#also big pure fantasy disclaimer i guess but it's fun to think about

[fatguarddog]

So I keep thinking about a trans girlfriend who fattens me as she forcefems me, in a way that's like "oh yes you became such a handsome man all so that you could really be a trans girl" as opposed to like... detrans... not detrans but double trans I guess

Swapping out my T for E, subtly encouraging me to shave because she thinks I look nicer without the beard, slowly replacing my wardrobe with more feminine clothes, making sure I'm always eating well for her so I get nice and soft and curvy all over, touching me so I feel so good as she changes me

I'm pleasantly dumbing down from her conditioning and feedings, so much so that the first time she says "that's my good girl," I hardly notice except for the rush of pleasure... and from there on out I fall deeper and deeper into her grasp and plans as she makes me her perfect fat girlfriend

[card1gan]

Jaehaerys and Alysanne’s family as Zodiac Signs!! (PART 2)

Part 1

Disclaimer: This is just my option (actually just the voices in my head), feel free to disagree! I would love to hear other opinions (also this is just a fun post, nothing serious, also not taking in consideration their actual birth dates). I would also love to know which member of the family you are according to your zodiac sign.

References: The information is from Co-Star and the images are from Capricho. The references of the fanarts are next to the character’s names.

Leo - Viserra Targaryen (🎨: Riotarttherite)

“Exudes warmth and creativity; a little bit vain; really big personality; wants to stand out; interested in luxury”

This one I feel like it was obvious. Viserra was vain and wanted to become queen.

Virgo - King Jaehaerys I (🎨: Amok)

“Needs to feel useful, has a quick fix for everything; judgmental, but with good intentions; exceptional spatial awareness; a million ideas per second”

This is our King Jaehaerys. He was very smart when it came to ideas to fix and improve the realm, but he was a bit judgmental, specially with his daughters. Despite the good intentions, Jaehaerys ended up hurting many people with his actions.

Libra - Maegelle Targaryen (🎨: Riotarttherite)

“Hates being alone; really good aesthetics; conflict avoidant; sees every side; prone to fantasy; can't make decisions”

Okay, I’m wasn’t so sure about this one. I think Maegelle is very sure of her decisions, specially when it comes to the Faith. BUTTTT. Hear me out, I was searching more about libra and guess what: they’re great diplomats! And Maegelle was responsible for helping her parents resolve their problems, not taking sides, avoiding conflict and being a great diplomat.

Scorpio - Rhaena Targaryen (honourable mention!) (🎨: Hylora)

“Primary emotion is betrayal; looks cool in a leather jacket; OK with uncomfortable silence; can't be sure if they're serious or joking; eyes that look into your soul”

Left Rogar Baratheon scared. I would be too.

Sagittarius - Alyssa Targaryen (🎨: Fkaluis)

“No indoor voice; forms opinions off of pure emotion; obsessed with self-improvement; welds their truth like a blunt weapon; friendliest person at the party”

My girl Alyssa was decided to become a dragon rider younger than her brothers and went around taking about how much she loved riding (and not only her dragon). Miss girl was a Sagittarius through and through.

Capricorn - Aemon Targaryen (🎨: Riotarttherite)

“Full grown adult since age six; the responsible friend; motivated by duty; takes a while to warm up to people; represses any emotion that gets in the way of success”

I get strong Capricorn vibes from Aemon. I imagine that he felt like he was carrying the weight of the world in his shoulders, being the eldest child alive and the heir.

Aquarius - Vaegon Targaryen (🎨: Jaydeewis)

“Purposefully esoteric; no feelings, just concepts; actually believes in conspiracy theories; more in love with humanity as a whole than individuals; always feels like an outcast; fetishizes personal freedom”

I always had a very cold and distant impression from Vaegon. He was more happy away from his family in the Citadel and he definitely didn’t wanna marry his “stupid” sister Daella.

Pisces - Gael Targaryen (🎨: Riotarttherite)

“Somehow both 5 and 50 years old at once; thinks everything is a sign; can't remember if they dreamt it or it actually happened; excessively romantic; prone to fantasy; no boundaries”

Our Winter Child was seduced by a singer and even got pregnant. She had a terrible ending, worthy of a Greek tragedy. She’s a Pisces.

[sideblog-666-thousand]

Euronymous Interview in Decibel of Death, ‘87. English Translation. Ft. Euronymous’ depraved torture fantasies involving Coca-Cola.

‘Decibel of Death’ was a French fanzine from the 80s. It’s first issue was released in ‘86, and by the summer of ‘87, it switched over from French to English-language. This has been my favourite interview of Euronymous for a long time now, so I decided I’d translate it to English so that other, non-francophone, people could enjoy it too. This issue in particular is from February of ‘87, and was their fourth issue overall.

I’ll add a link to where you can find this, and other D.O.D scans, below. If anybody wants me to translate more French, or Russian, interviews, feel free to PM me.

Note: NDLR is the editor’s notes. Any commentary or context by me will be in bold and in parenthesis, so feel free to totally ignore it. If something is between “« »” it’s because it was already written in English to begin with.

Disclaimer: if some of the sentences sound like the energizer bunny is hooked on an iv rig full of pure meth, don’t blame me, I did my best. Take it up with Euronymous himself. Also, I’m not excusing Euronymous’ poor behaviour, I’m just saying his poor behaviour is kind of entertaining.

Without further ado...

D.O.D: And once again, here’s Norwegian Mayhem. If you remember, we presented them to you back in the May issue of D.O.D. Since then, they released a new demo titled “Death Crush”!! Because of this event, we decided to ask the guitarist of this rather sinister band a few questions.

D.O.D: Okay, there’s been more than a few line-up changes in Mayhem. Can you tell us what the current one is?

Euro: Alright, there’s me on guitars, Manheim on battery, Necro-butcher on drums, and our session vocalist, Maniac.

D.O.D:  And what is the medium age of the group?

Euro: We are all 18 years old.

D.O.D: How long has Mayhem been around for?

Euro: Mayhem has been around since August of ‘84 with this line-up, before that, I played in another shitty metal group that was also called Mayhem. The other members also played in a crappy band before we all met.

D.O.D: How would you describe your music?

Euro: Ah, well, it’s like a wall of sound played at extreme speed all mixed with the sound of a chainsaw!!

D.O.D: In your opinion, who are the biggest posers on this planet?

Euro: That definitely has to be the Swedish group ‘Europe’. «Fuck them!!» I hate this band!!

D.O.D: Ha ha, what would you like to do to make them suffer?

(This is the exact moment where the interviewers realize that Euronymous is literally fucking insane. The editor censors some of the things Euronymous says because he has a very vulgar manner of speaking, so, brace yourselves. To make it abundantly clear— I didn’t censor any of this, if it was me, I’d let him continue swearing ‘til next year if he wanted to. Take it up with D.O.D!)

Euro: First of all, I’d cut them and make them eat their own (bleep)!! Then, I’ll fuck them in the ass with an empty bottle of Coke, and if they’re still alive somehow, I’ll drown them in their own piss!! (NDLR: I’d do the same to a few guys in Germany and Switzerland!!) But all of this is reserved for their guitarist, drummer and bassist, I have a far crueler torture for their singer, for him, I’m simply going to break his mirror and steal his perfume!! Haaaaafuckinghah!!! (NDLR: ahahahaha, this is so much fun!!)

D.O.D: Okay, Euronymous, onto more serious topics, who composes the most in Mayhem?

Euro: It’s me and Necro, but sometimes Manheim comes up with good riffs, he actually wrote most of P.F.A (Pure Fucking Armageddon)

D.O.D: I believe thrashers reacted pretty well to your first demo, right?

Euro: Despite the zero sound of this demo. It's true that it's actually the hardcore thrashers that appreciated it, although it was the others hating it that gave us an enormous promotion like with 'Metal Forces'.

D.O.D: Has there been groups that have influenced you?

Euro: Of course, early Venom has really inspired us, although we don’t sound like them in any way. We’re also influenced by bands like Hellhammer and Sodom.

D.O.D: Mayhem is a common band name, what do you think of other Mayhem (such as NYC Mayhem, Mayhem (WC), Mayhem (Oregon))?

Euro: NYC Mayhem* are excellent, I adore them! (NDLR: me too!!) and they call themselves NYC Mayhem. But as for the other Mayhems, they stink, «fuckin’ shit»,  like the Mayhem that’s on Metal Massacre VI*, they really stink, their music isn’t destructive like ours is at all, they don’t deserve this name, I hate them!!

D.O.D: I heard you guys played a show, how did that go?

Euro: It was really «cool», it was at a small rock festival that had around 3-400 «discofucks» (NDLR: this is the censored translation) and when we went on stage with our first session vocalist “Messiah”, we broke a bass over their mouths!! We gave these idiots hell!! Ha ha!! (I’ll link the show he’s referring to below)

D.O.D: And how did your other gigs go?

Euro: For now this has been our only show!! And we don’t know how the crowds will react at the prospect of future gigs.

D.O.D: Fair. Since we’re talking about future gigs, what will those be like?

Euro: They’ll be full of occult things, we’ll play in complete darkness and there’ll be red blood spots, chandeliers, smoke, and pig heads on stakes, it’ll be totally thrashing!!

D.O.D: How’s the Norwegian thrash scene? It’s pretty dull, no?

Euro: Right now, «it sucks», there’s no audience, but it seems to be going in the right direction with bands like Vomit*, Septic Cunts, Decay Lust, and Flowers in The Dustbin.

D.O.D: And what kind of things are your lyrics about?

Euro: depravity, like tearing someone’s (bleep), eating worms, and all those fine things!!

D.O.D: What are your favourite bands?

Euro: Really hard question, there’s so many good bands coming out but I think the bands I like the most are old Venom, Deathchamber, Sodom, Necrophagia, Destruction, Death, Kreator, Poison. (No, not THAT Poison)

D.O.D: Do you ever listen to hardcore?

Euro: «Yeah» I like Chaotic Discord, Septic Death, UK Subs, and others. It hasn’t been that long since I went to see Disorder and it was awesome!!

D.O.D: Are you considering going on tour?

Euro: No, not exactly. But soon we’ll play at a Norwegian thrash festival. We’ll also play at a thrash festival in Copenhagen, and probably do a few shows with Kreator/Necrophagia in ‘87.

