#also i just had to repost this because the last one got 'under review bc it might violate guidelines'

[voices-ringing-out]

@evilsded​ said,  “ don’t you understand? i love you. and nothing you’ve done, no matter how much of a monster you think you are, is gonna change that.  ”

At first, Dean didn’t reply, instead absentmindedly reaching for the mark seared into his arm, pressing a finger against it and tracing the scar-like shape of it, unresponsive to the faint burning pain it caused to do so. Even now, he could feel the darkness deep inside of him, the urge to kill and maim or he would never be satisfied - even now, a voice somewhere within him whispered to him that he should slaughter Ash.

     The thought made him sick, two separate parts of his mind and soul at war, and one was significantly stronger... that was why he needed to get far, far away from the people he loved. He didn’t want to kill innocents, but that would be far less guilt than cutting down those closest to him. It wouldn’t be safe to hunt for a cure or a solution while Sam, Ash, and Castiel were anywhere near him.

     “No.” Dean took a step back, forcing himself to meet Ash’s eyes. “It has nothing to do with who I am right now, but who I’m gonna become.” He yanked his shirt sleeve up, showing the mark to Ash. “There’s no just ‘say no’ solution for this. It’s gonna get harder and harder to ignore the urge to kill, and I do not want you to fall victim to that. I may not be a monster now, but I sure as hell am gonna be. Maybe sooner than any of us think.”

     He hated this. He wanted nothing more to wrap his arms around Ash, because fuck, he needed that grounding, soothing energy right now but the constant fear of hurting the other - growing stronger with every second - kept him from doing so. “Please. Ash. I can’t let you or Sam or even Cas come with me. Not if I want you to stay safe.”