#also genuinely feel bad for germany like. genuinely. we didn't deserve that

[vinterskald]

just so we're all clear on this. i know serbia scored 24th place yesterday but he won to me

[ermuellert]

what are your honest opinions on julian draxler's career?

personally i thought he was genuinely going to be a big star because he was this young wonderkid at schalke who won the world cup as a 20 year old (he didn't do much though to be fair) but it never really turned out that way ... he's not done terribly per se, he is playing for psg, living that sweet life en france, and somehow still getting callups to the german national team but i am just kind of sad that he never reached the full potential that he had ... i thought he would be the captain of the "new" germany generation, one of the leaders, but now he barely gets to play ... i am kind of extra worked up about his case because he seems like a nice and sweet person as well ... anyways maybe i just have a bad track record of predicting career trajectories, all the youngsters i thought would succeed haven't (yet), at one point i believed that julian weigl and max meyer would also be world beaters and here we are ... i don't know what it is, probably a mix of injuries, bad luck, and maybe just not working hard enough ... long long sigh

anyways if you read all that you're an absolute superstar because i really went and wrote an essay oops ... i look forward to your live blogging tomorrow as it is always entertaining ... lots of love xxx

i hope u know that deep down.... like. Deep Down... i am always always always craving to talk about julian...... like trust me... i promise essays on monsieur draxler are always welcome here because i used to write that much about him and sometimes still think that much about him too...

objectively speaking, i think he is doing alright! pretty good by a lot of standards probably, for most of the reasons u listed. he’s getting paid obscene amounts (probably more than he deserves at this moment in time), has a seemingly great personal life, and as u said, still getting his national team callups. 

my personal thoughts, on the other hand, are... well....... not really of the same sentiment. i already know i’m gonna write up an even longer essay so let me just tuck the rest of this ramble under a cut for the sake of my followers lmao

honestly for me... thinking about julian is kind of depressing. if you feel worked up about him, just know that i relate. he seems very happy where he is in his life at the moment and so of course i’m happy for him too but compared to the potential it seemed he had... it’s just a bit sad. mostly because it isn’t as though he’s an excellent player hindered by injuries (e.g. reus) or anything really beyond his control - i think a lot of what’s so disappointing about his career trajectory is really just to do with him and him only.

yes, his failed transfer to juve back when he was at schalke wasn’t his fault but to move to wolfsburg? i know hindsight is 20/20 but i almost wish he’d just stayed at schalke. the drama he got into while he was at wolfsburg really did not do any good for his image, putting aside the fact that he was putting in average (even inconsistent) performances for the team. at schalke, maybe he could’ve had more time to develop within a team he grew up in and just use his time there to work and work hard. (there’s something i want to say about mentality here but i’ll bring that up later)

then, when his transfer to psg was announced, i felt like that was some beacon of hope although honestly, i think anything compared to wolfsburg could’ve looked that way to me at the time lmao keeping up with that club just for him (and partly andré schürrle) was fucking painful my god

at psg he was off to a decent start and things were starting to look up! wasn’t starting every single match but he was playing fairly well and made quick friends with his new teammates (u know who lol) etc. but then of course any sort of rhythm/momentum he gained was totally thrown off by mbappé’s and neymar’s arrivals which i think were both only around half a year after his transfer. 

and so basically since then, he’s been “competing” for a spot with ney, kylian, and di maría.

(ok reading that back i realize that whole recap of his career was not really necessary or at least. making it as lengthy as i did wasn’t but. i’m too lazy to go back and reword everything so bear with me lmao)

taking all that into account, i think yes, to some extent, he has some excuse for the stagnation of his career. he’s had his injuries and he’s been played out of position for large portions of time.

but i think what really frustrates me about him is that as a fan who’s loved him for years it’s really sad to see that what’s holding him back is not necessarily a lack of ability but just that he doesn’t have the sort of drive i wish he did. it’s been on display in his performances before - he can be lazy and invisible - but i think what’s worse is how that translates off the pitch. he’s just never really seemed to fight for a spot in the starting eleven. and if the rumors are true (as they do seem so) the parisian nightlife has not been doing him very good lmao

not only that though but i think he just doesn’t care as much about football as he does about ... image? money? i don’t know. i don’t know what the word i’m looking for is. i don’t think julian is a superficial sort of person and i’m not saying ambition is a bad thing at all, but when he couldn’t go from schalke to juventus (and that failed transfer was riding, presumably, a lot on his wonderboy status at schalke), he followed the money to wolfsburg. put in performances that understandably received criticism at wolfsburg, then very publicly made a whole thing out of wanting to leave and not being able to. then followed the money to psg where he just ... vibes on the bench. well, at least up until this season. but even then, if it weren’t for all the covid cases and red cards, i don’t know if he would be playing as much as he has. 

