the way she was acting without letting her know why. She hated it; she had a reason for ignoring those feelings in the first place.

They were interrupted then by the waiter shuffling towards the table to ask if everything was okay with their meals. She clammed up as Calum said, “Everything is great, thank you.”

The waiter brought a brief reprieve to their conversation, both of them taking a moment of silence to begin eating again. This did not last long. Both her and Calum were too confrontational as people to just leave the conversation be.

She cracked first.

“Maybe I didn’t want him to tell you because I thought you’d make a big deal about it and do something like, I don’t know, ruin our lunch by terrorizing me about it.”

“I’m not terrorizing you. Two of my best friends are fucking each other and keeping it a secret for some reason. I can’t help but be concerned.”

“What’s concerning? There’s no need to be concerned. It’s just two adult friends having frequent consensual sex with each other. No need to be concerned.”

It felt hypocritical for Calum to be concerned about this. He had many different friends with benefits arrangements. She did too, and so did Ashton. Why would it be a problem now?

As she looked up into deep brown eyes, heavy with apprehension, she knew, one way or another, that she was about to find out.

Calum was silent for a beat, letting her anger seethe while he took a bite of his sandwich and a sip of his water.

Then he said, “Am I correct in assuming that the reason you don’t want Mikey or I to know is that because you’re afraid that Luke will find out?”

Oh right, Luke.

That was the one thing she worried could blow up in her face. But she couldn’t just tell Luke. There were so many reasons why Luke could react badly. Most notably was the fact that she and Luke had become inseparable in the last few years. Luke had gone through a lot of shit with his ex in their final year of college and (Y/N) was his crutch throughout the aftermath. When they left for LA a year ago (just a few months after Luke broke up with his girlfriend), Luke had been friendless, depressed, and was a borderline alcoholic. She spent months picking up the pieces. There are moments from his rehabilitation that still haunted her; moments where Luke’s newfound abandonment issues were out in full force. She had been the last of their old friend group to stick with him, and while Luke never said it outright, she knew he was afraid of losing her too.

He was a lot better now, but she could see how he might think this thing with Ashton meant losing her. Was it so terrible that she wanted to enjoy her relationship and spare Luke’s feelings at the same time?

As if the thought of Luke finding out wasn’t haunting enough, Calum followed up with, “Well, afraid probably isn’t the right word since you guys keep almost having sex around him.”

That comment wasn’t particularly fair. Yeah, she and Ashton frequently teased each other in Luke’s presence, but they were careful about it.

(She didn’t want to think about how careful had a habit of flying out the window with Ashton around.)

“You guys might want to stop that if keeping Luke in the dark is truly your aim.”

And there he went, being cryptic again without explaining himself. She felt irritation building like an itch, and she had to scratch. She couldn’t let him continue.

“What the fuck do you mean if it’s truly my aim?” She asked, voice low, ever aware of how easy it was for her to get loud. “You know I hate it when you psychoanalyze me like that.”

“I’m just saying,” Calum pushed back. The intensity of his voice matched hers, but without the underlying anger and irritation. “That the part of you that so desperately wants no one to know needs to have a conversation with the part of you that’s itching to get caught.”

She pushed her bowl away. She was done. With the food and the conversation. She hated that Calum brought up such good points about the incongruity of her actions. She wished that he would just tell her what he thought it all meant.

She said as much to him, “Well since you know me so well, why don’t you tell me what I really want.”

“(Y/N), I know you dislike thinking about your emotions, but this is one thing you’re going to have to figure out yourself.”

Conversations like this were such a commonplace in her and Calum’s relationship, he recognized the moment she reached her breaking point.

“Go,” he said, and she stood immediately.  

One day she would learn to sit and fully finish an argument without having to run away or having to change the topic of conversation. For now, she behaved as she always had. She stored everything Calum had said in the back of her mind, ready to spend her day thinking it over, stood up and grabbed her things.

“Love you,” said Calum before she could walk away.