(No, this isn’t a typo on my end, it actually says ‘87. There’s two reasons why this might be the case. One, it could be an error on the part of the editor, who deserves an interview of his own, or two, it could be an error by Euronymous himself since the interview might have been conducted in January. Euronymous could have mixed the years up as one sometimes does. However, ‘Death Crush’, the demo, actually came out in March of ‘87. What the interviewer and Euronymous are referring to as ‘Death Crush’ is likely ‘Death Rehearsal’, which is exactly what it sounds like, and was taped back January of ‘87.)

D.O.D: I heard you guys are recording a new demo, is it ready?

Euro: We just entered the studio to record the second “Death Crush” demo, but at the moment, we only have three songs. I’m also unsure of whether or not we’ll have enough money to record anything else, and the vocals still haven’t been put to music!!

D.O.D: There’s some rumours that you guys were contacted by certain record labels, is this true?

Euro: It’s true, we got a letter from Axe killer records saying that they were interested in us but they never listened to our music and I also sent them our demo tape but I don’t believe we’ll be receiving any letters from them now!!

D.O.D: Do you have anything to add?

Euro: Of course, «fucking ARGHHHH!!»

There, that’s all :)

If you’re interested in some of the asterisks I put in, here they are in order of their appearances:

*Unlike most of the bands Euronymous named in this interview, NYC Mayhem (and later as Straight Ahead) never released more than a few demo. They were a straight edge band from, you guessed it, NYC— Queens to be exact. Despite never releasing a full album, their sound inspired some grindcore and death metal bands, notably Carcass. They were also straight edge, which makes Euronymous’ mental breakdown over the Mayhem that was on Metal Massacre very, very ironic. Especially considering he was pretty straight edge himself, especially back in 1987– outside of maybe smoking some pot.

Here is their 1985 demo, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3geR1JbY4

*Metal Massacre is a series of compilation albums starting in 1982, released by Metal Blade records. Typically, these were independent and unsigned bands. Some notable ones include Metallica on the first edition with ‘Hit the lights’. Slayer in ‘83 with ‘Aggressive Perfector’. The ‘84 edition had Voivod, Overkill, and Hellhammer.

The one which Euronymous is referring to, however, is the one from ‘85. Here it is, the timestamp is 14:19 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqwfsLvLvuY

It’s really not that bad— certainly not worth the double exclamation points.

*If you don’t know who Vomit are, you must not know much about early Mayhem. They were another thrash band who shared rehearsal space with Mayhem. Torben Grue and Kittil Kittilsen (what a sad fucking name) were also ‘in’ Mayhem at some point. Kittil once shaved off his eyebrow, but I don’t know why. Here is a picture of the dork:

The show Euronymous is talking about: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mjay2Lmj9C8 yes, this is the show where Euronymous flashes his ass. I think it’s funny because he talks big but he seemed very hesitant to do it, and practically ducked backstage afterwards. Necro, on the other hand, was very proud to have broken his bass.

Well, that’s all I have. If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the additional notes I left. Outside of a few more interviews of Mayhem, I also have a few obscure Emperor interviews that were posted to the internet in late 90s. There’s an especially funny one where Faust is allowed to interview Ihsahn and Samoth from prison. He’s sarcastic the entire time, refers to the readers as ‘morons’ and proclaims everyone should all die in a nuclear war with the same energy you cross yourself with. Overall, it’s a funny read. I also have one where he interviews Varg, and Euronymous (separately) for his own ‘zine back in the early 90s. Actually— I have A LOT of interviews of Faust for some reason, including two where he’s actually on camera. I might post them if I feel like it, or if somebody wants them. Is anyone here an especially big fan of Faust?

Last but not least, here is the link to the ‘zine:

http://france.metal.museum.free.fr/revues/fanzines/decibel_of_death/04/page_03.htm

[babyboyoonie]

Holy shit I was stalking your blog and the taegikook yandere story through yoongis eyes would be so cool a new twist on an already amazing one shot.

Hey DARLINGS 👋 ❤️ extremely late but…I do hope you’ll enjoy. ˚₊*(ˊॢo̶̶̷̤◡ुo̴̶̷̤ˋॢ)*₊˚⁎

[disclaimer: this is!! Fiction!! appreciate it with no guilt bc this isn’t real. Let’s get it.]

Kim Taehyung stares right back at him when Yoongi opens his curtains the following morning after meeting him. Startled, wide-eyed, looking up up at a puzzled Yoongi. He was…sitting. Criss-cross. School bag by his side, hands on his knees and dedication etched in the seams of his expression. He’s even more ethereal than he was the day Yoongi met him. Thin veils of eerie, many shades of amazing in the morning haziness; Vibrant moonlight. Star-struck, too. So much, Yoongi could have forgotten that the boy had been sitting under his windows for God knows how long.

It was slightly disturbing. Jungkook watching him in his sleep all night along-kind of disturbing. “…Taehyung-ah? What are you doing here?”

“You remember my name,” the boy breathes, and there could have been all the constellations in his eyes with how bright they shined. Yoongi nods, slow, soft, thinks about re-uttering his question but eventually decides against it. Not quite certain, you see, that Taehyung would respond.

He pushes his sleep-mussed hair out of his face and pretends to miss the way Taehyung follows the movement. Waits, a couple of seconds, for something to happen. But nothing does. Taehyung stares and stares and doesn’t look like he’ll ever get bored of doing so. “Wanna go to school together?”

“I’d go with you to the end of the world,” Taehyung says after a beat. Quips sweetly, soft, eyelashes fluttering and hands digging further in the fabric of his jeans.

Yoongi chuckles like he thinks Taehyung’s joking. Excuses himself to tidy up and put on his uniform, and when he comes back, Taehyung’s still in the same position.

Adorable and utterly gone. Refuses at least a dozen of time to walk by Yoongi’s side because he says he doesn’t deserve it until Yoongi threatens to cry.

He feels, still, Taehyung’s eyes on him when he goes to meet his circle of friends.

Yoongi…

Yoongi isn’t quite sure Taehyung was joking anymore.

(Darling, darling,

doesn’t have a problem,

lying to himself,

cause his liquor’s top shelf,)

Yoongi’s getting sunshine the third time he sees him. Had spent four nights in a row hiding in a pitch dark room; managed to fool everyone into being okay, just a little project, he was feeling down. He was okay. Not really. He wasn’t sick per say but—Yoongi wasn’t feeling totally okay. Drowned himself in pitch black clothes and went out to,

try and live again,

grab the sun.

There was always an itch in the back of his neck. Burning, never cold, something irresistible and keeping him on his toes; but never enough to push him into making it go away. Just kind of exciting. New, peculiar. Somebody was watching him. Somebody.

Wasn’t everyone? Ah—

Yes, but—

Someone in particular. A few steps away from the field in the forest only Yoongi knew the secrets of. But, ah, not anymore, right? Right.

Light in its purest form. Warm and pure and sincere. All-seeing, all-enveloping. Surrounding Yoongi and piercing through his lies, balm on a pained soul and silent hot hand everywhere on his skin. Straight through the dark of him, clearing all thoughts. Yoongi falls in the field. Surrounds to the sun and counts to one hundred. Drowsy, mind finally silent, tongue free of any lies he could spew to everyone. To himself.

Yoongi’s getting sunshine all over him, his face, his heart. And near eighty-three, Yoongi sees a man. Boy. Man. Boyish figure, adoration etched on his skin the way only a man having seen the light could worship. A few feet away from Yoongi, mouth opened as in surprise; as in shock, perhaps, or something else, Yoongi doesn’t know.

Eighty-four, eighty-five. Still drowsy. Yoongi’s seen him before. The sun’s warm hands lull him to sleep before awareness could shock him into action.

(He’s safe in his bed and surrounded by sun-scented flowers when he wakes up.)

(Whispers of I love you lingering in memories vaguely lived.)

Yoongi smells the sun, the flowers, and presses at his chest. Wondering. Light as he hadn’t been in years. He’s seen this man before.

(Taehyung—)

Yoongi’s dating Jungkook.

Somewhere in the middle of lingering gazes and flushed cheeks, Jungkook confessed, and Yoongi praises the sky for this blessing because he didn’t think he would have had the guts too. Nobody was surprised when the news of their dating spread, and Yoongi will never understand why. Jungkook was—Jungkook was sweet and a total darling. Shy on the first talk and a total gossip afterwards, pranks-loving brat but too soft at heart for anyone to ever hold a grudge against him. Crazy about sports, face like an angel Jungkook who moved his jaw in such a way when he was thinking that turned Yoongi’s legs into jelly. All around perfect, but silly and crazy enough to be loved by all Jungkook. What could he find attractive enough in Yoongi to actually date him?

Dozens of candied-walks full of too-big smiles and embarrassed giggles never managed to give him an answer. Sun-warm kisses and midnight blankets-like embraces still rendered him confused. Yoongi didn’t understand, doesn’t think he one day will, but he—he loves Jungkook. It’s a certainty as solid and obvious as the sky above their heads.

Five months into dating Jungkook and never going anywhere without feeling a burning gaze on his skin whispered to him that he—

that he also loved Taehyung.

It was, he didn’t expect for it to happen. It came like a surprise, out of the blue, one breath taken and another filled with realization. Waking up from a vivid dream with a man’s arms around him and another deeply entangled in his thoughts. Yoongi felt like dying.

Jungkook knows. Of course he knows. Yoongi hasn’t wasted a second before telling him, because Jungkook deserved better. Better than a lover who had everything to be happy yet still managed to fall for someone else.

(Someone that followed his every step and every breath and was always always always here—)

Jungkook knows so much, but oh, so little at the same time. At the third picnic somewhere in a new part of the city, an innumerable number of texts and old-fashioned letters, he’s light with the best things that ever happened to Yoongi. Learns them, hears them, listen attentively. Guesses, is right, knows. Those special hugs of them that taste like eternity, every time, every single time, are marked with one of Yoongi’s best memories—unraveled, he realizes, some of them long forgotten. Jungkook caresses his cheek every time they have to say goodbye, kisses his forehead when they meet; thinks with certainty that Yoongi’s the kind of boy who has hobbies to fill up the time he isn’t working.

(He’s wrong. It’s the contrary, and Taehyung—Taehyung knows—)

Nights and nights as they lay in bed, summarizing their days in something that had become an adult, Jungkook hooks Yoongi’s thighs around his waist; whispers, drunk with love, that he adores Yoongi’s voice. The low and raspiness quality of it, how quickly he talks, before slowing suddenly. He thinks it’s endearing.

