#also I think my biggest struggle was just allowing myself to like?? squish him a bit more if that makes sense?

[coffiicorgii]

Some Peppino sprite redraws to practice drawing him a bit more animatedly/get a feel for the game’s art style :]

These were super fun to do tbh, I might do some more in the future!

[greenisbestcolorfightme]

Captive Prince (Trilogy)

P. S. Pacat

Then he took Damen’s other hand in his own, clasping their fingers together and holding his hand like it was the most important thing in the world. Damen thought that if Laurent was holding his hand, he must be dying.  -Kings Rising

Spoilers under the cut! 

I’m putting all three together, because in my opinion, they don’t really stand on their own. I don't know if they should have been squished together, but if you just read the first one, it’s not satisfying enough because the story is only just starting. The whole story is a wonderful adventure, and I could not put it down. I enjoyed these books, but this review addresses both the ups and downs of this trilogy.

This book series is exactly as it’s described: about a prince, Damianos (Damen) of Akielos, taken captive and sold into slavery. Specifically as a pleasure slave. (I’m not usually the type to read… this, but I promised a friend I would.) Damen is sold to the prince of his kingdom’s rival, Laurent of Vere. Damen has to hide his identity, as he killed Laurent’s older brother in combat, and Laurent hates him for it. Understandably.

Before I really begin, I want to address that I won’t be talking about any of the more sexual content: I’m ace and I skipped over most of it, because that’s just not for me. 

Let’s do a quick run down of the plot.

Book 1: Damen’s half-brother, Kastor, wants the throne, so after their father, the king, dies, Kastor pretends to murder Damen but instead sells him into slavery to the Prince of Vere. Damen has to hide his identity from Laurent, because if Laurent finds out, he’ll kill him.

Laurent is in a power struggle with his uncle, the regent. I’m not sure why Laurent hasn’t been crowned yet: he’s a young man now, so I’m sure that he is about to/months away from his coronation (I’m sure the book addresses this; I just don’t remember). Most of the first book centers around politics. Laurent is awful to Damen. But Damen still really wants to fuck him because he’s hot.

Book 2: Since Kastor has risen to power, Laurent sets out with Damen in tow to secure their borders and prep for whatever war might be coming. Prince’s Gambit was probably my favorite of these books. Damen gets to see Laurent out of his element: instead of trapped in the fripperies of court, he’s out in the wild. They start to appreciate one another: Damen sees Laurent’s tactical skills and his trickery in a pinch, and Laurent sees Damen’s charisma and charm that brings their group of ragtag soliders together. During this book they share a lot of cute moments togther, and we actually see a meaningful relationship start to form. Laurent shows the softer side of himself to Damen. Damen wants to fuck him because he’s in love.

Book 3: Lots of battles as the war wages. Damen is fighting for the other team against his own people. Then an Akielon troop recongizes Damen, and it’s all over. There’s awkwardness and disharmony, but the two armies join together to take down Kastor and the Regent. Laurent reveals to Damen that he knew who he was the whole time. They have strange tension but still start dating. Laurent has a showdown with his uncle, sacrificing himself to save his country and Damen’s. Of course, Damen comes to the rescue.

When it seems like things are almost resolved, Damen faces down Kastor. Kastor stabs him, but Laurent shows up and kills Kastor in a cicular manner to how Damen killed Laurent’s brother. They share a tender moment where they get engaged. The end.

Let’s talk about some wonderful things first!

The World: It was a really fun world to be in. The descriptions of places and exciting castles were great, and I enjoyed imagining these places throughout the book. There’s even a map, which brings me so much joy.

The Ending: I loved the ending! Having Laurent and Damen’s lives parallel each other’s was a smart move, and for me it was so satisfying, because suddenly they didn’t have that whole issue hanging over their heads anymore. And they’re clearly in love and ready to combine their kingdoms. Hell yeah.

