#also this post isnt me trying to say im some paragon of virtue or anything fjfkdl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

piplupod · 4 months

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me, frequently: i think i am somehow secretly a terrible evil person who needs to isolate themself so nobody gets hurt somehow by the rot that is hidden away at the core of my being

also me, while arachnophobic: i have to catch the spiders that get inside so I can release them outside bc it shouldn't be up to me whether i take a life or not, every life has inherent value and beauty simply by existing, and i have to put them into separate containers while I wait to transport them outside because I don't know if spiders would fight or cannibalize each other when kept in close quarters, and I'll make sure I dont have them in eyeline of each other and also make sure a couple sides of the container are covered by something so they feel safe and don't get too stressed out

#i do not know very much abt spider behaviour unfortunately bc of the phobia fjfkld #makes it rly hard to think abt them much less learn abt them #so i just try to apply general living thing knowledge to them in the hopes i get it right #also this post isnt me trying to say im some paragon of virtue or anything fjfkdl #it is just. so silly. how i wholeheartedly believe i must somehow be secretly evil and morally corrupt #and that i have to continuously hurt myself and isolate myself to make up for ... some secret evilness inside me #when i do shit like this without even rly thinking abt it #and the worst part is im typing all this out while still believing there is a rot inside my soul that everyone should stay away from #and maybe im just making this post to convince myself im okay when in reality im a terrible person (this does not make sense or track)#logically i can know all sorts of things. but in practice? i will still believe all kinds of fucked up things gjfkfl #okay i need to stop posting here good golly!! i talk too much if i let myself onto this account omfg #i hope everyone is doing as okay as they can be in their individual circumstances!!!! 💗#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #spider mention

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