#also yes i KNOW dekker and sasha and tim arent avatars i know i get it. i know. theyre on this list anyway

[jordankennedy]

every avatar i can think of and their relationship to recreational drugs and alcohol

jon sims: only drinks those fruity cocktails that don’t taste like alcohol. seems like someone who has never done drugs but has absolutely snorted speed in university and only georgie knows about it

martin blackwood: doesn’t drink. has smoked weed before but has justified concern for his own health and doesn’t make a habit of it

tim stoker: likes and hates drinking beer in equal measure. seems like someone who does drugs but never actually has

sasha james: academically enjoys edibles but prefers to just drink anything blue

not-sasha james: drinks straight tonic water or margarita mix and inhales the fumes off of sharpie markers

gertrude robinson: smokes menthols and puts whiskey in her coffee. doesn’t do drugs and if you ask she’ll just squint at you in that old lady way. has allowed gerard keay to smoke weed in her office before

elias bouchard: still smokes but it makes him cough a lot so he only does it in private. used to drink laudanum but can’t find it anywhere anymore so now he just makes do with weed and really expensive gin

melanie king: likes daiquiris but only if they’re a flavor other than strawberry. vapes exclusively blue raspberry and watermelon flavors

basira hussain: only ever drinks just enough to avoid getting drunk. has never been on drugs and doesn’t want to. would pick up a joint with her thumb and pointer fingers like it was toxic waste

daisy tonner: has only been drunk once and hated it. has never done drugs but kind of wants to just so she can say she has. hates vapes and stares at melanie directly in the eye until she leaves whenever she does it within six feet of her

georgie barker: hates the taste of all alcohol. owns many novelty souvenir bongs purchased from various tourist attractions around europe. her favorite is the one that looks like a bottle of honey shaped like a bear

peter lukas: likes a lot of weird craft beer and thinks he’s oppressed for it. vapes also but only gross old man flavors like mint and butterscotch

jane prentiss: likes red wine. would smoke weed if offered it but has no idea how to go about acquiring it herself

timothy hodge: drinks fucked up cocktails that would kill anyone over the age of thirty-five. will do molly at parties and then go home and sleep for fifteen straight hours and he does this every friday

raymond fielding: drinks brandy out of a crystal glass like people do in the movies. extremely catholic but was also twenty years old in the 1960s. tried lsd one time and the web told him to stop throwing away his bright future so he never did it again

agnes montague: doesn’t drink because diego molina told her when she was like eight that she would explode if she did. would vape if she had ever heard of it but tragically hasn’t

julia montauk: astronomical tolerance for everything so she usually doesn’t even bother. drinks a lot of whiskey bc she likes how it tastes

maxwell rayner: drinks laudanum

trevor herbert: canonically has done heroin. has since kicked his addiction and doesn’t do or drink anything anymore

oliver banks: does xanax but he technically has a prescription. says he smokes weed for his anxiety but it actually just makes it worse

jared hopworth: advocates for allowing safe steroid use but would rather die than do it himself. refuses to drink on principle but when he was still a normal human he drank natty light

gerard keay: drinks one shot of everclear every morning. also says he smokes for his anxiety but it actually just makes it worse. prefers regular cigarettes

simon fairchild: also drinks laudanum

natalie ennis: drinks one (1) glass of champagne every new year’s eve. calls all mind-altering substances “temptations from the mouth of the devil”

michael the stortion: never got the chance to do drugs before getting spiralized and now they don’t do anything to him so he’s super pissed off about it

sarah baldwin: likes fruity rum. smokes a lot of weed

daniel rawlings: smokes weed as well. makes sarah roll his joints for him

john amherst: refuses to exist within ten feet of people smoking anything. thinks penicillin is a mind-altering substance and is mildly scared of it. doesn’t bother with alcohol but would drink bong water if he knew what it was

callum brodie: has never drunk alcohol or done drugs due to being thirteen. has yet to grow out of his “smoking cigarettes is badass” phase

nikola orsinov: made of plastic and therefore can’t drink or do drugs but would be on acid literally constantly if she was able

helen the stortion: puts ketamine in her own drinks for flavor

jordan kennedy: went to liberal arts college and lived off of tequila and mdma for six months. has since stopped doing drugs altogether because his job involves driving and he doesn’t trust himself to do that while high but still holds alcohol like a monster

annabelle cane: drinks peach white claws and smokes her joints through a 1920s cigarette holder

karolina gorka: drinks stoli out of the bottle. too cool to do drugs but has eaten a weed brownie by accident before

jude perry: drinks fireball whiskey if she feels like being normal and unleaded gasoline if she doesn’t. canonically does coke but freaks out around needles

mike crew: doesn’t drink. forgoes weed in favor of doing coke in public bathrooms with jude. complains that adderall doesn’t do anything but he just has undiagnosed adhd

jan kilbride: doesn’t drink or do drugs anymore because astronauts aren’t supposed to but he did acid one time in college and it almost gave him an anxiety induced heart attack

eugene vanderstock: also does coke with jude but in a significantly less companionable manner. its more of a competition but nobody knows what they’re competing against each other for, least of all the two of them

manuela dominguez: will spit at you if you offer her anything but drinks a lot of wine and keeps a box of oxy in a drawer

hezekiah wakely: smokes opium

tova mchugh: somehow a facebook wine mom without having kids. outwardly condemns drugs of any kind in a very holier-than-thou way but has also done coke more than once

emma harvey: drinks vodka out of water bottles. rolls her own joints, puts just enough regular tobacco in them to mask the weed smell, and tells people they’re regular cigarettes

adelard dekker: has never done drugs in his life but is not morally opposed to the idea, he just doesn’t feel like it