Diversity: All the Akielons are people of color! Their society is a lot like Greece, but it’s clear that it’s on the same technological advancement as the other, more European-based countries. So one of our main characters is a PoC. Also, everyone is gay! Not joking, everyone is gay. While there are some hetero relationships, it’s pretty clear that same-sex relationships are accepted and no one really cares who you’re doing.

Character Chart: They put the guide to the characters at the beginning of the book! Exactly where it should be, so that we all know that it exists rather than discovering it at the end, after we’ve been trying to follow characters around for a whole novel. Thank you for this!

Laurent and Damen are, of course, pretty cute. They have a lot of moments where they look out for each other and have each other’s backs. The support they build is sweet and I was really rooting for them the whole story. 

Now for the part where I go kinda hard on these books. 

Part I: Point of View

The novel is told from Damen’s point of view. with only a few sections from Laurent’s perspective. The chapters featuring Laurent throw me. Laurent is my favorite character, but his chapters weren’t to show his development as a character, but rather to move the plot along or show how Laurent did something. In my opinion, I feel like this isn’t information that readers needed to know at that moment. We could have just learned this information along with Damen and gotten the same overall experiance. Laurent’s voice during these scenes also wasn’t very distinct.

Which brings me to one of my bigger issues with the narrition: Damen’s voice. This book is in third person limited (we only see Damen’s thoughts), but the tone is very formal. This might be because Damen is nobilty, so this might have been a choice the author made, but I feel like I wanted a closer connection with Damen.

Damen himself was problematic for me. When I think to myself of Damen’s personality, nothing really comes up aside from golden boy, naive, action driven, and really wants to fuck Laurent. By the end of the novel, he’s more respectful and compassionate to those beneath him, but his attitude toward other slaves in the first book shows that this isn’t much of a change. He’s always been the kind of good guy. We don’t get a lot of backstory for him. We know he’s been through battles, yet Damen brushes any blood on his hands off (minus the death of Laurent’s brother). We know he has a rocky relationship with his half-brother (who sold him into slavery!), yet he doesn’t dwell on this much. In the second and third books, he’s literally having to fight against his own people, and it doesn’t bother him as much as it probably should. It isn’t necessarily bad to have a simple main character, but Damen doesn’t have a whole lot of personality traits (and those he does have are swallowed by Laurent’s presence), that are allowed to shine.

He’s a pretty passive protagonist. For the majority of the novels, he kind of gets dragged around by the situation and Laurent. There’s a few times where Damen takes action, but those times usually end up with him listening to Laurent or ending up in the same place he was before. This same story, told from Laurent’s perspective, would be far more engaging, as Laurent is a highly active character. He’s the ideal protagonist, making decisions and driving the plot rather than letting it drive him.

Part II: Argument for Laurent

So, let’s talk about Laurent.

It’s obvious he’s my favorite character. Not only is he an extremely active and narrative-driving character, he’s complex and intricate in a way no other character is. Laurent noticeably changes throughout the books in two ways.

1. Through Damen’s eyes: he sees who Laurent actually is under his exterior. Some of Laurent’s actions that didn’t make sense to him in the past are cleared up for him later. He finds out Laurent was trying to help the other victims of his uncle in the few ways that he could. While not every action Laurent has taken in the past can be redeemed, many of them are revealed to be for a better purpose than orginally assumed.

2. Laurent does change as a character. Throught the books, Laurent lets Damen past his defenses and lets him see his vulnerabilities in many ways. Allowing Damen to teach him the Akielon language and letting Damen see him mess up, talking about some of his fears in the future, his sexuality, talking about his dead brother and his childhood, his guilt about loving Damen because Damen killed his brother, giving more and more trust to Damen to watch his back and protect him as they grow closer.