(Doesn’t know Yoongi’s just struggling to find words that are true to his over-the-cup feelings.)

Jungkook’s soft-spoken. So, so soft. When Yoongi’s not too busy wondering if Taehyung has the time to eat seeing as he spends hours stalking Yoongi—he likes to smile and let his fondness for Jungkook overflows. His pink, pink love jumping up at Jungkook’s speech. Polite and soft. He’s jeered for it by his dumb jocks he calls “friends” but Yoongi adores it. Melts and falls at his man’s feet when his satoori slips out. Jungkook knows that, this little shit, and conveniently forgets the Seoul dialect when he’s by Yoongi’s side.

Jungkook knows. Knows a lot. Not enough. Knows the light, and the ugly truth of Yoongi’s newfound feelings. Feelings for the man that shadows his every move; whose stares linger too much on a boy he knows is taken.

And so, and so. Jungkook—lately his kisses are so heart-broken, so, so desperate. Black chocolate bitter, sweetness missing and a sense of sadness taking Yoongi down down down. Jungkook kisses him like Yoongi could slip from his fingers, but he won’t, he won’t, he just wishes Jungkook knew—

Knew all about him, all those missing parts that made the other half of him belonging tightly in Taehyung’s hands.

He wishes Jungkook knew—

(It’s alarming, honestly how charming,

he can be,

fooling everyone telling how he’s having fun—)

Taehyung knows that half of Yoongi’s being’s empty. Sad. Not okay. That he is what people think he is, but not really, at the same time. They don’t see him, they don’t know him, they don’t want to.

But Taehyung does. Taehyung stares and Yoongi doesn’t tell him to stop. Taehyung grows bolder with every day that passes, gets closer to Yoongi, breathes the same air as he does but never takes what isn’t his. Whispers in Yoongi’s ear how much he wants to; fills up entire notebooks with his fantasies and the things he’d do to make Yoongi faint with his adoration. But he never acts on it. Respects the barrier between them that’s called Jungkook—and Yoongi, for that, will always be grateful.

He loves Jungkook. But he loves Taehyung, too. Because Taehyung knows.

Knows all the things that would break Yoongi. Utterly and completely. Knows that Yoongi’s already kind of bored inside, too. A star by day and the memory of younger him walking in the streets with men whispering behind him. Taehyung’s award in his body and his mind of the worst things that have ever happened to Yoongi. Dirtied his skin and soul and mind. It doesn’t take more than a week for this man to grab him for a ride or ten and be knowledgeable of the not so important (liar, terribly so,) details about him.

Yoongi wakes up at the same time as the sun. And each time, he opens his windows, and Taehyung’s here, starry-eyed and an I love you flying in the morning breeze. A timid flying kiss. Yoongi grabs it and puts it close to his heart. Cries, afterward. Does his best not to when Taehyung writes him; writes in pretty letters how utterly crazy he is about the way Yoongi stutters, searches for his words, stretches them and comes back on his sentences to construct them better.

On unknown hours, at home, sitting in the bed among pretty things, Taehyung calls him. And Yoongi’s heart grows immensely bigger the more Taehyung talks. As he uses filler words, blends them together in a way that is unique to Taehyung. Hand gestures, too, Yoongi’s sure he’s making them even though he doesn’t have the man in front of him.

Monday, Tuesday, afternoon, morning. Bitter kisses growing hotter, sadder, angrier. Jungkook doesn’t break up and Yoongi doesn’t either. Knows their relationship’s turning to dust when Jungkook fucks him behind the bleachers and they’re both aware Taehyung’s watching. Both aware that when Yoongi comes—it’s partly at the thought of the voyeur hiding in the shadows.

His feelings are there but—

Yoongi will never, ever cheat. He’d rather be killed than do something like that to Jungkook. But—but Jungkook’s eyes say it all. He doesn’t believe him. Jungkook’s sad, glowing with unshed tears eyes. Jungkook’s busted lips and body filled with bruises, remains of fights with Taehyung they both think he doesn’t know about.

At year one, month ten, when the light shines through leaves in little autumn spots, Yoongi’s on his back. On a bed of leaves. Blue and purple with love, body burning and entirely Jungkook’s; heart wavering but wanting to hold on. There’s a ring on his finger and he swears it’s going to end it all. Make his stupid, sick heart realize Jungkook’s the only one. Yoongi falls asleep. Wakes up, and knows.

Cries anyway. Cries harder when Taehyung wipes his tears away. Always so worshipful. So fucking adoring. “I’m in love with Jungkook,” Yoongi sobs, feels his heart breaks and the ring on his finger grow heavier.

The light disappears, and Taehyung’s above him. Hands on his cheek, his neck, his chest, his waist. Oh. Oh no—

“But you love me too.”

Taehyung knows. Kisses him.

(It’s Yoongi’s death.)

[millennial-star-gazer]

Tantric Flames(reupload from previous accounts): Chapter: 5

Tantric Flames

Originally for Nalu Week/Fluff Week/Lovefest 2017 (on previous accounts)

Genres: Romance, Humor, New Adult Fanfiction

Nalu Lovefest 2017 Prompts: Lust, Stockings/Lingerie, Sweets (Implied) Dreams(Implied) Games and Roleplay (Kind of Implied in Form of Teasing )

Vera's March 2018 Prompt Challenge: Fantasy/Creatures (which fits since Fairytail is a fantasy series and Natsu' species is dragonslayer/ Demon hybrid in this fic that's slight AU. Though this might technically still be true for the overall series since he's an etherious demob/wizard capable of using both fire dragon slayer magic and of his curse power). (On previously accounts)

Upcoming Nalu Love Fest 2018 prompts: Kiss/Makeup (kind of) Playful, Desperate, Unbearable, Estatic ,(Implied) and Teasing 

Pairing:Nalu  (Natsu x Lucy)

Rating: M for language, steamy and mature adult sexual content (all consensual) in these and future chapters. Reader Direction is advised.(You've been warned!)

Summary: One look, one smouldering hooded gaze, one word, one fiery kiss, one magnetizing touch was all he needed for her to completely unravel at his mercy alone, succumbing to the sinful temptation of her inhibitions, his love, his feral passion, his raw, insatiable desires, his "Tantric Flames". Originally an Submission (slight Au) for Nalulovefest 2017 (on previous accounts) in which Natsu gives his mate a tantric massage-after much persuasion- she won't soon forget when it turns into so much more. Also previously featured in Nalu Week , and Fluff Week with first two chapters on celestialgeekmage accounts .

Chapter 5: Kiss From A Dragon's Flame: Part 2

A/N: Here's Chapter 5! It was originally part ( of what would been a longer chapter 4) but has since been split in two. Though more extensive than last chapter, the of the main story text most likely sits around a word count of within the 5,000 range excluding the preliminary information and A/Ns. All in all, hope you enjoy both chapters regardless. Without further ado, here it is!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fairytail which belongs to the one and only Hiro-sensei instead!

Read More Here:

1.Tantric Flames

A. Tumblr

Chapter: 1 (Click Here:)  (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179863946153/tantric-flames-reupload-from-cosmicdragonwizard/amp?)

Chapter: 2  (Click Here:)   (Or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179863946153/tantric-flames-reupload-from-cosmicdragonwizard/amp?)

Chapter: 3  (Click Here:)  (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179864756428/tantric-flames-reupload-from-previous-accounts/amp?)

Chapter: 4 (Click Here:)    (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179871908778/tantric-flames-reupload-from-previous-accounts/amp?)

Chapter: 5

Chapter: 6(Click Here:) (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/183149105838/tantric-flames-chapter-6-despojado-stripped)

Chapter: 7(Click Here:)  (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/185033161848/tantric-flames-chapter-7-what-belongs-to-a-fire)

Chapter:8 (Click Here): (or here:https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/188352271948/tantric-flames-chapter-8-tantric-art-of)

Chapter:9 (Click Here:)   (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/624402662880854016/tantric-flames-chapter-9)

B. Fanfiction (Click Here:) (or here:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13114990/1/Tantric-Flames-reupload-from-cosmicdragonwizardaccounts) 

C. A03 (Click Here:) (or here:    https://archiveofourown.org/works/17063882/chapters/40123739)

2. The Draconic  Demon Within

A. Tumblr:

Prologue and Chapter: 1 (Click Here:) (or here:https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179816192273/the-draconic-demon-within-reupload-from/amp?)

Chapter: 2 (Click Here:)  (or here:https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179816192273/the-draconic-demon-within-reupload-from/amp?)

B. Fanfiction (Click Here:) (or here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13113898/1/The-Draconic-Demon-Within-Reupload-from-cosmicdragonwizardaccounts)

3. Grey Days

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B. Fanfiction  (Click Here:) (or here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13112482/1/Grey-Days-Reupload-from-dragon-shield-maiden)

4. The Rest of My Writing

A. Master Fic Rec Post (Click Here): (or  here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179665258923/master-fic-rec-post

Legend:

Italic: Song Lyrics/Quotes (or flashback dialogue)

Bold: First Person Thoughts

Bolded Italics: Empathized Word

Bolded Italics (Within and Outside Bracket) including for author's side notes also known as (A/N:) within brackets (though none for side-notes in this chapter ).

"Kiss me beneath the milky twilight

Lead me out on the moonlit floor

Lift your open hand

Strike up the band,

and make the fireflies dance silvermoon's sparkling

So kiss me"

(Sixpence None the Richer: Kiss Me)

(So there are two quotes that I found really fit the mood of some particular scenes in these chapters this time around— sue me lol!)

"Luce? You all right there sweetheart?"

Natsu's gentle call of Lucy's name broke through her self-ranting.

"Yeah, just thinking . Again I'm really sorry Natsu" She muttered, averting her eyes from the fire wizard's probing gaze in favour of staring down at the floor. "Guess I got carried away."

Carried away? Carried away?! Talk about the most obvious understatement of the goddamned century!

"Nah come on, don't be like that. No need to apologize weirdo," Natsu soothed with enough tender patience colouring his tone when tapping his forehead lightly against hers for the blonde to feel weak in the knees. " I promise ain't mad. "

"You're not?"

"No, I swear . I mean sure I was initially a little annoyed with at first, but it's all good now, right?" Cheer up!"

"I guess you're right..."

"You see? So smile silly! You know how much I love it when ya' do!"

