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dkfile · 2 years

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golden hour

❛ you grab your milkshake and chug in hopes that the liquid is enough to drown the butterflies in your stomach. ❜

word count | 12.4k (12,449) genre | fluff, slice of life, best friends to lovers, summer vacation au ━ best friend!joshua

summer ends in less than a month, leaving you with a limited amount of time to build up the courage to profess your undying love for your best friend before he leaves again for college. alternatively the summer of pining, featuring a group of annoyed bystanders.

★ warnings | alcohol consumption, so much pining it’s ridiculous, little to no angst, i got lazy editing towards the end so if there’s mistakes please pretend they aren’t there ★ author’s note | i quite literally haven’t written anything since last year but i’ve been wanting to publish this for a while (this has been in my drafts since may 2021 and i didn’t finish it until this month omg), and since it’s a summer au i thought it’d be appropriate to publish it now

24 days before ━ Sunday, 12:30 A.M.

Minghao is holding a wine glass filled halfway with cola, paper straw dangling from his lips when he tells you that there’s no point denying the fact that you’re in love with Joshua.

“Everyone can tell, it’s obvious.” He hasn’t been meeting your gaze for the entirety of the conversation, and you can’t tell whether you’d rather him looking at you as he accuses you of becoming a victim to love (you poor thing), or narrowing his eyes at Chan as he attempts to dunk Soonyoung’s head into the water. “Even Seokmin can tell — Seokmin. He’s never going to be able to keep it a secret, by the way.”

“Oh, fuck you.” The venom on your tongue barely makes it past your teeth, and instead of your voice having a tone of finality (which you hoped would shut Minghao up), you only end up sounding frazzled. Which, frankly, you are, and it doesn’t help that the scratchy material of the pool chair is digging into your skin, refusing to make you feel comfortable. “I’m not in love with Joshua.”

“Sure, but you smile a fuck ton whenever he’s around,” Minghao takes a sip of his drink, a soft and refreshed ah falling from his lips before he continues, “people in love don’t do that.”

Your lips twist into a frown. “I smile a lot when I see Jun.”

“That’s different. Everyone smiles when they see Jun. Only you smile like an idiot when you see Joshua.” Before you can open your mouth to respond, Minghao shakes his head, “Don’t bother arguing, Y/N, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

You sigh, swinging your legs off the chair. “I’m gonna get a drink.”

As you slip your flip-flops on, Minghao asks if you can get him another soda. Instead of replying verbally, you flip him off and start your trek towards the cooler by the patio doors. It’s getting late into the night, and you’re sure all the good drinks are gone by now — everyone seemed to grab a can of cola earlier, and you think you saw Jun hog all of the coconut drinks for himself, which means the only beverages left are the juice boxes Seungcheol and Jeonghan bought.

You lean down to look through the drinks, and sure enough, a lone red box of apple juice sits in the corner of the cooler. You grab it before anyone else can, and when you stand to your full height, you see Joshua walking toward you in the corner of your eye.

His hair is wet and when he’s finally standing in front of you, you catch a whiff of chlorine.

“Is there anything left in there?” he asks. “Minghao asked me to get him something.”

Despite not getting a good look at the contents inside the cooler earlier, you reply with a begrudged, “Nope. Tell him the only cola we have left is what he has in his wine glass.”

Joshua raises an eyebrow, amused by the slight bite in your words. “You seem to be very angry with Minghao and his wine glass.”

“I’m not,” you say, doing an awful job at hiding the vexation in your voice. “I just don’t understand why he pours a can of soda into a cup.”

“You have to admit, it looks pretty sophisticated.”

“He’s drinking from a straw.”

“It’s cool, you’re just a hater,” Joshua shakes his head. The smile on his face falters for a moment when he takes note of the dry clothes you’ve been wearing for the entire night. “And a boring one, too. Have you been sitting on your ass this whole time?”

You shrug, picking at the material of the shirt you threw over your bathing suit. “Yeah. I don’t want to to drain all my energy tonight by fighting Jeonghan about the rules of water volleyball.”

He clicks his tongue in disappointment. “You know, when I asked you yesterday if you wanted to go midnight swimming with some friends, the invitation was to go midnight swimming with some friends, not kick back and bond with Minghao.”

“I wasn’t bonding with him, he was annoying me,” you wave your hand in the air in dismissal.

“About what?”

“Nothing important.”

Joshua frowns. “You’re hiding something.”

You scoff. “I’m not!

He ignores your protest, instead giving you a smile that causes your heart to squeeze in your chest as he moves to stand beside you. “OK, fine, let’s say you aren’t. But if you are, you know you can tell me. I’m amazing at keeping secrets.”

Rolling your eyes, you begin to walk back to the chairs, slowing your pace at the sight of your spot being occupied by an inebriated Jun, who seems to be running low on energy as his eyes begin to flutter shut. Joshua follows your movements, a low whistle leaving his lips.

“Will you go in the pool now?”

“What?”

“‘Cause Jun’s passed out in your chair,” Joshua says, gesturing towards your friend. “You finally have a chance to suck it up and get in the pool.”

You snort. “The only way you’re getting me into the water is by force.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Huh? No— get away from me!” you shriek, juice box slipping out of your hands as Joshua moves behind you, and in one swift motion, pushes you into the pool. Before the water muffles your hearing, you briefly hear Mingyu yelp in surprise as he tries to swim away, just in case your body collides with his.

When you swim up, gasping for air, the first thing you see is Joshua laughing as he crouches down by the poolside, harbouring the type of grin you know will hurt his gums if it stays on his face for too long. Behind you, you hear Seungkwan chastising you for getting into the pool without taking off the only dry clothes you have, but the only thing you can focus on is Joshua, sitting there with his skin glowing in the moonlight, and looking like he just walked off a magazine shoot (but you think he always looks at that).

You force yourself to look away at some point, knowing that if you stare too much without saying anything, he’ll figure out that being underwater wasn’t the only reason you’re feeling breathless.

23 days before ━ Monday, 1:15 A.M.

“Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire?”

“What?”

“We can’t watch Tom Holland’s Spider-Man movie because we’ve watched it too many times and Seungcheol told me it’s unhealthy to know word-for-word what Tony Stark says in Spider-Man: Homecoming, so—”

“No, shut up,” you interject, shaking your hand to halt any more words from falling out of Joshua’s mouth. “You promised me we would watch Pitch Perfect.”

Joshua inhales sharply. “Oh. I was hoping you forgot about that.”

“What the fuck?”

“We’ll watch it next time,” he offers, throwing his head back and turning it to face you. In the corner of your eye, you can see the ridiculous and adorable pleading seeping into his features, eyes soft, features tender because he knows looking at you like this is what gets you into the palm of his hands.

Being in love truly is the worst thing to ever happen to you.

You huff, tossing the remote onto his lap. “I hate you,” you say, admitting defeat, to which Joshua yells in triumph. He quiets down immediately after he remembers it’s late and his neighbours are probably asleep or having an existential crisis.

“You don’t,” he hums, victory tainting his lungs and causing a teasing lilt to appear in his tone, “We’ll watch Pitch Perfect next time, maybe with Soonyoung and Chan, you know how much they love singing along to movies like that.”

Sighing in slight disappointment, you say, “You said that last time and look where we are now.”

Joshua moves and takes his hand out from under the blanket. “I’ll actually go through with it! Here, let’s do a spit shake.”

“No!” you protest immediately, reaching over to bring his hand back down. “I’ll just take your word for it.”

He shrugs, squeezing your hand lightly before slipping out of your touch and taking the remote to search for the many varieties of Spider-Man movies in the search bar. His touch, however, still lingers when you slowly put your hand back on your lap.

Perhaps love truly does suck, but you can’t imagine feeling anything else for Joshua.

22 days before ━ Tuesday, 2:24 A.M.

The deafening noise of pop music berates your skull until the uproar is all you can think about. Any and all requests for Seokmin and Seungkwan — both running on adrenaline the cheap booze gives them — to turn down the music goes through one ear and out the other, but you’re sure they won’t be this energetic when the sun comes up in a few hours.