It was times like this where their dumb little rule about always saying “I love you” back was so important. When she and Calum had an honest conversation like this, his  “Love you” served as a way to remind her that he said what he had because he cared.

She parroted her, “Love you, too.” It released her of all the negative feelings that arose and reminded her that their friendship was much more profound than her mild irritation.

As she passed by his chair on the way to the exit, she stopped. She placed a tiny kiss to his hair, smiling as he leaned into it. 

3.

That the part of you that so desperately wants no one to know needs to have a conversation with the part of you that’s itching to get caught.

Calums words ran through her mind all day. Did a part of her want to get caught? She didn’t think so. It was probably more accurate to say there was a magnetism about Ashton that made her throw all caution to the wind. That was the bigger issue. She was so consumed by her thirst for him, that she constantly forgot herself.  

Had this been anyone else, had she been in her right mind, she would not have allowed it to continue for as long as it did. She knew what she had to do - she had to take control. What she and Ashton needed were boundaries.

But boundaries were easier said than done.

She was sitting on her living room sofa hours after her lunch with Calum. She ruminated on what he had said, a glass of wine in one hand, the rest of the bottle sitting in wait of its consumption atop her coffee table. In her other hand was her phone. She had been staring blindly at it for a few seconds now. She hadn’t decided yet whether to take snapchat up on their offer to respond or their offer to replay.

She said, “Fuck it,” aloud to herself, then tapped replay.

As the video started, all she could see was Ashton’s hand and in it was a tiny, purple, egg-shaped device with a small hook curving off of it, and an equally small remote. She felt heat pool in the pit of her stomach immediately. Her eyes hadn’t deceived her the first time - he was, in fact, holding a vibrator.

“Hey baby,” his voice came rolling through the speakers, gruff, sexy, and commanding as always. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you today. Thinking about how you’d look with a vibrator in you as you sat through one of our movie nights, trying to keep your whines quiet.”

He rolled the device back and forth between his fingers as he spoke.

“The thought of you being quiet for me, being a good girl for me, got me so worked up that I had to stop by the store on the way home. I bought us a vibrator.”

She was expecting the camera flip this time, ready when Ashton’s face popped up on screen. The phone was close enough to his face that she could feel the lust in those deep hazels burning through the phone. “And luckily for us, the boys wanna hang out tonight, so what do you say?”

She bit down the part of her that so desperately wanted to say yes and overwrote it with reminders of Luke and why boundaries were necessary.

Ashton, she typed out, holding her breath as his little bitmoji popped into the chat. I don’t think we should do these things around Luke anymore.  

As soon as he read her message, he was facetiming her. She declined the call immediately,  worried that he would be more than capable of convincing her to go against personal interest.

So instead of getting a conversation face to face, he got a text message. We don’t need to talk about this Ash.

I think we do.

She took one look at the bubble at the bottom of the screen that indicated Ashton was typing and decided that she really didn’t want to hear it. Acting on pure instinct, she turned off her phone and threw it on the couch just opposite her.

Going wireless for the night had not been the plan, this conversation with Ashton definitely was not the plan, but she decided to use it to her advantage. Picking up her laptop, she began catching up on some work, all the while desperately trying to distract herself.

Nearly eight o’ clock, two hours later, her efforts prove to be a success. She was so caught up in the analysis she was doing for work, she didn’t even think when she heard a knock on the door.

After picking up her glass of wine and draining the last of it, she absentmindedly moved towards her door.

“Who is it,” she asked stopping just shy of the knob, hand already outstretched.

“It’s us.” The gruff, unmistakable sound of Ashton’s voice had her pausing in surprise.

Fuck.

Her only consolation was that he said “It’s us,” and not “It’s me,” which could mean Luke was there. And Luke would make a great barrier between her and Ashton if needed.

She tried to steady the shaking of her hands as she reached out and opened the door. Standing there were Luke, Ashton, and Michael, all portraying varying emotions. Luke, as always, looked happy to see her, Michael looked his usual excited puppy-like self, but Ashton, she could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves.

“What the fuck, (Y/N)!”

Yeah, he was angry.