Natsu lightly bumped his nose against Lucy's before depositing a chaste kiss on the tip sending a rush of warmth through her veins; enough for her spirits to be lifted.

"Yeah, you're definitely right," Lucy reiterated again , a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "It's no big deal—no use being so glum over something so minor really."

"Exactly! And it's like I said," Natsu concurred in a sunny voice. " The reward is well the worth the wait— promise."

"That you did and I believe you."

"Good. And sides' , it's not like I was exactly complainin' about the quality of the hand job per say" he added , salacious words tugging the corners of his lips upward into a wry smirk; with a suggestive waggle of eyebrows thrown in for good measure. "Considering how you never fail to impress. It's just really hard to concentrate on being romantic with a raging hard on, am I right?"

"Mhmm.. i suppose even though it just so happens that I am clearly not a dude ," Lucy fired back in a light quip; no real bite to her words with a roll of her honey-brown eyed eyes. "But a lady sans dick— so not sure how that world apply to me . Either way, just goes to show how much of a horn-dog - not to mention pervert you are."

"Dragon sweetheart, you mean to say I'm a horn- dragon" was Natsu's way pf pointing out his soulmate'd minor error through a light correction; when a hand caught hers trying to bat at his shoulder with lightening reflexes. "Not dog- I'm a dragon slayer, remember? Well, fire demon-dragon slayer hybrid to be exact, but you get my point—hence the whole 'horn-dragon' title thing; which I won't deny. As for me being a pervert, you love it and you know it."

"Oh I do, do I?"

"Yeah, you do. Plus, ya' also think I'm a total bad-ass— it's cuz I am."

" Badass huh? Well, well, don't we think very highly of ourselves today?" challenged the summoner in a goading trill . "Though would you say the same even during those times when you're grovelling to Erza, begging her to forgive you for all the buildings or large swaths of forest you nearly leveled in your destructive path on jobs?"

"Well..I... hey.. wait no fair Luce!" Natsu feigned a whine , flashing her the most adorable "puppy dog" eyes that she swore could thaw out even the most iciest of of hearts. "Ya' know I'm not always the bravest guy when it comes to avoiding Erza's wrath! You of all people should know how scary she can be sometimes! And yet here you are teasin' me about it! You're no fun—no fun at all!'

"Yes, I do know and I'm plenty of fun" Lucy countered , a lighthearted , almost tounge-in-cheek kind of lilt to her words. " You tell me all the time how 'fun and awesome' I am to be around—especially as a girlfriend. Not that I'm complaining."

"That I do. and I'm glad you're not cuz I'll never grow tired of repeating it any more than you do hearing it—specially' when i mean every of word I say ."

"That makes me happy to hear."

"Good, I'm glad."

Natsu gave the hand he was still holding a little squeeze; all in all just enough for Lucy's heart to thump in her chest at his touch .

"Aw, you're really quite sweet when you want to be, aren't you?" She gushed, pure affection radiating from within. "Oh and it turns out that you are pretty badass afterall."

"Yeah, I am,—but I can't take all the credit, now can I?" His voice was tender, so cozy and warm like a flickering campfire when raising her hand to his lips for a lingering kiss oh so gentle Lucy very nearly swooned; as if the fact that her heart patterned in her chest wasn't already enough. "I got an incredibly beautiful and intelligent woman for a mate by my side—my irresistible princess."

"Oh, how you flatter me so" Lucy lilted, a light dusting of pink spreading across her cheeks . "I honestly don't know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as you."

"Yeah? Well, as much that does genuinely make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to hear you say that Luce and believe me when I say it does" came his resounding hum, words thick with the reverent awe of a cured, blind man seeing the stars for the first time . "I still think I can top that. I still don't know as to how in the hell I was ever lucky enough to have an amazing woman like you ever fall into my life— much less claim you as mine. My heart, my home, my beautiful angel, my princess, my queen, my goddess, the love of my life —you're literally one of the best things that's ever happened to me . Like winning the lottery— only better ."

"My God, is the charming-but - rough- around-the-edges salamander being sentimental? " Lucy chimed , not bothering to suppress her giggle. "Not that I don't appreciate it."

"Yep, guilty as charged" said salamander in question let out a throaty chuckle; the glimmer of affectionate mirth sparkling in his emerald eyes filling her entire being with a cozy warmth—neither new or unwelcome. "I honestly can't help it when I'm with you. Especially considering how I managed to snag the best mate/queen a hybrid like me could ever ask for."

"Aw— You're doing it again! Best not to let Gray hear you or who knows what could happen?"

"Yeah, snowcone will probably never let me live it down, but I honestly ain't that worried."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, guses I'll just have to sock him in the face if he can't keep his damn mouth shut."

"Hmm... well that definitely sounds like something that you'd do but moving on." Lucy prompted, not only trying to broach a new subject, but also taking a genuine keen interest in the all effort Natsu put in setting up their date . "Looks like you've been pretty busy putting everything together our date. Why don't you tell me what you did? I wanna know ."

"Yeah sure, glad you asked !" Natsu replied eagerly . " Okay, so I after left you to relax this morning, I made my way outside cuz' to find Gajeel afyer happening to catch a whiff of his scent comin' in and wanted to see if he'd be interested in helping me 'borrow' a massage bed.

"was totally gonna go for it too until Levy came rushing out-probably overheard us talking or something .She told us that it wouldn't be nesscary when I could always rent a bed, that Laki even had one of her own lying around back at Fairy hills and would probably even be willing to lend it to me if I just asked . I ended up gettin' Elfman and Gajeel to bring the bed back here for me so I could focus on setting up everything else. Mira and Lisanna suggested those scented lacrima-incense candles you probably saw on your way in to set the mood. Plus apparently they're supposed to soothe the senses, you know give off the whole relaxing vibe which I have to admit do actually smell pretty nice—though not as nice as you . "

"Anyways, I can see that I'm going off bit on a tangent—but I digress. Now, where was I? Oh yeah! Bisca and Alzack let me borrow their fairy lights along with teas lights to use since they figured it would really add to the whole 'ambiance ' or whatever as they said. Now as for the music we're hearin', it's apparently been set to play through a pre-selected playlist of a variety of songs your spirits told me you'd enjoy which Freed and Levy were nice enough to help me hook up to the speakers plus inscribe with Motion- sensor and other kinds runes linked specifically to your magic signature for it to not only kick in as you came down the stairs, but also stay in this room to make everything feel all the more intimate . All in all, quite the team effort if I do say so myself. Hell.. even Evergreen and Laxus of all people-who knew he could be such the romantic?- thought throwing those rose petals in would be a nice touch!

Oh and Cana, Laki and Erza sent me off in the right direction of the shops where I could find the oils and lotions plus some other goodies with the Happy and the other exceeds help which we'll get to later. Course' once that was all said and done, I did have some extra free time on my hands to kill in between waiting for the bed to be brought down before the set up was complete."

"Yeah? That right?" Lucy's wry voice broke in to quip after Natsu finished, lifting a questioning brow." Not that I don't greatly appreciate what you're doing and everything which I'll also have to remember to thank everyone else for their help in setting up later, but did this extra free time involve a scuffle with Gray after the stunt you pulled?"

"Erza told me as much, after she made a point to elaborate on exactly what you'd been up to when you weren't getting things organized for our date. Said you were running around town, setting off and I quote "the most horrendous of stink bombs", not to mention lighting a bag of literal dog shit mixed in with the feces of horse, donkey, cow and Vulcan on fire at Gray's door backed by Romeo and Happy as your accomplices. Just to char his pants clean off by launching one of several fireballs at his ass when he was chasing you down. The next thing she knew the you two were rolling around on the floor punching m each other on the way in. So, what I'd like to know is if any of this true?"

"Oho— you heard that, huh?" Natsu let out a low cackle that was almost diabolical. Not to mention the wide grin was spreading across his lips to boot ." Nothing gets past you, does it Luce? But to answer your question: yes, what you heard is all true."

"Which begs another: why?"

"You mean other than for shits and giggles?"

"Yep, believe that's what I meant".

"Okay so well... ice-prick started it!" He burst out, aggrieved voice lifting into a ppetulant . "He apparently got the brilliant idea to have me super into downing this really nasty concoction a few days ago. Said it was this brand new, special kind of fire- whiskey brew that I'd probably love. So I tried it all excited and everything , only to find it was really rancid sour milk mixed with flour and garlic-talk about disgusting! Next thing I know I'm makin! a beeline for the nearest sink desperately trying to rinse the nasty taste out of my mouth!

"Okay , fair enough— I can see why you 'd be pretty miffed . That all ?" Lucy placated, clearly enjoying her boyfriend's tirade . She found his recounting of the day's past events to be oddly amusing—classic salamander— anyone who knew him well might suppose. "Or is there another reason?"

"Yeah, course' there is Luce. Honestly, the nerve of that guy bargin' on us like that the other day," Natsu grumbled with a hint of Lucy thought was possessive resentment she could detect in his otherwise petulant tone. " He should know better not to interrupt a dragon , demon— hybrid in my case- when's they're in the middle of having sex with his mate! Not to mention the fact that no one else but me ,gets to see you naked now that we're officially soul-bonded in every sense of the word— well okay no one else cept' Happy who doesn't really count since he's family and doesn't care . But either way, it's all part of the unwritten code of being a good bro and the rules that go along with it. You remember, don't ya?"

"Yeah, I remember," Lucy responded, trying to suppress the shudder threatening overtake her frame more from the pair's less-than-pleasant run-in with Gray than the tantalizing memory of their erotic coupling or anything else. He had inadvertently made the untimely mistake of entering the wine cellar at the most inopportune time only to catch a glimpse of Lucy in the nude straddling Natsu in the chair, legs draped over either side; who made a point of pressing said female against him so as to shield her from view of wide eyes while shooting a pointed glare overhead at the intruder . He then took it upon himself to lift Lucy out of the chair in favour of moving her to restake his claim on said female against the door being shut .

Needless to say the poor poor ice demon-slayer— no doubt scarred for life— was sent packing shortly upon hearing Natsu's infuriated, shouted threats along the lines of "come for a good show did ya? Freakin perv! ," "you better keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for ya droopy eyes", and "or else I swear to God, I will literally give the most lopsided buzz cut of your life with my fire magic if I so much as hear ya utterin' even a single word about seeing my woman naked!" between panted grunts in time with hard-hitting thrusts striking true .

