#also like sorry john there's no way you're mad right now. we know you faking it. if a pretty girl stole my boxers i'd be on my knees

[freckleslikestars]

What about you girls? Sex dreams? I sleep soundly.

Or that time Aeryn wore John's underwear

FARSCAPE | 1.12 Rhapsody in Blue

[septembersghost]

If I am being honest since mh thing i am starting to see Taylor in a different light. Up until this point I excused some of her friendships like Lena Dunham and mh because in industry you have to have connections, even with questionable people. But this is so upsetting for me because while I can see a need for rebound why would she associate with him unless she does not care about the issues she spoke up against??? This makes her look like a hypocrite. He is a racist! How can she excuse that?!? He is a misogynist!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even look at her without feeling 'fake' anymore because I genuinely believed she cared about my community and WILL NOT TOLERATE SOMEONE WHO ACTIVELY DOES. ........[points at everything] THIS. It's so hurtful and many swifties are finding justification like if she's happy then why can't you accept that. Was all this 'I wont tolerate racism its disgusting' thing simply performative activism?? It hurts like hell.

oh anon :( i am so sorry that you're hurt and that you're upset processing this, and i will not presume to tell you how to feel or talk over your confusion here. i've seen a lot of fans upset at the idea of "shaming her for backsliding," and i want to be very clear that that's not the issue here, and that her behavior and reaction is understandable and human, even if it's messy, and i do believe we need to offer people grace to make mistakes and to respond to major life changes however they feel they need to. the issue here for many fans isn't her doing this - we have no say over it any way and we shouldn't! it's not our life or relationship or business - but rather...him specifically. i don't believe other people should be blamed for someone else's actions, either, matty's gross and bigoted stuff is all on him, but i DO understand the concern regarding the tacit excuse of it. that said, if we're going to be mad at taylor, or hold her accountable, do we have to extend that to jack, who apparently facilitated this? to phoebe, who's very good friends with him and has been far more outspoken politically than taylor has? i felt this way about the debate over amsterdam too - it was a horrendous choice on her part, but she appeared for two scenes, so don't we also need that angry energy for margot, and christian bale, and rami, and anya, and john david washington, et al? it becomes hard because, like you said, the industry is full of problematic situations and people. idk it's very complicated and tangled, and having a confused/conflicted reaction to that is normal. that said, the intimacy of dating makes it harder to excuse as ignorance. working together or being loosely professionally connected/friendly and dating are starkly different dynamics. for her to be so clear on her stances and then be involved with him is causing cognitive dissonance.

for whatever it's worth, which i know doesn't seem like much right now, i don't believe that her ideals are fake or that her compassion and inclusion is performative, i think she's always wholly meant that and has tried to back it up with actions like diversity in her casting choices and such, but she is also an exceedingly wealthy white woman who lives in a world of privilege we can't comprehend, and she cannot understand what it's like to be in our world either. the sad bottom line of that is, no matter how real her love for her fans is (and i think it is), no matter how real her empathy is (and i think it is), no matter how good her charitable actions are (and they are), her awareness is always going to be a bit limited, and she's always going to make choices serving her interests, especially about her personal life. this just happens to be an unpleasant one for many to see - the fact that there's nothing we can do about it and there's a boundary regarding intrusion doesn't mean your hurt isn't legitimate, and you are not obligated to tolerate his behavior that's caused you distress, nor excuse her seeming unconcerned about it.

we also cannot dictate other fans' reactions, i get that we care for her, and the automatic response from many is to want to support/defend her. she and her music mean so much to me, and it has for so long, and i do dearly love her, i tend to feel a lot of understanding for her, but to be honest, i have no interest in justifying this. and saying that is hard. if you don't want to hang in until this passes, you don't have to. if you want to come back after some time, you can.

however you feel is valid, and i hear you, and i wish i had some comfort to offer other than this.