Her immediate response was to go on the defensive. “Don’t come into my fucking apartment and yell at me, dick face!”

Ashton ignored her and barreled into past her. Luke and Michael followed him in, shutting the door behind them. They stopped and stood, each of them flanking her as they watched Ashton go on his tirade.

“Where the fuck is your phone? Why haven’t you been answering any of our calls? We thought something happened to you, asshole.”

Before she could react, go to that place of anger and annoyance, Luke stopped them, stepping forward between her and Ashton. “Relax,” he called over his shoulder at Ashton. Placing both hands on her shoulder, he asked softly, “You okay, bubs? Was kind of worried when you didn’t answer any of my calls.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, allowing herself to be pulled into a hug. “My phone was off. I wanted to get some work done.”

The look Ashton shot her over her shoulder said he saw right through her lie. He knew she was trying to avoid him. She closed her eyes to it and buried her face in Luke’s neck.

Michael, in true Michael-like fashion, ignored all the tension in the room and announced, “She’s okay, just like I said she’d be. Can we go get food now?”

She must have been a pit stop on their way.

Luke pulled away from her, looking her in the eyes. “As long as you’re okay?”

She smiled, heart warmed by Luke’s concern. “I’m okay.” She promised. “I just wanted to get some work done. I’ll definitely let someone know next time.”

And that was enough for Luke. Looking past his shoulders, her eyes caught Ashton. That was not enough for him. He still looked furious, the intensity of his stare burning holes through her.

“You guys go ahead.” This was the first thing he’d said all night that rich with anger. “I need to talk to (Y/N).”

She hated the way that turned her on. She knew he was still angry. The thought of being alone with him and that anger should make her nervous, but instead it made her want to fall to her knees, have him use her until he wasn't angry anymore.

There were mumbled “okays” and “goodbyes.” Michael and Luke both hugged her and, before she knew it, they were alone.

She sat down and poured herself another glass of wine from the already half empty bottle. She was going to need it for this conversation. Ashton had already started pacing.

Three sips in and he was still pacing. God, she hated how hot his anger got her. She always thought that if she got into a relationship like this, based so heavily on passion, she would match her partner, anger for anger. But here she was, ready to submit if it meant getting what she wanted.

“Ash,” she began.

He didn’t even look at her.

She did not like that.

“I shouldn’t have turned off my phone, I get it. But I didn’t want to have a conversation about it. I didn’t want you trying to convince me.”

His head snapped around, eyes finally meeting hers. There was that animalistic passion again, burning bright in his eyes.  “We have to talk about shit, (Y/N). This isn’t going to work if you refuse to communicate with me.”

She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. It just wasn’t that serious. It wasn’t like she was ending their arrangement. It was one small boundary. Putting her glass down, she sauntered up to him, stopping him in his tracks. She had other ideas about how he could use his anger.

“I’m sorry.” She reached one hand out, running it down his chest, allowing her nails to claw at him through the soft cotton material of his shirt.

He grabbed her hand and placed it back at her side. “Stop trying to distract me.”

Stepping even closer, she put both hands on his chest this time. “I’m just trying to apologize,” she said, letting her want spill over into her voice. She could feel his resolve breaking in the way his chest heaved beneath her fingers. She knew what would push him over the edge.

“Let me show you how sorry I am, daddy.” Dropping to her knees, she pouted, looked up at him underneath long, fanning eyelashes and breathed, “Please.”

That was all it took.

He swore and hastily undid his belt, shucking both his jeans and his underwear off to the floor. She watched, entranced, as he took his dick into his hands, pumping it twice. Her mouth watered at the thought of swallowing him down, getting him hard.

“God, look at you,” he groaned, one hand coming to rest at the nape of her neck. “You’re gagging for it.”

She whined and nodded, showing him just how desperate she was for it. She pushed his hand away and took over. Starting at the base of his cock, she licked a stripe to the top, moaning as she got to the head and sucked it into her mouth.

“Shit,” he whispered. A hand came to rest at her nape as she bobbed up and down a few times before finally taking him down to the hilt.

