#aka my mother will be there because she's now been forgiven I guess meaning I'm now the one who won't go to family events
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today I feel very lonely, and very stupid
#jau rants#I didn't want to do christmas with family but it still hurts to learn they organised it in a way that means of course I wouldn't go#aka my mother will be there because she's now been forgiven I guess meaning I'm now the one who won't go to family events#I also was reminded that I'm. Not good at becoming friends with people.#there's people I like and I wish I could be on friendly terms with them but if I do start a conversation then I feel awkward and bothersome#I just always assume people would rather do anything than talk to me. Partly because it has been true for a good part of my life ahah#also I did some stuff wrong at work and it's annoying and not helping with the general mood#anyway I want to cry but I'll go play zelda with a doll at my side bc I traded social skills for weird obsessions yay
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