“How have they not passed out yet?” Chan shouts over the music. You can only hear him because he’s collapsed next to you, all of his energy long gone after his impromptu dance battle with Wonwoo on the dance floor.

“They’re drunk,” Vernon calls, voice barely audible. “Leave them be, they’re playing good music.”

“Christ,” Chan murmurs, struggling to get up on his feet. “You think Mingyu would care if I crashed here? There’s no way I’m letting my parents see me like this.”

You squint at him, fingers loosely grasping the rim of your plastic cup. “What, you’re going to sleep already? With all this noise?”

“Believe it or not, it’s easy to drown this out,” he replies dismissively, staggering towards the stairs after calling a lazy and exhausted, “G’night.”

Vernon is quick to take Chan’s spot, careless about the liquid splashing out of his cup from his swift movements.

You sigh, “There’s no way Chan’s going to be able to fall asleep when Seokmin and Seungkwan are having their own little karaoke session over there.”

Vernon shrugs and makes a comment about the unlimited energy they’ve had since birth before he starts talking about the latest show he’s been watching on Netflix. You barely hear anything he’s saying, and you don’t know if it’s because the racket has sunk its persistent teeth into your eardrums or because, for the first time since the party started, you spot Joshua in the sea of people.

He’s wearing a green sweater and shorts, not caring much for the almost unbearable heat in Mingyu’s living room as Seokmin grabs his hand and drags him over to the makeshift DJ booth. Seokmin pries the microphone from Seungkwan’s hands (but not without difficulty) and hands it over to a tipsy Joshua, cheeks flushed from the alcohol in his system.

“Hello, everyone, I’m Joshua,” he says into the mic, introducing himself and laughing when someone — Jeonghan, probably — shouts that everyone here already knows who he is, and people who don’t are likely not going to remember him by the time morning peeks its head over the horizon. “I’m gonna be singing Sunday Morning.”

“Oh, dude,” Seungkwan whines. “That’s not a party song — and it’s not even Sunday!”

“We need something a little more calm, don’t you think?” Joshua shrugs, expertly dodging Seungkwan’s attempts to get the mic back. “Besides, some people here are exhausted and want to sleep — look at Y/N!”

You jolt at the mention of your name, almost forgetting you’ve been staring at the stage. You straighten, pushing yourself off from the back of the couch and giving him the most genuine smile your worn-out self can muster.

“Let him sing, Seungkwan.”

You aren’t sure if they heard you, but nevertheless, Seokmin plays Joshua’s song. Eyes glazed and lips parted, your exhaustion refuses to let you care that care that you’re staring at Joshua in a way you know isn’t appropriate for a platonic relationship. You’re just about to drift into dreamland when Vernon nudges you out of your reverie.

He gives you a knowing look before bringing his cup to his lips. “When are you going to tell Joshua?”

“Oh, come on,” you huff, tearing your eyes off the DJ booth to look for Minghao. “What’d Hao tell you?”

“Nothing I didn’t already know before,” Vernon tuts like he’s almost disappointed you have these feelings in the first place (or because you’re less than willing to do anything about them). “You should tell him before the summer ends, otherwise someone else is going to fall in love with him and you’re going to beat yourself up for missing your chance.”

“Right,” you scoff. “You’re drunk, Vernon.”

“I’ve been drinking water this entire night. I’m driving people home later,” he corrects, unaware that you’ve already drowned out his voice, no longer wanting to hear what he has to say about your love life. “Besides, I think Joshua feels the same way about you.”

You aren’t sure if you hear him correctly, and your head is pounding too hard for you to care.

21 days before ━ Wednesday, 3:00 A.M.

“I’m gonna kill you.”

Joshua laughs, face illuminated by the glaring white light coming from the screen of his laptop. “Oh, that’s no way to talk to a friend.”

You pout. “A real friend wouldn’t wake me up at three in the morning to watch the new Conjuring movie,” you retort, keeping your voice low — something you hope you can do until the end of the movie because you’re sure your parents would not be happy to be woken up to you screaming because of something Joshua forced you to watch.

“We’re not watching The Conjuring,” he answers, leaning forward to search for the movie that’s bound to give you night terrors for at least a week. “We’re watching Fear Street. It’s a trilogy of mo—”

“We’re watching three movies?” you shriek. So much for staying quiet until the sun rises. “I didn’t sign up for that— Joshua, I’m so close to kicking you out right now.”

“You wouldn’t do that. It’s raining and Seungcheol would be incredibly pissed if he found out you got me sick,” he says. When he leans back against the headboard and looks at you, something dangerous sparks in his eyes. “Also you wouldn’t mind if I stayed the night, right? We’re all hanging out later, anyway.”

“Oh, yeah, karaoke, I almost forgot.” If you lose sleep tonight, there’s no doubt you’ll fall asleep while Seungkwan is belting out to Beyonce later, and the thought of having your guard down around Jeonghan is almost as terrifying as the horror movie category on Netflix. “Yeah, I don’t care, but you’re sleeping on the floor.”

“C’mon,” Joshua whines, resting his chin on your shoulder. Your breath hitches at the close proximity, “sleeping on your rug is itchy. I’m voluntarily protecting you from everything malicious during the witching hour and you repay me by making me sleep on the floor? What if the monster under your bed comes and—”

“OK, OK, OK,” you laugh, gently pushing him off you so you can breathe, ignoring how you can practically feel the absence of his breath against your cheek. “Fine, you can stay on the bed, but if you steal the blanket and I wake up freezing to death, then—”

“As if I would ever let you freeze to death,” Joshua scoffs. “Besides, it’s burning in here. If anything, you’d die from a heat stroke.”

“Oh, very comforting.”

Joshua cracks a grin. “I try,” he reaches over to pinch your cheek before saying, “Can we start the movie now?”

“No.”

“You can hold onto me whenever you get scared.”

“I’m going to be holding onto you for the entire thing, then.”

He shrugs. “That’s cool, I don’t mind.”

You have to clench your jaw to stop from smiling like an idiot and having him question the sudden change in your expression. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he confirms warmly, nearing his hand towards yours. When you finally take a hold of it, his expression becomes delicate, and you suddenly feel a slight fear of squeezing him too hard that you’ll break him. “Anything for you.”

You hope the universe loves you enough to ensure Joshua doesn’t notice your palms have gotten sweaty.

20 days before ━ Thursday, 4:54 A.M.

“Remember Spring Formal?”

You have to blink rapidly to wake yourself up, having almost fallen asleep after Joshua stopped talking a few moments ago. He called you in the middle of the night, saying sleep just wasn’t coming, and asked if you could stay on the phone with him until he got too exhausted to talk, but not without telling you that if you were tired he could just watch Netflix until the sun rose. You insisted on staying up for him because apparently, you’d do anything for love.

“Sorry?” you grumble, hoping your voice doesn’t sound as fatigued as you feel.

“Spring Formal, junior year. My mom made me wear that baby blue tie and took pictures of everyone standing on our porch as if it was graduation day or something.”

“Oh,” you murmur, the memories of the high school dance hit, and you’re suddenly springing to full consciousness. You remember Minghao teaching Chan how to breakdance on the dance floor, Jihoon and Jun leaving early because Mingyu somehow accidentally spilled all of the punch on them (which you assumed Jihoon and Jun were slightly thankful for since they didn’t seem to want to be there anyway), and Seungcheol asking you to go as his date because he (stupidly) wanted to make someone jealous. But most importantly, you remember Joshua — in his atrocious blue tie and wrinkled suit — avoiding you for the entire night.

You still wonder what you did to have him act like that, but that was one of the few things Joshua vowed to never tell you.

“Yeah,” Joshua says softly. “Do you remember?”

You hum. “Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing, I was just…” he pauses, and when you glance down at your phone screen, Joshua’s staring at his wall. His face is illuminated by the harsh light of his phone, but even with the lack of light, you can tell he’s pondering, which slightly concerns you since the worst type of pondering happens at this time of night. You know from experience. “I just remembered how horrible it was.”

