#also if anyone feels inclined to directly advise me on managing my ocd i assure you:

[tomwambsgans]

man, i like your blog and shit but if you're having ocd meltdowns whenever someone has a different interpretation of the characters, it makes engaging with you kinda impossible. it's a small fandom and is getting smaller each day, don't spend half of your time complaining about other people's fics and posts and then act surprised when the vibe sucks

is this solely in response to that one recent late-night rant i posted? bc i'm getting the sense that this may also be about posts on my main, and if it is, then tbqh i'm gonna say that i need somewhere to vent for venting's sake or else i'll go even more insane. so like, i'll concede that maybe i should just remove my main url from my blog bio or something. but other than that, i try genuinely hard to keep my fr meltdowns to myself and, when i make meta posts on here that are fueled by the motivation to reassure myself, to still cite my sources and whatnot and put real meat in the posts bc it's really important to me to not feel like i'm talking out of my ass. and also to make posts that other people will want to see. my recent more personal posts about it are bc lately i'm not having a good time re: ocd and i genuinely kind of cannot tell how insane i look to other people. like, i want to know so that i can figure out how to get back to semi-normal.

i'm also really never actually Surprised about the vibe sucking btw (and i'm not saying that that's how i would even describe my feelings. just like, if we're calling it that), i'm just frustrated. i do try very hard to avoid seeing things that make me upset and to balance that with trying to maintain passion (by keeping this blog active), and that leaves me with bare bones. i'm well aware that i'm the one with The Problem, and i promise i hate it more than anyone else possibly can. i really don't try to make it anyone else's problem. ntm the vast majority of my ocd shit is kept off of here and stays entirely in my brain, so like, the "meltdowns" you've seen are kinda nothing lol.

on a more intellectual vein, i do wanna say that like half of all succession meta posts i ever see (especially the very good ones) are in some way covert responses, with some amount of disagreement, to other people's takes. it's like how scholars are all constantly arguing with each other. i don't personally feel the need to cultivate a fandom space where no one ever has their feelings hurt and all interpretations are only ever publicly regarded as equally valid in order to avoid it, or anything. fandom is for fun but it's obviously also a minefield of people with hyperfixations/special interests/ocd. it sucks when that seemingly winds up dividing an already small fandom, but my thing is that i am not going to have a good time in fandom if i restrict myself from one of the most beloved human pasttimes that is complaining. man i really don't even drop names when i do, i just describe general takes that i disagree with and give my own, thoroughly backed-up stance. i even admitted in that post that "i'm fighting a mostly imaginary person." if someone feels like it's about them and that really bothers them, they can unfollow/block and then go complain about me if they need to. the world is kind of beautiful that way.

i hope this all doesn't come off as hostile by simple virtue of being a long response, i just wanna hit every possible point and don't wanna risk being misunderstood. it's kinda my thing. and like, obviously i don't want to needlessly alienate people who otherwise like my posts, which you said you do. but also your message feels kinda hostile so if i do sound hostile i hope it's in a way that makes us even. idk who you are, you could easily be someone i've had conversations with and who I'll talk to more in the future, having no idea that you sent me this, and i think that's beautiful too. it's a wonderful thing that you can anonymously say something harsh to me, whoever you are, and not do any damage to whatever relationship we may have. i'm pressing our foreheads together. i forgive you. anyway i'm gonna delete that personal ocd post because it's paranoid and kind of self-destructive and embarrassing in hindsight. but my general nature will not change except incrementally so let's hope for the best ig