#also now I want to write Kate x Yelena x america forever

[noxnthea]

Winterhawk ficlet: “Our signs don’t align!” + astrology + established relationship + outsider POV + dumpster fire Clint + background Kate/Yelena/America wc: 1050

~~~

Clint walks out from his room the next day, his hair a mess, an astrology book in hand. 

Kate looks up from her seat on the couch — he's even more of a zombie than normal, and she's pretty sure he hasn't realized she's in the room. 

It takes thirty minutes and three cups of coffee before Clint emerges from his stupor. He lifts his head up slowly from where he's been staring at a single page for the past cup and a half, then blinks as he notices Kate for the first time. 

“Katie,” he says, voice filled with way too much mourning for a sunshine Saturday afternoon, "A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?" 

Kate glances away for the half second it takes her to school her expression. This is going better than she could have hoped. “Bucky is water sign.” 

Clint chokes out a sob. “I know. Still waters run deep. And I’m nothing but a flighty fucking air sign.” 

Oh god. This is pitiful. Kate’s in heaven. 

She tightens the twist of her lips to keep from laughing. “Yeah, you’re not wrong. Geminis are known to be, hmm, what’s a nice way to say this… wishy-washy.” 

“I so am, oh my god," Clint moans into his mug. “Do you know what Co-Star says my best career options would be? Do you know?? It says I would make a good Twitter personality. A Twitter personality, Kate! What the fuck can a Twitter personality offer Bucky? A Pisces best jobs include volunteer therapists and amateur poets. Those aren’t even on the same level. I’ll never be enough for him.” 

Kate thinks about how the website she sent to Clint also says Pisces would make good “sad clowns” and “orbs of light”, or the fact that both Clint and Bucky are gainfully employed as full-time superheroes, but resists pointing that out. Instead, she says, “Yeah, totally. Did you see the part that talks about how Pisces like to be romanced with classic novels in the park and handwritten love letters? Yikes, man, I don’t think you’ve ever done that for Bucky, have you.” 

Clint stares into his mug as though it’s the end of the world, and his death awaits him after his last sip. “You mean the part right above where it talks about how they attract people with bad boundaries who take advantage of their compassion? Kate, it’s me. I have no boundaries. I’m the one who takes advantage of his compassion.” 

Kate winces, pulling in a breath between her teeth. “Well, you’re the one who said it…” 

Clint closes his eyes, inhales. “You know who else is a Gemini? Kanye fucking West. You know who else is a Pisces? Rihanna. I’m the Kanye to his Rihanna. I never wanted this. I’m going to ruin him.” 

“I dunno,” Kate says. “I think Pisces are used to heartbreak and trauma. Bucky definitely is.” 

Clint slips off of his chair, spooling like a limp noodle onto the floor of the living room. He throws one arm over his face, the other clattering backwards against an end table. “But I don’t wanna break his heart.” 

Kate bites her fist to keep herself from crying in laughter. She can feel her face heating up; it’s probably freaking purple. Giving Clint that website and that book was the best idea she’s ever had. She takes a second to compose herself. “I dunno, Clint, sounds like your relationship is — “ 

The door to the apartment swings open, and there’s a loud skittering of paws as Lucky slip-slides across the concrete floor, landing with a crash on top of Clint. Clint wraps his arms around the dog, pressing his face into his fur, groaning out mostly incomprehensible sentences. Kate catches “I don’t deserve your love,” and “how could I believe — ” and “I knew it all— .” 

Bucky walks into the room a moment later, freezing when he takes stock of the situation. 

Kate tries to keep her laughter back, and it comes out as a half-choked snort.

“…Clint?” Bucky asks softly, murder brows furrowed in Kate’s direction, as though that’s ever done anything to intimidate her. “What’s going on, sweetheart?” 

There’s a beat, then Clint mutters something deep into Lucky’s belly that Kate’s unenhanced hearing doesn’t pick up. 

“What was that?” Bucky tentatively steps into the room, looking absolutely baffled. “You’re a, I’m a — what?” 

Clint rolls out from under Lucky, and groans, fatalistic, “I’m a bird, Bucky, and you’re a fish, and I’m never going to make you happy!” 

 Kate can’t decide if he looks more like a toddler throwing a tantrum or a pirate walking to the end of a gangplank over a sea that’s swarming with sharks. Both? Yeah, both. 

Bucky sighs, then looks at Kate. 

She takes pity on him. “I introduced him to astrology yesterday and he found out that your signs don’t align.” 

An entire spectrum of emotions flashes across Bucky’s face, before finally settling on a sickening exasperated fondness that makes Kate want to vomit. 

He marches over to Clint and sits on the floor next to him, forcibly pulling Clint’s gangly body into his lap. “Clint,” he says, patient, “We’ve been together for five years. We got engaged six months ago. We’re getting married in three weeks. You know you make me happy.” 

“Yeah, but the stars say I’m bad at commitment!” 

The glare Bucky shoots Kate over the top of Clint’s head promises swift retribution. 

She decides that it’s a good time to take her leave. 

She skedaddles out of the apartment as Bucky starts listing all the ways Clint’s proven himself to be perfectly capable of committing to the people he cares about. She pulls out her phone, where several texts in a group message are waiting. 

Star Spangled Sweetheart: how’d it go???? 👀👀👀 Assassinate My Heart: It is Clint. It surely went hilariously.  Star Spangled Sweetheart: okay yeah but I need details.  Star Spangled Sweetheart: did he cry? please tell me he cried.  Assassinate My Heart: He definitely cried Assassinate My Heart: Lunch at 2 at Montellos. You can tell us about it then? I want the gore.  Star Spangled Sweetheart: gory details, Yels.  Assassinate My Heart: I want the gore. Assassinate My Heart: 🩸🔪💀 Assassinate My Heart: 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

Kate grins, then starts typing.

World’s Best Archer: don’t worry guys, I can do you one better. World’s Best Archer: I got his whole breakdown on video. 

Star Spangled Sweetheart: !!!! holy SHIT Assassinate My Heart: This is why you are perfect, котик World’s Best Archer: dancing-cowboy-fingerguns.gif 

~~~ ficlet #4 of @ladyladylady1's birthday week! Also, a uh, 5 month belated gift for @bekala, who was the first person to make me think about how Kate would 100000% fuck with Clint this way.