You scoff out a laugh. “What?”

“I was so lonely,” he says. “I went to the dance alone, and I mean, I had Jeonghan and Soonyoung because they went stag too, but—”

“Didn’t you go to Winter Formal alone as well?”

“No, yeah, but that was by choice. For Spring Formal, I wanted—” he pauses again, this time more abruptly and it worries you. Before you have a chance to ask him to continue, he does so himself, “I wanted to go with someone and they were already going with someone else.”

A childish pang of hurt spreads throughout your chest. “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, they were…” he purses his lips as he searches for the right words, before he looks back towards the screen, something akin to surprise spreading across his face as if he forgot he was on a call with you. “They were nice.”

“Who was it?”

“Oh, you don’t know them.”

You frown. “It was kind of a small school, Joshua.”

“You didn’t know them,” he repeats before he starts to slide down until his head hits his pillow and he’s no longer leaning against the headboard. “I’m gonna sleep now. Goodnight.”

“Goodn—” you say quickly as confusion tilts your lips downwards and the call is ended. Joshua’s face bright with blue light disappears in an instant, and everything is dark.

19 days before ━ Friday, 5:46 A.M.

You’re so used to the feeling of waking up voluntarily that you almost forgot the frustration that floods your body when you’re forced to be pulled out of sleep.

You hear Joshua kick something on your floor. “God, your room is a mess.”

Throwing the covers over your head and squeezing your eyes, you grumble. “It’s three in the morning.”

You half-hope that the clenching of your fists is enough to make Joshua disappear because as much as you enjoy the sound of his voice and the way his eyes crinkle into crescent moons when he smiles, there is nothing you hate more than waking up before your body is satisfied with the amount of sleep it’s gotten.

Early alarm clocks are for September, and August is nowhere near its end.

“It’s actually five a.m.,” Joshua corrects, still standing in your room and sounding like he has no intention of leaving. “Nice try, though.”

With an over-exaggerated groan, you peel the blanket off your head and glare at Joshua, who is staring out your window. “What do you want?”

“Hm, nice to see you too, Sleeping Beauty,” he hums with what sounds like sarcastic affection, but when he glances over at you, the tenderness in his expression is too warm to be fake. “Get up, we’ve got somewhere to be.”

You ignore his demand. “What time did you wake up?”

“Running on thirty minutes of sleep,” Joshua grins. “Which is why I need you. I don’t trust myself behind the wheel, so you’re driving.”

“Huh?” you blurt out. “Did you walk here? Your house is fifteen minutes away.”

“No, I called a taxi,” he shrugs, picking up your car keys and tossing them onto your bed by your feet. “Get off your ass, Y/N! It’s time for an adventure!”

You groan. “Call Jeonghan instead.”

“I’d rather hang out with you,” he says. Your heartbeat patters against your ribcage, and you find that his words have a tremendous effect on you, even if he just woke you up while exhaustion is tearing apart your seams. “Please? I’ll buy you coffee cake from that bakery by the mall.”

You sigh. “Fine.”

He smiles when you fully take off the covers. “Can’t believe you’re only doing this for cake.”

“I’m not,” you murmur truthfully. “I like hanging out with you.”

Joshua tilts his head, smile widening. “Aw—”

“But I prefer doing it when the sun is up.”

“The sun is up! Way to ruin the moment!”

18 days before ━ Saturday, 6:17 A.M.

Some people take photos to remember things. Joshua, on the other hand, makes Spotify playlists.

It’s because he has a nasty memory from seventh grade, where all the photos he took on his family’s road trip ended up being ruined from something spilling at the bottom of his backpack, and another memory of Soonyoung accidentally deleting everything from his camera roll the summer after that.

A picture can say a thousand words, but Joshua insists a photo doesn’t hold a candle to his 2018 me and chan just crashed jihoon’s car playlist (which consists of overplayed pop songs that Joshua shudders to when he hears them because that chilly autumn night in 2018 is something he does not want to relive).

“Tomorrow’s Sunday,” he muses into the dead of night while you’re lying in his backyard.

“I’m aware.”

“No, I—” his eyebrows furrow and he flips his phone so you’re staring at his screen. “Why’d you put Sunday Morning on here?”

The two of you had driven around town a few hours after hanging out with Seokmin and Minghao at their new jobs at the arcade, and Joshua somehow managed to convince you to create a Spotify playlist on his phone even though you’re prone to carsickness. One glance at a device while a vehicle is moving and your head just starts killing you.

But, Joshua had argued when you protested, I want to remember today.

“Oh, I added it because it’s your favourite song, and it was a good day, right?” you say a little dismissively. “Now whenever it plays, you’ll think of me.”

Joshua straightens. “That’s nice of you,” he whispers. “I hope you don’t expect me to put your favourite song in this playlist, though. Your taste in music is horrible.”

“OK, what the fuck?” you scoff, squinting at him. “That was so uncalled for!”

“I was just telling the truth!”

“I literally hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Oh, I definitely do.”

“OK,” he grins. “Sure. I’ll take your word for it then.”

17 days before ━ Sunday, 7:57 A.M.

You could never get sick of Joshua.

The moment the thought pops in your head, you realize it’s cheesy. You suppose you can blame all of your corny thoughts as symptoms of puppy-dog lovesickness, but no amount of denial will change the fact that you will truly never get sick of Joshua Hong.

Your feelings for him came like razor-sharp teeth. They bit into your heart, scarred the flesh, and the marks never healed.

This is why you’re up before you even have to be, sitting on Minghao’s back porch while your best friend goes through his supposed ‘well-thought-out plan’ to get Jeonghan back for the countless pranks he pulled on everyone a few weeks ago. However, Joshua’s well-thought-out plan consists of watching a bucket of ice melt.

“This is the best you could think of?” you mutter disapprovingly. “There’s no way all of this is melting before everyone wakes up.”

“Don’t be such a pessimist,” he tuts, “and also I was scared he was gonna wake up if I turned on the tap.”

“Oh my God.”

“What? I have to be careful.”

You pout, rubbing your eyes to get rid of the sleep. “And why do I have to be up for this?”

“Because I love you,” he says casually, and because he has always been the type to drop affectionate comments like this with no regard for what it does to your heart. But then, as if he notices the surprise piercing through your features, he adds, “and also ‘cause this bucket is too heavy to carry by myself.”

You smile nevertheless, finding the slight flush in his cheeks endearing and decide that flustering Joshua is probably better than being asleep upstairs on the floor of Minghao’s bedroom, where the rug is too itchy and the blanket is too small to share with Mingyu.

Later, though, you realize that it’s probably best to think twice before getting involved in one of Joshua’s schemes (or, you know, double-check what pyjamas Jeonghan was wearing before dumping a bucket of ice-cold water on poor, innocent Jihoon).

16 days before ━ Monday, 8:19 A.M.

The kitchen reeks. A total of six burnt pancakes lie on two separate plates, three on each, meant for Jeonghan and Minghao since they couldn’t stop laughing at you and Joshua’s failed attempt at a prank yesterday. Minghao didn’t even care that you got his floors wet because Jihoon’s hostile expression added ten years to his lifespan.

The plan was to just make breakfast for Jihoon, but apparently, pancakes are harder to make than you thought (truth be told, you got distracted several times, but it’s your fault for allowing yourself to be easily entranced by Joshua Hong), so the burnt ones are going to Jeonghan and Minghao. Jeonghan, for always being a menace, and Minghao, for being an incredibly bad host.

After what feels like an infinite amount of attempts at cooking, you and Joshua have managed to make two decent pancakes before Jihoon wakes up to the smell of burnt breakfast. After high-fiving your best friend in success, you sit on one of the barstools and grab an apple from the bowl of fruit sitting in the middle of the kitchen island.

“So,” you begin as Joshua rests his elbows on the surface opposite you. “Are you and Vernon done stealing my snacks for your road trip back to university?”