Laurent is introduced to us as a complete prick, but by the end of the trilogy, we know the heart of a very complex character, and we can’t help but root for him. Laurent brims with personality compared to every other character in this series. I feel like I should mention that while Laurent is the most complex character, I think more could have been done with him. We don’t see Laurent ever fail. Even when he sacrifices himself, it’s still on his own terms. I think I’d like to see Laurent dealing with plans going wrong rather than having him just overcome obstacles with little resistance, so we could see him respond to those issues.

Damen fails many times throughout these books. But that doesn’t actually add anything to the story, because he doesn’t really learn or change because of those experiances. I am under the firm belief that this story would be far better if told through Laurent’s eyes, as he has far more underneath the surface than Damen.

Part III: Where are my girls?

One of my biggest issues with these books is the lack of female characters. The main female character is Jokaste, who sleeps around the royal family and betrays Damen, who’s in love with her. She attempts to use her own baby to blackmail Damen, telling him it’s his. Ironically, she’s compared to Laurent, who is very much redeemed and hailed as heroic by the end of the books, but she gets no such redemtion. The other female characters are very minor. One of which is the leader of a tribe that helps Damen and Laruent out while trying to reclaim the Akielon throne. She only wants to use Damen for sexy times with her tribe. Also, there are female prostitutes in the second and third book. Not super great representation. The only other woman featured is the mother of Aimeric, who risks her life to call out the Regent for what he did to her son. While this helped in the Regent’s downfall, it wasn’t quite the tipping point it could have been.

Damen has a lot of interactions with other slaves; there’s no reason why one of them couldn’t have been female. In the court, men only pair with male slaves, and women only with female slaves. We don’t meet a single f/f pair (I’m not in any way promoting slavery, nor do I condone these relationships, but since this is fiction and the book is filled with m/m couples and tells us there’s f/f couples, we could have at least seen one. Again, in no way am I condoning these kinds of relationships, I’m simply making a point for the lack of female characters), nor do we see any meaningful queer women. Instead, we only meet male couples, and male characters.

Part IV: Poor Nicaise

One huge, major issue I had with the books was the pedophilia. Laurent’s uncle, the regent, keeps underage slave boys. While it’s not celebrated in the books (most people in-book disapprove), there’s not really as much hatred or disgust as I think there should have been. It’s hinted at, and later revealed, that Laurent was a victim to sexual abuse at the hands of his uncle after his brother’s death. Because it was hinted at so early on, I was surprised it wasn’t addressed further. We as readers were cued in as early as book one, but Damen seems oblivious until it’s spelled out for him. In one scene, Laurent sleepily addresses Damen as his uncle, and Damen has no reaction to this. No red flags, Damen’s just like “wow what good sex i love this boi” and that’s it.

And, out of all the deaths in these books, I was more horrified by Nicaise’s death than any other. Since Laurent and Damen both had a relationship with this character (Laurent almost parental and Damen slightly antagonistic) I was suprised that they didn’t display more grief at his death. I think I’m just disappointed that these characters didn’t show the range of emtions I would expect from a book that deals with such heavy themes.

Part V: Themes

I can’t tell if this book hates slavery or not. While Laurent is apparently anti-slavery (this is said by Damen, however, I feel like Laruent is more anti-pedophilia than anti-slavery), these books don’t celebrate slavery, but they don’t condemn it either. Does a book dealing with themes like this and using them as a plot device have to address the narrative of slavery? I don’t know.

Slavery is used as a device to set up a romantic narrative. So what about consent? In the first book, Damen is almost raped, and has a sexual encounter he doesn’t want. (Let’s add that to the list of things Damen isn’t traumatized about but should be.) He also makes a move on Laurent. In later chapters, he does sleep with Laurent, but he’s still a slave. Since Damen is a slave, is it actually consensual? Should that be addressed in a romance novel? In a fictional world, is this okay? Are the topics brought up in this book still harmful outside of the pages? I don’t know.

