#already so many ppl r like wow yeah calling out your friends for their behavior is bad! bc of the dinner date clip

[sotorubio]

alright i'm not even gonna watch a clip called anti mother's day lmao that title is all i need to know i've reached my limit of patience w this activism storyline

the thing is i think there's a general mindset of like "well if this turns out to be commentary on performative activism it's not as bad bc then it's cringy on purpose!" and while i want nothing more than some character to shut mailin's pretentious ass up i don't think we are at a point in time where tv shows can present performative activism as an issue when the shows and the general audience still thinks activism itself is an issue

i mean i already complained abt this in maya's season. like the first half of it was chanting slogans to absolutely no one in stupid costumes, ruining perfectly good clothes just to lie in them n say smth self aware like i don't think this achieves anything n the one (1) time maya actually did smth impactful n physical it was her unhingedTM breaking point. ppl already find activists either annoying n silly or dangerous criminals. your average viewer is never going to take that storyline as "oh the modern activism focuses too much on how a demonstration looks on social media n don't actually take action above meaningless catch phrases! we need to reevaluate our activism to be more impactful" they're gonna just see that and go lol exactly so many "activists" just dress as trees and stand chained to a fence aren't they silly and stupid activism is so embarrassing 😂😂 unless they're the scary crazy unhinged violent ones who 😳 who.. break the headlights of a truck 😱 activism can also be dangerous n criminal!!!!

so i rly don't see how most ppl in the real world are gonna look at mailin's actions n think it's bad bc it's performative. most ppl are just gonna think it's bad bc they think it's what genuine activism is n they find activism annoying n bad. like does she not just come off as a caricature of a "progressive" made by conservatives. having a character who nitpicks every single phrase n action of their friends is pure fuel for ppl who think it's annoying that "we can't joke abt anything these days".

and unfortunately that isn't limited to just conservatives, the druck viewer base is majorly "leftist" after all. just look at the one time druck actually covered performative activism in a way that wasn't shit. the s6 plotline between ava n mailin. ppl still overwhelmingly sided w mailin, the performative one, over ava, the one who was textually depicted as being in the right n who was actually holding her friend accountable for a reason. now tell me when it comes to performative activism it's the "performative" part ppl take an issue with... spoiler alert it's not. it's the "activism" half of the combo. ava was criticized for the exact same things as mailin is now (calling out ur friends n making them "uncomfortable", "ruining the mood" between ur friends) but she wasn't being performative at all.

performative activism only becomes an issue when u've first accepted real activism n stopped demonizing it. not to be like We Live In A Society but no activism is not the norm or generally socially acceptable. like this is the fandom that thinks shoplifting is bad if ur friend works at the store n that drinking n smoking are a sign of a toxic person. look me in the eyes n tell me the fandom cares abt activism n social issues n that's why they're so annoyed w Performative Activism 💀 it's like toooootally the performative aspect of it yup real activism would be welcomed w open arms i'm sure!

like i'm not saying mailin's activism should be portrayed as genuine either (bc it's not, if that wasn't already clear). i'm saying that it doesn't matter if they think she's being an actual activist or a performative one bc either way they're certainly Not making any points or doing anything new. i'm saying if they wanted to make a season abt activism they should not have made it abt mailin and if they wanted to make a season abt mailin well then they shouldn't have made it abt activism.

[couch-house]

Wow people like that anon are why we need to be more educated about manipulation via self-destruction. We all need to understand and know that if we constantly, repeatedly "make" someone feel bad enough to consider harmful actions just through TINY contradictions it might just not be us and we don't have to put up with all the stress, discomfort, depression, etc. that comes from it. And sometimes it's really obvious when it's manipulation, it's not NEVER an option.

exactly bro. i’m gonna do something real fun and talk about my abuser, who did this for years! under the cut

so im just gonna come right out and say it so i dont gotta give him an epithet every time, but his name was dibby/dib. he goes by a different name now i think but from what ive heard it seems like ppl r familiar with him by that name as well. w/e for his privacy i guess ill just leave his current name out of it. anyway i knew and was friends with/dated dib for about 7 years before we cut each other out.