Joshua grins cheekily. “Probably not. We’ve still got, what, a little over two weeks before we’re supposed to head back? There’s still time to raid your pantry until it’s completely empty.”

“You’re richer than me. Buy your own food.”

He pouts. “I like the stuff you buy, though.”

“You can get Pringles anywhere, Joshua.”

“But still.”

You blink. “But still what?”

He shrugs. “I like getting them from you.”

“But why?”

“God, you ask a lot of questions, don’t you?”

Your eyes narrow, but before you can even argue with him about how the closest Walmart is a ten-minute walk from his house, Jihoon barges in with a bedhead and a scrunched nose.

“Oh, you guys are OK. I thought for a second you burned the house down.”

You shake your head, momentarily distracted from your conversation with Joshua. You don’t see him heave a silent sigh of relief. “No, but we made you breakfast!”

Jihoon blinks. “Are you going to poison me?”

Joshua scoffs. “We would never do that!”

"I don’t believe you— hey, get away from me!”

“They’re good pancakes!”

“Joshua, if you shove that thing down my mouth I swear I will kick you in the nuts so hard—”

“Whoa, I thought we were friends—”

“Not if you don’t get your grimy hands off me!”

15 days before ━ Tuesday, 9:48 A.M.

“Since when were you guys going camping?”

You’re shoving a towel into your already-full duffel bag when Joshua pops the question. You heard him happily talking to your parents five minutes before he came upstairs and leaned against your doorframe, and in those five minutes, someone must’ve told him you’re leaving the comfort of your own bed for three days with Seungkwan, Chan, Seokmin, and Seungcheol because he’s staring at you like you did something wrong. Cue the accusatory statement in three, two...

“And why didn’t you invite me?”

There it is.

“You hate camping.”

“I do not.”

“Oh, come on, Joshua,” you say exasperatedly, “I know you better than I know myself.”

He throws you a look of annoyance, but you’re right and he knows it. You’ve known him for a decade, and in those past ten years, you’ve learnt his faults, memorized his flaws, noticed the little things, scrawled his fears and his habits and stored them in a file cabinet in the back of your mind.

You have known him since he was twelve, held his hand when he needed you most, loved him for most of his life even though he thought you would get sick of him by fourteen.

You love him. And you know him.

But he tries to convince you otherwise.

“And when Seungkwan asked you if you wanted to come last week, you said no,” you add.

“That’s different, I didn’t know you were—” he cuts himself on. “Doesn’t matter. I changed my mind. When are you guys leaving?”

“Tomorrow. But Joshua—”

“Just tell Seungkwan I’m coming,” he interrupts and sends you a teasing, albeit tight, smile, “C’mon, summer vacation is almost over. Is it a crime that I want to spend the rest of it with you?”

You pause. “With just me?”

He waits a beat, registers your words, then straightens his spine. “And everyone else.”

“Right.”

He has no idea the type of effect he has on you.

“OK,” you nod, reaching for your phone on your bed. “I’ll tell Seungkwan.”

Joshua beams and your heart stutters.

14 days before ━ Wednesday, 10:32 A.M.

“Guys, Chan’s drooling on my shoulder!”

“Would you stop whining?”

“But it’s disgusting!”

“Joshua, Seungkwan, shut up.”

This camping trip was a mistake.

The van you guys rented is big enough, though, that you’re not all squished together with your stuff, but it doesn’t prevent loudness and arguments. You’re sitting in the back with Seokmin playing an oddly competitive game of Pictionary while Joshua and Chan sit in the middle row. Seungkwan’s in the passenger seat (“I am not handing over the music privileges to you guys. What kind of person do you think I am?”) while Seungcheol suffers in the driver’s seat, begging everyone to stay quiet so he doesn’t get distracted while driving.

Seungcheol prays to himself that the energy in everyone’s system will eventually dwindle into nothing in the next hour or so because the shouts coming from you and Seokmin mixed with Joshua’s complaints and Seungkwan’s favourite Girls’ Generation song are causing Seungcheol’s ears to ring. If he knew the trip to the campsite would be this unbearable, he would never have come.

Chan eventually awakens, scowling at everyone for being so rowdy, and asks Seungcheol to stop at the nearest gas station so he can use the bathroom.

When Seungcheol pulls up at the Shell gas station—but not without difficulty, since Seungkwan and Chan were arguing about which exit to take—Joshua jumps at the chance to negotiate with Seokmin about the seating arrangement.

Seokmin immediately shakes his head. “No way. Y/N and I have to finish this game in order to declare the Pictionary champion.”

“But Chan drools,” Joshua argues helplessly.

“So? I don’t want to get drooled on either. Just sit back here.”

“But then I’ll feel bad if I leave him alone,” he says. “Come on. I’ll let you use my sleeping bag.”

Seokmin perks up. “The good one?”

Joshua winces. You can see him regretting the bargain already. Whenever you lend Seokmin anything, he always gives it back in a worse condition. “Yes.”

“And all your mini KitKats.”

“What? No—”

“If you want,” you interrupt, “I can just sit with Chan.”

Joshua shoots down your suggestion immediately. “Nah, I want to sit with you,” he turns back to Seokmin. “Fine, I’ll give you my bag of mini KitKats. But only if you share some with me.”

“Deal!” Seokmin smiles, clumsily making his way to the middle row of the van, followed by Joshua climbing over the seats to sit next to you.

“Hi,” he says a little breathlessly. His eyes shine with excitement.

“Hi,” you reply. “Was sitting with Chan really that bad?”

“No,” he responds. He leans back, throwing his head against the headrest before turning slightly to meet your gaze in the corner of his eye. With a lazy smile, he adds, “But I’d rather be back here.”

“Aw, you love me.”

“No, there’s just more room here,” he scrunches his nose. “You just happen to be here, too.”

You snort and shake your head, deciding not to reply. When you glance out the window, you see Seungkwan and Chan chasing each other outside the station while Seungcheol’s inside paying for their stuff.

You stifle a laugh and take your phone out to record your friends, unbeknownst to the fact that Joshua’s staring at you with the smallest of smiles on his face.

13 days before ━ Thursday, 11:16 A.M.

The sun beats down on your back and covers you in so many layers of warmth you think you might collapse due to the heat. If you listen closely, you can hear the boys swimming down the lake; Seokmin screams as Seungcheol dunks his head in the water, Chan’s laughter, and Seungkwan’s shouts. You’re slowly starting to regret not going there with them, but all it takes is one glance at Joshua swatting away mosquitoes and those thoughts are forgotten.

You ignore his grunts of frustration as you try and set up the grill that’s on the campsite. Eventually, he grows tired of the lack of attention he’s receiving from you and snaps his fingers in front of your face before complaining, “Why’d I let you convince me to come to this thing?”

His statement elicits a gasp to fall from your lips. “Me? Convince you to come to this?” you repeat incredulously. “Don’t pin this on me! You were the one that was pouting about not being invited—”

“But you should know me well enough to tell me not to come.”

“Please tell me you’re fucking with me right now.”

He sighs. “Sorry,” he says. “You’re right, I’m just— this might actually be, like, the worst decision of my life.”

You snort. “You’re so overdramatic.”

“You would be acting like this too if mosquitoes were sinking their mouths into your skin and sucking you dry of blood,” he says, flicking something off his shoulder while you peacefully grab the hotdogs and place them on the grill. “These things are out to kill me, Y/N. I’ll either be dead or swollen with bites by the end of this trip.”

“I’m sure you’ll still look cute with fifty million mosquito bites on your face,” you coo. The next thing he swats away is your hand reaching over to pinch his cheek. “Or, if that doesn’t work out, just sweep the people off their feet. Surely the bugs aren’t sucking away your charm, too, right?”

“Ha ha,” he deadpans. “You’re so funny. I’m not gonna be flirting with anyone if my face is gonna be red from all the itching.”