Lucy on the other hand, would have very much been red in the face if she wasn't already too far gone amid the throes of earth-shattering ectascy to care or her hot-blooded dragon-demon- hybrid prince's rough voice urging her to "focus on me - and only me Luce . That's right sweetheart. You just worry about how good I must feel inside you and I promise I'll take care of ya for us both ." It was only after the fact-mind-blowing sex aside-that the blush already staining the celestial wizard's cheeks darkened a few shades only when she paused to reflect back on the incident which Natsu noticed.

"Blushing yet again, I see," He noted, letting out a hearty chuckle bursting at the seams with so much fond mirth that Lucy's heart fluttered. " I know you're probably a little scarred from Gray accidentally walkin' in on us in a comprising position— but there's really no reason to still be embarrassed when all that's passed now . I will say that I do find your blush pretty damn adorable—makes you all the more endearing than you already are in my eyes . And yeah, I know I tell ya' this a lot, but I always mean every word of it and will never get tired of reminding you."

"Thanks Natsu, that's always nice to hear," came Lucy's bashful remark of sincere praise. She still found the whole scenario of Gray catching her in the act with her horn-dragon-sex-fiend-of- a-boyfriend as if they were right out in the most scandalous of public spaces-(like say the magnolia library for instance - by pure happenstance a little awkward. Still, she couldn't help but be tickled pink by his compliment." It was just a little awkward being caught quite literally with our pants down by Gray—well in my case It was that casual-but chic little rose -corset tunic- -mini dress I was wearing before you ripped it off me of it which would have been a huge hassle if I didn't have an extra pair but you get the picture."

"Yeah, I bet," Natsu sympathized, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish grin." I was kind of embarrassed myself when that happened. I mean I wasn't really that fazed bout the stripper seeing me me naked- dude's pretty much seen me like that loads of times- but a small part of me was kind of nervous wondering in the back of my mind what would happen if Wendy came down to help him bring up booze , seeing how she's like a little sister to me and I didn't want to scar her eyes. Not to mention, I was worried bout one of the visiting pretty-boy pansies and that troll from blue Pegasus-save ren- would somehow overhear us, and make a beeline for the stairs, in hopes of catching a glimpse of you without any clothes; cuz they tend to see pretty much any situating as an excuse to hit on everything that moves. And like I said I don't want anyone else but me seeing you like that. Though if it's any consolation, you and me both know Gray isn't the type to blackmail people for stuff like this."

"Valid point."

"And besides, I'm pretty sure he's just pissed at the fact that he wasn't the one  to nab  a spot as sweet as hours for him  to get laid  first." He followed up with a lazy, purr, words lifting the corners of lips being lifted up into a wolfish smirk ." and  I’m talkin’  the most mind-blinding blowing sex you could ever hope to ask for with a wild dragon as a mate . Plus, I'm pretty sure that we both know how much I rocked your world by the way you screamin the name of yours truly the other day."

"Yeah, you were pretty fantastic," Lucy's voice sounded more coy than timid now in her airy giggle when peering through the fringe of her lashes. " I've heard other dragonslayers and their mates often rave about how the spectacular a 'romp in the hay'—foreplay included — always is with each other— especially when it's of the makeup or jealousy variety . The latter of which a prime example of just how especially powerful you are when you're riled up—you were on fire!"

"Hell yeah, I was!" Natsu more gloated than crowed,chest puffing out in a cocksure show of pride. "Combine superhuman stamina with the already-higher-than-your-average-human libido of a territorial and protective dragon, who's all fired up after havin' to deal with dipshits that don't know not to try to mack on what isn't theirs , and you're in for a especially good time. I should know— you won't believe how much it turned me on from just hearing all those delicious sounds from all the pleasure- not to mention orgasms— I gave ya."

"Well, you definitely didn't disappoint if the other day was any indication to go by. Speaking of which, how did I perform? I should hope you got just as much as I did out of it— seeing how I care about your experience just as much as my own ."

"Beyond amazing— you were phomenal Luce" Natsu sang Lucy's his mate's exultant praises, leaning in to distribute a fond little peck on her waiting lips so light, that her heart gave a delicate little flutter."You always are."

"Thanks Natsu— always glad to impress. So," Lucy prompted, words dripping with dry amusement. "Now regrading the other alleged prank you pulled. Wanna tell me why I heard rumours of you lurking around the other onsen bathhouse this morning?

"What? You mean that? It's nothing really ," Salamander gave a little wink, while flashing Lucy a conspiratorial grin which exposed the glint of his canines. " Just thought it'd be fun to spice the next bath time up for my fellow bros by dumping a tiny amount of itching powder into the pool. Should be just enough for em' to really feel a difference."

"So it was you."

"Yep, couldn't help myself. Ain't I a stinker ?"

"You're something all right."

"You're damn straight I am. Course' when that was all said and done, I had way too much idle time on my hands." Natsu feigned a whine, bottom lip jutting out in a pout the celestial mage couldn't help but find adorable . "You don't know how much it sucked Luce, being bored out of my mind while waiting for you, bored out my mind, sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, bidin' my time and counting the minutes until I could finally see that beautiful face of yours when you turned up for our date."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Lucy crooned , voice lifting into a taunting, but good natured lilt. "Not to mention cute! Dragon boy was bored waiting for me— how precious!"

"Oi— don't call me that like I'm some kind of hatchling!" Natsu objected,burning heat rising in his cheeks— though there was no real heat to his words. "I ain't precious or cute! I'll have you know that I'm a ferocious dragon-Demon hybrid, a dragon-demon-hybrid !"

"Oh, I don't doubt either of those things" Lucy countered, a glimmer of light-hearted mirth dancing in her honey -brown eyes. "But I also think that doesn't stop you from being so damn precious."

"Yo, what did I say about calling me precious?" huffed the fire wizard, no real bite to his words."Looks like I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson Lucy— I'll make ya' eat your words."

"Oh you are, are you?" Lucy trilled in a sing-song voice. "I'd like to see you try—though I highly doubt you can."

"Oh really— that so? Well then, challenge accepted, " Natsu shot back, words now merely a soft mumur sending a shiver of anticipation rippling across Lucy's skin; He was bowing his head to seal his lips over hers a second later, stealing whatever else she planned to say along with her breath a in a series of delicate little taps; one, two , than three. One hand came up to cup her cheek, the other to rest on the side of her neck when her fingers wrapped around to clasp his wrists at the same time. Natsu's lips much like his magically-heated digits stroking soothing patterns along her skin, were so soft, so smooth, so gentle and sweet moving against hers, that she couldn't help melt into the kiss.

The dragonslayer slayer didn't release his princess yet however, not without his lips coaxing gently against hers until he drew out a euphoric sigh of bliss. Natsu's kisses always had some sort of mystical effect on the celestial mage , those of a searing intensity enough to set her soul on fire, those of a more gentle nature able to turn her bones to mush. His every touch-even the most of casual— was more often than not, enough to practically make her heart skip a beat, not to mention weak in the knees . It was at that exact moment in time Lucy realized - not for the first time- right then and there that she would always belong to her fierce Dragon-etherious, her heart, her soul; not to mention the exploration of form's contours forever his.

And I couldn't be happier...

"Woah... you did it again— swayed me with the spellbinding power of your kiss."

Lucy's voice was no more than a breathy murmur, high off the euphoric afterglow of post-kiss bliss after Natsu pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against hers.

"Yeah, I've been told I tend to have that effect on people" he rumbled, his warm breath against the celestialmage's skin sending goosebumps rippling through her nerves. Not to mention Lucy could tell by the content hum in his words that he was basking in the after-glow as much as she which made their intimate moment they shared all the more perfect. "And by people, I mean you. Either way, still doesn't change the fact that I'm always gonna have a major soft spot for ya 'Luce— ferocious dragon-demon I may be. In any case, really hope you like what I got planned."

"I do—thank you Natsu," came Lucy' words of warm gratitude before leaning in for another quick kiss. His lips then broke away to shower feathery- light kisses all over the outline of the astral mage's face wet and sloppy enough for a airy giggle to bubble up from out of her throat.

"God, I love you and I love kissing you " Natsu's gravely undertone was nothing short of reverent behind his rambles after drawing back just enough to speak. "And havin' you in my arms, and holding your hand, talking, laughin with ya—pretty much everything really."

"Thanks Natsu, I feel the same way and love doing all of those things with you too," Lucy echoed in an giggle, with a warm affection for this man that resonated through her bones.

"That makes me really happy to hear, Luce. I mean I've always known it to be true since the day we hooked up but still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside every time I hear those sweet words coming from your pretty mouth."

"I'm glad."

"Did I mention how much I love your hair up like this?" Natsu complimented for which he clearly had no qualms about laying on thick the genuine sweet talk which was enough for her heart to flutter . Not to mention his fingers skimming along the contour her cheek when he reached to tuck another errant strand of hair behind her ear with a touch so gentle where sparks raced that she shivered at the intimacy.

"I mean I really like it in other hairstyles too no matter what— but this one really frames your gorgeous face which  I’ll never get tired of   waking up  to each morning."

"Aw—you're being awfully sweet right now!"

"Thanks Luce! Oh and one more thing: I seriously love how those panties make your ass look," He tacked on with a hint of cheeky admiration when leaning over Lucy's shoulder to sneak a quick peek  of  the view beneath the hem of her kimono . "Yep, definitely like what I see."

"Why Natsu , are you checking me out?" Lucy speculated, voice lifting into a coy-kind-of lilt that she knew was enough to bait her brazen boyfriend into replying.

"Well princess, you know I ain't one to lie to ya," Salamander drawled, flashing her the wickedest of panty-dropping grins, the kind that showed off the glint of his sharpened canines that she swore could melt any poor, misshapen soul with an affinity for the opposite sex-men and women alike- into a puddle-mass-of hormones—herself included.

Especially when he looks at me with those half-lidded onyx -green eyes of his.

"...Since that's never really been my style— so yes, I am. It is a nice view after all."

"Well, I should certainly hope so— I do work pretty hard for this body afterall."

"That you do, Luce" Natsu concurred , words laced with a roguish purr topped off by a wink that made Lucy's heart skip a beat for good measure."and it shows—very sexy".

"Thank you Natsu—you're too kind".

"Thanks Luce—so are you!"

