#also prompted by the fact I’ve seen people say ‘if you don’t like xyz pairing then you shouldn’t be in the fandom’ like

[gavinom123]

Every once in a while I get asked about whether particular pairings are problematic, or if it’s allowed to like/dislike a specific pairing, and ultimately I think my advice is the same no matter what pairing it is: you have to make your own decisions for whether you like it or not instead of leaving it up to the discretions of others.

And this seems obvious! You would think that it goes without saying that you should base your opinion on your own taste and boundaries! But the saddest part is that it doesn’t— ive seen people who are obviously interested in a pairing defer to the “popular” opinion that it’s the worst ship under the sun, solely because they don’t want to be judged for it. Alternatively, I’ve also seen people claim that you’re not allowed to be uncomfortable with any aspect of a particular ship, and bend over backwards to pretend that there’s nothing unhealthy about it at all, when it’s perfectly reasonable for people to have different opinions on the subject. Ultimately, this rhetoric leaves people unable to form and enforce their own boundaries, and it’s kind of sad to see?

Like, I have plenty of pairings that I’m personally not a fan of, but I’m never going to pretend that my personal discomfort means that other people aren’t allowed to enjoy them, yk? I just keyword mute the terms and move on with my life.

Similarly, I also have pairings that I enjoy that I know have aspects that can make others uncomfortable! And I’m not going to push those onto people that I know might not like them, since I can respect that we have different tastes.

It makes me rather worried that fandom has gotten to the point where people aren’t encouraged to make their own decisions on what they can handle, but instead have to defer to the majority opinion… it’s isolating, isn’t it? To only allow yourself to be surrounded by those who share the exact same opinions on every pairing as you? How will you ever grow if you can’t handle differing opinions from your friends? I know it’s difficult, but it’s a journey everyone has to take eventually until they win the idgaf war