“It’s not like you’ve been flirting with anyone this summer, anyway. Unless—” you gasp dramatically, placing a hand to your chest as if a lightbulb just went off above your head, “Do you have a significant other that you’re hiding from me, Joshua Hong?” When Joshua doesn’t react to your joke, merely staring at you blankly, your smile falters. “Joshua?”

He clicks his tongue before shaking his head. He looks at you like you’re the weird uncle at Thanksgiving who doesn’t know how to read a room. You feel like you’ve missed something, a memo of some sort, or that you’ve said something wrong, but before you have a chance to ask if everything’s alright, Joshua heaves a sigh, “You really are something, aren’t you?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I’m not dating anyone, you idiot, otherwise you would know,” he scoffs, then crosses his arms. “How about you? Hiding anyone from me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you turn your back on him to check on the hotdogs. “I’ve been hanging out with you every second this summer, d’you really think I’d be able to hide something that big for so long? The closest thing I’ve had to romance this past year is the stupid blind dates Seokmin forces me to go to.”

When Joshua speaks, his voice sounds slightly strained and nervous, “And did any of them go well?”

“Nope,” you answer as you turn around. “Each one was a total failure. Anyway, are you just going to stand there or are you going to at least help set up this lunch? I’m not a servant, Hong.”

Joshua rolls his eyes but you spot a hint of a smile when he goes to grab the hotdog buns and condiments.

12 days before ━ Friday, 12:39 P.M.

Yesterday, after Seokmin got back from swimming, he was staring at you and Joshua with a knowing grin, eyes shining with mischief. Later that night, he asked if anything happened—from the vibes he got from both of you, he assumed something did, and when you only stared at him in annoyance, he sighed and exasperatedly asked if you and Joshua were a thing now.

“Absolutely not!” you had cried. “Seokmin, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Minghao told me you guys were on the brink of entering a relationship—”

“That fucking loudmouth—”

“Whoa!” Seokmin exclaimed, “Don’t talk about Minghao like that!”

Now, Seokmin has taken it upon himself to force you and Joshua together. He suggested you both head down to the tiny convenience store on the campsite to get food for everyone. You’ve become victim to another Lee Seokmin Set-Up

And you’re pissed.

Joshua’s been sending you concerned looks ever since the both of you began your walk to the store, but he tries to fill the silence with bad jokes and stories about the outlandish adventures he and Vernon got themselves into during college. When his attempts to get you to talk are fruitless, he corners you in the chips aisle, almost scaring you half to death when he sneaks up on you

You can feel the warmth of his body and your hands begin to sweat.

“Alright,” he begins with slight irritation, “will you tell me what’s going on with you?”

Stupidly, you blink. “Huh?”

“You’re being really weird,” he says. “You won’t talk to me. You’ve been sulking. Did something happen in the past few hours that I completely missed or—?”

“I’m fine,” you scoff, pushing Joshua away. He doesn’t falter, though, and follows you as you squeeze past two middle schoolers to get to the candy aisle. “Minghao just got into Seokmin’s head. They think they know me so well all of a sudden.”

Behind you, Joshua clicks his tongue. “Can you elaborate?”

You sigh. “Minghao and Seokmin talk. Seokmin decides to play Cupid.”

“What, like he’s gonna set you up on a date?”

You look at Joshua. He stares back, waiting for an answer, and then you shrug. “Sure, yeah.”

“Like with someone back at college?”

You, Seokmin, and Minghao go to the same university—it’s about an hour or so away from your hometown, so it’s not that far away. There, almost everyone knows Seokmin, which means everyone knows you as the friend Seokmin’s always setting up dates for. It’s a reputation you don’t want but he insists on upholding it.

Joshua, who goes to school across the country, hears about your failed blind dates every once in a while. You don’t tell him every date you’ve been on, in fear of annoying him, but you’re sure he somehow hears about them from Seokmin, anyway.

His eyes flicker when the topic is brought up. He pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, crosses his arms over his chest, and stares at you, waiting for an answer. It’s intimidating, but when you dismiss the topic with a shake of your head and a simple—

“...Uh, sure. Yeah. But I’m not going through with it.”

—his alarming demeanour deflates. Disappears so fast you can’t even comment on it.

Sometimes, you like toying with the idea that maybe Joshua might like you back. It’s the gentle touch of his fingers and the way the corners of his lips lift at one of your jokes. It’s the way he acts, the way he looks at you, that makes you believe that you have a chance.

But then the fear crawls in. The second-guessing. And you shake every thought away.

You give Joshua a weak smile. “Come on, let’s get going before Chan starts complaining we took too long.”

11 days before ━ Saturday, 1:27 P.M.

Apparently, the best time to go bowling is three hours after you, Joshua, Seungcheol, Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Chan have arrived home from the camping trip. In an attempt to get everyone to come, Soonyoung says to think of it as the last hurrah before your last year as undergrads, and when you say that you’d rather stay home, Soonyoung tells Joshua to drag you along anyway.

So, here you are.

It’s surprisingly more fun than you expected. In the beginning, your exhaustion is easy to ignore, especially since everyone’s decided to ditch the traditional rules of bowling. Mingyu gets down on his stomach and pushes his ball towards the pins with all the strength he can muster but it only ends up in the gutter; when everyone in your lane laughs, Mingyu rolls his eyes playfully and reminds them that he’s still winning.

Jihoon scoffs from beside you. “Only by, like, three points!”

Mingyu sticks his tongue out at him.

However, as more rounds of bowling pass, the more evident your fatigue becomes—noticing this, Jeonghan decides to raise the stakes for the last game. Whoever loses, he declares, has to buy lunch for the friend group tomorrow, and just like he predicted, all your friends perk up. Competition ignites the adrenaline in everyone’s bodies and motivates them to do well. After all, who wants to lose their money?

But the adrenaline isn’t enough for you.

You just have to knock three pins down and you’ll have a chance of coming in any place but last. But you mess up and miss. The chance of getting a spare disappears.

You groan as you turn around, meeting Joshua’s eyes as he stands up for his turn. He’s the last one, and you’re sure that his impeccable aim will be the cause of the dent in your bank account tomorrow. He squeezes your shoulder when you pass by him and throws you one of his encouraging smiles before letting go and walking towards the alley.

Slumping into the spot beside Vernon, you frown and ignore his sympathetic pat on your shoulder. You almost can’t bring yourself to watch Joshua, but it’s always been difficult for you to take your eyes off him—he draws you in like a moth to a flame. You watch the flick of his wrists, notice how he drops the ball too early, and you stare at the bowling ball as it drifts closer and closer to—

“GUTTER!” Seokmin exclaims so loudly you jump.

While everyone stands to celebrate, you stay seated, waiting for the inevitable moment when Joshua will turn and look for you. And when he does, he shrugs, as if it’s no big deal, and he’s pulled away as Jeonghan slings an arm over his shoulder and drags him towards the counter where everyone goes to return their bowling shoes

On your way to the exit, you think you hear Vernon mutter something to Joshua in front of you—“You fumbled that on purpose, didn’t you?”—but the chance to ponder Vernon’s murmured words is taken away from you when Joshua glances over his shoulder, grins at you, and asks if you need a ride home.

“Yeah,” you say softly, “that’d be nice.”

Vernon gives you a knowing look as Joshua drags you towards his car.

10 days before ━ Sunday, 2:09 P.M.

The first time you meet Joshua, you’re both at Denny’s.

You’re dressed head-to-toe in patterns that don’t compliment each other—your mom still insists on calling you a fashionista every time she shows the photos at family gatherings—and he’s paired a Pikachu shirt with baggy khaki shorts. Even at eleven, wearing mismatched socks and a haircut he’ll soon grow to regret, Joshua oozes charisma. He’s popular amongst his peers, loved by his teachers, adored by his neighbours.

And you’re afraid of him.

Only slightly. You’ve seen him around while walking with your mom at the park. He’s always with his rather large group of friends: a band of loud, boisterous, and mischievous boys. You make sure to steer clear from them, in fear that your mother will force you to introduce yourself. She’s worried about you. The move to this new town has been anything but easy, and she wants you to spend the summer before eighth grade with people your own age. She doesn’t want you to be alone.

