#alt ending was an empty room n ko/ku crying on the floor

[escapesm]

Pain . Suffering , even below the cut

Anger runs through their veins , a searing heat flowing through their body that may end up destroying them should it get any worse , they wanted to vomit ; to scream or to cry , anything to let out the sheer amount of pain they were going through right now . Rikiya was content in leaving them behind in this disaster of a life , rikiya did not feel the same anger or grief that they are feeling right now , even after having to amputate both of his legs he manages to feel joy and it feels like a slap in the goddamn face . Their jaw remains clenched and just for long enough that it would start to ache , claws digging into their palms and making them bleed , but they ignore the pain and the small blood trail they leave behind ; it didnt matter , their actions didnt matter either . In the beginning it didn't matter and even now the cycle starts anew , even without the burning sensation of a dagger cutting into their back , it was almost as if they were in that small white room once more with the pain they held in their chest . Each step they took felt heavy , almost as if it were a chore to do a task even as basic as walking , and yet they continue to struggle . They easily overhear the members of the army talking about the tragic event , turning to glare daggers into their very beings the moment they hear someone so much as utter the current grand commanders name . They watch as everyone pauses in fear , wondering what could have possibly earned the ire of the executive lieutenant , which ends up being their second mistake . Someone comes out from the crowd and slowly walks closer to them despite their clearly unwelcoming appearance , the more they look the more they notice details that looked out of place for them normally . Their hair was messy , palms bleeding and their body was shaking , not from cold as one may assume ; but from rage instead .

" are you alright , Trumpet ? You look unwell ! Should we -- " he's cut off fairly quickly , his words unwanted and voice bringing forth further irritation from within koku as they think of a situation where they would have to explain themselves for their current behavior and it only causes them to spiral more . Clawed hand digs into the man's arm , penetrating through cloth and flesh before koku brings him closer to them , ignoring the growing fear and general unease coming from the watching crowd as they cant do anything but watch what's in front of them " you've always had this wound , I accidentally opened it and that's why I'm ripping your sleeve to stop the bleeding , if you tell anyone the truth about this then I'll kill you myself ." They keep their voice just above a whisper before they act on their words , ripping the sleeve and patching him up the best they can , their bloody hands wouldn't be the topic of conversation " apologies , I didn't mean to worry anyone , I'm feeling a little ill I think ... I'll be heading to my quarters soon but please , take care ! " They speak loud enough for even the crowd to hear , grinning a smile from ear to ear in as they begin to walk off . Once they're out of sight , they head to their room as they had said , walking into the bathroom the moment they close the door so that they could wash off the blood on their hands .

Their bathroom mirror is cracked , destroyed long ago in a moment similar to this , the dam breaks upon the memory of it . Tears flow freely as koku tries to remain composed so they can clean off the blood coating their palms , they scrub and scrub until there's not even a single trace of what they had done , and even then --- they wash their hands until theyre raw and bleeding once more . There's nothing to stop them from harming their hands further in their mindlessness , but they do not mind nor do they care . The scalding water does not bother them , they grow numb to the feeling . They come out of their haze once the water becomes icy , and only then do they set down what was firmly grasped in their hands before they slowly turn off the water . Carefully do they dry their hands with a towel , the bristles up against now sensitive skin and open wounds as they set it aside moments later as well . They've forgotten the tears that have been falling for quite a while now , and even when searching for comfort , they could not find it . They were angry and they were sad , and even now despite being completely and utterly furious with rikiya , but even then he was still a comforting presence . Slowly does koku get up , not bothering to tidy up their appearance as they make their way to rikiya's quarters in such a disheveled state , it feels like an eternity getting there ; their heartbeat speeding up the closer they got to their destination , which in turn felt as if they'd never reach him . They were not ready to see him , but they knew staying away would only make this worse .

Their hand grabs the handle and twists it , ignoring the ache in their hands and heart as the door slowly opens to reveal their husband laying in his bed .

" how could you ? " their voice is scratchy , their appearance messy and their hands in pain as they shut the door just bordering on being a slam , kokus eyes make contact with void hues ; their darkness being overshadowed by the divine rage held in emerald hues .