#also I may be fat but I'll fuckin wreck you dude like don't try to step to me gonna catch these fatass hands

[crazgreenenvy]

Fat People Exist

The problem with existing on both Twitter and Tumblr is sometimes you see some shit on twitter that you’re like ‘aw hell no Tumblr would throw hands’ but you can’t just like.... call out your tumblr mutuals to come an fix a problem. Case in point the fatphobia vs antifatphobia trending discussion on twitter. Some of the shit being said over there was just horrible - it was conflating eating disorders with LGBTQ rights, LGBTQ rights with fat rights and just making a horrible show of the worst of three sects of ideas.

Something that was said many a time during the whole debate is that being deathly afraid of becoming fat can be a symptom of your eating disorder, but making fat people feel like shit simply for existing as fat people is fatphobia and is just you being a bad person. Your internalized fatphobia, like internalized transphobia, internalized misogyny, etc, are not hurting anyone else but yourself. That’s a psychological issue that you can work out by learning to love yourself and see past what soicety has pushed out for decadeds; however the moment you start using those things to fuck with other peopl- nah fam. That ain’t ok.

Issues like this bother me for a number of reasons. I’ve always been fat, but I didn’t always describe myself as such. I used to have words to dance around the subject like ‘curvy’ and ‘plump’ and ‘big girl’ etc, etc. But recently, when I started my own journey of healing and self love (which make me want to barf to even type let alone say out loud) I realized that most of my issues with skirting around the word ‘fat’ came from the fatphobia of my parents and of society. I hated myself because I felt unworthy to live in a world of ‘nomal’ people when I was ‘not normal’. Seem familiar? Here’s the overlap between LGBTQ issues and fat issues. We face similar stigmas for not ‘blending in with conventional society’. We’re also discriminated against for looking different, whether it is outwardly Queer or outwardly fat, and a lot of times we all just desperately want to pass- at least until we start accepting ourselves.

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT ACCEPTANCE.

What we don’t talk about is how very few people choose to be fat. Like I said, I have ALWAYS been fat. We sidestep the issue when talking about children by saying they’re ‘carrying around their baby fat’ but let’s be real- the baby fat is gone by age 10. After that it’s genetics and lemme tell you! Genetics are a BITCH. They don’t care what society has to say about your body. They are gonna cause you to grown the way they are programmed. So when I hit 10 and was constantly told I’m ‘overweight’ what do you think the solution was? Was it to monitor my food and come up with a plan to limit excess intake and create a healthy weight gain trend (again I was a child so I need to be gaining weight)? Of course not! My parents with all of their fatphobia put me on super restrictive diets to the point of starving me. Should 10 year olds who are ‘overweight’ due to genetics be forced to lose weight? I don’t think so. I think there’s something to be said about healthy eating habits and recognizing the nourishing value of certain foods over others- but that’s not what our society is about. Our society punishes those who fall outside the norm. Bam suddenly I’m on a 20 year journey of self-hatred and restrictive dieting that sees me losing 20lbs in 2 weeks only to gain back 40. Over...and over... and over. And that is the thing fatphobes won’t tell you. It’s not about your health- they don’t care about you living to be 100 or running a marathon- it’s about making you feel bad about shit you don’t control. When the statistics tell you that people who lose weight overwhelmingly gain it back, plus some extra, fatphobes will say ‘they gained it back because they’re lazy’. When modern medicine tells us that people who live their lives dieting and going through weight swings are more prone to heart problems than those who just stay fat and don’t diet, fatphobes will be silent. It’s not about health. It’s about punishment, guilt, and control. And fuck that.

And don’t even get me started on fatphobia in medicine, the interplay between fatness and Blackness, or fatness and Queerness, it’s just a goddamn can or worms. A rabbit hole of absolute shit. Fatphobia is shit. Fatphobes are shit.

I’m fat. Periodt. I’ve always been fat. I’ll always be fat. And I can catch dick and puss whenever I want. Why? Because I am more than a number on a scale, my dudes. And so are you. I can’t talk about eating disorders more than my personal experience with them, but they change how you see yourself, much like depression and anxiety. It’s an issue of mental health- when those issues take root outside the personal and start affecting the interpersonal they become more than just destructive. If you find yourself struggling with internalized fatphobia and unhealthy eating I encourage you to seek help! Because you are worthy of love and acceptance.

I can’t talk much more about interactions with fatphobes because since the day I realized I will NEVER be happy if I cater to a society that doesn’t appreciate me and tries to change me to the detriment of my healthy and my psyche, I make it clear in my very presence that my fatness is my business. Not yours. I take up space (*sometimes apologetically), I eat food that I like. I drink and I party and I live my goddamn life because I am ALIVE and if I was skinny, buff, round or square I will die and be buried one day, so my fat and my body are gonna LIVE goddammit.

Where was I going with this.

If a person says they are a fatphobe (and let’s be honest they won’t, but they’ll give it away somehow even if they don’t just come out and say it Twitter style) make it clear where you stand. That you don’t care what they have to say about you. Maybe you want to be thin and you’ve always been fat- THAT’S OKAY. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to craft your ideal body so long as you do it in a healthy manner. People don’t go chopping their tits off with butcher knives, so don’t start starving yourself to lose 10lbs before a wedding. It’s dangerous and creates bad habits that are very hard to break. Always seek weight loss or gain advice from a medical professional. And make sure they’re not a fatphobe. Anyone who congratulates you when you lose weight- without asking first if that’s what you wanted- is harboring some internal fatphobia. Talk about it. Fat people aren’t going anywhere. We here, y’all. We are the descendants of the peasants who ran from the invaders and learned to get as much nourishment as possible out of one grain of wheat- beware us.

Also, stop buying clothes with the intent to fit into them ‘one day’. That’s just a poor investment. Clothes you can’t wear don’t make you happy. Food you can’t eat won’t make you happy. Games you can’t play won’t make you happy. People who can’t accept you will not make you happy.

Ok I think I’m done.