But you’re only alone for a few weeks. Because Joshua Hong speaks to you for the first time when you’re picking up lunch for your family.

Altogether, his friends take up two booths—you’ve noticed that they’re always together. Brothers, attached to the hip—but he stands to the side while he waits for his milkshake. He gives you a polite smile when you stand near him after giving your order, the change in your pocket making faint clinking noises whenever you move a muscle.

“Hi,” he says after a few moments. “You just moved to the neighbourhood, right?”

You blink thrice before realizing he’s talking to you. “Um.”

“Small town,” he briefly explains, “you kind of find out the latest news quickly, even if you’re not paying much attention. Anyway—I’m Joshua.”

“Oh,” you say, hesitantly shaking his hand. “I’m Y/N.”

“Cool,” he says, not unkindly. Despite the awkward tension clogging the air, he grins. “Since you’re new here, you should hang out with me and my friends! We can show you around, give you an exclusive tour. All expenses paid.”

“Oh. That sounds nice—”

“We don’t bite,” he interrupts. “Well, except Soonyoung. But he only does that sometimes.”

“Well. That’s nice of you to offer, but—”

“C’mon!” he says. There’s a certain way he says things. Gentle and kind. Nothing you’d expect from a boy your age. “It’ll be fun!”

Despite yourself, you give him an uneasy smile. “OK. I will.”

“Awesome! Here, this is my house’s phone number…”

You meet Joshua at Denny’s. The same one you and your friends are currently occupying (well, more like disturbing. You’re bound to be kicked out soon for how loud you’re being).

Given the fact that Joshua is about to enter his last year of college and he’s extremely broke, everyone gave him the benefit of the doubt after he lost the bowling game yesterday. It’s only fair that, if he’s paying for lunch, he gets to choose where to eat—and he chose his cheapest option.

You volunteered to share your plate of fries with him so he doesn’t have to buy a meal for himself. You’ve never seen him look so thankful.

The current topic of conversation revolves around humiliating middle school memories and Jeonghan has brought up rather incriminating videos of tween Joshua Hong. Everyone bursts into laughter so loud that the waitresses are side-eyeing your table, but the group can’t seem to bring themselves to care. Chatter overlaps. Seungcheol talks about his high-pitched voice. Mingyu talks about his outfit. Chan imitates his actions.

And as you’re about to point out how worryingly upset Joshua got over a game of basketball in Soonyoung’s driveway, your best friend catches your eye, and the laughter climbing up your throat halts—a few stuttered chuckles pass your lips and disappear into the air with your friends’ digs and comments. Nobody notices you falter.

But you don’t blame them. It’s subtle, the way your face softens once your eyes meet Joshua’s, and the only person who seems to have noticed the slight change in your behaviour is him. His lips quirk up as if this was the reaction he was expecting—as if he caught your eye on purpose just to see you fumble.

Your heart stutters.

You grab your milkshake and chug in hopes that the liquid is enough to drown the butterflies in your stomach.

9 days before ━ Monday, 3:53 P.M.

You hate grocery shopping. Being in a grocery store is the equivalent of getting sucked into a black hole with no hope of getting out. But alas, Mingyu needs food for the barbecue he’s hosting at his house tomorrow, and the people he recruited for his late afternoon Walmart adventure is you and Joshua. He believes the two of you will get the job done quickly.

He’s incredibly wrong.

In order to be efficient, everyone has split up. Like Mingyu, you’re hoping to get this over and done with quickly, but the list of foods he’s given you is written in an unforgiving chicken scrawl. You’ve managed to make out cheese, milk, and UNSALTED butter, but, unfortunately, the last item on the list isn’t so easy to crack. You’ve been staring at it for three minutes.

As your brain attempts to decode Mingyu’s writing, you don’t notice Joshua sneaking up behind you. He’s been calling your name for the last ten seconds, hoping you’d be able to know the different types of pasta he’s holding in his hand. But you don’t respond. He frowns in frustration and taps your shoulder, startling you so badly that it causes you to lose your footing.

God, you didn’t even see the bright yellow wet floor sign until now.

Joshua catches you. The pasta he was previously holding falls to the ground.

For what feels like an eternity, he stares, eyes flickering over your face like he’s trying to take in every detail. In all the years you’ve known him, you’ve never been this close to him before. You can spot faint freckles on the bridge of his nose, you can count the number of eyelashes on each eye, you study the curve of his Cupid’s bow.

“HEY!”

And then Joshua drops you.

Not even five seconds later, Mingyu’s towering over you as you lay on the floor.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” he scolds. He doesn’t even let you guys reply before he’s shaking his head in what seems to be disappointment. “I’ve been scouring the aisles trying to find you two, and when I do find you, you’re staring into each other’s eyes. Jesus. Can’t you do that some other time?”

When you glance at Joshua, he’s redder than a tomato.

8 days before ━ Tuesday, 4:30 P.M.

If you didn’t know better, you’d think the entire town was currently in Mingyu’s backyard.

Your parents are around here somewhere, mingling with other attendees of the barbecue, unlike you, who’s chosen to lounge in the poolside chairs with Minghao instead. You two have been sitting in silence for a while, thoroughly entertained by the highly competitive arm-wrestling match a few feet away, and you almost forgot Minghao’s next to you until he says, “We have seven days until they leave, you know.”

Your eyes flit over to Joshua and Vernon, who are talking to Jihoon’s parents. In a week, the two boys will be making their way back to university, and you’ll only be able to contact them online. And even then, you still have to navigate around timezones and each other’s schedules—so, all in all, keeping in touch is going to be a headache.

It’s comedic how often you go through this routine. For the entire school year, you try to stop Joshua from lingering in the crevices of your mind, but all effort goes to waste once summer vacation begins. When you’re both back at home, all memory of the frustratingly laggy FaceTime calls and missed text messages is thrown out the window. For two months, the feelings you hoped disappeared come crawling back, attaching to you like a leech; marking your soul.

This is what happened last year. And the year before that. And then the year before that.

Minghao speaks again. “When are you going to tell him?” he asks. “Because I, for one, can’t watch you pine over him forever. At some point, this has to end.”

“You know it’s not that easy,” you murmur. “I can’t lose him.”

“Oh, please,” Minghao scoffs as you catch Joshua’s eye. He grins brightly and lifts his hand up to wave, “pigs will start flying before you lose Joshua Hong.”

7 days before ━ Wednesday, 5:39 P.M.

Nerves dance across your skin when the afternoon reaches its end. Joshua’s kicking people out of his house when you catch the mischievous glint in Minghao’s eyes and the way he and Seokmin look at each other while they’re slipping on their shoes. Like there’s an inside joke you don’t know about.

They’re plotting something.

“So!” Seokmin exclaims once he’s tied his shoelaces. Joshua gives him his full attention after shouting curses at Seungcheol for stepping on the newly done front yard. “Thanks for hosting movie night, Joshua.”

“It was more like movie afternoon,” he corrects before narrowing his eyes, “but you’re welcome? Why are you acting so weird?”

“I have absolutely no idea what you mean!”

“You’ve never thanked me for anything before—” he says suspiciously, “and you sound so chipper.”

Minghao hums. “What a strange comment. Seokmin is always chipper.”

“I know, but—”

“Anyway,” Minghao interrupts, “We better get going. I need to drive Seokmin over to the dentist for an appointment and we’re running late. Y/N, I know I promised to give you a ride home, but I can’t anymore. You’ll be fine, right? Joshua’s got you?”

Too late, you realize what they’re doing.

Your jaw drops. “Wait, what?”

Minghao’s already pushing Seokmin out the door when he adds, “Plus, you can tell him that thing we talked about yesterday!”

Joshua frowns. “What thing?”

“The thing!”

“MINGHAO.”