ANYWAY dib had/has legitimate mental health problems, yes, but he also chose to use those problems as excuses for his manipulative and abusive behavior. dib had bipolar and would experience dramatic mood swings. unfortunate but normal and okay! if you experience mood swings and suddenly feel overwhelmed by sadness or anger, you probably know that, if you recognize this as a disorder, you should let the people around you know, tell them how you’re feeling, and do what you can to manage the situation.  dib would instead say “oh no i feel a mood swing coming. :( quick, distract me!” which, again is a clumsy but fair way to handle that, EXCEPT when it inevitably failed to cheer him up, he would blame us for failing, call us bad friends, insist we didn’t care about him, and isolate to only talking with his favorite person (for a while that was me). 

when dib got upset he would blow up, block me for days or weeks, and then later when he calmed down and felt lonely he’d add me back with some half-apology and assume everything was fine again. here’s a list i kept of things that upset him and had this result! it was called “things not to do”

tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

fail to tell dib when [his gf] is streaming

ask dib if it’s okay to do things

talk to him when he’s feeling antisocial

offer critique when it isn’t asked for

ask dib not to do something

talk to him in the tags (when not friends)

spam things he doesn’t like/isn’t involved in ((the relevant examples are bug blogs, bunnies, and the pbs kids show arthur. not because they trigger him, just because he doesn’t like them))

talk about/mention people that are my friends that he doesn’t like

offer solutions when he just needs confirmation

make it about you

yeah. keep in mind every one of those bullet points corresponds to at least one time he either faked his own death or blew up and blocked me for a week.

the bigger problem though was his suicide ideation. dib had a pretty shit life and pretty shit mental health and unfortunately was legitimately depressed and suicidal. he needed help but, living in america, really couldnt afford it most of the time. this is okay. if you or someone you know is unable to get medical health for depression or suicide ideation you know how hard it is to live with. sometimes there’s not a lot you can do and that person will Just Be Depressed an just Want To Die and theres not a lot you can do to help, even if you try your best. that of course, is not the problem with dib. 

the problem was repeatedly, starting i think when i criticized him for pushing everyone away by insisting no one cares about him and not putting any effort towards others, would make some vague allusion to feeling suicidal and abruptly log off and stop answering messages. this can be an okay way to deal with yourself if you’re upset BUT. THE NEXT DAY, after i frantically thought he was going to Attempt and repeatedly messaged him to try to deter him, check on him, ask if he was okay (he really just went to sleep, which again is fine), he decided to PRETEND TO BE DEAD.  he told his gf and maybe one other person he was alive but threatened them to stay quiet and pretend he was dead or he WOULD commit. so his gf at the time had to play along and all of us then-kids were freaking out that our friend had died, only for him to decide later that he’d had his fun and he could now announce “no i just logged off for a little bit :)”

he did this. many times. make some allusion to wanting to attempt then abruptly stop answering messages, knowing what people would assume. (this was one of the pieces of testimony i did not include verbatim in that rk post: i was told rk would do very similar things; part of why i thought the post was necessary. ive lived through the other side of that and i dont want ANYONE else to). i think two separate times that he did this, i was sent home from school early because i was crying so hard (my best friend let me think i was responsible for his death. he did this on purpose. he did this repeatedly. thats fucked up)

one time he posted a supposedly queued suicide note post! and all my friends were terrified he’d died! so i remember someone anonymously messaged kylee henke asking for advice, and i (who at the time he was mad at and had already blocked) got fed up with it (again because he’d done this so many times and i knew by now that there was no point in getting upset, he was just doing it for sympathy or attention or w/e) and messaged his mom on facebook asking her to check on him. he was fine, just like. crying in his room. also sidenote he got BIG MAD that someone told his mom and was posting when he was found out liek WHO TOLD >:( n i was like :)). bc bro if ur really abt to attempt i have an Obligation to get someone irl to check on you and protect you. but obviously you werent since this was like the 20th fucking time youve done this 🙃

he was a huge pizza shit for other reasons too but the main relevant one was that he would use his mental illness as an excuse for his deplorable behavior and blame others for things literally no one can reasonably do anythign about and then constantly and i DO MEAN CONSTANTLY use his own life and suicide ideation as a trump card.

anyway if you know someone who repeatedly threatens suicide or pretends to commit suicide by purposefully alluding to it before ghosting you, or posting a suicide note meant to blame others, you need to get out of there right now. that is not okay and you should not be dealing with that. ive taken years to get used to the idea that if i criticize my friends, they won’t kill themselves