#also have the fucking bridge from the new troye sivan song stuck in my head like SOMEONE GET IT OUTJSDJDJ ITS SO CATCHY

[reyesstrand]

was sooo brave and made two (2) phone calls today

[mesinterpretations]

Hayley Kiyoko’s ‘I Wish’ and the relationship between sexuality and religion

let’s talk about hayley kiyoko’s ‘I Wish’ which is a rIGHT BOP 27/10 WOULD RECOMMEND

cheeky little disclaimer that what i’m gonna be talking about may or may not be reflective of the artist’s intended meaning but, nevertheless, this is my own interpretation of the song based on my personal experiences and thoughts and I hope you respect it. thanks!!! x

The Idea

According to genius.com, Hayley Kiyoko’s new single ‘I Wish’ is about “[Hayley babes] longing for clarity in a romance that’s gone stale”. I totally see that when I first heard the song, but conjured another possible meaning as the song went on.

I think that Hayley’s ‘I Wish’ is not addressed to another person, but to God.

wAIT — before you say anything else, I say this having heard Troye Sivan’s song ‘HEAVEN’, which is about Troye exploring the link between sexuality and religion. The lyrics in his song go, “If I’m losing a piece of me [i.e. The Gay™️] / How do I get to heaven? / If I’m changing a part of me / How do I get to heaven?”

(Adding in my fave chorus line here just because I love it: “All my time has wasted / Feeling like my heart’s mistaken”.)

Troye’s song is more sombre and doubtful, which is fitting for the song’s message and the imagery used to achieve the atmosphere of the song — undoubtedly reflective of the artist’s feelings.

I think that Hayley’s song takes this exploration of the link between sexuality and religion but with an air of impatience — a pissed off-ness.

And that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing — looking at the lyrics of this song, her pissed off-ness is not misplaced at all; her feelings are completely valid.

The Intro

Starting off with the intro: The repeated “I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I found love” sounds like a rhyming song kids sing in the playground — with the characters wearing school uniforms (which, to me, very much looks like a Catholic school girl uniform bc I went to Catholic school lmao), the imagery was stuck. This somehow makes us think that this song may reflect the narrator’s childhood experiences.

Verse 1

The first couple lines of the song (“I don’t know where we’re gon’ go from here / I don’t”) does sound like it is a song about a relationship going stale. With the context in mind, it could also be an upfront conversation with God — the narrator realised they’re gay, knowing full well that their religion does not coincide with homosexuality, and now they’re questioning their relationship with God.

“Okay so — I’m gay, apparently you hate gays, where do we go from here?”

// Okay so I’ve already typed ‘God’ like three (3) times now and I feel like I’m back in Sunday school so imma say ‘G’ instead, hope that’s okay lmao //

“You shut down when I tell you all the shit I want” could be easily seen as prayers — the things that the narrator wants being, perhaps, acceptance, love, someone who understands. But this ‘ever-loving’ G seems to not answer them.

“We butt heads” (i.e. I’m gay and I’m sure that I’m gay but from what I’ve heard you hate gays) “‘cause you don’t pay me no attention“ (i.e. answering my prayers or at least giving me a sign that you still love me and that I’m not a sinner for being gay).

The chorus

The chorus replicates the intro, but adding the narrator’s sense of longing to have someone. With that Catholic-school-prayer train of thought, it seems like the intro is actually a prayer, and the repeated “I Wish” shows desperation, the narrator is almost pleading for someone to love them, or to fall in love with them. They are asking G to send them someone who loves them as a sign that it’s okay to be gay and he still loves them.

Verse 2

Verse 2 is very interesting because water imagery is used — Hayley’s first album ‘Expectations’ is based around a water theme, which (if I remember correctly from one of her interviews) represents her and her personality. The imagery she used in Verse 2 are quite strong ones — “storm” and “raining oceans”.

The Bible is very particular with all things water, and Christianity does hold water integral to their beliefs. In the Bible, storms, rain, and flood tend to represent hardship — examples being the Great Flood via Noah’s Ark which led to the death of many, when Jesus travelled while it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, when Jesus calmed the storm (the storm representative of his disciples not believing in him and trusting him completely), and so on. Verse 2 is very much about hardship because of their identity and the narrator trying to go through that.

idk I just thought it was a nice treat to find Hayley’s signature representation and putting it in religious context to go along with the theme.

This small change in Verse 2: “We butt heads / ‘cause you’re payin’ HIM more attention / And you’re selfish with your affection” to me sounds like a shout-out to heteronormativity. It feels like the narrator is saying ‘So I ask for a girlfriend/companion, but you keep giving them to guys — why can’t I get one if you always give them one?’ — which reinforces the widespread rumour that G hates The Gays™️ (which, in my personal queer opinion, isn’t true).

The bridge

So, truth be told I was thinking that this song was addressed to a past/current lover UNTIL THE BRIDGE. Like, after hearing the bridge and the rest of the final chorus, I had to listen to the song again and it completely changed everything I thought about it thus far.

The bridge goes: “Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever love me ever / I wonder if I'm ever gonna find somebody / I cry, cry, cry, cry to the heavens / Why won't you just send me somebody?”.

The “heavens” bit changed my perspective, but “Sometimes I wonder if you’ll ever love me ever” got me crying.

Imagine finding out one day that this deity, this person who is meant to be omnibenevolent - a Being that is so filled with love for his creation that he sent his only son to the abattoir just to save them — suddenly incapable of loving YOU just because you’re not a certain way.

IT HURTS A DAMN LOT. LIKE THAT SHIT FUCKING HURTS.

This G that is meant to love and forgive not loving you, not even spending the littlest amount of time to think of you, to hear your prayers. You’ve been taught that G is the one that’s always by your side, to take your burdens away, to be your refuge, your confidante — your safe haven. But now G is suddenly not that person anymore just because you’re exactly the way you are.

It makes someone feel like they’re unworthy of love and respect and it’s sad. It’s frustrating.

It’s taking the piss.

Hence on me saying that the impatient, pissed off vibe of this song is appropriate and valid.

Being thrown hate breeds hate, and even though Hayley’s new song does not send off the hate vibes, it does send off wary vibes — insecure, annoyed, and conflicted vibes.

Hayley’s music, as well as a few other artists’, seamlessly blends heart-wrenching, painful messages with catchy, dance-along melodies which gives another dimension to music as well as a sense of versatility: you can dance to it when you’re feeling happy, or you can think about it and cry for a bit if you have to.

It’s amazing.

But I say this again: hate breeds hate.

So maybe hug someone today, or send them a sparkly emoji.

Go and be kind. x