He grins, evil and malicious. “See you tomorrow!” he exclaims. Seokmin cries out a goodbye too, but not without wiggling his eyebrows. You watch in shock as the two boys stumble down the driveway in laughter before splitting off—Minghao to his car, and Seokmin to his.

Behind you, Joshua says, “I thought Minghao said he needed to drive Seokmin to the dentist?”

You scowl. “Those bi—”

Joshua taps your shoulder, forcing you to turn around and look at him. He stares at you with a look of concern that causes the butterflies in your stomach to flutter.

“What did you need to tell me?”

“What?”

“Minghao said you had a thing,” he says, crossing his arms while you stand by the doorframe. All it takes is one step back and you’ll be outside, free from the situation your friends have pushed you into. But you wouldn’t be able to make it far. Joshua’s faster than you are—more persistent than you are. From the look on his face, he’s desperate to know what it is you’re hiding from him.

Oh, this is terrible.

You try to throw him off. “It’s nothing important.”

Joshua scoffs. “Bull. I know when you’re lying to me.”

A sigh escapes your lips. “Joshua—”

“C’mon,” he crosses his arms over his chest, “I’ve known you for ten years. Nothing fazes me. I was there for your goth phase, I’ve seen you at rock bottom and I’ve stuck by you despite the fact that you like putting pineapples on your pizza even though I believe it should be considered a felony. So just tell me! How bad could it possibly be, because it can’t be as bad as that time you—”

“I like you.”

His smile drops momentarily. “What?”

You swallow your pride. “I like you.”

Time ticks by slowly. You don’t know how long the two of you stand there. You don’t know how long he stays silent. Faintly, you think you hear the sound of a passing car and the chirping of birds, but you can only focus on Joshua. All you can ever focus on is Joshua.

Please speak, please speak, please speak, please say something, please speak, please please please please—

“I’m sorry, I—” he stops himself. “I d— I don’t know what to say to that.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve just— it’s risky, Y/N.”

You frown, unsure of the point he’s trying to make. “Huh?”

“It’s—” he sighs. Stops himself. Then: “It’s not a good idea.”

“My feelings aren’t a good idea?”

“That’s definitely not what I meant. I just think that we have a good thing going, you know?” he says with an awkward smile on his face. “Me and you, best friends.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Y/N—”

“I should probably get going.”

“What— are you walking? No, let me drive you.”

“It’s a short walk, Joshua.”

He reaches for his keys. “No, it’s really not—”

“Joshua.” He freezes, hand lingering on the doorknob. He’s only a foot away from you, but you feel like you’re suffocating. Taking a step back isn’t enough to relieve yourself. You need to be able to breathe. You need more space.

You need to get away from him.

You sniff. “I’d rather walk.”

When you turn to leave, he doesn’t bother to follow.

6 days before ━ Thursday, 6:42 P.M.

stayc girls it’s going DOWNNNN groupchat members: you, minghao, seokmin

seokmin: y/n!!! everyone’s at the diner right now, are you coming?????

you: not today you: busy ): sorry

minghao: “busy” doing WHAT? you’ve been doing nothing all summer minghao: lie better

you: 👎

minghao: come onnnnn joshua’s here ;) ;)

you: sorry. maybe next time i’m really tired

seokmin: you just said you were busy

you: i can be BUSY and TIRED at the same time

seokmin: hmph seokmin: you better be coming next time

you: ofc

“Hey, Shua!”

Joshua, whose fingers linger over the keyboard on his phone, looks up. Minghao’s staring him down like he should be scared.

“What happened with Y/N last night?”

5 days before ━ Friday, 7:00 P.M.

joshua: hi joshua: sooooo joshua: i know ur mad at me and im really sorry. i understand why ur avoiding me but i don’t want that to stop you from hanging out with everyone joshua: so just a heads up: i’m not coming to karaoke tonight. you don’t have to worry about seeing me

Friday, 7:58 P.M.

joshua: damn i really thought you’d fall for that and show up 👎 joshua: i know i messed up big time but can we please just talk? i didn’t handle things well on wednesday, but can i explain why? joshua: you don’t owe me anything but i really need you to hear me out joshua: please, y/n

4 days before ━ Saturday, 8:19 P.M.

What do you do if your best friend doesn’t like you back? You avoid him at all costs.

What do you do if avoiding him results in you also avoiding your other friends? What do you do when they call you out on it?

You reluctantly allow them to drag you into their late-night adventures, becoming an accomplice to their shenanigans.

What do you do if the aforementioned adventures force you to face the best friend whose existence you’ve been trying to forget?

You suck it up.

A game of hide-and-seek in the park quickly sours your mood when your hiding spot in the small crevice under the playground is invaded by Joshua. He has plagued your mind for years on end, slashed your heart in two, and here he is again, violating your personal space. It is only when he settles across from you that he realizes he’s coincidentally ended up hiding with you, and upon sensing your annoyance he mutters a haste but sincere apology.

In the distance, you hear Seungcheol finish counting and only five seconds later you hear him shriek before shouting at Vernon about how immoral it is to scare him when it’s this dark outside.

Mind you, the sun only started to set ten minutes ago.

There’s minimal room in here. Joshua’s head hangs low because if he sits at his full height, he’ll bang his head against the platform above him. You’ve both pulled your knees to your chests, but one small move and your legs hit. You can hear his shallow breaths, his nervousness spiking when he hears Seungcheol approaching closer and closer.

“So,” he begins. You’re sure that he can’t speak any quieter, but just the sound of his voice has you dreading the possibility of Seungcheol hearing and finding you two. The winner of this game is awarded the last drink in the cooler and you’re extremely parched. You need to prevail.

You throw him a look. “Please shut up.”

“Y/N.”

“Joshua.”

“You’ve been avoiding me since Wednesday.”

“Oh,” you respond, unsure of the response he wants to hear. In the corner of your eye, you can see Wonwoo attempting to change hiding spots. “Well. Sorry.”

“I mean, I know why,” Joshua continues, his voice rising. “I didn’t handle things well, I said that in my texts, I’m not sure if you saw them, your read receipts are off, but—” he exhales, backtracking, “I just needed you to know that. You’re my best friend, you know, and—”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear,” you say urgently. “Now please be quiet otherwise Seungcheol’s—”

He ignores you. “I got spooked. And I was worried. I never told you this but I was planning on asking you to Spring Formal in junior year,” he smiles faintly at the memory. “But I backed out because you and I have always been this— we’ve always been friends. Nothing more and nothing less. And I thought that’s how we were supposed to be. But then you went with Seungcheol, and I felt something. Something I couldn’t pinpoint. ‘Cause I’ve liked people before, small crushes that come and go within a week, but I had never felt so strongly for anyone. Not like that. Not like this.

But you’ve been with me since we were in seventh grade and I didn’t want to ruin that. Not when we already don’t see each other because we’re on opposite sides of the country. You are—” he exhales. By now, you have already forgotten about the game. “You are the most important person in my life. And if I lose you, how am I supposed to live? How am I supposed to breathe?”

“Joshu—”

“Damn, you’re fucking loud.”

You yelp just as Seungcheol pokes his head into your hiding spot. There’s a glint in his eye, something that tells you he’s heard every word that’s been said, but instead of saying anything, he pats Joshua’s shoulder and says, “You’re done, guys. Still gotta find Soonyoung. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

“No,” you say.

Seungcheol huffs. “God. Listen, I hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but can you help me find him? Because I’m in desperate need for this game to end—and he’s also my ride home, so finding him is vital for my survival.”

Joshua sighs before crawling out from under the playground, leaving you speechless and alone as darkness slowly sweeps the park and engulfs you whole.

3 days before ━ Sunday, 9:00 P.M.

You have always hated the rain. You despise the way it sticks to your skin. Loathe the way it patters against the car windows, always coming back despite your windshield’s greatest efforts to wipe it away.

And yet, here you are, soaked head to toe on Joshua’s doorstep.

There is only one car in the driveway, so you assume his parents are out, which means there is no one to witness your inevitable humiliation except for the person you care about most. So, you think you could count that as a win.