so tl;dr: i love julian a lot still and he’s still the same sweet dorky fuckboi-ish guy i’ve been a fan of since the start and i’m happy that he’s happy! the tragic irony is that what makes him happy - collecting checks while being a bench player - is also what depresses me quite a bit about him. he has his flashes of brilliance every once in a while where you can see that 17-year-old schalke wonderboy in him, so you know that hype from long ago wasn’t all a waste and that somewhere in there is a very talented, perhaps starworthy footballer. but he isn’t. not because he can’t but because he doesn’t really care to. and not in a dismissive sense i don’t think. i don’t think he thinks “ah who cares about being the best player in the world fuck that” but moreso in the sense of “ah i think i’m doing alright! that’s good enough for me.” and that sort of mentality is what places him (or at least, contributes to his position being) a tier below his peers who have proven themselves (e.g. kimmich, although that also brings up the whole “can that sort of fighter/die-on-the-pitch type mentality be taught or must it be inherent” kind of thing so let’s move on before i write an essay within this essay) at the end of the day i know not every footballer is in this sport simply for the sake of playing it, but from time to time thinking about him fills me with a lot of nostalgia and yes a tinge of disappointment because i can’t help but think of what could’ve been (i.e. what would’ve happened if he’d stayed at schalke? stayed there for good or stayed for a season or two more, developed even more hype, strengthened his abilities. had a successful transfer to a good, solid club and continued to hone his abilities, etc).

ok. now i’m done. i’m so sorry for putting u through all that and skimming this back i sound SO dramatic lmao but man i’ve been through like six-ish years of following his career so fuck it oh well

also if u wanna know how much i still care, know that after the “draxler to leeds united” rumors first dropped, i wrestled with my impulse control every single day for a week trying to stop myself from dming him on insta saying “i love you but get ur ass to leeds or i will kidnap u and get u there myself your football career is killing me but i love you and just want the best for u have a nice day xx”

[plastic-l0veee]

It's 4:32 am on August 5th and I'm lying in your bed, waiting for you to wake up for work before I make the 3+ hour drive back home. Since I've been here, I had so much fun. I don't remember the last time I laughed this much, genuinely. You made me laugh so hard I peed. It's been a REALLY long time since I could bounce back and forth so well with someone's humor. Thank you so much for showing me this breakfast place that's 24/7 because of my awful inconsistent sleep schedule. For getting up after 3 hours when I couldn't fall back asleep with you Saturday morning, for the energy drinks to get by. For the stickers you bought me because you know I love covering my things in art, for finding my love of magical girl culture charming instead of childish. Thanks for holding my hand, for taking me to the park to catch pokémon and allow me to reintroduce you to a game you gave up after your rough spot last year. For literally driving up/down Houston and tipping that girl 12 dollars at sonic because you listened to all my work stories over the last 10 months. When we finally crashed back at your house, we couldn't even fall asleep because we were THAT tired but it was also that early. I confessed that something about laying in bed with you made me cry that first night and you look upset that you didn't know even though I took every precaution not to wake you. I tell you I'm doing mostly okay, I just think he unfortunately lives by the spot my ex dumped me at 3 years ago, and it's almost to the dot (August 4th.) You tell me I'm wonderful and I deserve more. I am so sleep deprived, I laugh and tell you I hate myself so much but I love you. Your I love you sounds so sincere. You tell me you've been sitting on saying it, because you didn't know what I wanted with you. I want to cry now because by all accounts, this should mean our broken pieces should line up together to form something beautiful, something real, but I also know deep down, I'm still a bitter piece of shit from everything with my ex. I confess that I have to move next year. You're sad but more importantly, you're happy the move means I'll be able to go back to school and commit to my art. You're so supportive. My mind draws a contrast between your excitement for me and the way my ex begged me to stay for him instead of Germany almost 3 years ago. We laugh about it, how I could end up somewhere silly like Alaska, how you'll move there with your dog to avoid losing contact, your chest contracts with all our laughter and suddenly your room feels like the only real thing in this world. I really love you, Jonathan. We're both crying a little, from sadness we're falling in love at such a bad time, from laughter for all the teasing we bounce off of each other, from happiness that we ever got to be in something so wonderful. We watch ratatouille while eating pasta, we laugh about our messed up lives a little more and I get to fall asleep being held by you. You always reach out for me in your sleep. The next morning, we just stay in as long as we can, talking about our psuedo relationship, kissing, playing with your dog, and it's really hard to just not shout about how much I love you while the day has just started. It's another day of making you laugh too loud on this con floor and driving around to taste everything. And I spend another night to enjoy every second with you, even if you have work at 5am the next morning.

Fuck, I'm really in love with you. And I'm very happy being with you. I wish I met you at a better time.

You're beautiful, Jonathan. I could never repay this kindness you've given me over this weekend, much less over the last 10 months. I'm such a coward, honestly, but you sincerely make me want to almost give this a shot. And thanks so much for letting me know I can love again. I'm going to enjoy every remaining moment with you. And my heart is really going to break when you meet someone new because despite what you believe, you're so easy to love. You are never too much. Other people are just not enough. Thank you for everything.