"Thanks and now I think would be a good time to bring up your shoddy attempt of what—you call— an intimation of my voice earlier" Lucy feigned a light reprimand, though there was no real heat to her words."Not your finest work if I do say so myself."

"Please—My impression of you was spot on" Natsu countered in faux dissent though his emerald eyes sparkled with mirth. "And you know it. Some one really should give me a medal right now for how amazing I am at it."

"I dunno... your impression of what you think I sound like leaves much to be desired" came the blonde's reply, words dripping with what could only be described as wry. amusement. "Still not a fan."

"Beg to differ! Oh, how you wound me woman!" Was all Natsu had to say in response, clapping a melodramatic hand over his chest as if her lighthearted words were the equivalent of a direct shot straight through the heart; though it was all for show for the sake of tongue-in-cheek banter she could tell. "How am I ever gonna recover from such a devastating blow?"

"I'm sure you'll live, you big drama king" Lucy quipped with a mild roll of the eyes before shifting the topic to a new subject of focus . "So what's on the itinerary for today? Mira said you had a lot planned today?"

" Oh yeah — you bet I do!" Natsu crowed, words practically bursting at the seams with unbridled enthusiasm. "I got an amazing scheduled packed with romantic activities for us to enjoy together on our date!"

"Oh yeah? Tell me more!"

"Okay, so besides the message some of the girls and Freed thought a nice soak in the bath infused with what's apparently supposed to be 'the finest natural herbs in Firore' and champagne for the two of us would a real nice way to treat ya'and I couldn't agree more!

"Ooh you're right, that does sound really nice!"

"Course it is. It's actually how I found time to do the thing with the itching powder" Natsu admitted with a bit of a sheepish laugh. "Sorry Luce, you know I can't help myself sometimes!"

"Course you can't" Lucy deadpanned, slapping a hand against her forehead. "Ugh, it's official—I'm the mate of a deviant ."

"Yep , though you also forgot to mention that I'm a drop dead sexy badass with plenty of natural charisma ."

"Oh, I did, did I?"

"Yeah, though pretty sure I'll be able to find a way to jog your memory in case you forgot."

"Oh yeah? Prove it ."

"Oh I will, Luce— just you watch".

"Well do it then."

"With pleasure".

He was capturing the celestial mage's lips in a feather-light kiss so sweet that it seemed to have the intended effect of turning her bones to mush a result.

God.. does Natsu really know how to kiss...

"Remind me again" Lucy groused in pretend exasperation when the fire dragon was pulling back a second later ." How is that you always manage to persuade me into changing my mind with just a simple kiss?"

"Duh! It's cuz you love me weirdo!" came Natsu's reply in an affectationate sing-voice, mussing hair atop her crown lightly with his hand all the while; which somehow always enough for her heart to flutter."and the fact that I'm a fantastic kisser certainly doesn't hurt."

"That you are" was what Lucy had to say in a agreement, honey-brown eyes sparkling with vibrant affection. "Top notch".

"Thanks Luce—you're an amazing kisser too!"

"Aw thanks! So the guild's doing throwing another movie night later," Lucy divulged ."Levy happened to mention it at breakfast earlier."

"Ooh awesome!"Natsu trumpeted, for which Lucy could practically hear how psyched he was resonating through his every word. Movie nights at the Fairytail were always a massive hit with every single member-her and the firebreather included— which he was always revved up by; seeing how such an event promised an evening entertainment of a high caliber second only to the low-key quality time best spent one' soulmate along with family and friends from within and outside the guild.

Not to mention, plenty of laughs and mouthwatering cuisine, both of which those in attendance were partially jazzed by -especially one Salamander with his voracious appetite, The blonde realized with an internal wry smirk to herself .

Dude practically devours everything in sight during guild events like these.

"I love those!"

"Good— I'm glad you enjoy them so much" Lucy approved, for which she couldn't help but not to genuinely validate his enthusiasm. Not to mention , find not only said boyfriend's keen anticipation infectious, but also entertaining." I do too. Plus the lacrima flick that was selected should be one you really like."

"Oh yeah? Natsu effused, sounding curious, even more taken by the lure of an all-around great time . " What're they showing tonight?"

"One of the Hobbit movies," Lucy replied with nonchalant enthusiasm."So not Twilight."

"Sweet! The one with the dragon? Such a good movie! Can't say same for that 'Twi-shit' though." The corner of Natsu's lips turned down in a show of contempt, indicating he was less than impressed by said vampire novels . "Can't believe that some lady somewhere got it into her head that it'd be a good idea to write such a lame series where it takes at least 3 books for some confused teenage girl to choose between a sparkly vampire and moody werewolf. What's worse is some talentless Hollywood hack deciding to go and turn it all into a crappy series of movies just to make a quickbuck ."

"Yeah, well,"snickered the celestial mage. "You have the undying devotion of a crazed bunch of 13 year old fan girls to thank for that-myself included when I was that age. Back when I thought Twilight was somehow among the best YA literature had to offer."

"Ugh... remind me, what did you ever see in that crap?"

"Dunno really.. So you interested in coming to the movie tonight?"

"Yeah, of course!" Natsu declared in earnest."Who else am I gonna park on my lap in my arms and steal popcorn from while we watch the movie? Well besides Happy."

"Guess I'll take that answer as a yes which is great especially considering how appealing the first part sounds," came Lucy's thoughtful observation, words dripping with put-on earnestness she knew he would would able to see right through; all while trying not to become sidetracked by his fingers grazing along the being wound around the nape of his neck. "the second part though... not sure if I approve of you mooching off my popcorn."

"Oh please like you're one to talk missy," Natsu hinted, lips breaking into that trademark, infectious grin of his lighting emerald eyes that was a little too cheeky for her heart to handle. "I seem to recall a certain gorgeous blonde of mine freeloading off the popcorn along with the Malteasers I bought  when seeeing the movie with Happy, Gray, Erza and some of the others a few weeks back.. You know, the one with all the zombies. You remember, don’t ya?”

"of course  I do you dork! and that was a communal snack pack you got for us to share with Happy you dork" Lucy objected with a put-on scoff that seemed to suggest defensive indignation." And you know it! With some of the money that I pitched in on top of yours no less and all this in spite of your whole and I quote 'I'm buying some of the snacks tonight-don't even worry bout ' it Luce. You can always pay or go Dutch with me or someone else another time' spiel. That is until I insisted on 'going Dutch then ' out of fairness and being a good mate since you paid for dinner during one of our last dates but whatever! And besides, it's not like I mooch off you that much anyways."

"What can I say? I like to provide for my mate and little buddy from time to time" Natsu boasted, voice coming out a little too pleased with himself to see any reason ." Just the kind of stand up guy I am— I suppose. Not that I don't appreciate you going Dutch with me even when you didn't have to—or how adorable you sound when you try to imitate me Luce. Though for the record you totally do sometimes steal my snacks from time to time just so we're clear ."

" I do not!" The summoner fired back, another small noise of offence sounding in her throat.

"Yeah, sure, you don't weirdo," Natsu let out a hearty chuckle, vibrations of which resonating through his chest.

"It honestly doesn't happen that much."

"Oh! So you're saying that you don't mooch off me that often , are you?! That's definitely news to me then!"

"It doesn't but when I do steal food that's only cuz' it's a habit I picked up after being around you for so long. Got it?!"

"Sure, whatever you say sweetheart. Glad I could be such a positive influence on you though and tell ya' what," Natsu proposed to said "snack-moocher' who couldn't help but secretly focus on the cozy warmth of his hands now casually resting on her waist. " I'll gladly let ya' mooch off ' some of my popcorn if you promise to let me steal bits of yours in exchange . That and plenty of kisses while you're in my arms for the movie tonight."

"Works for me—we have ourselves a deal!" was all Lucy could say after she no longer could be bothered to keep up the original charade with her pyromaniac before they were exchanging another quick kiss that was brief, but nothing short of sweet. All in all enough to make her heart pitter-patter.

"Okay, I'm definitely even more hyped for the day we're spending together that I was already was before!" Natsu crowed, unable to contain his excitement."Not only am I thrilled about this date, but I also get to kickback with our friends and you in my arms later too! How awesome is that?!"

"Yeah, it's definitely gonna be a fun night!" Lucy concurred, just as enthusiastic as he. "One question though ."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"Just something I have on my mind I'd like to share -that's all ."

"Okay, shoot".

"Have you given any actual thought as to what might happen if Erza and Jellal wind up in the other bath while the itching powder is in the filtration system? May not turn out so well for you if they do," Lucy followed up with an inquiry, thoughtful words laced with a dry edge; only to burst into a fit of giggles when the pyromaniac's face visibly turned pale at the implication behind her words.

"Uh no, didn't cross my mind actually" Natsu chuckled, words oozing with a "I-am-so-screwed-if-they-find-out-kind of vibe giving his trepidation away. Not to mention the tight grin plastered all over his face. Lucy noted with a sardonic smirk. Dude's practically sweating bullets-poor guy. "Though I'm sure it can't be all that bad if they do, right? I mean it's not like there's a chance Erza will skin my hide, bust my balls or anything like that. Be a real shame if she did since I really like my dick— the ideal kind plenty of guys would kill for actually."

"I agree, you won't hear me complaining that's for sure-though not entirely sure how we got on the subject on how impressive your dick is."

"Probably cuz you're not only talking' to a dude with that universal he has along with practically every other guy , but also a dragon with an crazy high sex drive and superhuman stamina-specially when it comes to sex-that's really proud of his dick for obvious reasons."

"Yes, though I think we've pretty much already established why that is 'for obvious reasons' like you said."

"Aw thanks Luce— that makes me really glad to hear ya' say that! It's just I love what I can do with it, ya know? I mean it'd really suck if I couldn't fuck or get myself for a week because of an injured you-know-what. Especially cuz of the first part seeing how fantastic the sex with you always is. "

" Definitely don't disagree , but you and your dick references-my god. You can be quite proud, when you wanna be , don't you? Dragonslayers and their egos— not to mention libidos. I swear that both of those seem to skyrocket through the roof once they find their mates . And As if they weren't high enough already— not that I'm complaining. Anyways, I'm sure your dick will be fine."

"I hope so."

"Don't worry I can always help you find a place to lay low for a while if your hypothetical prediction of Erza coming after you does come true ."

"Yeah, I just might have to take ya up on your offer if shit does hit the fan—probably gonna take you and Happy with me too. That way Erza can't go to the most obvious people for answers on where I'm hidin and neither one of us will be bored."