The moment you push the doorbell, you hold your breath. A small part of you hopes he doesn’t answer and your pathetic, drenched self can trudge home in defeat, but then you hear footsteps coming towards the entrance and two moments later, the door swings open. Joshua’s hair is dishevelled and he’s wearing his favourite red Coca-Cola shirt that he’s had since he was sixteen. His lips part and his eyebrows rise once he registers that you’re standing in front of him.

Then suddenly, you’re filled with rage.

You don’t know what triggers it. Maybe it’s the humidity or the raindrop that lands on your eye, or maybe it’s just seeing Joshua that causes your blood to boil. The words he said yesterday still linger in the back of your mind.

Before you can control yourself, you spit out, “You’re an idiot.”

Clearly, he didn’t expect that. “Oh. Hi to you too.”

“And do you know why you’re an idiot?”

“I’d really love to know.”

“I don’t know what you were thinking yesterday when you confessed to me and then left before I even got to register what you said—that’s a dick move! You didn’t even give me a chance to reply and by the time I fully got my head wrapped around what you said it was already, like, midnight—”

He suppresses a grin. “It took you four hours to process that?”

“I was in shock, Joshua, it took forever to wear off,” you scowl before continuing to ramble on, “and I was going to come talk to you in the morning but then my mom took my car to work and it started raining so I decided to wait it out, but it’s not stopping, so I ran here and— yes, I know, I’m soaking wet but—” you exhale, throwing your hands up in exasperation, “I just wanted to tell you that you really are something, Joshua. A full-blown fool—”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes! What you said yesterday about losing me was bullshit. You have to know it’s bullshit. God, I—” you scoff out a laugh, “I’ve been in love with you since I was eighteen. I’m in love with you even though you’re a gigantic pain in the ass who blasts rock music at dawn and send all your text messages with those stupid iMessage effects. My feelings for you have consumed me, Joshua, and despite it all, I still love you, and if that doesn’t prove anything then—mmph!”

You don’t notice just how close Joshua’s gotten until he slants his lips over your own, interrupting you. As your eyes flutter shut, his hands reach up to gently cradle your face while you wrap yours around his neck. When you inhale, all you can smell is the coconut shampoo you bought him for his birthday, and you’re not sure if it’s the scent that makes you dizzy or if it’s Joshua’s lip against yours, reluctant and slow as if he can’t believe this is happening.

When he pulls away, he keeps his forehead on yours before giving you a radiant smile.

“I love you,” he mouths.

Your heart leaps.

“I love you, too.”

2 days before ━ Monday, 10:17 P.M.

“Does anyone know where Joshua and Y/N are?” Mingyu asks as he picks at the raisins in the trail mix he’s sharing with Seungkwan. “I haven’t heard from them in a while.”

Seungkwan frowns. “When was the last time you talked to them?”

“Oh, I texted them an hour ago.”

“You really are something, you know that?”

“Thanks!”

“That was not a compliment—”

“Minghao!” Wonwoo interrupts before the two boys next to him get carried away. “Have you heard from them?”

Minghao hums nonchalantly, briefly thinking about the multiple texts he received from Joshua in the last twelve hours: first a picture of you asleep on Joshua’s bed, blanket all the way up to your chin despite the tenacious heat. Then at noon, Joshua sends a picture of you and him eating leftover Chinese takeout while playing Mario Kart (you won, for the record. Joshua doesn’t bother to acknowledge it). And then at seven, Minghao gets a text saying that you and Joshua will not be in attendance of Soonyoung, Seungkwan, and Seokmin’s Last Day of Summer Eve get-together.

Not up for it, Joshua had said, which Minghao interpreted as: I would rather avoid the teasing and questions about our relationship for as long as I possibly can.

So, Minghao shrugs, answering Wonwoo’s question with a sly smile. “Haven’t heard from them.”

Wonwoo narrows his eyes. “Really? You’re not lying?”

“Mhm!”

Soonyoung snorts. “Maybe they’re making out right now.”

Silence.

And then, all eyes are on Minghao.

“Wait a second—” Jun says.

Wonwoo gasps and points an accusatory finger at Minghao. “So you did lie!”

The latter scoffs. “I didn’t even say anything!”

Seungcheol begins flapping his arms frantically, scrambling for his phone. “Everyone call them right now.”

Incredulously, Jihoon says, “Everyone?”

“They’ll have to answer one of us.”

“What if we just raided one of their houses to see if they’re there. Give them a nice surprise.”

“Seokmin, no.”

1 day before ━ Tuesday, 11:33 P.M.

Seungcheol is holding an empty can of beer, slightly buzzed, when he tells Joshua he’s surprised he managed to tell you about his feelings before summer reached its end. The confession may have happened days before he’s scheduled to leave, but Seungcheol’s proud nonetheless. Better late than never, right?

He drums his fingers on the ground, legs dangling over the edge of the pool when he asks, “So, you guys are doing long distance?”

Joshua hums. “Gonna attempt to, yeah.”

Seungcheol nods. “Well, you two should be able to do it,” he says sincerely, eyes straying to you and Jeonghan arguing over the rules of water volleyball. “I mean, you two have always defied expectations, haven’t you?”

Joshua frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We had a betting pool on how long it’d take for one of you to confess,” Seungcheol begins, cutting Joshua off before he can ask any further questions, “which was years ago. We gave up on it by sophomore year of college. Most of us thought you’d be a thing before high school graduation, you know? Completely overestimated you guys.”

“Wow, thanks—”

“And it’s not like we didn’t try to help you, but you guys are the most stubborn people I’ve ever met!”

“I get it, Cheol.”

“If I had a dime for every time I heard, ‘oh, but they don’t like me like that, I don’t want to ruin our friendship,’ I’d have a fuckin’ yacht, man.”

Joshua scowls. “I get it, Seungcheol.”

The older boy throws his hands up in defence. “Just saying,” he chuckles. “But I’m happy for the both of you. Really.”

Joshua exhales, leaning back and throwing Seungcheol a grateful smile. “Thank you. You could’ve said that without the extra commentary, though.”

“Mm, no I really couldn’t.”

“Hey!” you exclaim from the other side of the pool. From the looks of it, you and Jeonghan have finally resolved your argument. “Are you two gonna keep on blabbering or are we finally going to play?”

In unison, Joshua and Seungcheol say, “We’re coming, we’re coming!”

Joshua slowly gets into the pool, leisurely swimming towards you. He wraps his arms around your torso despite your complaints about his cold fingers and kisses your shoulder while Jihoon and Wonwoo, appointed captains, decide their teams. You don’t notice the way Joshua’s eyes soften when you excitedly beg to be picked first, or the way his grip slightly tightens in hopes to keep you close for as long as possible. He knows the two of you will end up being split up, anyway—Wonwoo said himself that nobody wants to have both lovebirds on the same team.

When you eventually release yourself from his grip, teasing him about being picked while he still hasn’t, he scoffs, but he can’t control the laugh that escapes him; the happiness that envelopes him.

He still can’t comprehend the fact that, for years, you didn’t notice how hopelessly in love he was, but no matter—you know now. Besides, it’s not like he noticed your love for him, either.

Jihoon calls out his name and he’s snapped out of his daze.

You grin as he swims over to his teammates. “I’m gonna destroy you, Hong.”

He rolls his eyes. “Oh, you wish.”

At the sound of your laugh, Joshua becomes sure. Sure that this is it. He is to leave tomorrow and he doesn’t know how long it’ll be before he sees you again, but he’s convinced Seungcheol’s right—a few months at college has never torn you apart before, and it definitely won’t now. Joshua won’t let it, not when it took him a decade to get you. He isn’t letting you slip through his fingers.

He’ll be yours forever.

#joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua #seventeen #svt #joshua hong x reader #joshua x reader #joshua scenarios #svt scenarios #joshua fluff #svt fluff #joshua imagines #svt imagines #fic: golden hour

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