Part VI: Me Being Nitpicky

One last thing that’s really, really nitpicky: I got really annoyed with the formatting in these books. I borrowed all of them from the library, and they were all of the same design (covers matching), but the text inside was different on the first book vs the second two. Book 1 was 1.15 spacing and used double quotations for speaking, while books two and three were 1.50 spaced (I’m not exactly sure, it could be 1.00 vs 1.15, but either way, they were spaced differently) and used single quotations for speaking. I don’t mind this spacing or single quotations, but it was aggravating to have that form switch.

FAN-ART

I will say that the fan-art for these books is absolutely beautiful. Please, if you read this and have a moment, look at some of the lovely art people have made: it’s mind blowing and super cute.

Final Statements

I did really enjoy these books, however harsh this review sounds. I spent so much time typing this up because I loved them, and I while I do feel like they could have been better or improved, I did love them. It was wonderful to get some LGBT+ content in a more fantastical setting! I really hope we get to see more books like this in the future!

[sleepychai-fics]

Lance x Female!Reader - Realise Your Beauty

Request: Anon;  Lance x female reader where the reader has self esteem issues and Lance try’s his hardest to reassure her that she’s beautiful

this also hit me personally so i put a lot of effort and feelings into this

not that you guys should care

hopefully its enough

has some stuff about insecurities and self hate stuff so i’ve decided to put a keep reading tab for those sensitive people not that anything is wrong with you everyone deserves love and you can fight me if you think otherwise

Tag List:

@fanderrawr @thecinnabitch @dontcallmecedge

Want to be Tagged?

The dark abyss, clouded with never ending stars and non-avoidable asteroids. Planets overcome with fear of the known danger that claws at their atmosphere. Cries for help never ceasing for a moment. Ships, big and small, crashing and fighting against one another, the big ships remaining victorious and destroying the lives of others willingly.

To most, it’s the universe. But to me, it’s my mind.

That’s how I look at the universe, how I look at myself, a constant array of destruction and battles. It’s how I relate to the universe. It’s why I find myself staring at the large glass display located on the bridge.

The cold air of the castle has little effect on me, even though I am very loosely dressed, my thin night clothes being my only warmth.

The universe exhibits its undisturbed solar system we currently orbit in, freed from the chaos only days before.

That’s another similarity with me and the universe. It can be calm and quiet, with no troubling intrusions. But the next minute it can be complete chaos. A riot of struggle against the control of the abyss.

Take the past 48 hours for example; we were in the midst of a violent battle, and I was there, ready to fight against the attackers. My mind was clear of all disturbances. And now, as the universe resides in its peace, my mind is in a state of conflict.

It’s funny how life works out that way.  You can remain completely calm and focused when chaos ensues around you, yet when you’re consumed in peace, your mind is a shitstorm.

I close my eyes, taking a long, slow breath in before exhaling. I tuck my knees up to my chest, hooking my arms under them and propping my head on top. I open my eyes and resume my silent watch, lazily gazing over the various planets and stars.

Nothing can make me forget myself like the universe can. When I loose myself in the sight, I often find myself imagining the true freedom the universe contains, imagining what it’d be like to float freely within the universes, to not have to care or worry about anything. I almost forget that I’m human, and not the stardust that roams the universe.

But the universe can’t solve everything. No matter how much I loose myself in it, it does nothing compared to what human comfort does. And there’s only one person I know that can comfort me through mayhem.

“There you are. I knew I’d find you in here.”

Speak of the devil.

Lance sits down beside me, a blanket neatly folded in his lap. He’s dressed in his warm pyjamas, his night gown wrapping loosely around him. I look over to him and smile. My smile is small and holds little sincerity but lots of effort. I hardly ever let my emotions show, often covering them up with a happy façade, and it always works.

But of course he knows that. He knows better than to be fooled by my façade.

“Are you okay?

That question never affects my façade when it’s coming from others, but when it’s Lance asking the question, the façade always cracks.

I look away from him and drift my attention back to the universal view.

I feel a small wave of warmth as Lance places a hand on my bare arm.