When she came back up again, spat on his tip and murmured, “Fucking love your cock,” using her thumb to spread her spit over the head.

She loved putting on a show for him like this, wanton and begging, because she loved the feel of his attention entirely on her. It also got him hard like crazy. It didn’t take long before she could feel him start to fill up her mouth. His breath was coming in pants from above her as he surrendered completely to her ministrations.

She was moaning on his dick, taking him down as far as she could go, when he stopped her.  

“Baby girl,” He moaned out, hand tightening in her hair. She didn’t want to stop. Ignoring his words, she sucked him down until she was choking on him, hands coming up to play with his balls.

She couldn’t help the feeling of satisfaction as he cried out “Fuck.” He got a tight grip in her hair pulled. She whined and released him then, head rearing back to lessen the pain.

“Let’s take this to the room,” He commanded, bringing the hand from her hair to rest on her chin. Gently, he nudged her to standing height and pressed a soft kiss on her spit soaked lips. “Need to fuck you.”

She threw her arm around him and drew him down into a deeper kiss. Sliding her tongue against his, they took a minute to re-acquaint themselves with the taste of each other. He ended the kiss with a nip against her plump bottom lip.

“Bedroom,” he demanded. “Now.”

He stepped out of his boxers and pants before following her down the hall and into her room. On her way there, she removed her shirt and shimmied out of her pants, both items of clothing tossed over her shoulder haphazardly. Thank god she lived alone.

When they both got to the bedroom, Ashton pulled his shirt off, his last article of clothing, and came to stand in front of her. His lips immediately went to her neck, gently tracing down the side of it, stopping to nibble at her shoulders. His hands traveled down her waist, exploring everywhere, dipping into and out of her underwear.

“I’m still mad at you,” he grumbled.

She rolled her eyes but resisted quipping back for fear that it would set him off on his tirade again.

“We’re going to have to talk if we want this thing to work.” He continued, this time spoken from the spot beneath her ear.

Sighing, she pulled away from him and looked up into hazel eyes.

“I’ll be sure to talk to you next time,” she lied. “I promise.”

That was exactly what he needed to hear. He brought his large hands down to cup her ass, lifting her up, causing her legs to wrap around him on instinct.

“Thank you,” he said, before kissing her again, filthy and deep. She almost felt sorry for lying to him, but she knew that the best way to take control back from someone like Ashton, was to let him think he still had it.

He walked to the edge of the bed and gently deposited her on top of her comforter, mouth never once leaving hers.

“You gonna be loud for me tonight, baby?” He asked when they separated from each other. His words brought electricity back to the air, their usual passion burning bright.

She nodded eagerly in response. There was no need for secrecy between them tonight, no Luke to cause her to hold back her moans.

He nudged her to her stomach and pulled at her hips, bringing her to her knees. “Let’s get this off,” he said, slapping her cotton covered ass once gently before thumbing underneath her panties and pushing them off.

He wasted no time bringing a finger to her entrance. He slid inside her easily, pussy already dripping for him. His finger pumped in and out of her a few times before he brought another finger up to join the first. The feeling of his fingers was both too much and not enough. She loved his fingers, but she wanted more. She wanted to be full with him. She wanted his dick inside her.

She was about to complain when his fingers bent just right, and he hit that spot inside her that had her crying out. She arched her back and moaned at the feeling, “Fuck, Ashton.”

He hummed, pulling out his fingers, but dived down immediately to replace them with his tongue. He licked into her, laving between her folds, all the while her hands twisted and pulled at her comforter.

Without the pressure of being quiet that night, she chanted his praises, letting him know how good he felt. She allowed herself get so lost in the feeling of Ashton’s tongue on and inside her, when he came up for air she heard herself whine pathetically at the loss.

Chuckling, he bit her ass cheek then sucked until she was sure he had left a bright red mark she wouldn’t be able to ignore tomorrow. He liked eating her out from behind for precisely this reason. It was rare for her to walk away from Ashton without at least a couple of bruises on her ass.

