#all of it scares me because my only tenuous tether to friendship still remains in online communities and my participation points therein

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there always comes a point in my fandom arcs after 2-3 business years where all the creative passion and wind goes out of me and I fall to the floor like an empty sheet. I always get a prickling sense of when it's time to Move On with something else. but the fact that this happened immediately after part 1 of a 2-part fic that I haven't written a single word of prose for since March 17th is really a low blow, lmao.

somehow I have to find the scrap of light in me to finish this thing before I can close the door for a little while, and it's hard to even find that minute spark right now. I almost don't even want to do it. I keep hoping that waiting more weeks, or months at this point, will somehow grant me enough creative fortitude to finish things off. but I don't think I can keep going with any consistency right now. I do this for free and I'm all used up 🫠