“Holy shit you’re freezing!” Lance exclaims in surprise.

Lance drags my over to him, placing the blanket beside me and pulling me towards his lap. I comply by throwing my legs over his lap and wrapping my arms around his waist, nuzzling into his chest.

“You’re really warm.” I mutter as Lance unfolds the blankets and lays it over me before wrapping his own arms over me, completely cocooning me in his warmth.

“Warm? I thought I was hot!” Lance says with a teasing tone.

I scoff. “You are.” I reply with a hint of amusement.

Lance chuckles fondly before silencing himself.

“No seriously though, are you okay?”

This is one thing I love about Lance, whenever it comes to talking about my personal care or anything like that, he refuses to drop the subject until he is satisfied I’m content and happy.

I sigh through my nose and tighten my grip around his waist. “I don’t know anymore.” I reply in a dull manner.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The silence that overcomes the room isn’t comfortable but it’s not tense nor is it awkward. It’s…respected?

“I just…don’t feel like I belong here.”

I can practically hear Lance’s eyebrows twitch in confusion. “What do you mean?”

I lift my head out of Lance’s chest looking at him with a firm seriousness etched on my face. As expected, he looks at me with concern and slight worry.

“Lance, thing about it. You, Shiro, Keith, Hunk and Pidge are all paladins of Voltron. You play a vital role in the universe. Allura is the princess and practically has her whole life force connected to this castle. And Coran is the engineer and whatnot. Everyone on this ship has some sort of role in the universe. But what part do I play? The only reason I’m here is because you had managed to drag me onto a rooftop. Even when I try to help you guys, I always end up screwing up. Take today for example; I nearly jeopardised the whole mission! If it wasn’t for Allura and Coran, you wouldn’t even be here.”

Lance’s thumb slides across my cheek, wiping at the tears slipping from my eyes. “Hey, that’s not true-“

I cut him off as I continue my vent. “That’s not even mentioning how I feel. What part do I play here? None. The team doesn’t even need me. I don’t deserve to be here.”

“Don’t say that-“

“I don’t feel like I’m worthy enough to be here. Half the time I question whether I’m even acknowledged by anyone.”

“Now you know that’s not-“

“I mean, look at me! I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m dumb. I don’t know if I deserve to be here. I don’t know if I even deserve to live-“

Lance surges forward, lips colliding with enough force to push me to the ground, eyes closing on impact.

The blanket falls off me and lays underneath me. Lance’s nightgown drapes over his body and manages to reach the floor. His body presses against mine as I lay there, sandwiched in between the comfort and warmth.

His lip mould with mine, passion clearly prominent within the kiss. One of his hands tangles itself within my hair, gripping it and pushing me further into the kiss. The other one gently loops its way around my waist, pulling me up and pushing me flush against him. I mindlessly and reluctantly snake mine around his shoulders.

I feel tears drip down the side of my face, too lazy and tired to fight against them. I feel small drops splatter my cheeks, pooling together before finding a path down to my ears.

Lance gently nips my bottom lip before pulling away, letting my head rest on his hand. His other arm copies the movement and allows my back to lay against it. He seems to rest above me, the space between our stomachs never changing.

I open my eyes and look up at him to see small droplets pooling at the bottom of his eyes. It doesn’t take long for them to fall to my cheeks.

Lance makes quick action to remove his hand from my hair and wipe away the tears splattered and dribbling down my face.

I do the same, cupping his cheeks and wiping my thumb under his eyes.

Lances looks at me with unidentified sorrow and pain, almost like he regrets something. Maybe he regrets m-

“Don’t you ever say that, or even think about that ever again!” Lance chokes out a sob and looks away. He brings his arm up to his face and furiously wipes his eyes with his sleeve.

I stare at him in bewilderment, tears reforming at the brim of my eyes. I watch him as he leans down to me, resting his forehead on mine.

His nose presses against mine, almost nuzzling it with small motions. He opens his eyes and I can see the intense struggle in them as tears begins to shine their way through.