"Whatever works, I'll do."

"Great! Anyways, enough about my dick for the time being. Now's probably bout high time for us to get on with the rest of our date."

"Agreed—let's do it."

"Awesome. How bout' we get you ready for your massage then, yeah?"

"Sounds good— I'm really looking forward to it!"

"Same here!"

To Be Continued

fic tag squad: @writer-appreciation​  @fuck-yeah-nalu @soprana-snap  @phoenix-before-the-flame     @nunnatheinsanegerbil @mautrino @rougescribe @goddesofimortality @phoenix-before-the-flame  @nalufever  @petri808 @thecelestialchick @nalu-natic  @superdomo360 @pyroandtheprincess  @rayhneatess  @nothingbutwordsstuff  @petri808  @thecelestialchick  @chiire  @nalufever @shootingstarssel  @chamilsanya  @rougescribe  @lover-of-the-light117  @rougescribe @narutoyaoifan

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter! The writing process took me a couple months at least to churn out this chapter in its entirety when I originally wrote it- but I'm pretty satisfied with the result. Now to take care of some housekeeping.

1. First things first, I just wanted to make it clear that Natsu was fully given affirmative consent by Lucy during the whole scenario of being on the verge of ravishing her against the massage bed (before even getting to the massage first. as intended). He wouldn't have proceeded if either one of them didn't or would've stopped if consent was withdrawn at any time in case that wasn't already established. Same goes for Lucy, since it wasn't a matter of Natsu not wanting to have sex (he did), but rather him also being worried about spoiling the romantic mood if the order of how events proceeded was out of order .(Pretty sure that as much as he loves having sex with Lucy, he'd also care about the other aspects of the relationship including the feelings of his mate.

Not to mention , he'd be just as mutually invested in the pleasure, feelings and overall experience of sexual and /or romantic encounters of his partner as much of his own ). Neither of the two are the type to make sexual advances on someone without consent which Hiro-sensei established (even in the Stone Age Omake). Yes, I'm well aware of that controversial page in that Nalu comic from January 2018, which I loved overall-final page included except said page that had the fandom up in arms. I ultimately wish Hiro had tackled that particular bottom panel differently, though it wasn't sexual or malicious . Nor he'd condone such actions regarding where the drawing was on Lucy in real life which made it easier to live with in the end. I also would like to point out that I like Hiro, would never write scenes glorifying non-consensual encounters. Whew, glad to have gotten the main part of this off my chest.

2. Anyway, what I would like to bring up next is the fact that Nalu has pretty much been confirmed to be canon in the manga/anime though the ending of the final chapter was left open-ended. Not to mention, it's no surprise to any fan that both Natsu and Lucy both have sexual awareness which means they are capable of experiencing sexual attraction along with the other kinds—especially those that come from being in love or having feelings that transcend beyond platonic boundaries (all which have been depicted in the series). It could also be very well possible that both may have sexual experience, but not very much in the department of romantic relationships. Keep in mind that being sexually experienced is not always an indicator of the romantic relationship kind with sexual intimacy.

(This isn't to say the two are never interconnected by means) In other words, one can have sexual experienced without having much in the way of the romantic department, though obviously they can gain even more of the former from being in romantic relationships where sex is a component. That being said, there isn't really that much of a focus on the possible sex lives of the characters in Fairytail, leaving room for interpretation. (Course Natsu and Lucy are completely compatible as a couple—especially due to quasi-romantic gestures even as friends. There's also the possibility of their relationship being explored further in the potential continuation of Fairytail since the ending of the final chapter left it open for a sequel and Hiro himself mentioned he would like to return to the FT universe (perhaps through a official continuation of some) in addition to his other projects at some point!)

3. At no point were the two belittling anyone's feelings—it was all lighthearted banter.

4. Lucy does have a permanent mating mark on the juncture of her neck near her collarbone put on there by Natsu through a bite. It signifies Natsu consensually claiming her as is (without being abusive or treating her like property) and their unique, eternal bond. (Just in case anyone was wondering!)

5. In this particular fic (like many others), one of the aspects dragonslayers and demons—including some etherious presumably- share in common is having one person (or group of people for the polyamorous though it doesn't apply to Natsu or Lucy since they both prefer monogamy) they're destined to become eternally bonded to for life and beyond in every sense of the word— their mates a.k.a soulmates. Demons however, also consider their mates/soulmates to their queens or kings for which Natsu would obviously consider Lucy to be both (mate/soulmate and queen) since he's a hybrid of a fire dragonslayer and etherious demon. (I think this fact has already been well established throughout the fic so far along with heightened libidos plus their protective and territorial/possessive instincts—without being abusive or viewing their soul-bonded as property mind you- among other traits. And yes, obviously there would be other dragonslayers who have mates with Levy being Gajeel's as one such example). Anyway, it's been a concept and common-but quality-trope I've always loved since reading Inuyasha fics and becoming a Nalu shipper which has greatly inspired my own creative writing in fanfiction over the years. Same goes for demons having queens from from the fantastic plethora of Nalu/End.l.u fics that I'm also a major sucker for including those written by the amazing @mslead and Kytrin.

All right, that's pretty much it in the way of housekeeping for now. Though just a reminder that particular steamy Nalu scene I've been mentioning in will now be in chapter 6— guaranteed! Chapter 6 of Tantric Flames will be also up after I have chance to finish writ and formatting it . All right guys, that's it for now!

Once again , hoped you all enjoyed the most recent installment of Tantric! Don't forget to let me know what you think by leaving a review/comment and feel free to check out of the rest of my writing!(See above closer to the top of post and bio for links if on Tumblr and my fanfiction author page if on there and possibly archive of our own if I can get it all sorted out once I receive my invite ). Special thanks to all my friends, followers, mutuals, readers and everyone who has been supporting me so far— really means a lot! Until next time, take care!

[terrible-tentacle-theatre]

The Bestiary Revamped: Bobbit Worm

Disclaimer: While this article is founded in scientific fact, it contains hyberbole and conscious exaggerations for the sake of comedy. Do not take my ramblings at face value. You can find the sources at the end of the article and tools for scientific fact-checking under the “Learn more” link on my blog.

The old article can be read here.

(Note: While writing this article, I was listening to the Final Fantasy IV boss battle theme.)

(Okay, so. Anyway.)

Of all the phyla of animal life, you’d be hard-pressed to find any that is more prominent in the public conscious as the epitome of harmless, pathetic, and ultimately boring animals than annelids.

I mean, what else, would you call a taxon that’s most famous member looks like this?

Wow. Fascinating.

Let’s be honest: earthworms aren’t the most exciting animals, to put it mildly.  It’s truly difficult to imagine any more generic a creature than a tube of pasty and easily smearable flesh writhing on wet pavement after a light rain.

However, you might want to be careful when talking trash about earthworms and their fellow annelids. These pathetic all-organic homegrown noodles are essential to the circle of matter, and if they get fed up with your disrespectful shit they can just up and ditch the whole detritivorous routine, leaving you, and you personally, to literally eat dirt in their place. Be respectful to earthworms because they deal with all of the shit you don’t want to deal with, both metaphorically and in a literal sense.

But if that isn’t enough to convince you that you shouldn’t diss earthworms (in which case you’re probably an asshole to begin with), consider the following: if they can’t take more of your racist bull, they can tell on you to their big strong cousin. And pray to whatever transcendent being(s) you believe in that doesn’t happen. You do not want that to go down.

Why?

Simple.

Turns out, the ranks of the annelids apparently include the fucking Sarlacc.

*unholy screaming*

Meet the bobbit worm (Eunice aphroditois), the newest resident of your recurring nightmares. Who knew that the cousin of the lowly earthworm is a vicious mashup of one of those bendy rainbow pencils and Shai-Hulud that also happens to eat happy thoughts for breakfast? Standing at a maximum length of roughly three goddamn meters, this lethal length of rope will shear anything with the balls and/or the stupidity to approach it in half and look fabulous with its iridescent cuticle the whole time. That is no exaggeration, as you will soon come to see.

This terrible killer rainbow was discovered in 1788 by a German naturalist called Peter Simon Pallas. Imagine hopping on a boat in the late 18th century, in a time when most people still believed in the existence of a good and loving God, and finding this. Imagine his reaction.

Actually, you don’t have to, because we have his portrait and you can see his empty-eyed stare shining through. “Scarred for life” doesn’t even begin covering this bullshit.

Seriously, look into his eyes. Dude’s dead inside.

Sweet lord have mercy. This guy is the real reason why you don’t talk shit about annelids. You can boast about being  “the most intelligent creature on Earth”  and “the crown of creation” and blah blah blah. Fat load of good it’s gonna do ya against a 10-feet-long rainbow death worm with spring-loaded jagged mandibles quite literally the size of your middle fingers.

Crown this.

And guess what - that worm is fucking pissed at you. You talked trash about its phylum and now you’ll get what’s coming to you. Next time you’ll think twice before you try talking down on annelids.

To better put in perspective why you should soil your pants in fear at this prospect, let’s review the bobbit worm’s life and times, as well as its lovely feeding habits.

Oh boy!

This will be fun.

So, the bobbit worm basically comes to be from the worm jizz and eggs floating around in the ocean. (Keep that in mind next time you go for a nice refreshing swim on the ocean beach.) The fertilized eggs hatch into microscopic little specks called trochophore larvae, which then drift around in the oceanic currents as plankton like a bunch of lazy shits. Fairly humble beginnings for what will soon become the beast that is the bobbit worm. It’s a bit like how Darth Vader used to be a slave on a backwater desert planet as a kid.

Note: this isn’t a bobbit worm trochophore, but that of another polychaete worm (Pomatoceros lamarckii), used here for demonstration. Anyway, they’re difficult to tell apart but one hatches into a harmless tube-building worm and the other a ravenous ten-feet-long predator with a pair of garden shears for a face. Polychaete larvae are like Kinder eggs, Russian roulette edition.

After growing out of its larval stage, a whole lot of completely uninteresting shit happens (mostly the gaining of additional segments), ending with a small mature worm that embeds itself into the seabed in a sufficiently warm and sunny part of the ocean.

What follows next is something right out of Return of the Jedi. What, you thought I was kidding about the Sarlacc?