He slapped the cheek twice, each time landing on the already painful bruise he had sucked. She felt her body quiver at the sting of it. She moaned his name, “Ash.”

“Ready for me to fuck you, babe?”

She could feel her whole body jerk with how heavily she nodded her head. The warmth of Ashton’s body disappeared from behind her for a moment as he reached over into her bedside table rummaging for a condom. She panted and pushed her ass back in anticipation.

With the condom rolled on, he returned his attention to her, crawling onto the bed behind her, grabbing her hips, and aligning himself with her before pushing in.

He started off slow, allowing them both to get used to that feeling of him buried deep inside her. She encouraged movement, pushing back against him, writhing impatiently, and gasping, “Fuck me, Ash.”

That was all it took for him to take charge. He grabbed her hips and established a rhythm as he slammed into her. The room filled with the sounds of sex. Each thrust was punctuated by the slap of their skin and her voice as she repeatedly screamed his name. She got loud for him, letting him know how good he made her feel, how she loved the feeling of his dick deep in her pussy.

She wasn’t surprised to feel her orgasm building. She had been worked up since the second he started yelling at her that night. When she came, her whole body clenched, and her knees gave out underneath her. He followed her down, dick still deep inside her. He slowed his thrusts while the waves of her orgasm passed, then grunted at how limp and pliant she was underneath him.

Pulling out of her, he flipped her over. He crawled over her, realigned himself, and pushed back into her. She cried out, loving how sensitive she was from her orgasm. She knew he was close too, they had done this long enough that she recognized that look on his face.

She brought a hand up and ran it through dyed red hair before pulling him down for a kiss.

That was the wrong move.

Instantly, she was consumed with the intimacy of the moment. There was nothing dirty and animalistic about the way he licked into her mouth. This felt like a different kind of passion, and that scared her like no other. He pulled away from her to look her in the eyes.

“I love this,” he confessed, one hand coming up to brush away the hair that was sticking to her face, his hips still snapping into her, his thrusts deeper and slower now. “Love doing this with you. I feel so connected to you.”

“I-” she started, but she didn’t get to finish because he was crying out, his hips stuttering to a stop as he came inside her.

He buried his face in her neck, breathing in the heady scent there as he climaxed inside her. They both laid still for a few seconds after he came, breathing in each other and basking in the afterglow. Seconds later he rolled away, tying off his condom and throwing it in her bedside trash bin.

She paid no attention to what she was doing. Her mind was far away. She allowed herself to be moved pliantly as he came back next to her and laid her on his chest.

“I” she had begun to say. If he hadn’t interrupted her, she might have said something she would have come to regret. And even Ashton, the way he said his piece, the “I feel so connected to you” felt deeper than his usual praises when they had sex.

What did it all mean? She didn’t know, but the twisting feeling she had gotten while talking to Calum earlier was back with a vengeance.

God.

Fuck.

She rolled off of him. This was getting to be too much - the closeness of them. She had felt it before, the way how the relationship felt like more than just a friends-with-benefits situation, but her stupid talk with Calum now had her dwelling on it. She wondered how they ended up here, trying to find the defining moment took their relationship from one friend eating out another at a studio in West Hollywood to this.

It happened while she wasn’t looking.

She sat up and moved towards her bathroom door.

None of that mattered anyhow, she tried to tell herself, not now that she was taking back control.

“Hey,” she called over her shoulder. “Make sure to close the door when you leave.”

There was confusion in his voice. He sounded almost small as he asked, “I can’t stay over?”

She took a deep breath and turned. Meeting his eyes, she begged her resolve not to crumble. “Why would you do that?”

They were silent for a moment, eyes locked on each other. For a moment she thought he would complain, make a fuss like he did earlier. Instead, he released a frustrated grunt and began to get dressed.

“See you later, Ashton.” It was hard not to look back as she walked into her en-suite.

-- 

end notes: ok so confession: this is theoretically parts 1-3 of a 9-ish part story, but I thought it worked well as a stand alone. don’t forget to let me know what you think!