“(Y/n). You are so beautiful and amazing. Why can’t you see that?” I can hear the strain in his voice as his throat tightens.

“Lance, I-“

“No! Please just, let me talk.”

I stare up at him as the tears begin to take form.

Lance sighs and hastily wipes away his tears before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on my nose. He looks at me as he parts away, only moving away a couple centimetres.

“(Y/n), you are so important to me. It hurts to hear you hate yourself. I hate seeing you lonely because I know what kind of thoughts go through your head, and I hate how I know.”

My eyes water at his words, heart beating painfully at the thought. Lance gently cups my face and wipes away at my eyes.

“You have every right to belong here, with me. And maybe the team doesn’t need you but I certainly do. I can’t live without you, you’re worth everything to me.”

Lance leans down and kisses away at my eyes, kissing away the tears that had formed within seconds. Once he finishes, he lays his head on mine, noses squished against each other.

“You don’t need to change anything about yourself. If you feel overweight, which is the complete opposite of what you are, you and me can work out together. If anything, you are going to get abs.”

“That won’t ha-“

“That will happen.” Lance immediately cuts me off and glares at me sternly. “Look at Hunk. He’s technically on the overweight side but he’s strong as fuck! Even stronger than me! He’s got yellow who is the second biggest but the strongest lion of Voltron. Plus, his bayard is a huge gun.”

I smile a little at his statement and stare into his blue eyes. Lance smiles back brightly, placing a quick peck on my lips.

“And (Y/n). You are so smart. The amount of times you’ve guided me through missions is ridiculous. You help me understand where I need to go and what I need to do. You’re smarter than me.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not? What if it’s true?”

I feel my heart jump in panic at his words. “It’s not true.”

“Neither is anything you’ve just told me.” He replies.

I gasp as I realise what he just did.

“You hated how I put myself down right?” There’s no hesitation in my nod. “That’s how I feel every time you put yourself down.”

I exhale and nuzzle him with my nose. “I’m sorry Lance.”

“Don’t say sorry. Everybody has their moments, some more than others. It’s about what you and others around you do to help you. No one can fight their battles alone. Remember that.” Lance brushes away my tears and briefly presses his lips to mine.

I kiss back immediately, matching his slow and passionate rate.

“Now, let’s end this on a happy note.” Lance smiles at me, lifting his head away and sliding off of me, using his grip on me to roll me over towards him as he lays on his side.

I place a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat slightly against my fingertips.

“Name one happy thing about yourself. It can be small but I just want to know one thing you are happy about.”

I look away in thought, running through my self-description and trying to find one thing I’m happy about. Then it hits me.

I lock eyes with Lance, his eyes sparkle with hope and happiness.

I smile brightly. “I’m happy that I love you.”

Lance returns the smile and kisses me. My smile remains within the kiss, enjoying the warmth and comfort he brings.

He rolls over onto his back, sliding his hand from my back to my upper thighs, attempting to drag them over.

I oblige by swinging my legs over and laying them across his lap.

We pull apart from each other with a satisfying ‘click’.

Lance looks at me with his signature grin before sitting up from the ground. I go to move away from him but instead he slides a hand around my back pulling me closer to him.

Lance grunts as he tucks his knees in against me.

“Let’s go!”

He stands up within seconds, securing me in his arms in bridal style.

I squeal and instinctively wrap my arms around his neck.

“Where are we going?!” I ask as Lance begins to walk towards the door.

“To get a midnight snack. Because I know you haven’t eaten anything since lunch” Lance looks at me with a knowing smirk.

“Try breakfast.” I mumble.

Lance stops before the door. He looks at me with unamused shock.

“Forget the snack, we’re having a feast!” He declares before striding down the hallway with me huddled closely to his chest.

Like I said before, there’s no one person I know that has the ability to wash away my own thoughts and provide me with the comfort I need and love.