The bobbit worm spends all day laying low in the seabed, waiting silently, with only the tip of its head sticking out of the sediment. Said head comes equipped with five chemoreceptory tendrils, allowing the worm to “taste” the water around itself. This comes in handy, seeing as it is completely fucking blind and the thought of growing eyes never even crossed it’s mind (which is actually fairly complex for an annelid). It’s like one of those blind sword masters from wuxia movies, except it’s a terrifying giant worm instead.

Aaaaaanyway! If the worm senses anything that “smells” edible, it correctly deduces that it is, in fact, edible. Which logically means that something was stupid enough to approach it without hightailing it out there. Therefore, it becomes a one-worm Darwin Award Committee and does this.

Steppin’ on the beach, do do do doOOOAAAAAARGH

You know, the longer this article gets, the less it feels like this is biology and the more it feels like I’m writing some sort of weird Dune fanfiction.

I feel like I should note that the bobbit worm’s definition of “edible” is amazingly flexible. This fucker will eat anything that comes close to it’s terrifying maw. Crabs, shrimp, fish, worms - anything with or without a pulse is at risk of suddenly being snatched by a horrifying giant worm and swallowed alive to be digested into slurry. If you’re lucky, though, it will miss and only ends up cutting you in half with the sheer force of its strike, completely by accident. Sweet dreams.

Speaking of its digestion, there is absolutely nothing that it cannot break down. It has zero problems wolfing down entire animals twice its width, and one incident involving a bobbit worm sneaking into an aquarium had it shred wire traps furnished with fishing hooks to pieces, then swallowing the hooks and digesting them, followed by eating its way through 20 pounds of fishing wire. I’m pretty sure the next thing to be broken down in its gut will be human civilization. 

And if there’s nothing around to eat, the bobbit worm still firmly refuses to die. It will sustain itself just fine on detritus, algae and tiny little silica-shelled plankton called diatoms who are easily some of the prettiest things in the ocean.

It eats pure aesthetic and turns it into rainbow cuticle and mandibles that can shred any fish to ribbons. The bobbit worm is truly the pastel goth of the ocean.

They also have a nasty habit of occasionally burrowing into rocks when young, and ending up in aquariums in secret. There, being the insidious little assholes that they are, they bury themselves into the sediment and secretly start to munch upon the dumbass utopian fish society inside the aquarium, growing from angry shoelace to technicolor abomination in the process. Often it takes years to notice the bobbit worm hanging out in your aquarium, which is a pretty big feat. Imagine if you had to stay concealed in an glass-walled aquarium for years... while being three to ten feet long and covered in garish rainbow color. This guy could effortlessly drive Naruto out of the colorful ninja business. Enjoy your paranoia next time you buy live rocks for your aquarium.

In D&D, the bobbit worm multiclasses as assassin and barbarian.

Now I hope you understand that being a fish is akin to cosmic horror. Any moment you might be cruelly snatched out of existence by a being that is outside your generally accepted reality (the water) and also happens to be shit-your-pants terrifying and even have tentacles to round out the Lovecraft aesthetic. And they are covered in bristles that cause permanent numbness, just by the way. Just in case they weren’t horrifying enough, Mama Nature’s got you covered.

Oh, and one last thing: they are found in all three oceans.

So anyway, how’s planning that seaside vacation going? Have fun!

Sources:

Encyclopedia of Life (EoL)

Echinoblog

Global Biotic Interactions (GloBI)

Ocean Biogeographic Information System (OBIS)

SCHULZE, Anja. The Bobbit worm dilemma: a case for DNA (Reply to Salazar-Vallejo et al. 2011. Giant Eunicid Polychaetes (Annelida) in shallow tropical and temperate seas. Rev. Biol. Trop. 59-4: 1463-1474)

The Daily Mail

[dingoreviews]

Final Fantasy XIII Review

I feel like since this is my first(tm) review I should do some explaining on how this will work. But at the same time everyone and their mom posts reviews for things nowadays so I'm sure you get the picture. Feel free to skip all this and go to the end where I sum it up in one sentence. Don't worry. I won't mind.

...Still there? Neat. Unfortunately for you, you've probably made the worse of the two choices.

As a disclaimer, this rant is purely my opinion and completely subjective. No one is paying me to do this. If you dislike what I'm saying, leave an ask and I will sip my iced tea and laugh about it as I read it dramatically to my friends and loved ones. Anyway, let's continue with me shitting on ranting about the FFXIII series in detail. Potential spoilers, but these games are hella old so if you spoil yourself you can just eat a pint of ice cream and cry about it.

I like to consider myself a Square Enix/Final Fantasy fan. I tend to follow their actions and look forward to their games. Some of my favorite games are made by Square (Kingdom Hearts, Tomb Raider (the reboots) and FFX to name a few). That said, there’s a good chance I’m pretty biased in their favor.

But some of their most recent games have been kinda shaky for me, particularly FFXIII and XV. I’ll save FFXV for another time though.

So FFXIII (or 13 for the casuals) stars your typical cast of generic and angsty characters who, in classic JRPG fashion, have to kill god(tm) with the power of friendship and morals. It's got your pretty generic plot where the entire world/government is conspiring against you and your ragtag group has gotta stab everything between point A and point B. Did that sound like a criticism? I mean as cliche as that all is at that point it's basically Square's bread and butter for FF games so I'm not really worried about all that.

I mean, this is typically the part of the review where you go over the plot of the games right? Well maybe I would if I actually knew what it was. That brings me to my first rant point:

Where's the Damn Story?

There's been a trend in games lately where the devs leave little footnotes and data entries littered about that give you background and fully explain the lore of the world you're in. A lot of the time, that's typically reserved for less important information, like the time sheets for the town's police force or the color of their president's undergarments. You know, things that might be nice to know for people who are really into it, but not necessary to understand what is going on. FFXIII also decided to use this method of storytelling...

While on your epic hallway adventure, FFXIII gives you data entries about background and things when relevant. I, for one, made the assumption that, like many other games, I could save those until later as it wasn't necessary for understanding what was going on right now. BOY WAS I WRONG. Throughout the majority of the game the characters go on and on as if you're already well versed in their world. L'cie? Fal'cie? I mean if you're gonna make up words at least define them for me extremely clearly within the plot and storytelling itself.

Literally everything I understand about the plot of the first XIII game came from reading a wiki after the fact. And that says a lot considering I barely understand it even now. It really shows a failure on XIII's part to actually write a plot in a way that would be clear to anyone who played. Throwing data entries at me as a requirement for understanding the plot is EXTREMELY LAZY in my opinion.

Then there's the characters. Honestly, I didn't like any of them. I mean, I liked Fang and Vanilla (that was intentional) mostly, but they still felt kind of underwhelming. The characters had a lot of potential too. I feel like Lightning had genuine motives behind her actions, but she was as expressive as a spiky haired potato. I mean, at least her design wasn't overly emphasizing her tits and ass. I'm going to pretend that Lightning Returns doesn't exist yet because don't get me fucking started.

Then you get Snow who's just like look at me I'm the dumbass who believes I can save everyone herp. And Hope isn't any better with his momma's boy ass whining all the time. I guess there are character arcs but they only really happen by the weird plot point of hey if you don't fucking grow a pair this giant robot is gonna bury your ass so I'm not sure how much that counts.

Hallways for Days

I had already alluded to this, but the game is extremely linear.

Let me put that in perspective. I love FFX. For those of you that have played X, it is also extremely linear. But despite this, the game opens up in different ways that allow for side tracking and bonus stuff. It's not a whole ton until you get to the end, but it's something I don't mind about the game because there's so much more to it.

Meanwhile, FFXIII is so damn narrow that you could throw a hot dog down one of the hallways and it would get caught between the walls. They have all these lush, beautiful environments that you can only admire from a distance as the hallways the force you in make a sharp left turn away from it all. And then to top it off all those locations are one and done. You cannot go back to a majority of the game environments after completing them. Unless, of course, you restart the game. But why on earth would anyone subject themselves to another 30 hours of hallways anyway?

By the time the game opens up for you to roam and stretch your legs, you're basically in the final chapter. It's a question of "Do I fight the final boss or just grind until I die?" The game opens up so far in and so suddenly that, and this is no joke, when my boyfriend was playing the game he had such a shock from his comfortable, narrow hallways he got too overwhelmed to continue the game. That's a bad way to get introduced to the series, considering that was his first ever FF game.

Press X to Shaun Combat

Now my biggest gripe with XIII is the combat system. I saw combat system, but it’s more like a frustration magnet. So much of it feels less like a tactical system you have to actually control and think about and more like… pressing X until you win or die.

For those of you less familiar with the combat, your team takes actions by filling a turn bar with various commands based on their combat roles (or paradigms). Once they perform all their allotted tasks they then wait for the bar to refill again before taking more actions. This also applies to all of the enemies in the game.

Now, you’re probably saying Well if everyone is taking turns simultaneously based on any number of different timings then the battles must be pretty chaotic and fast paced. Yes, random citizen of the internet, they can be. Or, you know, you can press the Auto Battle option which the action cursor defaults to every time your characters have turns and it usually does the most optimal thing for that character based on their current paradigm.

That means we don’t have to think about anything at all! Let the game do it for us! Amazing! Everything I wanted in a movie video game! FFXIII successfully managed to take a combat system that is normally designed to create situations where players have to think strategically and remove almost all the thinking.

Honestly, that’s not what caused me agonizing frustration while playing the game. What destroyed my will to live most was the various area of effect (AoE) abilities that the characters and, more importantly, the enemies have. The most control you have for your characters’ positions is based entirely on their roles/ abilities used. Nothing stops your characters’ AIs from simply standing next to each other in a big pile. They might as well hold up a big sign that says Hit us with all your AoEs at once! I swear, if I had a dollar for every time my healer character walked right next to my tank character, who was pulling all the enemy aggro and died because they got hit by all the AoE, I’d have enough money to ship a package to Square Enix Japan with a video clip of Hope running directly into an attack directed at another character and a card with a big Why? written inside.

Conclusion

Yeah, you can probably tell that I wouldn’t recommend this game to anyone. I mean it’s pretty, the music is solid, and the internet believes that Lightning has great armpits. (As a gay man I have no comment on this.) But I just don’t think it’s very fun. Despite this, I did manage to finish the game and put a lot of time into some of the side quests. But in general, not a great game.

TL;DR

Battle is boring, plot is thrown at you unexplained, and it probably should have been a 48 hour movie. But hey, it’s pretty.