#alhaitham the bare minimum king of writing letters

[throwaway-yandere]

Dear Secret Penpal,

Happy Irodori Festival! My name is Lisa (disclaimer: not my real name). A pleasure to be exchanging correspondence with you. While I am better at writing my thoughts than speaking them outloud, unfortunately I'm not too well-versed in the art of keeping a conversation, so I hope you will forgive me for my clumsy attempts.

For starters, I hope you are doing well as you are reading this letter. Always remember to take a good care of your health!

I'm sure you don't wish to divulge too much personal information in these letters. However, would you mind talking about the things that interest you? I'll start first - recently I have been testing out a Fontaine technology which is aiming to assist people in writing articles and books. It's a most curious technology indeed, and I am having fun tinkering with it for the past few days.

I hope this letter reaches you safely and I eagerly await your response.

🌸 Lisa

cw: yandere themes, and alhaitham being an asshat in general-

From this yandere genshin secret pen pal event

✥ YOU GOT A LETTER FROM YOUR SECRET PEN PAL!!!

"See you soon, Malikata."

Those were the same words King Deshret last uttered before the sand dwindled in his very own hourglass. It was the words of a hopeless man— the delusions of a mourning king.

And yet, as if there are miracles born from misfortunes, it came true.

"Alhaitham" recalls little of who he once was eons ago. Since childhood, he had felt that he operates differently compared to his peers. All the rational man had was, ironically, a gut feeling. There is only one situation where he would rely on intuition and that would be whenever he needed to explain his geometric reasonings in two columns— but no one demanded proof that he was the reincarnation of The Red One.

Besides, what person would demand about something they have no prior knowledge of? 

 "ALHAITHAM!!!" 

Kaveh closed the door behind him with a loud slam. The mounted shelves shook while Alhaitham stood, unflinching. There's no visible reaction on his face,  

"YOU HAVE THE MISSING DIVINE KNOWLEDGE CAPSULE, DON'T YOU?!?"

"Of course not," Alhaitham replied. "If I had a use for it, surely I would've used my authority to access it."

But the architect didn't believe a single word. They both acknowledge that the Acting Grand Scribe had an unexpected proficiency or talent for acting. Lying came easy to him, yet strangely enough, Kaveh sensed not a hint of deceit.

Which could only mean he's innocent or he had someone do his bidding and delivered the capsule to someone else.

"That Irodori Secret Exchange thing— what was it called—"

"Pen Pal or Yokais."

Alhaitham is once again reminded how fortunate he is that his dear "Lisa" is as clever and as articulate as they were lifetimes ago.

"Yes! THAT!!!" Kaveh grabbed a fistful of Alhaitham's grey cloak, looking at him dead in the eye. 

"You definitely smuggled it to Inazuma to avoid suspicion! You got a taste of that power when you confronted Azar and intend to steal it didn't yo—"

"I've never used the divine knowledge capsule."

"... What? Didn't you try to kill Azar with it?"

"No," Alhaitham shook his head lazily. "It was just a minor part of our strategy to lower their guard down. I've no need for divine favors to win. I only need to think."

"That sort of arrogance does sound like something you would say..."

And his sheer indifference for the divine also marked one of many similarities he shared with King Deshret.

"You're mistaken. It's not arrogance but belief in one's competency. You should learn to think before you speak, Kaveh. I can arrest you for lèse-majesté."

"Gah— Okay then, fine!" Kaveh waved his hand up dismissively. "Maybe you didn't steal it after all."

He let go of his cloak.

"Still, aren't you worried about where it is?"

"No."

"You can't be serious," Kaveh gawked. "That thing is contaminated by The Withering. Aren't you concerned that someone would—"

"Just let it be," Alhaitham said. "You can't discount the chance someone might use it wisely for the benefit of the people."

"Argh!!!— you are so damn lazy, I can't believe you. Need I remind you that capsule was used to almost create a new archon?! Why on earth are you being so laissez-faire about this?! You're our Acting Grand Sage, you should be— hey! Get back here! Don't you dare lock yourself inside your room—"

Shut.

How exhausting. What a waste of his time.

Why would he possess the divine knowledge capsule, when it's Nabu Malika that needed to remember their past the most?

You'll use that divine knowledge capsule, won't you, his hayati?

It's easier to lie in letters after all. 

It's only a matter of time until his Goddess is back in his arms again.